Unbelieving Spouse

Is there anyone else that is married to an unbeliever? If so, how do you handle it?
I am married to an unbelieving spouse. We were both unsaved when we got married. We we both alcoholics, I was saved three years into the marriage and have been living for Christ since. Took all of the evil things out of my life and have never looked back. Have also been teaching our children the ways of God.
Since the change, our relationship has gone from great to bad to worse. Our Father asked me to walk away from the marriage last year. We separated, then my husband came back with a renewed interest in fixing everything. Did very well for a few months, but is now back to square one.
I was a drinker and smoker. Gave them both up within 6 months of each other by the grace of God. I don't even have the urge to do anything even though my husband still drinks and smokes. Thank you Jesus! But the quantity of my husband drinking/smoking has increased over the years. If I speak up about it, I am nagging him about it or making him out to be a bad guy. If I say nothing, he takes my silence as a sign to continue and that I am ok with it. It is a bad example for the children and my oldest, by his own volition, has taken to saying so to his dad. I'm to blame for it even though I never told the children to say anything. The only thing I did was I told the children not to give him beers and not to touch his cigarettes.
It causes a lot of stress between us and I am now a religious nut in my husband's eyes. He says he wants to be with me, so I honor our commitment, but he is slowly pulling away from us. He sits outside most days and he has been going out of town for work more and more frequently. I see the signs of alcoholism taking the toll on his health and I am worried about him. It is hard and I feel that some days are difficult to get through with him, but I still love him and fear for his soul.
I am curious how others who have an unbelieving spouse cope with it. Sorry this is so long.

Believers are NOT to be yoked to unbelievers. Hubby isn't a believer. And he won't change his behavior. Take God's advice and leave hubby.. Turn him over to God and get a divorce.

Your not allowed according to Scripture to divorce except for abandonment or adultery, if the unbelieving spouse wants to stay married.

Which means, work out your marriage.

While your commonalities have changed, it doesn't mean you have the ability to change him, and honestly, trying to nag him into being a different person than the one you accepted when you married is adding stress onto your marriage that doesn't need to be there.

Pray for your husband to be saved, but love him for the man he is and give him the respect of being a good enough man to try and make it work.

Go to marriage counselling for yourself if need be.. but don't nag him away from God, love him the way Christ loves him, and love him into salvation. Show him the love of Christ..

Christ saves us and then we change, He doesn't beat us over the head saying change! change! before HE will save us..

We love HIM because He first loved us. Show that selfless love to your unsaved husband in your every action...

Unrealistic Advise because of the abuse.

He will not go to marriage counseling. He thinks counseling causes more problems. I rarely say anything about his drinking. When I first stopped drinking, he asked me how long I was stopping for over and over. When he realized I was serious about not drinking, he quit asking me. He became very defensive about it and would offer me a drink here and there. I quit asking about his drinking several years ago when he got very angry and told me that he was a drinker, he'll always be a drinker. Since he came home, I've tried talking to him about it two times in the past year and both times was completely shut down. The first time I asked him how he was doing with his drinking (he travels a lot so we are not always together). He told me not to worry about it, he has a handle on it and I need to stop bringing it up. The second time I asked a few days ago, we started talking about his health and the drinking came up. I asked if he thought the drinking had anything to do with his health and he accused me of constantly nagging him about it. So I changed the subject. My silence is what he wants so he doesn't feel convicted. I understand this. When he came home, I prayed and I was told to honor the marriage. For now I'm doing what our Father wants.

She noted no abuse.. your making an assumption.

Is there anyone else that is married to an unbeliever? If so, how do you handle it?
I am married to an unbelieving spouse. We were both unsaved when we got married. We we both alcoholics, I was saved three years into the marriage and have been living for Christ since. Took all of the evil things out of my life and have never looked back. Have also been teaching our children the ways of God.
Since the change, our relationship has gone from great to bad to worse. Our Father asked me to walk away from the marriage last year. We separated, then my husband came back with a renewed interest in fixing everything. Did very well for a few months, but is now back to square one.
I was a drinker and smoker. Gave them both up within 6 months of each other by the grace of God. I don't even have the urge to do anything even though my husband still drinks and smokes. Thank you Jesus! But the quantity of my husband drinking/smoking has increased over the years. If I speak up about it, I am nagging him about it or making him out to be a bad guy. If I say nothing, he takes my silence as a sign to continue and that I am ok with it. It is a bad example for the children and my oldest, by his own volition, has taken to saying so to his dad. I'm to blame for it even though I never told the children to say anything. The only thing I did was I told the children not to give him beers and not to touch his cigarettes.
It causes a lot of stress between us and I am now a religious nut in my husband's eyes. He says he wants to be with me, so I honor our commitment, but he is slowly pulling away from us. He sits outside most days and he has been going out of town for work more and more frequently. I see the signs of alcoholism taking the toll on his health and I am worried about him. It is hard and I feel that some days are difficult to get through with him, but I still love him and fear for his soul.
I am curious how others who have an unbelieving spouse cope with it. Sorry this is so long.

He will not go to marriage counseling. He thinks counseling causes more problems. I rarely say anything about his drinking. When I first stopped drinking, he asked me how long I was stopping for over and over. When he realized I was serious about not drinking, he quit asking me. He became very defensive about it and would offer me a drink here and there. I quit asking about his drinking several years ago when he got very angry and told me that he was a drinker, he'll always be a drinker. Since he came home, I've tried talking to him about it two times in the past year and both times was completely shut down. The first time I asked him how he was doing with his drinking (he travels a lot so we are not always together). He told me not to worry about it, he has a handle on it and I need to stop bringing it up. The second time I asked a few days ago, we started talking about his health and the drinking came up. I asked if he thought the drinking had anything to do with his health and he accused me of constantly nagging him about it. So I changed the subject. My silence is what he wants so he doesn't feel convicted. I understand this. When he came home, I prayed and I was told to honor the marriage. For now I'm doing what our Father wants.

You should start with some pastoral counseling.
He should be able to give you some practical advice which is also biblical, and spiritually focused.

Then see if you pastor can recommend some kind of women's study or support group... it's biblical to seek help when you're going through difficult things.

I personally know women who've gone through the exact same thing, and who kept praying and conducting themselves as a loving witness until the husband eventually got saved.
It does happen.
It's not guaranteed, but it certainly does happen.

It's always best to do what's right, and what's biblical, even when it's hard... we never know what God has planned.

The reason I advised pastoral counseling is that sometimes when things are really hard, we have trouble navigating; we have trouble telling what's right and what's biblical.

If things are no worse than you're telling us, your pastor will probably recommend you stay the course, and keep praying... but it things are much worse than you're telling us, he may recommend something else.
So regardless of what you've told us, be sure to tell your pastor everything, so he can give you good counsel.


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1 Corinthians 7:12-17 Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)
12 The advice I have for the others is from me. The Lord did not give us any teaching about this. If you have a wife who is not a believer, you should not divorce her if she will continue to live with you. 13 And if you have a husband who is not a believer, you should not divorce him if he will continue to live with you. 14 The husband who is not a believer is set apart for God through his believing wife. And the wife who is not a believer is set apart for God through her believing husband. If this were not true, your children would be unfit for God’s use. But now they are set apart for him.

15 But if the husband or wife who is not a believer decides to leave, let them leave. When this happens, the brother or sister in Christ is free. God chose you to have a life of peace. 16 Wives, maybe you will save your husband; and husbands, maybe you will save your wife. You don’t know now what will happen later.

Live as God Called You
17 But each one of you should continue to live the way the Lord God has given you to live—the way you were when God chose you. I tell people in all the churches to follow this rule.

If the pastor works with a woman's shelter that is great advice. If not the wife must find a Pastor who does work with Women's shelters.

Pastor's without
experience will more likely get you killed from over spiritualizing everything.

Is there anyone else that is married to an unbeliever? If so, how do you handle it?
I am married to an unbelieving spouse. We were both unsaved when we got married. We we both alcoholics, I was saved three years into the marriage and have been living for Christ since. Took all of the evil things out of my life and have never looked back. Have also been teaching our children the ways of God.
Since the change, our relationship has gone from great to bad to worse. Our Father asked me to walk away from the marriage last year. We separated, then my husband came back with a renewed interest in fixing everything. Did very well for a few months, but is now back to square one.
I was a drinker and smoker. Gave them both up within 6 months of each other by the grace of God. I don't even have the urge to do anything even though my husband still drinks and smokes. Thank you Jesus! But the quantity of my husband drinking/smoking has increased over the years. If I speak up about it, I am nagging him about it or making him out to be a bad guy. If I say nothing, he takes my silence as a sign to continue and that I am ok with it. It is a bad example for the children and my oldest, by his own volition, has taken to saying so to his dad. I'm to blame for it even though I never told the children to say anything. The only thing I did was I told the children not to give him beers and not to touch his cigarettes.
It causes a lot of stress between us and I am now a religious nut in my husband's eyes. He says he wants to be with me, so I honor our commitment, but he is slowly pulling away from us. He sits outside most days and he has been going out of town for work more and more frequently. I see the signs of alcoholism taking the toll on his health and I am worried about him. It is hard and I feel that some days are difficult to get through with him, but I still love him and fear for his soul.
I am curious how others who have an unbelieving spouse cope with it. Sorry this is so long.