Is it healthy to feel this way?

sitting-back and letting God be our Leader is one of the most difficult things that any human has to learn,
and most often, they never do, but many can fool themselves into believing that they are actually doing this
very thing -

words should always come easy and true when we are wanting to 'help-others', but the 'TRUTH' should always
be (backed-up) by the EVIDENCE of ones (OVER-COMING-WALKING_IN-THE_LIGHT)...
otherwise, one is only living in their own 'bondage of illusion'...

Online depression tests are not the equivalent of being seen by a professional. Self diagnosis, or even diagnosing others, without a proper understanding, can lead to wrong conclusions. If you think you're depressed, go ask a professional.
My suspicion is depression will not be a primary issue, but secondary caused from other issues more easily treatable. But i could be wrong. Hence the need for a professional.

Yeah...it’s highly possible that the issue is even deeper than I realize...

Steph,

I think a lot of really smart people in this thread have said a lot of really smart things.

Everybody around here argues about doctrine, but when it comes to "practicing the faith" and "helping one another", they generally come together and agree.

Try reaching out to some of the women here personally.
There are a lot of very wise women around here.
Take advantage of the help, advice, and mentoring which is available.

Please just reach out, and avail yourself of what God has made available to you.
You'll be fine.
.

Hmm...I can offer you some sort of advice.

There are some superficial elements to being human as far as attraction is concerned. I've tried to skirt around that personally and say that I don't care what someone looks like but that's not being honest with myself. I don't care "too" much but even caring at all makes me feel worldly at times. Self-centered, narcissistic, egotistical.

That aside. I know fit men in the church that prefer "matronly" women. So don't get "too" worked up over that. I've seen Pastors that are thin and wives that are not. Also children change a woman's body, so a thin woman could just transform due to biology and there's nothing that can really be done (mostly).

I have a small gut from poor diet and poor exercise. It is hardly noticeable unless I'm swimming and it wouldn't be a deal breaker for most women on a superficial level. Do I still feel guilty about not loving the Lord with my physical strength to the fullest? Yes I do.

And no, it isn't shaming or condemnation motivated of that I am certain. It's neglecting my health. I'm going to start working out soon (because I finally have a workout partner spontaneously). I presume that diet will be modified when I do because it was when I was 16 (when I stopped) and french fries and eating 1-2 meals a day of just almost "Panic eating" because I start shaking or knowing that "I SHOULD" would in no way cut it for laborious physical exercise.

I get that way with water too...Drink coffee all day (that has stopped recently due to this mindset) among other negative habits and not hydrating except for an emergency or extreme dry mouth or nausea. I've pushed the limits of my body and I've also disassociated from it as a sort of protest as well as just not having an equilibrium with my flesh. Loving my temple.

For me it's being malnourished which is not as easy to perceive (unless one is keenly aware) is something that's more socially acceptable. Spiritually? No.

So I have the opposite side of the spectrum that people can't see. I'm not anorexic. You legit can't tell. I can though and I know the Lord can.




I imagine that someone in your position would long for what I have and for me it's reversed. If I were much heavier I would be more compelled to work out. I don't like eating. Sometimes I do, but I have to be enticed and I have fallen into the trap of subjugating (vs submitting) my flesh in unhealthy ways. Seriously unhealthy if I were to continue.

Vincent Van Gogh comes to mind. I think he died in his 30s. He had a bird diet of minimal cheese and wine if I recall correctly.

So that's the other end.





When I started walking daily on a track (which was open 24 hours ) and eating 3x/day I ended up looking gaunt and unhealthy to others but I felt great. When I moved back to where I am now I stopped because I don't want to walk in a neighborhood and I don't want to walk on a sidewalk beside a divided highway. #firstworldproblems


So I could keep going on and on about this if it's helpful but I do NOT agree that we must make no effort to refine our bodies. Not cosmetically necessarily (Spousal preference is where I sit on that) but health wise.

I may start a wellness thread on diet and exercise because it's something that often gets neglected.



Alas, tis a long topic that I could probably talk for 2 hours on because there are so many factors...

I had a friend of mine that was about the same weight and he dieted/did walking and worked out like a horse for a semester and there was hardly any change in his physical appearance. Genetically you will have limits and will have to operate in what you have been given. Of course, building muscle and replacing fat you wouldn't notice much of a difference initially.


Grrr...trying to wrap it up. Basically there are health rules and sometimes people punish their bodies. You have to love your body...like you would a pet or a child. Nourish it and not abuse it.

It's not a one size fits all thing though. Sometimes people starve themselves and end up gaining weight...your body panics and lowers its metabolic rate and goes into survival mode and stores more in preparation for starving. Note: I mean our definition of starving not someone that literally has no access to food.


Anyway. I would encourage walking. Get some good shoes. You'd be surprised at the amount of calories it can burn and how easy it can be. Use some headphones and listen to whatever puts you into a worshipful mindset. Enjoying creation is a great way to get more in shape. AVOID processed foods (your body doesn't "process" them well) don't go hungry...but be creative on your food intake.

Like I usually eat to stop the hunger pangs and to not have to sit as much. Try and stop at the point of "almost full" and eat SLOWER. Stretch a meal out to at least 30 mins if you can. There's always another meal in the future. Even cooking burns calories.


I'll probably post more when I start working out because it's going to be a rough process for me.

That ended up being a solid 12-13 mins talk time so at least there's that lol.


Anyway, <3 in Yeshua.

I guess you have to examine if you are depressed about it or not....

You have to ask yourself, "Am I feeling like this because I don't believe I will find someone because of my looks/personality?" or "Am I feeling like this because I'm actually content being single?" I believe if you feel the first question, I think it might be a bit sad about it. The latter part is just coming to terms with being accepting of the season you are in, even if it may be difficult (or not difficult).

I just ended a relationship back in January. I'm at a place in my life where I'm content in being single. At this point, I'm not too worried about finding someone because of being content. If it comes, it comes. I'd like to be married in the future and settle down, but I also won't settle down for something that is less of what God has for me..and that goes for everything in my life, not just a relationship

I think it's okay to be content and I don't think it is out of a sadness. To be content in every type of season is important to do.

Hey Steph.

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling a bit down so to speak about yourself. Trust me...you are not alone.

I think everyone to a greater or lesser extent want to change things about themselves. Maybe their looks, job etc...

I've given this a lot of thought and spent a lot of time and energy over this in the last couple of years. Things haven't turned out the way I've wanted...I'm still single, wondered if I should have done something else work-wise, struggled with my salvation...the one thing I can say is this. And I mean this with all my heart and with all I have...

Turn to the Lord and make Him number one. Come before his empty-handed and ask him to be content in Him. Seek him every day...in the morning before the day begins and at night to give Him thanks for His mercies over the 24 hours.

Sometimes we get caught up wanting things in this world and forget about eternity. This week God completely shattered me over certain things and I've never felt such peace in knowing my home...my real home is in heaven. Not here.

As far as your weight is concerned...you can take steps every day...even little ones to get yourself feeling better. By all means contact me if you need encouragement or help. Maybe even basic dietary advice if need be.

By all means seek a partner. A caveat to that would be don't spend so much time and energy worrying about finding one asap. If God is in control...and He is...then nothing catches Him by surprise...and while He might not answer our prayers straight away...rest assured He is never, ever late. He does what He wills. Take rest in that...He is in control.

Hi Steph, I just wanted to say I always appreciate your posts and how you reach out to people here. One of the big problems with online is that it is missing so much of what makes us, well, us! It only shows a 2 dimensional image. That is a tough way to represent a 3 dimensional being, their soul and spirit, scent and tone. You can't get a real sense of the other person. An image tells you so little. They don't get to see the warmth in your eyes as you listen to them. They don't get to see you grinning over finding the perfect book at the bookstore or the healing that comes from your hugs. I understand reading the profiles that boil down to "Fred Flintstone is looking for Angelina Jolie". "Looking for hot Christian woman with large bank account, and no expectations". In fairness I've known lovely people, men and women who have been on dating sites, but it is a hard way to meet people and to have them get a real sense of who you are. Of course it would make anyone feel insecure to be paraded around, feeling like an auctioneer is asking the audience if there are any bids. Ugh. We'd rather step back, rejecting ourselves, and avoid someone else rejecting us. Also, if someone does contact us, what do we do with them? We have so little info. and that is scary. I am not saying avoid online sites but I do understand the frustration. There are no single men at my church and so a couple of friends of mine and I pray for each other. We give it over to God and ask that if he doesn't have someone for us that he'd give us peace to be single. There is nothing wrong with wanting a partner, so if you don't mind, I'll add you to the prayer list. We aren't running around looking for husbands on the hoof, we are just being honest that we'd like God to deal with that little lonely spot in our lives. Hugs, LH.

dont worry artsie
you are loveable
we all are but dont realise it

What happened to morefaithrequired?

It takes a lot of courage to admit your shortcomings openly. But it’s an important step for moving beyond the shame and dejection. It happened. You can’t get around that. But now it’s time to turn the page. You’ve dwelt in that valley long enough. Something better awaits and you can’t receive it if you remain where you are.

The battle isn’t in your size or your plate. It isn’t the absence of activity or the things which bring you down. It’s in your head and the lone solution is divorce. You must evict every thought which contradicts the divine health God has given. You must stand against every lie, hurt, or social rhetoric that supports your condition and compels you to remain still.

They must be cast out because the leaven will bring you down every time. You must reach the point where the goal is your will and nothing else. No matter the time, effort, or uncertainty. You must say it is not acceptable to keep your temple in this state, risk your health, or damage your mission. You can’t allow this to take you out.

So you begin with one change. Something you do every day for yourself. A kind word, glass of water, or walking in place. You have to rebuild what’s been torn down and that takes time. You didn’t get here overnight and the solution won’t come quick. Flank your days with the word. A message when you wake and one before you retire. Audio bibles are excellent ways to minister to your spirit while you rest. You can find them online for free. Start with Psalms.

For support, I recommend SparkPeople. They’re very supportive and positive. Fitbit has similar groups that are equally encouraging. You’ll need a scale to track your progress and a water bottle if you prefer. I keep a glass carafe by my bed and replenish it several times. The best way to increase your intake is through water delivery or a Brita if that isn’t possible.

As for the opposite sex, I think a candid discussion is best. While some men prefer thinner women. It is equally true that wiggle room exists for some but goes unstated. The caveat is personal effort and a good attitude. If you are working towards better health and meet his needs in other areas. More than a few are willing.

In light of your situation, I think it’s ideal to have a partner with good eating habits and an established fitness routine. Many enjoy taking someone under their wing and helping out. The key is understanding your worth isn’t determined by a scale. But your self-love prohibits you to remain as you are. They work together and both are needed.

As you blossom, you’re going to change. Your confidence will increase and be evident in your speech and demeanor. Up until this point you’ve seen the other person. But the real you is hiding underneath. How does she look? What does she enjoy? How does she dress? It will be exciting to unwrap her if you’re willing to do the work.

Keep in mind, dating sites are opportunities. You don’t need to connect with everyone. Just one solid person. It can be helpful to have someone review your profile and have professional pictures taken. Groupon always has local deals that are inexpensive. I would capture the milestones beginning with your starting point and each 25 pound reduction to show steady progress.

Don’t worry about the nibbles. The pictures tell the story and you’ll have many viewing your profile to watch your progress. If communication is challenging, Toastmasters is a great resource. There are groups around the world. You can enhance your skills in a warm environment. Or consult books on public speaking instead. Do it in front of a mirror and watch your body language. Pick up others on conversation so you don’t revert to negative thoughts or comments.

Lastly, don’t neglect your attire or appearance. That includes hair, nails, and skincare. You don’t need to spend a fortune. The library should have resources for natural beauty. You can make your own at home and they’re healthier too. Pinterest has lots of aids. Look up pins on body types and face shapes to see examples of flattering options for yourself.

And pick up a copy of The Magic of Thinking Big. I’d start with that to help your mindset then join SparkPeople. You can do this.

@ArtsieSteph

Hey, how are you doing sister? It's been a while since you've created this thread. I hope you feel much better and are taking good care of yourself. <3 You are worthy.

Stephanie,
I hope this finds you feeling more at peace.
One thing most important is our relationship with our beloved Lord.
We need to accept ourselves as He does and love like Him.
I truly do understand loneliness and at your tender age it is hard to stop that longing.
Inside all of us we are fearfully and wonderfully made,there is beauty!
Confidence and being yourself goes a long way in attraction.
It's not really about size,it's about radiance. Radiate love for Him,for yourself and others. When you are that light on a hill others will be drawn to you!
Hug yourself!
Think in positivity!
Be confident in just being you!
Appreciate your gifts and abilities!
Let the sweet Spirit make you over in God's image!
May His love wash over and through you!

At least at this point I know I’m not depressed 🤣 I had a gentleman whom I was possibly going to maybe start a relationship but it didn’t pan out. Not because I was pushing or was looking for one, but it just kinda slowly evolved into that.

God knows I have an issue of idolizing the idea of romantic love, thinking it’s like the highest love one can attain here on earth. OBVIOUSLY that is not true.