Developing relationship skills

Very interesting thread. It's had me thinking a lot.

I'm at a point where I'm not "preparing" for dating/marriage. I don't feel like that's where the Lord wants my attention. I think we should all improve our relationship skills in general, but I think that's done by being around people, taking yourself out of it and focusing on others more.

I think most of our improvement in the dating/relationship skills actually comes during the process of dating or through your different relationships, not leading up to them.

What you do is get your matchmaker to set you up on date, do something you both enjoy and then see if you want to go out again. I think thats it. Maybe take turns on who chooses what. After your 90 day trial if you are still doing stuff together then review it.

In working relationships thats what people do. But the thing that never used to happen was job interiviews. Why cos in the olden days you just asked for a job then you got it. These days thats unlikely to happen. You cant just rock up somewhere and ask for a job as theres hundreds of other applicants. If a job isnt suitable its better to quit early than have years of misery. So with dating I reckon treat it kinda like job seeking. In some ways when the right job for you comes along you just know, and you will stick with it through thick and thin. I really hate job interviews but sometimes they are kinda like dates.

How can you put talk together and relax and enjoy in the same idea? What do you talk to new people about? How do you even get interested in the new people when there are so many interesting ideas bouncing around in your heat? How do you get people to matter to you in the first place? And how do you have a minimum of prescreening so that you don't let needy takers who have no interest in giving back vampire all your limited relational energy?

And help me out here, which food (well that typo is too funny to correct, it was supposed to be foot) is my best? My right or my left?

Not really asking for you to answer, just trying to show the reality of the interior world of those of us who tend to have trouble with the whole idea of "oh and you just start chatting, as you do.."

How can you put talk together and relax and enjoy in the same idea? What do you talk to new people about? How do you even get interested in the new people when there are so many interesting ideas bouncing around in your heat? How do you get people to matter to you in the first place? And how do you have a minimum of prescreening so that you don't let needy takers who have no interest in giving back vampire all your limited relational energy?

And help me out here, which food (well that typo is too funny to correct, it was supposed to be foot) is my best? My right or my left?

Not really asking for you to answer, just trying to show the reality of the interior world of those of us who tend to have trouble with the whole idea of "oh and you just start chatting, as you do.."

As for the prescreening, it helps if they are known to your friends or family or one of your networks. It is hard to prescreen for manipulative personalities. You can't protect yourself with a 100% guarantee. People don't work that way, but it isn't "men are this alien species that can't be trusted." You kill it right there if you approach people in full armor...

Coincidentally, I'm working on a 10 question litmus test that exposes manipulative/narcissistic personalities...
Still trying to figure out how to work it into casual conversation on the first date... for example: "How do you feel about pop-quizzes?"
Just kidding... but I have contemplated the idea...

You assume I don't know the interior world of the introvert. That is a pretty big assumption and wrong. For me, I didn't try and chat someone up. The key was to treat the opposite sex as people. If you are freaking out not knowing what to say, how about asking them questions? When they talk, then listen. People you will think you are a brilliant conversationalist if you talk about them. They will probably give you clues as to the next thing you might want to say or ask. So to address the last line of your post, I didn't start of talking. I started off listening.
As for how you get interested, well either you do or you don't. Once again, listen. Are they interesting, caring, funny, deeply invested in their relationship with God? All of these things lead to discussion. Don't try and manufacture the conversation in your head before you have it.
As for the prescreening, it helps if they are known to your friends or family or one of your networks. It is hard to prescreen for manipulative personalities. You can't protect yourself with a 100% guarantee. People don't work that way, but it isn't "men are this alien species that can't be trusted." You kill it right there if you approach people in full armor. The other person is scared too.
As for the best foot, it is the one that doesn't kick your past laundry all over some unsuspecting guy and then have you follow up with "This is who I am so take me or leave me. I don't care. As a matter of fact, hand me back those knickers."
Seriously though, all people just want to be seen for themselves.

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10 questions? Thats too long an interview or questionairre for some there ought to be a bit of paper you slap on someone like a post it and it turns red if the person is bad to date and blue if they are right.

That's an even better litmus test than my alternative B plan - still in the experimentation phase...
I've been using small vials of 'holy water' and at random times pull one out and splash a sprinkle on the flesh (preferably the face of some who deserve it) to observe if there are any overt skin or traumatic emotional reactions...
But you are right, the paper litmus test - much like a pregnancy test (you either are or you aren't) - is much more practice and efficient...

If I get the prototype off the ground - I'll let you know for your share of the patent-right privileges... haha...