Are Christians obligated to be counseled by their pastor prior to marriage?

I am single and have never been married.

However, I am wondering if churches typically require their members to counsel with the pastor prior to marriage.

I think that some churches require counseling, but only if the couple will be married in their building by their pastor.

What is the norm?

Long ago, I was associated with a cultic organization and no one could be married by the pastor without counseling. The counseling was very difficult, and if you did not meet their criteria, you were not allowed to be married.

For instance, two individuals who were both mentally challenged due to accidents (one in the military, the other in an auto accident). I believe they were both on disability benefits.

The pastor apparently did not allow them to get married because he didn't think they could afford it. This was very likely given the heavy demands for giving that were placed upon individuals in the cultic organization.

Anyways, the pastor decided they should not get married. They chose to get married anyways, in a civil ceremony, and were promptly disfellowshipped. Much later, they "repented" and were allowed to join the congregation again.

From the limited facts I had, I didn't think they should have been prevented from getting married, nor do I think they should have been disfellowshipped, but given that this was a cultic organization, it doesn't shock me, in retrospect.

I am wondering if most normal churches require premarital counseling, even if there will be a civil ceremony. Can anyone fill me in on their experience? Has anyone ever been turned down by the pastor, and told that they should not be married, with the threat of disfellowshipment?

It would be interesting to know what kind of church you attended at the time you were married, and whether there was a heavy membership commitment that influenced this policy.

As Christians, no, we are not obligated. As a couple who wish to be married in a particular building and/or by a particular pastor, probably. As people who wish to be wise, learn things of which they are ignorant, think through things they haven't, and generally be prepared (at least somewhat) for the harsh reality of married life, yes.

As a civil ceremony doesn't require a pastor, the pastor and church would have no say whatsoever.

What Dino said. I have been married 3 times and had premarital counseling each time. Spiritually not required although it may be wise to do so. Being married comes with great responsibility and should not be entered into lightly but only through much prayer and thoughtful consideration of what exactly it may entail. Proverbs would be a good pre-marital primer.

My daughter was just married in the Lutheran church and they required counseling by the Pastor.

When my wife and I were getting married she wanted to get married in the catholic church and they wanted a lot of counseling.

I wasn't Catholic and I decided most of their counseling they could keep. It was like 8 sessions and I kept missing the sessions. I must have gone to at least one of them but I don't remember for sure if I did.

Wait wait wait...

We should just stop right there and throw you a party.


Let's not ruin everything.

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