Daughter not respecting family values

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tasha66

Guest
#21
#21
Hi quiettime. How are you going with your daughter?
It is always hard when your child rebels or turns towards sin, after all the care, love and attention we give to them. It can be very depressing.
I just wanted to check on how you are, and to assure you that you are not alone. I hope the situation has got a wee bit better for you! :)
 
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3angelsmsg

Guest
#22
#22
Hi Quiettime, wow this is really hard matter to address.

There should also be balanced approach, not to try to control her. Because if children feel they are being control, they always rebel.

And listen attentively to what, she is saying. And do not argue with her and rather keep silent too

Like someone has mention before give her all the consequences of having sex outside of marriage and tell her, she is free to do whatever she pleases. And that your door is always open for her to come back.

Sometimes I think parents can be little overbearing. And you have nothing to be ashamed of or feel bad about. God has given each of us a free will to choose. But in actual fact we actually have only one choice to follow our Lord.

The amazing thing about God is that He still created Lucifer, even though He knew satan will someday rebel and wants to take Jesus position.

I will share 1 Corinthians 10:13, always remember. God will give you the necessary wisdom and understanding to deal with this matter and any other testing situation.

All the best my sister.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#23
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#23
Pray for the fellow shes with too.
Maybe just say oh thats too bad he needs to find somewhere else to stay we just dont have the room.

You could offer to invite him for family meal to get to know him but just not overnight. Your daughter will then see how he acts in front of you. You daughter could cook the meal if she really wants to invite him.
 
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oldethennew

Banned
#24
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
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#24
the very first sin was referencing ingesting what would bring forth 'death', and yet
so many seem to NOT 'get this lesson' - (we should NEVER ALLOW SIN under our ROOF)...
this IS our Stewardship, IF we truly are serving our Lord and Saviour...
 
von1

von1

Senior Member
#25
Apr 22, 2010
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#25
I hope she realizes how lucky she is to have parents with great christian values. One day she may have to answer that question with her own kids.
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#26
#26
Quiettime said:
What else can I tell her when She protests and argues with me on this issue?
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Tell her to get a room elsewhere. While you continue to pray for her. What else can you do? She's an adult after all.

Remind her also, that if she gets pregnant, she has to take care of her responsibilities, so wish her well that her boyfriend step up to the plate if that happens.

Whither 1950s or not, same rules of respecting parents' house applies.
 
MultilingualMessenger

MultilingualMessenger

Senior Member
#27
Jan 27, 2015
2,691
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#27
She's 19. That's an adult. If she won't respect your rules, give her 30 days (or some other length of time that you choose) to get her own place and she can sin up a storm there if she wants to.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#28
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
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#28
I agree! She can do what she wants, but not in your house. If she keeps bothering you, then tell her to get a job, because you won't be paying her tuition.

I hate to say it, but your daughter is very entitled. Or spoiled! She wants you to care for her, help her with money, but when it comes to your house and moral values, suddenly she wants to be an adult. It's one or the other. She is an adult, taking care of her tuition and books, and not living under your roof, or she understands what you are doing for her, and she respects you and you're values.

But you have to follow through. If she disrespects you, then she leaves your home. This is really tough love, but catering to her whims is not working.

Praying you can figure this out, and no one gets hurt.
 
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Rachel2535

Junior Member
#29
Jan 10, 2018
15
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#29
It is hard raising our kids in a world full of opposite view of God’s word. With five kids I know this will come up in my near future but like you I plan on sticking to His word and His instruction. Now I might let the boyfriend stay in her brothers room but by no means would I allow them to sleep in the same room. Your daughter should be able to respect this decision, being that it is your home. I pray she does and that God opens her eyes to a healthy start to a relationship. -Rachel
 
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A-Fool-For-God

Member
#30
Oct 24, 2019
42
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#30
Why I'd say your daughter is old enough to be an adult and be married. You just might need your husband to stand up and man up and get the shotgun to encourage the boyfriend to marry your daughter and drop out of useless college and get a real job to provide for 3+ babies.
 
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LittleMermaid

Guest
#31
#31
Stand your ground Sis! I applaud you for not allowing that in your home. I see so many parents bending God's rules for their kids. It ain't right!
I hope your daughter sees the error in her ways. If she doesn't soon, this will really destroy her. :(
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#32
Jul 3, 2015
61,089
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#32
Rachel2535 said:
It is hard raising our kids in a world full of opposite view of God’s word. With five kids I know this will come up in my near future but like you I plan on sticking to His word and His instruction. Now I might let the boyfriend stay in her brothers room but by no means would I allow them to sleep in the same room. Your daughter should be able to respect this decision, being that it is your home. I pray she does and that God opens her eyes to a healthy start to a relationship. -Rachel
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Allowing them to sleep in the same house together while it is known they are sexually active is a bad idea.
 
ArtsieSteph

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
#33
Apr 1, 2014
6,194
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Arizona
#33
I wouldn’t do anything else. Tell her you love her, but that’s just not gonna happen if that’s where you draw the line. I don’t know if you want to make sure they stay in separate rooms I guess?
 
Z

Z10N

New member
#34
Oct 28, 2019
3
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#34
I’ve been thinking a lot about your question. Probably too much because I have a teenage daughter and I might be in your situation in the next few years. A scripture that came to mind was Ephesians 6:4. When I read the NIV and KJV side by side the words that spoke to my heart were “Nurture” and “Admonition” in the KJV. As a father, my tendency is to parent by rules, laws, and authority. I think that this verse challenges that. It challenges me to put away my “My way or the highway” attitude and come at it with a different perspective. While the word “admonition” suggests that providing warnings and being steadfast in the rules of the home is important, the word “nurture” suggests that I speak to her heart. I agree with Tasha66 about going to a neutral environment like a coffee shop and talk about your feelings about having her bf sharing a room with her. As a mother, God has tasked to watch over your daughter’s mind, body and soul. I’m sure that you love your daughter, or else you wouldn’t care. You might want to talk about both of those things as well.

Ever since my children were little we had a rule of “no sleep-overs”. If my girls were still protesting, I think I would pull that one out. “Sorry, No sleep-overs!” :)
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#35
May 29, 2013
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#35
Something I notice about the prodigal son is that he didn't take his inheritance and use it to hire hookers and take them to his bedroom in dad's house. He didn't bring the pigs to dad's house either. He didn't go home until he had come to himself and realized how wickedly he was living. Maybe his father had some ground rules and he knew the way he was living, he couldn't bring it into his father's house. He came home when he was ready to repent.
 
Whispered

Whispered

Well-known member
#36
Aug 17, 2019
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www.christiancourier.com
#36
Quiettime said:
Need advice. My 19 year old daughter feels that she should be allowed to have her boyfriend spend the night at our house when she is home from college. We told her absolutely not. She does not share our christian values and says we are living in the 1950's and are ridiculously old fashioned. I tell her we have standards and we will not allow her to violate them. What else can I tell her when She protests and argues with me on this issue? She is totally absorbed in the world and doesn't see a problem with it and keeps persisting. I will not compromise my values
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I'd very nicely tell her that in there is no scriptures that speak against premarital sex in the Bible.
She'd smile, thinking I had just made her point for her and the bf was going to be able to spend the night with her under our roof.

Until I told her, the reason there are no scriptures speaking against premarital sex in the Bible is because according to the scriptures, when two single people had sex according to ancient Hebrew tradition, they were married!
:D

Then I'd tell her, and her bf, because I'd want him there to hear this, that she is welcome to take her honeymoon to a local hotel. Sin isn't free, nor are hotel rooms.
Then I'd step and open the front door so they'd get the message.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#37
May 29, 2013
9,165
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#37
Whispered said:
I'd very nicely tell her that in there is no scriptures that speak against premarital sex in the Bible.
She'd smile, thinking I had just made her point for her and the bf was going to be able to spend the night with her under our roof.

Until I told her, the reason there are no scriptures speaking against premarital sex in the Bible is because according to the scriptures, when two single people had sex according to ancient Hebrew tradition, they were married!
:D
Click to expand...

Both of your assertions are false. If a virgin girl who was not betrothed had sex in the Old Testament, the man who had sex with her had an obligation to marry her. But he could only do so if the father would give her to him in marriage. Otherwise, he still had to pay the father the dowry. The father had the right to reject suitors and fornication was not marriage.

Even the Canaanites realized this when the Shechemites wanted Israel's permission to marry their prince. They weren't just married because they had had sex.

If she was already betrothed to someone else, she was to be put to death.

If a girl snuck around and had sex and pretended to be a virgin or kept her mouth shut about it and was married off as a virgin and her husband discovered that she was not, she could be executed for 'playing the harlot'/fornication/premarital sex.

In I Thessalonians, writing to believers, Paul warns that God punishes/avenges those who practice fornication.

The same word for fornication is the word for prostitution. In the world around us, if you heard that there was a prostitute who charged $5.00 for her services and another who charged $10,000, which one would you think was a lower class prostitute? I would imagine most people might think it is the $5.00 prostitute. There are plenty of men and women out there who will perform the same services for zero dollars. It's the same sin.

Paul warns that the one who lies with a prostitute becomes one with her in body. But he does not say that they are married. Paul calls it fornication. Christ used the two shall be one flesh to argue against divorce and remarriage, using the word adultery to describe the forbidden union.
 
Whispered

Whispered

Well-known member
#38
Aug 17, 2019
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www.christiancourier.com
#38
presidente said:
Both of your assertions are false. If a virgin girl who was not betrothed had sex in the Old Testament, the man who had sex with her had an obligation to marry her. But he could only do so if the father would give her to him in marriage. Otherwise, he still had to pay the father the dowry. The father had the right to reject suitors and fornication was not marriage.

Even the Canaanites realized this when the Shechemites wanted Israel's permission to marry their prince. They weren't just married because they had had sex.

If she was already betrothed to someone else, she was to be put to death.

If a girl snuck around and had sex and pretended to be a virgin or kept her mouth shut about it and was married off as a virgin and her husband discovered that she was not, she could be executed for 'playing the harlot'/fornication/premarital sex.

In I Thessalonians, writing to believers, Paul warns that God punishes/avenges those who practice fornication.

The same word for fornication is the word for prostitution. In the world around us, if you heard that there was a prostitute who charged $5.00 for her services and another who charged $10,000, which one would you think was a lower class prostitute? I would imagine most people might think it is the $5.00 prostitute. There are plenty of men and women out there who will perform the same services for zero dollars. It's the same sin.

Paul warns that the one who lies with a prostitute becomes one with her in body. But he does not say that they are married. Paul calls it fornication. Christ used the two shall be one flesh to argue against divorce and remarriage, using the word adultery to describe the forbidden union.
Click to expand...
No, they're actually not. But thank you for trying.
 
Whispered

Whispered

Well-known member
#39
Aug 17, 2019
4,551
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www.christiancourier.com
#39
Whispered said:
I'd very nicely tell her that in there is no scriptures that speak against premarital sex in the Bible.
She'd smile, thinking I had just made her point for her and the bf was going to be able to spend the night with her under our roof.

Until I told her, the reason there are no scriptures speaking against premarital sex in the Bible is because according to the scriptures, when two single people had sex according to ancient Hebrew tradition, they were married!
:D

Then I'd tell her, and her bf, because I'd want him there to hear this, that she is welcome to take her honeymoon to a local hotel. Sin isn't free, nor are hotel rooms.
Then I'd step and open the front door so they'd get the message.
Click to expand...
https://bible.org/seriespage/boundaries-godly-sexuality-leviticus-186-29
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#40
May 29, 2013
9,165
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#40
Whispered said:
https://bible.org/seriespage/boundaries-godly-sexuality-leviticus-186-29
Click to expand...
This disproves your theory.

Exodus 22
16 “If a man entices a virgin who is not betrothed, and lies with her, he shall surely pay the bride-price for her to be his wife. 17 If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money according to the bride-price of virgins.

That same as the case with Dinah. If the father refused to give her in marriage, she was not married.

In the case of Rebecca, Abraham sent the servant to her family and gave them a dowry for her. Her father accepted it, and her brother received gifts also. Then, Rebecca became Isaac's bride. Her father had accepted the terms. She had also agreed to do so.

The New Testament even mentions marrying and giving in marriage. Grooms marry, and the father of the bride gives in marriage.

I read about ancient Roman weddings where a couple would stand before a priest and say words to each other. The woman might say, "Where you are Gaius, I am Gaia, taking his name." I learned in Classics class that Roman women were named after their fathers and later their husband. The oldest sister Tulia Major might become Gaia if she marries Gaius. They also had a custom of her wearing a ring on her ring finger.

Several hundred years into Christian history, Christians stand before a priest and say scripted words to marry, 'marriage vows'. But this is a Roman ceremony. In the Bible there is a bride price and the father giving the virgin daughter to marry the man. There was also usually a party. Then they would have sex. But sex alone does not make a marriage. If it did, adultery would be marriage and so would prostitution.
 
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