Question about dating before divorce

... know any unicorns?

Struggle with it? Not at all; I embrace it.

Seriously, I recognize that I am very picky. I've done plenty of work on myself since the marriage ended, and though I will never be perfect, I also don't want to be married to someone to whom I am not attracted. Character, intelligence, appearance and interests are all considered. There is also a list of red flag issues that I simply will not consider, such as smoking.

So... know any unicorns?

Yes, I can relate to your worry. I don't seek perfection, though, because if I found a perfect guy, he'd be way out of my league, lol. My standards are high though, but I think that is good. The problem is finding a single high standarded, God centered guy at my age who thinks I am worthy of his pursuing...well that would take a miracle, hahaha, especially, since I work out of my home.

For me, though, I do not even say my future husband for that may not be His will for my life. I don't even seek or think about finding a feller. He may think it better for me to remain single. Mine is to be grateful and content either way. I will confess it isn't always easy. In fact, I grumble a bit in lonely seasons.

From what I have read on this site, you are a treasure. More than worth pursuing.

I've found that God has asked me to surrender all areas of my life to him--work, family, health, finances as well as relationships. I trust in whatever he has planned. I don't just say that as a cliched Christian saying. My hands have been pried open to release these areas to him through much wrestling and pain.

I don't believe the person was looking for casual sex, and I think that they felt they had worked on their healing during the divorce process already. I have been divorced now for almost 8 years. I've had long periods of no dating so that I could work on my issues.

This might be an obvious questions, but what do you think the difference is between working on yourself during the divorce process and working on your issues after it has been finalized?

Yes. I've been divorced now for almost 8 years. I realized that I had a cycle of going from one relationship to the next. God helped me to break that cycle, and I took extended time to be single and work on my relationship with him/healing/my issues. That's not to say I don't still have issues to work on, but God gave me breakthroughs in my life that required me to be single in order for them to come about. Sometimes I worry that my standards are too high from experiencing divorce and failed relationships to ever be married again. This too is a work in process because I think God will ultimately give me peace and grace for my future husband in his imperfections and my own. Any other members struggle with this?

First...thanks for your kindness and graciousness. Right back you sister. 🌞❤😀🌻

About this....I've found that God has asked me to surrender all areas of my life to him--work, family, health, finances as well as relationships. I trust in whatever he has planned. I don't just say that as a cliched Christian saying. My hands have been pried open to release these areas to him through much wrestling and pain.

Very well expressed, it resonates.

Don't ever worry that your standards are set too high. I've seen many couples and gf's over the years take anybody that asked them to move in/get married, and they have all usually ended in unhappiness & divorce.
It is better to have high standards I think and be alone, than to live years in an unhappy marriage with kids involved (usually), who get caught up in that unahppiness. It just leaves everybody damaged in the extreme.

I don't know that there is much difference, except as others have pointed out you can't really finish getting over and done with the divorce process until it is done and final. And well done taking the time to work on your issues, that takes some courage and humility.

I’ve been divorced over 15 years now and don’t date. I married very young...too young. Looking back I understand why things went the way that they did and putting myself in her shoes as much as I could I realized I might do the same thing if I was her But one thing I look back on and still hurt over now is the way she went about it....She started dating before the divorce and really as soon as she could...in my opinion it would have been better if she had waited until all was said and done😕

I disagree with everyone on this thread. All that matters is what God thinks. He says in the Word that if someone has committed adultery then the other person is free to re-marry. He looks at the heart. If the divorce was actually going through for this reason then dating is not wrong-a Christian would not have any intention of pre-marital sex so what's the problem? Wisdom and self-control is essential in such circumstances, but only God knows where the person is at emotionally etc. and whether they are ready to date or not. As a divorcee due to adultery committed against me, and as a single Christian for the last 9 years I know that other Christians can cause an awful lot of hurt in the hearts of fellow believers who have already been hurt badly. I wonder what God thinks about this? Unless you have walked a mile in another man's shoes how can you give an opinion? Any opinion should only be God's anyway-from His Word. Remember, treat others as you would like to be treated. Don't hurt them, when they have already been hurt. Pray for them, love them and sensitively give Biblical advice if the Spirit leads you. If you haven't been through it the likelihood is you probably haven't studied properly what God's Word really says about this in the Hebrew/Greek.
Shalom

I disagree with everyone on this thread. All that matters is what God thinks. He says in the Word that if someone has committed adultery then the other person is free to re-marry. He looks at the heart. If the divorce was actually going through for this reason then dating is not wrong-a Christian would not have any intention of pre-marital sex so what's the problem? Wisdom and self-control is essential in such circumstances, but only God knows where the person is at emotionally etc. and whether they are ready to date or not. As a divorcee due to adultery committed against me, and as a single Christian for the last 9 years I know that other Christians can cause an awful lot of hurt in the hearts of fellow believers who have already been hurt badly. I wonder what God thinks about this? Unless you have walked a mile in another man's shoes how can you give an opinion? Any opinion should only be God's anyway-from His Word. Remember, treat others as you would like to be treated. Don't hurt them, when they have already been hurt. Pray for them, love them and sensitively give Biblical advice if the Spirit leads you. If you haven't been through it the likelihood is you probably haven't studied properly what God's Word really says about this in the Hebrew/Greek.
Shalom

I personally think it is not a good idea to start dating before the divorce. I think that dating too soon can be a recipe for disaster.

Is it ok? Would God bless it? Hmmmm, I think these are not questions anyone can know for another individual but personally...

I hope there is hope for reconciliation between the husband and wife, always, but if not...

my thoughts are no dating anyone else until legally divorced and honestly a good couple years after has passed at least. Most divorces are the result of two ppl, and both need time to heal and grow individually.

I don't believe the person was looking for casual sex, and I think that they felt they had worked on their healing during the divorce process already. I have been divorced now for almost 8 years. I've had long periods of no dating so that I could work on my issues.

This might be an obvious questions, but what do you think the difference is between working on yourself during the divorce process and working on your issues after it has been finalized?