Would you date someone who’s kid does drugs and alcohol?

Been on 8 dates with this lady and things are going well chemistry wise. I found out this morning her oldest had a relapse in cocaine. Everything was fine as far as peace with that person goes until now. This could potentially be a tough issue to deal with? I know it’s not her choice for her 23 yr old son to do this. How would you handle a situation like this?

Thank you guys for your replies, I’ll get back to the questions soon. I have never taken drugs so it’s been difficult to process and you all have some valuable input! Need to get ready for work (12 hour shifts) but I’ll get back as soon as I can. Thank you for your prayers that means a lot to me, I’ll be doing the same.

I dated someone whose kids were somewhat out of control. I grew to really love his children, but the dynamics put a lot of stress on our relationship as we became more serious and considered marriage. It was not the reason I ended the relationship, but it definitely presented unique challenges that I'm sure would have only become more difficult as time went on. I knew if we were to get married, we would have to be intentional to not allow it to create divisiveness in the relationship.

Hi Brother, I definitely would, If it were Apparent that GOD put us together. Having been down a similar path, i can relate to the Demon of addiction and there is ONLY ONE way to get out of it and stay out of it....PERIOD.
How does this Lady react to her sons addiction? Is she a Godly Woman?

I can understand there be issues with the relationship dynamic after this situation, but I would hope that it would mean that you would actually stand by the ladies side more so during this hard time. But I guess definitely with the stipulation that if you continue in the relationship with the lady, this will be something that you have to deal with.

Kind of try to be supportive but sober minded. Make sense?

No, I wouldn’t.

Addiction is a very serious condition that overrides most of the person suffering from it and the family involved.

It’s a highway to h*ll, to be frank.

When I was a greenhorn law enforcement officer back in the day, I had this extremely naïve mindset that everyone was good deep down somewhere, and if you just was nice and understanding they’d get their act together and turn into law abiding citizens.

Yeah, right...

I have seen way too many kids addicted to drugs that are bullying their families to get money for their daily drug.

Sad.

For me it would all depend on how the lady I have been dating is dealing with the matter. Is she trying to help her son in a way that just helps him keep on destroying himself? Is she cutting the cable and letting him sink or swim? Is she torn up about the matter and not really in a position to do anything about it?

That's where I really need to seek the Holy Spirit and figure out if we should continue from here or not. We have not met each others kids yet since we have only dated 8 times. I could grow to love her children too and in the back of my mind I either need to pursue 110 percent or call it because the more time invested the harder it is to break up. Thank you for your reply!

A lot of my counsel will be similar to what Lynx says, your relationship is with this woman not her adult son, so how this impacts her is what your focus should be on. I would add that I have one of those mothers who talks tough and intends to do right by her kids, but I also don't think that she's going to let her kids not have a roof over their heads as long as she's able to provide one (we're both out of the house now probably for good but life happens). And so I would advise you to let her tell the story of how it's been with his addiction and in listening you will probably have a good idea of if she's got a good gameplan for dealing with all the crap that comes with having an addicted family member and if she's likely to stick to it. And I'd also say if you decide to stay, then be ready to be someone speaking truth into the situation when she gets confused or guilt tripped by his attempts to manipulate her.

Other than that, what you said makes me think that "peace with this person" is some sort of code for someone who has no major issues in their life. While you are right to recognize the gravity of the situation, if you're looking for a person who's got it all together and has nothing that could be a serious problem down the road, you'll probably be single a long time.

Oh and since no one has said it, I'd pray for a lot of wisdom and that God would give me a very accurate judgement of my own strength so that if and when I decide to stay, I'll be able to see it through.

For me it would all depend on how the lady I have been dating is dealing with the matter. Is she trying to help her son in a way that just helps him keep on destroying himself? Is she cutting the cable and letting him sink or swim? Is she torn up about the matter and not really in a position to do anything about it?

From experience,I had a son who was severely addicted to meth and herion; it was extremely hard on me! I was married at the time,it kept me heart broken,but had no effect on.my relationship! A mother WILL ALWAYS BE A MOTHER! He has since passed but 7 yrs before,he got clean and gave his life to God! I now have a 22 yr old grandson who is involved in drugs,there came a time where I had to apply tough love( I thought it would kill me). I am no longer married due to the man's fault,but it can take a real tool on the individual parent!
I second the advice pray,listen to God,evaluate then go as the Lord directs! I will be praying for your situation if that's ok?
blessings to you in this trying situation!