Money Talks. How Often Are We Able to Put It on Hold?

Hey Everyone,

I was just thinking about all the times in our lives when we feel pressured to take on more and more responsibilities in order to make more money.

In my own life, there have been times where I was encouraged to go for a promotion, but I knew in the long run, I would probably lose my sanity right along with it! And so, to the utter disdain of those who were striving to climb the corporate ladder, I stayed where I was -- an anonymous nobody -- but I was a whole lot happier that way. And I came to realize that I work best as a support to others who ARE trying to make it to the top.

One of the things I've come to appreciate about being single over the years is that I haven't really felt obligated to make myself more miserable in order to make more money. What have your experiences been?

* What are some times in your life where money called, but you put it on hold, and why?

* What things are more important to you than money?

Now I realize that these kinds of choices aren't always possible. I've always said I don't care if I get stuck eating ramen noodles for weeks at a time because it's something I'd bring upon myself. But of course, if I were taking care of kids and a family, things would be much, much different.

* What are some times where you felt you had to take on things you didn't want to because it paid more money?

* How did it make you feel? (Overwhelmed, resentful, grateful for the opportunity?) And how did you cope?

This thread is absolutely NOT meant to be another lecture about "The Love of Money" or the rich person who can't fit through the eye of the needle. I think most people here are level-headed enough to know that God comes first above anything else. And I am certainly not trying to criticize anyone who IS shooting for the top of the ladder -- God knows we need Christians in those positions! But one of the reasons I am the way I am is because I grew up with a lot of A-type personalities and I saw all the weight they had to pull along with them as they climbed up each step.

I'd just simply like to start a discussion about how our obligations, responsibilities, and needs have influenced our choices when it comes to earning a living/making money.

Everyone is welcome to share. I've sometimes heard married people say that they don't want to "intrude" in the Singles forum, but sometimes what we singles need to hear most is how marriage plays out in real life, especially when it comes to finances and taking care of another person.

Looking forward to reading your posts, and God bless!

This is Lynx broadcasting live from a fast food factory on my lunch break... Actually the arch typical fast food factory, McDonalds... To report that I am fairly happy with my life. Or at least I seem to be a lot happier than every single person who has gone for a manager position here. Lord help them.

That doesn’t seem like a good association towards money. That you have to be miserable to have more (it’s implied but maybe not your intent). Granted you are talking about taking on more responsibilities in order to have increase, there is a verse here that is applicable.

Proverbs 14:4 King James Version (KJV)
4 Where no oxen are, the crib is clean: but much increase is by the strength of the ox.

The question you have to ask yourself is, is it worth it? People want the six pack, for example, but don’t want to use the ab roller. But if you want that six pack, the ab roller is a part of the process (or abdomen work in general). There is going to be strenuous activity, possibly soreness, a lot of sweat, and a bit of time invested. Is the investment worth it, are you getting a good return on your investment?

Sure you could just avoid any activity and be well rested, but that physique comes through consistent effort, proper diet, and rest. Then comes the self confidence, feeling good. Feeling comfortable in your own skin.

It’s a matter of counting the cost, and whether it’s worth it to you.

Exactly! That's the whole point of this thread. What is and is not worth it to different people?

Good point, Ben, and I'm sorry I didn't clarify.

There are certainly times when there are opportunities for a pay raise, different job, etc. that doesn't result in misery, and might even be something that's happily anticipated. Hopefully, people here will tell us about those kinds of experiences as well.

Thanks for widening the point of view!

It’s good that you have an awareness of where your mentality towards money and success comes from.

I would ask though, do you think, for yourself, this association (towards money) is limiting, even unfortunate? That because of those A type personalities and what you saw they had to endure and go through you now are deterred from prosperity? What if it doesn’t have to be the way they did it? What if you could succeed without all of their headaches?

Why let them paint success in a negative light for you, when you could use that success for things you desire to do (such as good in the world)?

Just asking honest questions @seoulsearch hope you enjoy the discussion. 🙂

I didn't know you were a punster, Lynx.

(PS: the word is "archetypal", which I'm sure you know, and we'll chalk it up to Otto the Incorrect).

For my father, it would be integrity. There were times in his working in the marketplace that he had to place integrity before finances. There were times people, employers, wanted him to rob people, sell them investments they knew wouldn’t pan out, give them mortgages they couldn’t afford (so he’d talk them out of it), and so on. He would do what was right, and the Lord would bless him through other means. He’d be the guy that ends up winning the raffle for $5000 in the business.

There is a saying that says to love people and use money, not the other way around.

I already did, and I wasn't "correcting" Lynx; his vocabulary is at least as broad as mine, and likely more so. I offered the correction for the benefit of other readers.

Hi Ben!

Thanks for the opportunity for the discussion.

As far as the "go-getters" from my past are concerned, again, I'm certainly not trying to knock that in any way. But one of the issues that was causing my lifelong depression is that I was always thinking I had to be like the people around me, and it took a lifetime to realize that I am built differently. I'm sure most people are familiar with the pain of wondering, "Why can't I be like everyone else?" when God might have a completely different calling for them.

You are right in that I question myself many times over what I could have done or should be doing in order to be "more successful." One of the family values I was raised with was responsibility, and because of that, people have sometimes put me in leadership positions. However, through a lot of trial and error, I know I work best as a support person to a strong yet compassionate, morally sound leader (which admittedly, can be hard to find.) I learned this about myself through the people, studies, and positions I had throughout the years.

One of my favorite Bible passages is in reference to Israel's midwives when the people were living in Egypt, right before the birth of Moses. Pharaoh had commanded that all the Israelite boys under 2 were to be thrown into the river, but Exodus 1:17 says that, "The midwives feared God, and directly disobeyed Pharaoh by allowing the boys to live." The Bible then goes on to say that "because the midwives feared God, He gave them families of my own."

A midwife isn't there to do the actual "hard work" -- she's not the one giving birth to the baby. Rather, she is there to assist the mother during this most precious time. The midwife might not be an absolute necessity, but a good midwife is definitely an asset. After years of prayer, searching, and not knowing why I "didn't fit in" with my immediate circle, I believe God told me, "That's because you are a midwife." I'm not there to give the actual birth, but I AM there to help the person who IS birthing something, whether it's a dream, objective, or agenda.

And I truly believe that God has given me something of my own. We all have our personal definitions of success, and God is leading me into achieving what I have always seen as mine.

I have read over and over on Christian sites about how men are frustrated by women whom they see as using them for money and then take them to the cleaners in the end. I told God a long time ago, I don't want to be one of the women these men are talking about. My goal was to be able to pay of everything I could, earn my own wage, and be able to provide for myself, so that a man would hopefully never see me as a financial burden. (I realize things like sickness and so forth can happen, but I wanted to do my best to "do my part.") God is allowing me to meet that goal, bit by bit, whether I am meant to meet "the one" sometime in the future or not, and I am ever thankful for that.

I do understand what you're saying though, and I thank you for asking such insightful questions. And yes, my views about success and hanging in the background have definitely had some repercussions.

I'm not very impressive to most potential dates, lol. I will certainly never attract the likes of a lawyer or doctor, etc. Several years ago, I had a date with a guy who was an engineer, and when I told him I worked in retail, he was quite obviously unimpressed. I'm pretty sure he thought I was someone who would try to use him as an ATM.

A funny thing happened when we went for a walk next to where I lived -- I mentioned that I lived in the area but not exactly where. Apparently, he must have "approved" of the area because his attitude changed quite a bit once he saw that I lived in what he seemed to think was a supposedly "upscale" neighborhood. He also told me that he had been on the brink of losing his own house to the bank.

It was an interesting social experience for sure, and a lesson well learned. I'm not interested in anyone who looks down at me for what is perceived as my lack of prestige, and I hope I don't get to a point where I look down on others.

I define "success" as hopefully being a valuable asset to the right person (who better to be an assistant to than a Godly husband), when and if I ever meet him.

Thank you again, Ben, for such awesome questions!

Looking forward to seeing more of your posts.

This is awesome.

Your father sounds like exactly the kind of person we would all want to work for, or at least with.

Stories like this are uber encouraging!

That is a beautiful response Seoulsearch. How necessary are even the small parts for something to function. People look down on the janitor for example, but how grateful we should be to him or her for keeping our place tidy and presentable. We have to honor everyone.

melita ain't working.
melita needs money.

please and thank you.

LOLOL!!!

@seoulsearch I want people like you in my life, for the purposes God has planned. I’m going to have to pray that God brings the, figuratively speaking, midwives into my life. Haha 😄 The people which tasks are delegated to, yet excel at. People filled with wisdom and knowledge, and proficiency. Wise counsel.

Know that you are a gem 💎!

Aw, thanks very much, Ben. Most days I feel more like a rusty bucket than a gemstone.

But I kind of see this as part of my life's mission -- helping leaders and (figuratively speaking) midwives to connect with each other, which is one of the reasons why I write these threads.

One of the things I've struggled with in my life is that some people tried to push me into being one of the leaders. Most people I seemed to talk to saw the role of being a support person as being lowly and undesirable. But I think it's very important to note that in passages such as Exodus 18:25, leaders are put in charge of groups of 10, 50, 100, and 1000 people. This, to me, says that very few people might actually be called to leadership, which makes me wonder how many try to push their way into those positions instead.

Because leaders are called to lead groups, I interpret this as saying in turn that many, many more people are called to be followers of what we pray to be Godly leaders. I believe I've found my niche as a follower and am very content in that role.

For instance, some of the people I've worked for are VERY good at learning and retaining information, but have no experience or idea as to how to organize that information and then relay it to other people. One of the things I've enjoyed doing is organizing information in the form of an instructional booklet (for work) and a syllabus (for a class.) Some leaders seem to need an assistant to help them keep track of everything (yes, I know, they're called secretaries, huh?)

I also think about the fact that God most likely calls many men to be proverbial midwives as well (sorry guys, I hope that's not offensive.) I wonder how many men struggle with the mixed messages they receive about being leaders, when God might have actually called them to different roles in different situations (a leader at home, but an assistant at work.)

It's always amazing to see how God has plans out various ways for people to work together.

Blessings to you Ben. May God be with you in your calling and in finding your own groups to lead/follow.

I am kind of in that place where I know I am called to lead but don’t feel qualified to or haven’t ever done so. Ever since I was a teenager people saw leadership in me. Teachers would make comments like this of me, when describing what to be once they are grown up. “Leader.”

Yet amongst other men I always felt like a younger brother in the midst of them. There were times in school where I would be bullied and I didn’t react, Id just stare them down or ignore them, but if someone else got picked on I’d be vocal. I found that weird of me, no courage to stick up for myself but I would for others. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Last day of high school my teacher gave me a hat and then told me “Your name is one to be listening for.” As if I was destined for something great.

People see leadership in me... and I don’t know if that is a character trait I have or they see the anointing of God on my life.

Yeah, being a leader ain't all it's cracked up to be. I'd rather be a henchman. Let somebody else decide what we should do. I'll come up with and implement a plan to get it done.

I'm truly sorry that people have bullied you, Ben. I can relate to you in that there have been times when my blood was boiling over the treatment of someone else, but when people "slanted" their eyes at me, I was never sure what to say.

I like your story about the teacher speaking to you in a manner of expectation for a positive future. I think something we often forget though is that God can do great works, sometimes the greatest, through those whose names no one ever hears or recognizes.

I'm thinking you are one of those kinds of people.

Having a family to support obviously changes things a lot. When you're single and aren't a money chaser by nature, you can say no to a lot of things you dont want to do just to make the shekels. I would rather have a job I don't love and I family I do tho than the other way around. It makes the struggle much easier imo

I don't particularly enjoy the fake "freedom" that supposedly comes with being single. It feels like more of a prison tbqh

Not sure I have your dilemma cos most of the jobs Ive had dont pay very much

But having said that I would rather do my own garden than someone elses no matter what they pay me.

I think if you are single then learning to live within your means is a good thing to learn, because if you end up raising a family and you try to live beyond your means, like a champagne lifestyle on a beer budget, its not going to affect just you but everyone else when the debt collectors come.

These times its very difficult to survive economically as a family unit without at least two incomes. But the trade off with that is your children are completely neglected if both income earners are at work not at home. Unless you live somehwere where the cost of living is low, you can grow your own food, theres good schooling, and you dont have to pay big bills and taxes.

Much of currents economic systems are now completely unsustainable. What worked for the baby boomers does not actually work for the current generation. Also you need to remember that stable, long term jobs are now harder to come by because many countries are now outsourcing their production or manufacturing. ,A lot more people just work gigs and temp jobs now. Thats not real security for 18 or so years of working at the same job to provide a home for your children and to pay a mortgage.