Would you consider a woman in her 20s twice divorced

7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.

8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.

9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
________

I believe, paul is saying

"In my opinion we ALL can get a lot more done if we are chaste for God... but I understand we all are different and have our own walk with God"

"So to the widows (those who have married but lost their other half) and to those who have been married and divorced or never married at all (otherwise virgin would have been used like later in the same chapter instead of unmarried) it is a good thing to be like me and be chaste and live your life for God."


"But if in your walk you face lusts and desire a spouse... it is better to marry than remain in that state."

______

I do not believe he is addressing only those in relationships in verse 9 because I think it would have been implied.


Though I do believe even with this advice to marry, all the advice on how to choose a spouse would still remain valid.....


(if you are a believer, and not married you should seek someone equally yolked... if youre in a relationship with someone like this I'd say God may have provided that spouse already😁.... if you two can't walk together in harmony I think it would still be better to remain single than marry that person for lustful reasons opposed to love)

I agree with all that, but what about the question of desiring and there being no provision from the Lord.... if it is better to marry than burn, then it is therefore not ok to burn.... is it sin to burn? And if so then what is the solution if a spouse is not provided?

Good question. I think at that point it may be on where we're looking or if we're ready.... We both know what a loving and giving God we have....

I think also to "burn" is to "burn with lust" as most translations say....

Which is different than just "wanting a husband/wife".


I don't see this point being addressed in these specific verses though... because think of the implications.....

If you're a man.... BURNING with lust.... a Christian.... How in any way are you ready to just marry whoever it is you find and expect to fulfill your role as a spiritual leader....(this man should first follow all the advice ... pray for deliverance focus on his walk with God and seek a woman who is equally yolked for marriage knowing it will HELP his walk)

I think God WILL provide (at the very least opportunity) in His perfect time....



"who can find a virtuous woman for her price is far above rubies"

I think it is possible to burn and yet not lust in a sinful way....
Verse 9, I think is referring to believers who are at a place spiritually where they could fulfil their roles and compliment a suitable marriage partner. I get the impression there are many Christians who desire marriage and are not able to find their spouse; but yes, maybe it's just not the Lord's timing/ they are still being prepared. It's difficult to reconcile this verse with the predicament many mature believers find themselves in and yet I know it is not too difficult for the Lord to provide.

The heart of her husband trusts in her
And he will have no lack of gain.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favour from the Lord"

No provision from the Lord when there's a clear desiring of spouse doesn't mean God is ignoring or neglecting your need and desire (I'm sure you are aware of this but sometimes it's something we forget when we are in that particular situation for long time and get caught up in having to wait for years). If God were to grant every relational desire in my life, I am sure it would've been a disaster, one after another (why? because I know how deceitful and selfish my heart is and thankfully He knows everything, EVERYTHING there's to know about me). While I don't have answer as to why God is not granting my prayer/wishes/desires (I'm sure He's been listening to my rants and has been informed many times of my desires), one thing I know for sure is that He loves me beyooooond my comprehension and often times having to stay in this single status for years is for my own benefit. When God said it's not good for a man to be alone and I shall make him a suitable helper, He didn't put Adam to sleep right away but brought an entire animal kingdom to see what he would name them - God, while seeing the need for a companion for Adam, didn't bring him a suitable companion right away but rather had him go through a long laborious naming job that was necessary, in His love and wisdom, before providing Eve to him. Truth to be told, I can go out and find someone if I really wanted to for sake of being in a relationship. But that's not what I want (and sure also not what you want) since our standard in seeking spouse/companion is different from the worldly one - we want to find someone who is like-minded in our faith in Christ and also have different outlook as we are to fix our eyes on the things above. Yes, I can sympathize your situation, a single mother who wants a godly father figure for your kids' lives and also a suitable companion for yourself. All I can say is keep hang in there (dude, I've been hanging in there for years and losing my grip here) and as cliche as it may sound keep telling Him your heart's desire and keep that relationship with Him intimate on a daily basis. "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." (Psalm 37:4). This verse is incorrectly applied if you are trying to delight yourself in Him so you can have Him grant your heart's desire. Rather, as you happen to delight and enjoy His presence/company daily, for real, He grants your heart's desire in His perfect time. God bless you in your search for the right person.

Very interesting perspective, I always considered that advice as more of a warning against a sinful or ineffective walk opposed to one where left with "burning passion" or "desire".....

I agree with everything else, especially about who is being addressed...

And may actually agree with your first point too.... definitely thought provoking...

Thanks for your insight😁

Contradictions might be too strong of a word, but there are differences just like what the Bible says about this topic.

The question is, why, if it is better to marry than to burn, is there no one suitable to marry lol? And consequently, if this is the case then we are left without resolution for this desire.

When I find 'contradictions' in the Bible, I always see it as a challenge to find out more truth because ultimately we know that God's Word is perfect, so either there is an inaccuracy in the translation or a misunderstanding somehow....

I think there are many “the ones” out there for us. We just got to find someone equally yoked and both have peace from the Holy Spirit about each other. Not easy but God is in control 🙌!

Court, I'm so sorry to derail your thread a bit but there's something I've been wanting to post for days, and since it's still bothering me, I'm just going to go ahead and post. My thoughts are NOT aimed at you at all -- I wish you God's guidance and only His blessings for you -- but this is something that troubles me more as time goes on.

If a person has been divorced, and, heaven forbid (just saying this as a typical reaction from most Christians I've been around), divorced more than once, they must forever live in loneliness and are never allowed to marry again, as some have interpreted from the Bible. And if that's a person's sincere beliefs that this is the will of God for their life, then I would fully support adhering to that.

But here's where I start to wonder:

If someone else had said, "I've lived with/slept with 2 people... am I able to marry?", I'm guessing that the overwhelming majority response would be to either marry the person they're living with, or to break ties with any current sinful situation, dedicate their lives to God, and keeping going. But the point here is that as long as the person hadn't, gasp, gotten married, they are certainly allowed to consider marriage in the future.

The person who sleeps with 100 different partners will be told the same thing, as will the person who self-services to porn 300,000 times in their lifetime, struggles with homosexual feelings, or anyone else who does anything sexual but yet, here's the kicker, doesn't get married.

However, the instant you marry, everything changes, and if something doesn't work out, you are forever condemned to spend the rest of your life alone.

Am I the only one left scratching my head at this? I'm thinking of a guy I talked to once who was single and knew the Bible probably as well or better than any Bible student, but when asked how many sexual partners he'd had, he said, "I can't remember." He freely admitted that sex was his most problematic area, and would go through bouts of "getting better" and then falling back into it. And he very much considered himself eligible for marriage (in fact, he reasoned that part of his sleeping around was testing for a marriage candidate, even though he also knew it was wrong.)

We had a thread about this a while back in Singles and none of us could really give much of an answer, except to reiterate that all of us had seen this reinforced in churches.

The couple living together for years is celebrated when they finally marry and stop living in sin.

But the divorced person asking if they can remarry? WHAT KIND OF SIN DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH, YOU EVIL PAGAN???

Maybe I'm the only one who has seen this in the churches and in Christian circles, but it seems to happen all the time. People who can't remember how many people they've slept with and/or those who have committed sexual sins every which way from Sunday having no hesitation at condemning divorced people over what they are not allowed to do.

And I am certainly NOT saying that anyone in this thread fits into any of these categories at all.

I'm simply asking, why are those who sin every which way with sex allowed to marry at will, while those who are divorced are most often told they no longer have any other options,even if they have only been married to/slept with one person? It doesn't take much of a brain to figure out that a lot of people would start saying to themselves, "Well if marrying and somehow having it fall apart means I have to be alone for the rest of my life, I'll just do whatever I want with whomever I want, because at least that gives me the OPTION to marry someday, unlike a divorce."

I know what some people will say, "Well, if you have a problem with what God says about marriage and divorce, Seoul, take it up with Him!!" And I do, on a regular basis, in my own Bible study and prayer.

If He never wants me to remarry again, I've finally come to be at peace with that (unfortunately, it's taken me 20 years to get there.)

But if He's willing, I know it might be nice to consider remarriage someday in the future. And I do ask Him often why it is that the people who commit their own sins regarding relationships and sex, or the ones who have never been divorced, but regularly look at porn (sometimes on an hourly basis) get to be the ones to tell me what I am and am not allowed to do. (To which I'm sure someone will then say that I'm not being open to God's correction, no matter who it comes from... as they switch from the CC page back to a favorite porn site. )

In my most frustrated moments, I openly tell God, "Ok Lord, I'll be happy to listen to what Brother Smith has to tell me about what You have to say in Bible study as the Forever Condemned to Be Alone Divorced Person I apparently am. However... Should I wait until BEFORE or AFTER dear Brother Smith has had all of his Special Alone Time Away From His Wife And With His Computer?"

After all, I wouldn't want to be rude and interrupt.

Wow what a post!

When I was reading this verse came to mind...

Matthew 7:3-5 New International Version (NIV)
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Thank you Seoul for your thought provoking post! I always look forward to what you write .

God has a great plan for our lives. It’s good that Court is seeking out advice, scriptures, and the truth... but above all listen to Him for the direction He has for us.

The opinions of others shouldn’t matter. If they are giving you sound doctrine, regardless if their ability to uphold it is weak, is still legitimate. If a murderer says stealing is illegal, he’s correct. Clearly the Bible can’t address every situation past and present with laser accuracy. The message is clear, if you look for intent.

If you must find a mate so you won’t be fixated on your carnal unmet needs then do so.

Marriage is to be permanent. If we knew we had one car for the rest of our life then we would choose the best car for us and maintain it regularly. Because our focus is supposed to be on God, and not our own happiness this shouldn’t be an issue. We have more freedoms to choose our partners that others didn’t. We have no one to blame. Our inability to choose a proper partner may be terminal. If you chose wrong before, you will probably do it again. Rather than a lifetime of distraction, finding another, than another, preventing you from serving the Lord, you get one crack at it. Either a painful permanent lesson or a winning lottery ticket. Actually your chances might be better playing the lottery.

I think another important factor is not just choosing a "right" or "wrong" mate, but also the fact that life is a wild card and so are the emotions we humans will have in reaction to it.

For example, a couple who suffers the death of a child (which has happened to couples I've known.)

This event might pull some couples closer together and might tear others apart ("Why didn't you notice she was sick??? Why didn't you believe me? Why weren't you ever here?" etc.) Blaming the other person for your child's death is not likely to result in a close or loving marriage.

But of course, there are hundred million other combinations that happen every day.

No one ever knows what will happen in life, or exactly what the fallout will be, which has been the cause of many of the divorces I have spoken with people about.

Thanks for this passage, Mike.

I always think of it too when I read threads like this.

As for my posts, chalk it up to a lifetime of growing up in churches where I constantly saw the never-ending circular paradoxes of, "I don't sin the way you do, therefore you are more wrong that I am!"

And then asking God how I can joyfully go out and try to herd others into this bristling web of insanity that we call "salvation."

It is such an important decision that I have asked HIM to make it for me. I want Him to lead me, it is certainly not something I want to lean on my own understanding about.
I was reminded of how when Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac, his servant was led very specifically to Rebekah (a relative). Also Ruth was led very specifically to Naomi's near kinsman. Whilst God clearly had a specific purpose in these examples, I also am mindful that we love God and are called according to His purposes. It is my heart' so desire to be fully surrendered to Him; so I don't think He would want to leave this aspect I felt my life to chance and my understanding. The hairs of my head are numbered, I am worth more than many sparrows and I am His Daughter and it says He is always thinking about me and watching over everything that concerns me. 🤗

SS - I couldn't agree with you more, it's just that in the case of this thread, what Court asked was very specific biblical advice. And though I agree with your premise, I'm not sure the biblical advice offered conflates well with obvious hypocritical moral quandary that happens everyday.

But now that we're off topic what I DID have a problem with was the way the advice was offered. Here's a person who was earnestly trying to conduct herself in such a way as to please God. She was new to this kind of Christian thinking and research. As the thread progressed though, it got into this kind of bible discussion argument and while that's OK, I just think it's probably confusing for new Christians. It's the milk vs. meat concept and I hated to see it because it's a little like my own job. I can show a new employee a panel board full of modules and controllers and resistors and appropriate wiring and I see circuits while a new employee sees a spider webs patch of rubber bands. And it's too much. It doesn't encourage. It can dampen fragile faith.