I Don't Like Men

Im not looking at others to be happy or because I'm condemning them or because I feel more righteous. I have been bullied, mocked, ridiculed, ostracized my entire life from "worldly" and "Christians" alike, for no reason. And no im not talking about what happened here recently. Other things too but that's besides the point. I have not been loved or treated with love. I am not bitter, I am hurt that people who claim to love, do not. I am not angry, I am hurt that people lie. I am not evil, I am hurt that I've been treated evil. I am not a monster, I am hurt that I am looked down like one. I am not unrighteous, I am hurt that I've been treated unrighteous. I am not so many other things I've been dealt with, I am hurt that people are oblivious to what loving your neighbor like yourself actually is. I am not being "sensitive", I am hurt that people mock, ridicule, are haughty and condescending just because, that's not being too "sensitive" it's wrong period.

I would much rather be in a third world country living in those conditions and potentially having valid reasons to be hurting and in even then id probably actually be happier than I am living in a privileged country mistreated by "privileged" people.

if you are feeling unloved, try being the one giving the love. if you don't like lying, be one who tells the truth. if you don't like being treated evil, don't treat others evil. instead of pointing the finger at everyone else and saying we are "oblivious to what loving your neighbor like yourself actually is", show us how to love our neighbors through your words and actions.

I have this huge, extreme, major, disgust disappoint of men. How do I get rid of this?

I am sure you have good reasons for that disgust of men ! No doubts about it ! This feleing will not go away in one day, be patient and look for better male friends.

^pandering to misandry, further undermining maleness

I love MEN! I look to their strength! View attachment 208366

im feeling quite manly right now!! 😁

i was just thinking... when i gave my 2 weeks notice at work a couple of months ago, this is when i heard all my coworkers say super nice things to me about my work, how much they appreciated me, and how much they are going to miss me. it was nice to know i was appreciated, but it got me wondering why they waited til my last 2 weeks to tell me all these nice, encouraging things. after i left the job, i was talking to my husband about it... as in why do people wait to say encouraging things to one another. then he asked me, "did you encourage them while you were there?"

and i had to admit it... i never did. sure i said the regular thank you when someone did me a favor, but not once during my 2 years there did i encourage someone on a job well done or whatnots. so i have purposed in my heart that at my next job (wherever that is), i will try to encourage my coworkers on a regular basis and let them know i appreciate them.

we can't change other people. heck, we can't even change ourselves. only the Holy Spirit can change hearts. we just have to surrender to Him.

p.s. i'm grateful the Lord gave me a husband who challenges me. he could have easily sided with me, but instead, he asked me a question i needed to ask myself lol

********************ONLY COMMENT IF YOU READ ENTIRE POST*****************


And if it’s something productive, not like before, thank you lol!

I had a conversation with my daughter that made me think about this thread and wanted to share. It went something like this:

Daughter: Mom, why do you think I don’t have a boyfriend? (so out of the blue)

Me: (I was taken aback, tried not to show it) Well, mija I can tell you why. It could be that the boys are expecting you to do certain things and you’re not giving in. It could be how you’re interacting with them. It could be that they can’t appreciate you. It can be many different reasons but it’s OK because it is not the right time.

* Blurred conversation*

And then :

* Warning: What I share next could offend the easily offended lol. I’m not sure how we started talking about it but this was another part of the conversation. (We have many conversations about many different things, I never had with my mother. I get shocked most of the time by her questions :/ ).

Daughter: A girl that shows cleavage doesn’t make her promiscuous ( I am using pg language).

Me: It very much does make her a ….

Daughter: NO, it doesn’t because she’s not doing anything physically sexual!

Me: OH, It sure does! Want me to tell you how?

Daughter: NO, it doesn’t! She’s just showing cleavage not sleeping around. Wearing a skirt doesn’t make a girl a …….!

Me: It definitely does and I will tell you how. Do you think that a woman who is not sleeping around or doing sexual things but is showing her breast all the way down here (gave example) or wears a skirt right below her butt cheek, is not a …….?

Daughter: OK, Yes I get it, It can.

* We had more discussion and said other things I’m only sharing what I recall *

Me: Mija, you don’t have to dress provocative to get a boyfriend, and if you think you have to there is something wrong.

Daughter: No, I know it’s just that it's different now.

Me: Oh, no, a …. In Jesus time, is the same today. No difference. Mija it is so much better if you wait for whoever God has for you and you will be happy that you did and he will be happy that you did, also.

Daughter: Yes I want to wait but no one is waiting for anyone now!

Me: That’s not true, I’m waiting!

Me: Mija you can believe that there is a guy waiting.

Daughter: NO they’re not! NO one is waiting. Where are they? Where are the guys that wait? What guys?

Me: That’s not true, I’m waiting!

Daughter: Oh, yea and who’s waiting for you ! NO one is waiting for you!

Me: That’s Ok, I just know I’m waiting for something.

Daughter: People only wait because of their experiences. Yea, mom, you’re only waiting cause of everything you’ve been through. I bet that if you were not a heifer and still skinny (she didn’t really say this lol but i’m making a contrast comparison) you wouldn’t be waiting.

Me: (Had an epiphany, paused for what seemed like forever but was only a second) You’re right, (I never considered myself pretty or boasted about my looks but I had moments of confidence, my mother has said that if I hadn’t gone through what I did, I would be proud) who knows with how many guys I would have slept with. Who knows where I would have ended up. I could have been into drugs, still drinking, not caring, partying, etc. You’re right, but I am thankful for everything because if I hadn’t gone through what I have I would not be here today, seeking and wanting God.

So I wanted to share this partial private, personal conversation I had with my daughter because while I am very much disappointed and disgusted by men and women alike for various reasons, I realize that maybe I needed to go through everything so that God can keep me humble and keep me inline for his purpose, for that I am thankful. Or who knows maybe had I taken a different route in life maybe he would have still reached out to me and I would have suffered far more than I have now? So many unanswered questions.

Anyways, I just wanted to share because it made me realize that while I have been hurt, I think the main purpose of this hurt was and is to keep me humble in order to seek him and can’t really hold anyone responsible? perspective.

Anyways, I just wanted to share because it made me realize that while I have been hurt, I think the main purpose of this hurt was and is to keep me humble in order to seek him and can’t really hold anyone responsible? perspective.

(I read your stipulation as "read" (past tense), as in you have to read the entire thread of 31 pages 😲. Then I figured it out: wrong tense. 🙂)

I've been thinking about you, Vineyards. I'm really glad to read your last sentence especially- though I did read the entire post. It may sound cliche and insensitive (tho by no means do I mean to be insensitive), but God can indeed turn horrible, painful, devastating circumstances around for good and bring about positive results. One way I know God does this is by using these people who had to go through hardship to mentor others who are going through a similar situation. And yes, He can teach us valuable lessons and build our character through them too. He may also teach onlookers a lesson or build their character. He may prove His faithfulness, etc. BUT, a lot of it depends on us- Will we comply? Will we be malleable clay? Will we trust His love, soverienty, plan, and wisdom when nothing makes any plain sense? He can be trusted. 🙂

He is not hard and uncaring toward our pain. Jesus is well acquainted with grief. (Isaiah 53:3) "The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

V, yes, don't hold this person/these persons who hurt you in your heart with unforgiveness. In the end, it will have done you the most harm to remain bitter against him/them. Unforgiveness is like a constricting vine that drains the life, love, and joy out of someone. I have witnessed it's effect, and no truly good thing comes of it. Forgiveness is so liberating!! Relieving! And it is right according to God. 💛
"bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you." Colossians 3:13
And Matthew 6:14-15.

I know I do not understand what events have transpired in your life, and it is easy for me to say all that I have said. But, dear Vineyards, I am certain our Lord does not want you to live the rest of your life continuing to be in pain and torment from what has happened. Let Him bear your burden and give you peace instead. He is the Healer and He can heal you, Sister. 😊

I am so glad you are encouraging your daughter to abstain. I am concerned for young people. I'm praying for a generation of purity. Sexual immorality is another one of those constricting vines that wreak havoc. "Lord, please have mercy."

I hope your Christmas season is wonderful as we celebrate the birth of our Savior! ❤️

My dear sister. I am so sorry you went through what you did. It's amazing the level of sin God's human creations can sometimes conjure up. When you look at people in history such as Genghis Khan, Marie Antoinette, Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin, you have to wonder how much of those horrible people used to reside in us before we gave our lives to Christ. I think the answer is clear in scripture:

As it is written: There is no one righteous, not even one. Rom 3:10

This is a hard reality to accept, but here it goes. You and I will never get over the hurt that people inflict on us intentionally. I liken it to a rotator cuff injury. It will always be with you. But the good news is you can choose to manage it. The way I manage my pain is three fold:

1. I'm constantly in my Bible. It's the way the Holy Spirit speaks to me. Even a good sermon is no match for the heeling power of God's written word. By the way, the audio version won't work. I've tried that. You have to actually read it.

2. I drive a lot on the job, so I am constantly listening to Christian radio. I know, a lot of it is absolute garbage, but at least they are praising the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. And every once in a while I will learn something.

3. Serve others. I know this may sound trite, but when you get outside of yourself and help others, you tend to forget about your own pain. I'm not talking about ushering or manning the welcome center at church. I'm talking about real human interaction. Try volunteering an hour per week at the local women's shelter, for example.

Also, I wanted to point out here that neither you or your daughter "need" men in your life. You have the Creator of the Universe, the all-knowing, all-powerful God as your best friend. What more is there? If and when He decides who you will have as a lifelong partner, it will be because of His will, not yours. Who better than God is qualified to choose the right man for you?

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7

"Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you. Job 22:21

********************ONLY COMMENT IF YOU READ ENTIRE POST*****************


And if it’s something productive, not like before, thank you lol!

I had a conversation with my daughter that made me think about this thread and wanted to share. It went something like this:

Daughter: Mom, why do you think I don’t have a boyfriend? (so out of the blue)

Me: (I was taken aback, tried not to show it) Well, mija I can tell you why. It could be that the boys are expecting you to do certain things and you’re not giving in. It could be how you’re interacting with them. It could be that they can’t appreciate you. It can be many different reasons but it’s OK because it is not the right time.

* Blurred conversation*

And then :

* Warning: What I share next could offend the easily offended lol. I’m not sure how we started talking about it but this was another part of the conversation. (We have many conversations about many different things, I never had with my mother. I get shocked most of the time by her questions :/ ).

Daughter: A girl that shows cleavage doesn’t make her promiscuous ( I am using pg language).

Me: It very much does make her a ….

Daughter: NO, it doesn’t because she’s not doing anything physically sexual!

Me: OH, It sure does! Want me to tell you how?

Daughter: NO, it doesn’t! She’s just showing cleavage not sleeping around. Wearing a skirt doesn’t make a girl a …….!

Me: It definitely does and I will tell you how. Do you think that a woman who is not sleeping around or doing sexual things but is showing her breast all the way down here (gave example) or wears a skirt right below her butt cheek, is not a …….?

Daughter: OK, Yes I get it, It can.

* We had more discussion and said other things I’m only sharing what I recall *

Me: Mija, you don’t have to dress provocative to get a boyfriend, and if you think you have to there is something wrong.

Daughter: No, I know it’s just that it's different now.

Me: Oh, no, a …. In Jesus time, is the same today. No difference. Mija it is so much better if you wait for whoever God has for you and you will be happy that you did and he will be happy that you did, also.

Daughter: Yes I want to wait but no one is waiting for anyone now!

Me: That’s not true, I’m waiting!

Me: Mija you can believe that there is a guy waiting.

Daughter: NO they’re not! NO one is waiting. Where are they? Where are the guys that wait? What guys?

Me: That’s not true, I’m waiting!

Daughter: Oh, yea and who’s waiting for you ! NO one is waiting for you!

Me: That’s Ok, I just know I’m waiting for something.

Daughter: People only wait because of their experiences. Yea, mom, you’re only waiting cause of everything you’ve been through. I bet that if you were not a heifer and still skinny (she didn’t really say this lol but i’m making a contrast comparison) you wouldn’t be waiting.

Me: (Had an epiphany, paused for what seemed like forever but was only a second) You’re right, (I never considered myself pretty or boasted about my looks but I had moments of confidence, my mother has said that if I hadn’t gone through what I did, I would be proud) who knows with how many guys I would have slept with. Who knows where I would have ended up. I could have been into drugs, still drinking, not caring, partying, etc. You’re right, but I am thankful for everything because if I hadn’t gone through what I have I would not be here today, seeking and wanting God.

So I wanted to share this partial private, personal conversation I had with my daughter because while I am very much disappointed and disgusted by men and women alike for various reasons, I realize that maybe I needed to go through everything so that God can keep me humble and keep me inline for his purpose, for that I am thankful. Or who knows maybe had I taken a different route in life maybe he would have still reached out to me and I would have suffered far more than I have now? So many unanswered questions.

Anyways, I just wanted to share because it made me realize that while I have been hurt, I think the main purpose of this hurt was and is to keep me humble in order to seek him and can’t really hold anyone responsible? perspective.

There are some very wonderful men.