Need help quick!

My marriage is in trouble, and pretty much always has been. I had made a thread earlier about it. Iv been in an on going battle for 4 days now and Iv threatened to leave. Every time I threaten to leave he says he is gonna kill himself. I honestly in some ways feel like he would. I can admit that I have deeply hurt him in our marriage with words and actions from the beginning. I know he isn’t happy and very depressed but obviously I’m not good for him but I don’t want him dead. I can’t leave because he may try something. I really don’t want to leave in some ways but I’m just not a good wife. Help!

First of all, frequently when spouses say "if you leave, I'll kill myself", they don't mean it. It's a way of manipulating the other spouse into not leaving him.. He is manipulating you and you're allowing it..

If he TRULY wanted to kill himself, he'd have already done it a long time ago. Cut the cord and leave. And tell him to get some professional help for himself, because he needs it..

Speaking of prof. help, have you tried couples counseling?

I am so sorry! I can't imagine what you're going through. Just want to encourage you that the thing that saved my marriage was learning more about the love of God, for me personally. Not trying to get hubby to "know more about the Bible and what it says" but letting God love me as His daughter. That revelation really broke through all the barriers we had! The key is, you have to want it in order to see the change. God can work something utterly amazing in your marriage if you let Him, because it happened to me! If you're interested, I know of this free teaching called "God's Kind of Love in Marriage" which really blessed me. You can find it at l.awmi.net/GodsKindOfMarriage I hope this blesses you! I'm praying for you.

Seek God's direction (meditate in His word & pray)! The Lord will give you the help you seek if you genuinely ask Him for it (whether it's the answers you want to hear/had in mind, or not). He knows you, He knows your husband, He knows your marriage, and He is the only one that truly knows the future.

Sending you love! 🤍

That’s the absolute truth!

You came to the chat forum so you really want help
There is a lot of demonic activity in your house. You need to go into your prayer closet and cry out to God to change (your) heart because you want peace in your home. Continous prayer will drive any demonic forces out and (you) change the atmosphere. Ask God to change (you) and your husband will take his place. Decree and declare peace in your house out loud. Give your husband the wife God created you to be. You are Gods masterpiece. You are Gods Crown and Glory in the earth.

Leave. If he did kill himself you could heave a sigh of relief and clean the blood up.
Actually these control freaks make you think you are not a good wife. Get a video and film hm next time he threatens then leave him to it.

This is the worst advice I’ve ever heard from a Christian. 🤦‍♂️

And now this is the worst advice I've ever heard.
Sorry @blue_ladybug but @r1xlx has you beat. Wow.

I'm sorry you're going through this @Acook17. Are you both Christian? Do you both attend a good church with expository preaching, a good bible based church?

This is not wise Christian counsel.

Get counseling. Y'all need it

I'm a practical Christian. Her guy will not listen to her.

The suicide prevention advocates say to always take threats of suicide seriously. But I've seen a feminist domestic violence model label threats of suicide as an 'abusive' behavior. A lot of normal male behavior can be interpreted as abusive based on some of these models, btw.

I think it is probably wiser to follow the suicide prevention folks' advice and take it seriously. Threatening suicide is not a sign of being in a good mental state, of course. If someone does this as a manipulation tactic, that's a bad thing, but it is quite likely someone who threatens that is not in a good mental frame of mind and not just trying to manipulate the other person.

If husband and wife are both living right before the Lord from their youth, then they marry once. The husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church and honors her. The wife submits to her husband and reverences/fears/respects him. If there is a disagreement, between the love and submission, it does not turn into a fight. He loves her and seeks what is best for her, and she is willing to submit to his decisions. If he honors her and she reveres him, that rules out cursing each other, throwing plates, screaming at each other, etc. If both are walking with the Lord and walking in the Spirit, then they don't divorce or threaten to divorce because both are faithful to the Lord to follow his commands such as 'let not the wife depart from her husband' and 'let not the husband put away his wife.'

Where it breaks down is where one or both sin, err, aren't following what the word of God teaches. If a husband and wife are walking with the Lord, they can make it work. If one has said hurtful words and hurt the other, he or she can humble himself or herself and ask forgiveness. And the other forgives, because Christ taught us to forgive.

My wife and I have been together for 20 years, but we have gone through some periods of time when we have argued, usually involving stressors like moving, giving birth or caring for a young baby, staying for an extended time with parents, living in a foreign country, her having PMS, her having post-partum blues, or a combination of all or most at the same time. We've gotten into what Eggerichs in his book 'Love and Respect' calls the crazy cycle. That's where she says something he perceives as disrespectful so he says something she percieves as unloving, and it creates a cycle of not getting along.

When it got really bad, I'd just ask my wife to go through a time of prayer with me where we humble ourselves, confess our own wrongdoings without 'confessing' the others and ask forgiveness and pray to God to help us, reveal any sins so we can confess them, etc. It has gotten us out of that cycle where your partner takes every little word as if it was intended to start an argument. Forgiving and letting the Lord heal allows the feelings of love to return to the marriage.

My wife, during post partum blues and bad PMS arguments has thrown out the word 'divorce' a few times in arguments during our marriage. That seems to have mellowed with age and maturity. But I have never threatened her with divorce. I'm the head, and if I agreed with her, it could have disastrous consequences. Divorce isn't in the consideration set for me. If we are having a disagreement, I am having a disagreement with someone I love who I have committed to be married to for the rest of my life, and I know God expects that of me.

I understand your reasoning but found your counsel to be a bit extreme. Regardless, they are both in need of prayer. I don't offer the best marital advice either. My main advice as a husband is for each day to simply nod your head yes and to say that you're sorry.

Considering that I personally went through the same thing with my ex-boyfriend who threatened suicide every time I tried to leave, and guess what, he's STILL alive and playing that card with his current girl..

Just as I said in my previous reply, it was and still is, a manipulation tactic on his part. And on the part of many other partners/ spouses.

Or would you rather she stay, and be miserable in a manipulative and possibly abusive marriage??

Not every problem in a marriage can be attributed to "demonic activity"..

Are you Christian?