Prayer Request - Wrestling With Depression After Breakup

Hi all. As the title says, I am in need of prayer and encouragement due to being in a pretty heavy state of depression lately.

In January, I broke up with my girlfriend. We had started dating when she was a nonbeliever, and I helped bring her to Christ. However, I could not feel right about us for some reason, so I desperately went to God in daily prayer and to godly counsel. Over time, as I prayed that God show whether He wanted us to be together, more and more obstacles started appearing between us. Additionally, as I went to family, friends, and godly mentors, they all seemed to suggest the same thing. They all suggested letting her go. Without full understanding as to why I felt the way I felt, I let her go on January 10th.

Little did I know how much this decision would devastate me. It was extremely hard for both of us -- she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, after all. Since then, she has already found someone else (an atheist, which I don't imagine is very good for her young faith), which makes me feel as if I am so easily forgettable and replaceable. Every day I miss her immensely, and then I say a prayer for her. I also ask God to bring us back together, if it is His will.

I have been dealing with so many emotions. I have been shifting the blame between myself, my family, her, God, so on and so forth. I tear myself down for having been the one to end it. My relationship with her was the closest I've ever had (granted, that was my first serious relationship in my life). I honestly cannot imagine making that sort of connection with someone else. Because I never quite understood why God's answer seemed to be "No", I find myself confused, angry, and just plain depressed about all this. I cry out to God for answers, but all I have is the assurance of my friends, family, and mentors that I made the right decision. It all just seems so unsatisfactory and disappointing.

I know not where to turn or what to do anymore besides just bearing this pain as best as I can. I miss her so much, but I know that if God's answer is "No" then I have to trust that. I would appreciate any advice/encouragement/prayers that you all may have. Thank you so much.

Firstly, I applaud your honesty and obedience. 👏🏻 Well done. Honesty because you could have closed your ears and eyes to the prompting the Holy Spirit was giving and went your own way (i.e. rebelled). But you took notice and chose to seek the truth regardless of whether that truth was personally favorable to your flesh or not. Many people (including myself at times, regretfully) choose to cover their eyes and their ears to the truth- whether it be concerning the Gospel, their biological gender, or as in your case- specifics of God's will for one's life. God desires honest followers.

I applaud your obedience because after you pursued the truth and got your answer, you obeyed. The devil is cunning and he is well-versed in how to deceive even believers into thinking God is unfair and He cannot be trusted. Your faith prevailed. Well done.

I have received that "No" answer before. More than once. Thankfully, my Father God has given me the grace I needed to obey and cut ties. It isn't necessarily easy. But my God has a detailed plan and He can definitely be trusted. His lovingkindness is everlasting.

Also, I would like to encourage you to move forward. Move on. Please know that I say this gently, not callously. Do Not doubt the answer God gave you. "No." Heed Him and look forward. Radical though it may sound, I would advise you to delete or rid yourself of everything that reminds you of her. In my experience, the more quickly I have done this the more quickly healing comes. Don't dwell on what was. Dwell on what is: God loves you more than you can fathom and He has a specific plan for YOUR life. And He WILL guide you into it if you are honest and obedient. Press into Him during this time. Study a book of the Bible. He WILL be faithful to you and guide you forward.

Lastly, a lesson I am learning is this: Be especially careful who you get into a relationship with. Be oh so careful. It can be so easy to date/marry/be immoral with any one of a long list of "No"s and reap destructive consequences of disobedience. Dating is very serious, because as you well know, Brother, ties are made that are hard and painful to break. Before entering into a future dating relationship I challenge you to wait until you have sought God about it and have received a definite "Ok". He has your best interests at heart.

I appreciate your faith. It seems to be somewhat of a rarity these days.

Galatians 2:20.

Over time, as I prayed that God show whether He wanted us to be together, more and more obstacles started appearing between us.

Thank you, I needed to read this today. My heart has been so relentlessly under fire lately.

Doubt has certainly made itself so dreadfully present in my life lately. I often doubt whether I made the right decision. I doubt whether the signs I attributed to God were actually God. For instance, I often look back at the ever-increasing and ever-complicating obstacles between my ex and I, and I wonder if that was even God or just coincidence. Negative and destructive thoughts tell me not only that these signs were just coincidence, but also that since I was not able to go through the hard times with her, I never truly loved her.

I also look back on the inner disturbance I felt about the relationship and doubt whether that was truly the Holy Spirit. I never knew whether to call it "the conviction of the Holy Spirit," or just a "gut feeling/intuition." I didn't trust myself to make the right decision, and that's why I so desperately went to God in prayer and sought godly counsel. But then the negative and destructive thoughts tell me that going to others for godly counsel was a sign of weakness, insecurity, and cowardice -- that a true man would've made the decision himself.

Ultimately, Fear creeps in and makes me terrified that I made the wrong choice. My stomach twists in knots at the thought of having made a mistake. I look at her life (through the lens of social media), and she seems so happy without me. From my (limited) perspective, it seems like God is blessing her with so much more than me. So then I get angry with God, angry that He would bless her with a new lover (if God gives His children over to nonbelievers, that is), an escape from toxic circumstances in her life, and just general happiness and comfort, while I am stuck in a pit of depression, fighting loneliness, jealousy, doubt, anger, and fear every day.

It is clear that I struggle with trusting God in this. I ask Him to help me with that. I've found some comfort in learning about the Laments found in the book of Psalms, as well as the story of Job. In both cases, they cry out to God in anger, confusion, doubt, and pain. But God doesn't abandon them -- it shows that He knows how we are when we're desperate, and it shows it's safe to pray in such a way with Him.

Thank you again for your words of encouragement. I certainly hope that, in time, I will look back and see that God was in this, undoubtedly, unequivocally, undeniably. I pray understanding and peace will come soon.

I agree you should do what God wants. However, I hope you received clarity about this. Sometimes when family is heavily involved, this can cause confusion and they may sway you one way.

Your depth of thought and heart is clearly evident. You express yourself excellently. 👍🏻

I would like to firmly counter the idea that someone is weak, insecure, and cowardly in seeking wise counsel. Rather, I assert that you were just the opposite of those things. It was very wise of you to look to those trusted, mature, spiritual individuals in your life for their insight and considerations. It is a stubborn, narrow minded, and foolish person who thinks they don't need any help or advice from anyone. It was quite respectable of you to seek God and the advice of those who love you, who love God, and who are able to look at the situation free from strong, personal attachment.

"Where there is no guidance the people fall,
But in abundance of counselors there is victory." Proverbs 11:14

"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,
But a wise man is he who listens to counsel." Proverbs 12:15


I, myself, can empathize with these negative and destructive thoughts you write of. It is good that you name them for what they are, recognizing they are harmful. Our minds are battlefields and we are, indeed, up against an opponent. Satan has been weaving lies and doubts and schemes since the garden of Eden. Thankfully, one day we, as believers in Christ our Savior, will one day be rid of our adversary and all of his ploys forevermore; for he is a defeated foe.

At times it can be hard to settle our hearts on truth when our emotions and thoughts are tumbling about- I know this! But just as in the days of King David and dear Job, God is good, trustworthy, loving, compassionate, and merciful. He is faithful to His people. Our temporary circumstances do not change who or what God is. And so we should learn to say, despite the anguish and confusion of some seasons, "Great is Thy Faithfulness, O God my Father!"

You didn't make a mistake, Brother. You had a heart of obedience for your God and you honored Him first in your life. It was painful, yes, and likely will be painful for awhile yet. You may never know why He asked you to give her up. But you did it, and in that you can find rest! I pray you will find rest, peace, assurance, and even comfort in the fact that you were brave, wise, and strong in honoring your God. Continue the fight of faith! 🙂

"And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." Hebrews 11:6