Prayer Request - Wrestling With Depression After Breakup

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Trayalc

New member
Apr 2, 2020
3
3
3
#1
Hi all. As the title says, I am in need of prayer and encouragement due to being in a pretty heavy state of depression lately.

In January, I broke up with my girlfriend. We had started dating when she was a nonbeliever, and I helped bring her to Christ. However, I could not feel right about us for some reason, so I desperately went to God in daily prayer and to godly counsel. Over time, as I prayed that God show whether He wanted us to be together, more and more obstacles started appearing between us. Additionally, as I went to family, friends, and godly mentors, they all seemed to suggest the same thing. They all suggested letting her go. Without full understanding as to why I felt the way I felt, I let her go on January 10th.

Little did I know how much this decision would devastate me. It was extremely hard for both of us -- she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, after all. Since then, she has already found someone else (an atheist, which I don't imagine is very good for her young faith), which makes me feel as if I am so easily forgettable and replaceable. Every day I miss her immensely, and then I say a prayer for her. I also ask God to bring us back together, if it is His will.

I have been dealing with so many emotions. I have been shifting the blame between myself, my family, her, God, so on and so forth. I tear myself down for having been the one to end it. My relationship with her was the closest I've ever had (granted, that was my first serious relationship in my life). I honestly cannot imagine making that sort of connection with someone else. Because I never quite understood why God's answer seemed to be "No", I find myself confused, angry, and just plain depressed about all this. I cry out to God for answers, but all I have is the assurance of my friends, family, and mentors that I made the right decision. It all just seems so unsatisfactory and disappointing.

I know not where to turn or what to do anymore besides just bearing this pain as best as I can. I miss her so much, but I know that if God's answer is "No" then I have to trust that. I would appreciate any advice/encouragement/prayers that you all may have. Thank you so much.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,593
9,195
113
#2
Since she's with someone else already, and an atheist at that, then she's not a true Christian. A Christian would never be yoked to an unbeliever..

Your family and friends were right about letting her go. God has someone better in mind for you.
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
2,880
2,187
113
#3
"Personal 'heartaches' may often turn ones life upside down, leaving untold
emotional instability. Experience may be a grim reality, but it plays out a different
course in different lives...to sum it up...one of life's unpleasant 'happenings'...been there!
My 'heartache' shock, took place some six decades ago, and, at the time I was not in God's 'care'.
I struggled for about a year before I got my head out of my 'butt', and realized life goes on, and
a few years later met and married a gift from God, my precious wife now, coming upon forty seven years...
Praise God!....To sum things up, we all go through 'life happenings' and one way or another, we
learn to move on, and one never knows the outcome. Should one truly feel in God's care,
one should have some faith and confidence that things will be alright.
And, I pray you come to find what is needed in your life."
'Amen'...........'Praise God'
( just my thoughts from...'this side of the glass' )
Friendly.png
 

TheIndianGirl

Well-known member
Nov 22, 2019
328
262
63
#4
I agree you should do what God wants. However, I hope you received clarity about this. Sometimes when family is heavily involved, this can cause confusion and they may sway you one way.
 
E

EliBeth

Guest
#5
Hi all. As the title says, I am in need of prayer and encouragement due to being in a pretty heavy state of depression lately.

In January, I broke up with my girlfriend. We had started dating when she was a nonbeliever, and I helped bring her to Christ. However, I could not feel right about us for some reason, so I desperately went to God in daily prayer and to godly counsel. Over time, as I prayed that God show whether He wanted us to be together, more and more obstacles started appearing between us. Additionally, as I went to family, friends, and godly mentors, they all seemed to suggest the same thing. They all suggested letting her go. Without full understanding as to why I felt the way I felt, I let her go on January 10th.

Little did I know how much this decision would devastate me. It was extremely hard for both of us -- she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, after all. Since then, she has already found someone else (an atheist, which I don't imagine is very good for her young faith), which makes me feel as if I am so easily forgettable and replaceable. Every day I miss her immensely, and then I say a prayer for her. I also ask God to bring us back together, if it is His will.

I have been dealing with so many emotions. I have been shifting the blame between myself, my family, her, God, so on and so forth. I tear myself down for having been the one to end it. My relationship with her was the closest I've ever had (granted, that was my first serious relationship in my life). I honestly cannot imagine making that sort of connection with someone else. Because I never quite understood why God's answer seemed to be "No", I find myself confused, angry, and just plain depressed about all this. I cry out to God for answers, but all I have is the assurance of my friends, family, and mentors that I made the right decision. It all just seems so unsatisfactory and disappointing.

I know not where to turn or what to do anymore besides just bearing this pain as best as I can. I miss her so much, but I know that if God's answer is "No" then I have to trust that. I would appreciate any advice/encouragement/prayers that you all may have. Thank you so much.
Firstly, I applaud your honesty and obedience. 👏🏻 Well done. Honesty because you could have closed your ears and eyes to the prompting the Holy Spirit was giving and went your own way (i.e. rebelled). But you took notice and chose to seek the truth regardless of whether that truth was personally favorable to your flesh or not. Many people (including myself at times, regretfully) choose to cover their eyes and their ears to the truth- whether it be concerning the Gospel, their biological gender, or as in your case- specifics of God's will for one's life. God desires honest followers.

I applaud your obedience because after you pursued the truth and got your answer, you obeyed. The devil is cunning and he is well-versed in how to deceive even believers into thinking God is unfair and He cannot be trusted. Your faith prevailed. Well done.

I have received that "No" answer before. More than once. Thankfully, my Father God has given me the grace I needed to obey and cut ties. It isn't necessarily easy. But my God has a detailed plan and He can definitely be trusted. His lovingkindness is everlasting.

Also, I would like to encourage you to move forward. Move on. Please know that I say this gently, not callously. Do Not doubt the answer God gave you. "No." Heed Him and look forward. Radical though it may sound, I would advise you to delete or rid yourself of everything that reminds you of her. In my experience, the more quickly I have done this the more quickly healing comes. Don't dwell on what was. Dwell on what is: God loves you more than you can fathom and He has a specific plan for YOUR life. And He WILL guide you into it if you are honest and obedient. Press into Him during this time. Study a book of the Bible. He WILL be faithful to you and guide you forward.

Lastly, a lesson I am learning is this: Be especially careful who you get into a relationship with. Be oh so careful. It can be so easy to date/marry/be immoral with any one of a long list of "No"s and reap destructive consequences of disobedience. Dating is very serious, because as you well know, Brother, ties are made that are hard and painful to break. Before entering into a future dating relationship I challenge you to wait until you have sought God about it and have received a definite "Ok". He has your best interests at heart.

I appreciate your faith. It seems to be somewhat of a rarity these days.

Galatians 2:20.
 

Trayalc

New member
Apr 2, 2020
3
3
3
#6
Firstly, I applaud your honesty and obedience. 👏🏻 Well done. Honesty because you could have closed your ears and eyes to the prompting the Holy Spirit was giving and went your own way (i.e. rebelled). But you took notice and chose to seek the truth regardless of whether that truth was personally favorable to your flesh or not. Many people (including myself at times, regretfully) choose to cover their eyes and their ears to the truth- whether it be concerning the Gospel, their biological gender, or as in your case- specifics of God's will for one's life. God desires honest followers.

I applaud your obedience because after you pursued the truth and got your answer, you obeyed. The devil is cunning and he is well-versed in how to deceive even believers into thinking God is unfair and He cannot be trusted. Your faith prevailed. Well done.

I have received that "No" answer before. More than once. Thankfully, my Father God has given me the grace I needed to obey and cut ties. It isn't necessarily easy. But my God has a detailed plan and He can definitely be trusted. His lovingkindness is everlasting.

Also, I would like to encourage you to move forward. Move on. Please know that I say this gently, not callously. Do Not doubt the answer God gave you. "No." Heed Him and look forward. Radical though it may sound, I would advise you to delete or rid yourself of everything that reminds you of her. In my experience, the more quickly I have done this the more quickly healing comes. Don't dwell on what was. Dwell on what is: God loves you more than you can fathom and He has a specific plan for YOUR life. And He WILL guide you into it if you are honest and obedient. Press into Him during this time. Study a book of the Bible. He WILL be faithful to you and guide you forward.

Lastly, a lesson I am learning is this: Be especially careful who you get into a relationship with. Be oh so careful. It can be so easy to date/marry/be immoral with any one of a long list of "No"s and reap destructive consequences of disobedience. Dating is very serious, because as you well know, Brother, ties are made that are hard and painful to break. Before entering into a future dating relationship I challenge you to wait until you have sought God about it and have received a definite "Ok". He has your best interests at heart.

I appreciate your faith. It seems to be somewhat of a rarity these days.

Galatians 2:20.
Thank you, I needed to read this today. My heart has been so relentlessly under fire lately.

Doubt has certainly made itself so dreadfully present in my life lately. I often doubt whether I made the right decision. I doubt whether the signs I attributed to God were actually God. For instance, I often look back at the ever-increasing and ever-complicating obstacles between my ex and I, and I wonder if that was even God or just coincidence. Negative and destructive thoughts tell me not only that these signs were just coincidence, but also that since I was not able to go through the hard times with her, I never truly loved her.

I also look back on the inner disturbance I felt about the relationship and doubt whether that was truly the Holy Spirit. I never knew whether to call it "the conviction of the Holy Spirit," or just a "gut feeling/intuition." I didn't trust myself to make the right decision, and that's why I so desperately went to God in prayer and sought godly counsel. But then the negative and destructive thoughts tell me that going to others for godly counsel was a sign of weakness, insecurity, and cowardice -- that a true man would've made the decision himself.

Ultimately, Fear creeps in and makes me terrified that I made the wrong choice. My stomach twists in knots at the thought of having made a mistake. I look at her life (through the lens of social media), and she seems so happy without me. From my (limited) perspective, it seems like God is blessing her with so much more than me. So then I get angry with God, angry that He would bless her with a new lover (if God gives His children over to nonbelievers, that is), an escape from toxic circumstances in her life, and just general happiness and comfort, while I am stuck in a pit of depression, fighting loneliness, jealousy, doubt, anger, and fear every day.

It is clear that I struggle with trusting God in this. I ask Him to help me with that. I've found some comfort in learning about the Laments found in the book of Psalms, as well as the story of Job. In both cases, they cry out to God in anger, confusion, doubt, and pain. But God doesn't abandon them -- it shows that He knows how we are when we're desperate, and it shows it's safe to pray in such a way with Him.

Thank you again for your words of encouragement. I certainly hope that, in time, I will look back and see that God was in this, undoubtedly, unequivocally, undeniably. I pray understanding and peace will come soon.
 

mar09

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2014
4,627
968
113
#7
Bringing your prayer request at the feet of our Lord..

Like many, there be confusion, doubt, fear at this time, not just abt our own personal circumstances, questions, and struggles, but I thank God we can cast all our cares upon Him. Not sure how old-- or young-- you are, and also how long God will take to make things beautiful for you as He promised everyone, but as part of lockdown, you may be having those feelings more so now. I can only say Wait on the Lord, and thank your family and friends who were there to help u sort things out.. they are still there for u.

Its good to have u at CC with us. As u get to know others more, even online, may u be encouraged that losing a girlfriend is really not end of the world=). No, I don't make it funny, but try, in my little way, to help u understand. Seek the Lord more and more, as this may be that time He is giving for u to know Him more, and learn how good and faithful He is. Normally we didn't have this much time to work on knowing God more and listening to Him, right?!
 

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
Oct 25, 2014
3,101
950
113
#8
Over time, as I prayed that God show whether He wanted us to be together, more and more obstacles started appearing between us.
What really matters here is what you said in the quote above. There are bound to be many things that even you yourself are not aware yet, but will come up in your mind. There are good reasons why you had doubts and prayed that prayer.

Once I was in that same boat and when I broke up the engagement, someone who was normal until yesterday was now waving a knife in front of me and threatening to kill me. I know this is going to sound extreme now. But we are simply not aware of various ways people can mess up your life and what are people capable of, it is only not being revealed. Not saying your ex gf is a dangerous person, just saying that there are many things we cannot foreknow and that only God's Spirit knows what's in the hearts. Whether it becomes clear in time for you or not, believe God that you dodged a bullet (and a lot more suffering along the way). If we could only see all that doesn't come to be, thanks to the Holy Spirit intervention, we would be singing praises constantly.

Your ex likely isn't deep about the new guy. But I would not heap up expectations that the relationship will be back. Please do not become a problem to her, this may cause her more harm than the atheist. What I mean is, you made the decision, and now you will do best to at least allow her to heal and not aggravate her by getting in her face. Stop torturing yourself, let it go (just prayed for her too, and also that you receive peace from God about this situation). Relationships have challenges sometimes, but it's also true that people almost never change, so if something isn't right in there, unwillingness to face it only makes heartbreak worse in the long run.
 
Jun 6, 2020
33
20
8
#9
Thank you, I needed to read this today. My heart has been so relentlessly under fire lately.

Doubt has certainly made itself so dreadfully present in my life lately. I often doubt whether I made the right decision. I doubt whether the signs I attributed to God were actually God. For instance, I often look back at the ever-increasing and ever-complicating obstacles between my ex and I, and I wonder if that was even God or just coincidence. Negative and destructive thoughts tell me not only that these signs were just coincidence, but also that since I was not able to go through the hard times with her, I never truly loved her.

I also look back on the inner disturbance I felt about the relationship and doubt whether that was truly the Holy Spirit. I never knew whether to call it "the conviction of the Holy Spirit," or just a "gut feeling/intuition." I didn't trust myself to make the right decision, and that's why I so desperately went to God in prayer and sought godly counsel. But then the negative and destructive thoughts tell me that going to others for godly counsel was a sign of weakness, insecurity, and cowardice -- that a true man would've made the decision himself.

Ultimately, Fear creeps in and makes me terrified that I made the wrong choice. My stomach twists in knots at the thought of having made a mistake. I look at her life (through the lens of social media), and she seems so happy without me. From my (limited) perspective, it seems like God is blessing her with so much more than me. So then I get angry with God, angry that He would bless her with a new lover (if God gives His children over to nonbelievers, that is), an escape from toxic circumstances in her life, and just general happiness and comfort, while I am stuck in a pit of depression, fighting loneliness, jealousy, doubt, anger, and fear every day.

It is clear that I struggle with trusting God in this. I ask Him to help me with that. I've found some comfort in learning about the Laments found in the book of Psalms, as well as the story of Job. In both cases, they cry out to God in anger, confusion, doubt, and pain. But God doesn't abandon them -- it shows that He knows how we are when we're desperate, and it shows it's safe to pray in such a way with Him.

Thank you again for your words of encouragement. I certainly hope that, in time, I will look back and see that God was in this, undoubtedly, unequivocally, undeniably. I pray understanding and peace will come soon.
Your depth of thought and heart is clearly evident. You express yourself excellently. 👍🏻

I would like to firmly counter the idea that someone is weak, insecure, and cowardly in seeking wise counsel. Rather, I assert that you were just the opposite of those things. It was very wise of you to look to those trusted, mature, spiritual individuals in your life for their insight and considerations. It is a stubborn, narrow minded, and foolish person who thinks they don't need any help or advice from anyone. It was quite respectable of you to seek God and the advice of those who love you, who love God, and who are able to look at the situation free from strong, personal attachment.

"Where there is no guidance the people fall,
But in abundance of counselors there is victory." Proverbs 11:14

"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,
But a wise man is he who listens to counsel." Proverbs 12:15


I, myself, can empathize with these negative and destructive thoughts you write of. It is good that you name them for what they are, recognizing they are harmful. Our minds are battlefields and we are, indeed, up against an opponent. Satan has been weaving lies and doubts and schemes since the garden of Eden. Thankfully, one day we, as believers in Christ our Savior, will one day be rid of our adversary and all of his ploys forevermore; for he is a defeated foe.

At times it can be hard to settle our hearts on truth when our emotions and thoughts are tumbling about- I know this! But just as in the days of King David and dear Job, God is good, trustworthy, loving, compassionate, and merciful. He is faithful to His people. Our temporary circumstances do not change who or what God is. And so we should learn to say, despite the anguish and confusion of some seasons, "Great is Thy Faithfulness, O God my Father!"

You didn't make a mistake, Brother. You had a heart of obedience for your God and you honored Him first in your life. It was painful, yes, and likely will be painful for awhile yet. You may never know why He asked you to give her up. But you did it, and in that you can find rest! I pray you will find rest, peace, assurance, and even comfort in the fact that you were brave, wise, and strong in honoring your God. Continue the fight of faith! 🙂

"And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." Hebrews 11:6
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
31,415
9,485
113
65
Florida
#10
I agree you should do what God wants. However, I hope you received clarity about this. Sometimes when family is heavily involved, this can cause confusion and they may sway you one way.
This seems to be the case here in regards to the OP.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
31,415
9,485
113
65
Florida
#11
Your depth of thought and heart is clearly evident. You express yourself excellently. 👍🏻

I would like to firmly counter the idea that someone is weak, insecure, and cowardly in seeking wise counsel. Rather, I assert that you were just the opposite of those things. It was very wise of you to look to those trusted, mature, spiritual individuals in your life for their insight and considerations. It is a stubborn, narrow minded, and foolish person who thinks they don't need any help or advice from anyone. It was quite respectable of you to seek God and the advice of those who love you, who love God, and who are able to look at the situation free from strong, personal attachment.

"Where there is no guidance the people fall,
But in abundance of counselors there is victory." Proverbs 11:14

"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,
But a wise man is he who listens to counsel." Proverbs 12:15


I, myself, can empathize with these negative and destructive thoughts you write of. It is good that you name them for what they are, recognizing they are harmful. Our minds are battlefields and we are, indeed, up against an opponent. Satan has been weaving lies and doubts and schemes since the garden of Eden. Thankfully, one day we, as believers in Christ our Savior, will one day be rid of our adversary and all of his ploys forevermore; for he is a defeated foe.

At times it can be hard to settle our hearts on truth when our emotions and thoughts are tumbling about- I know this! But just as in the days of King David and dear Job, God is good, trustworthy, loving, compassionate, and merciful. He is faithful to His people. Our temporary circumstances do not change who or what God is. And so we should learn to say, despite the anguish and confusion of some seasons, "Great is Thy Faithfulness, O God my Father!"

You didn't make a mistake, Brother. You had a heart of obedience for your God and you honored Him first in your life. It was painful, yes, and likely will be painful for awhile yet. You may never know why He asked you to give her up. But you did it, and in that you can find rest! I pray you will find rest, peace, assurance, and even comfort in the fact that you were brave, wise, and strong in honoring your God. Continue the fight of faith! 🙂

"And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." Hebrews 11:6
You wrote an excelled well-written post with wise counsel and encouragement. Glad to have you as part of our community. Welcome to CC.