Repentance

I’ve been married for three years and made a terrible mistake 10 months ago. I was on a work trip and had too much to drink. I put myself in a terrible situation and ended up kissing another married woman. I have confessed to my wife who has shown me more grace than I deserve. I apologized to the other lady and she said she didn’t think anything of it and there was no need to apologize. I know we are supposed to love thy neighbor and try to seek forgiveness to someone we’ve wronged. I don’t believe she told her husband about the incident. I have this feeling I should come clean with her husband and seek his forgiveness. I don’t know if this is the Holy Spirit or the enemy telling me to do this. My wife and pastor think it’s a bad idea and to accept God’s forgiveness and move on. I just want to make sure I fully repent.

I’ve always been a Christian, but really failed this time. I feel terrible guilt and shame for my actions even though I take full responsibility. I’ve become closer to God and my wife throughout this whole situation. Are there any further steps I need to take?

Thank you and God Bless.

Your conviction to ask for the husband’s forgiveness is spot on. You have, indeed, sinned against him.

If his wife kissed you, she is likely doing other things that are likewise harmful to him. This type of behavior is something of which he should be aware.

Kudos to you for exhibiting true repentance.

I think you are going to put her into a very difficult situation. You are not responsible for her husband knowing what she did. I think you definately should not do that to her. Would you like another man to come up to you and tell you that he kissed your wife?

Hi...
Do you personally know her husband ?
If so , then I believe you should confess to him because if you do not , you will never be able to look him in the face again , the guilt will eat you up and destroy you...

If you do not know him , then leave it in Gods hands , you have brought this sin before God , you have said sorry to the women , now carry on walking with our Lord...
...xox...

Yes this was a mistake. You confessed to your wife and God and apologized to the woman. There wasn’t much said about her reaction. If she was responsive then she must have her own guilt to deal with. If she wasn’t and just kind of played it off like a couple of drunk teenage friends then she just blamed the alcohol. If she told her husband then I’m sure there is a feeling of anxiety on his part about her going on business trips. Maybe he’s afraid she didn’t tell him everything. My thought is that you are going to put her in an even more awkward situation by telling her husband than when you kissed her. I would leave it. There’s a lot to this story missing. If your inhibition leaves with alcohol then don’t drink. Also don’t be alone with her at work. So much can go wrong. From my experience working in restaurants/mixed environments it that it creates relationships that easily develop into affairs. I’ve seen so many families broken up by this.

I do not not directly know him, only indirectly.

Thank you for your input.

I’ve done a lot worse when drunk...ditch the booze, or work trips 😐

So what would your advice be? I have definitely learned a lesson.

This video about repentance, although primarily discussed in the context of conversion, may be helpful to you. Here, David Pawson discusses the Biblical meaning of repentance, which is described in three dimensions: (1) Repentance in Thought [conviction of sin], (2) Repentance in Word [confession of sin], and (3) Repentance in Deed [correction of sin].

You’re obviously repentant. And won’t do it again 🙏 An old gent I knew used to say ‘tell the truth and shame the devil’. I tell people the whole truth, The Lord knows what you did, so could it be any worse? (Telling the truth causes a lot of trouble though. I told my husband that I flirted with someone 6 yrs ago, and he hasn’t forgiven me) so it’s up to you. Your wife took it really well, so...

I just remembered that I kissed my cousin whilst drunk once! eeeew...I didn’t tell his then girlfriend though. So..

I would not equate flirting with adultery so it is hard to believe that your husband did not forgive you and still hasn't even though 6 years have elapsed. Your husband seems to have serious trust issues and these probably existed before the flirting.

The thing about the other member and the kissing thing is several steps above flirting but probably still falls short of adultery. His wife must have a very good heart to forgive him for doing that even while her own heart was breaking. She would have good reason to have a trust issue with her husband but apparently, with the grace of God, has moved beyond that indiscretion.

It is not your place to tell her husband that you kissed his wife. Telling her husband is a decision that she must make on her own. My counsel is to stop drinking, avoid this woman where possible and less business trips. You are right about one thing, your wife has a lot of grace to forgive you for this most serious indiscretion.

I had done a lot worse before the flirting. But i committed adultery in my heart anyway, and he knows that. We never trusted each other from the beginning. With good reason I’m sorry to say 😔

That is very sad because I believe that trust is the foundation of marriage. Since you both don't trust each other you may want to consider talking to your husband about renewing your wedding vows. Go back to square one and start over with a clean slate and both place your trust in God and allow Him to occupy the center of your marriage.

Been thinking about that this week actually 😊 and we’re both ‘past it’ . Thankyou

He remembers our transgressions no more once we repent, you have done so, do not rip the scab off by bringing it up, ever again.
blessings

Sounds like some kind of christian obsessive compulsive disorder.
Like checking the door 6 times to see if it is locked when you know full well you just checked it a few minutes ago.
Your pastor and your wife both told you to let it go.
Telling the husband and causing him pain is not going to make you more forgiven or more repentant.
If you stole something from his you would need to restore it and not just ask for forgiveness. This is not that. There is no restoration or reparations being made by telling him his wife is a floozy. (which is how he will see it no matter how much you blame yourself)
You might even get beat up for kissing his wife.
I am guessing you are just being tormented by the accuser. (i.e. A legality has not been completed, an i has not been dotted and therefore you stand condemned.) This is a classic case of demonic condemnation. Every time it begins to torment you just start praising Jesus and worshiping Him.

And don't drink. Sipping saints are never a good witness. That is what you should be more concerned about. Stop telling yourself "a little is ok as long as I don't get drunk" when you know full well you like the buzz. This is the root of the problem and should be the lesson you have learned from this. Compromise in one area will lead to compromise in other areas.

Thankful to God that your wife has built her relationship with you in the foundation and solid rock of Jesus Christ ...that type of forgiveness can only be given once one has received it through our Savior...it’s the only way to be able to survive a storm like this in a marriage.

I’m thankful too, that God had revealed your sin to you and that you had conviction.
Praying that you will continue to see the beauty in your marriage and the great favor that God has given you through your wife. Value, cherish, and treasure your relationship with her, gracefully grow old together.
Enjoy the memories you had and will continue to build together.
May God always be the center of your marriage.