Repentance

Ecclesiastes 7:16 Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise-- why destroy yourself?

I’ve been married for three years and made a terrible mistake 10 months ago. I was on a work trip and had too much to drink. I put myself in a terrible situation and ended up kissing another married woman. I have confessed to my wife who has shown me more grace than I deserve. I apologized to the other lady and she said she didn’t think anything of it and there was no need to apologize. I know we are supposed to love thy neighbor and try to seek forgiveness to someone we’ve wronged. I don’t believe she told her husband about the incident. I have this feeling I should come clean with her husband and seek his forgiveness. I don’t know if this is the Holy Spirit or the enemy telling me to do this. My wife and pastor think it’s a bad idea and to accept God’s forgiveness and move on. I just want to make sure I fully repent.

I’ve always been a Christian, but really failed this time. I feel terrible guilt and shame for my actions even though I take full responsibility. I’ve become closer to God and my wife throughout this whole situation. Are there any further steps I need to take?

Thank you and God Bless.

Once we repent He remembers it no more, the adversary will attempt to bring it back to our remembrance, his goal is only to steal kill and destroy.

Over righteous people, I can do without. I will never stop learning from wise people...

Lately I have heard the ESV recommended-17 Be not overly wicked, neither be a fool. Why should you die before your time?

I can see how consistent it is with the old favorite KJV

https://www.biblestudytools.com/commentaries/gills-exposition-of-the-bible/ecclesiastes-7-17.html

Thank you for the link. I definitely have had excessive guilt/shame for this particular sin and am having trouble leaving it in the past. That verse speaks to me.

once we repent He remembers them no more, the devil brings up the past, everything is forward walking with Christ in relationship.

I as well had have these "pop up" in my mind at times, although He may not be causing this, He can use it to bring us closer to Him in repentance and forgiveness.
I believe this to be in keeping with how He always does good, the adversary and his minions seek only to steal, kill and destroy.

Sounds like some kind of christian obsessive compulsive disorder.
Like checking the door 6 times to see if it is locked when you know full well you just checked it a few minutes ago.
Your pastor and your wife both told you to let it go.
Telling the husband and causing him pain is not going to make you more forgiven or more repentant.
If you stole something from his you would need to restore it and not just ask for forgiveness. This is not that. There is no restoration or reparations being made by telling him his wife is a floozy. (which is how he will see it no matter how much you blame yourself)
You might even get beat up for kissing his wife.
I am guessing you are just being tormented by the accuser. (i.e. A legality has not been completed, an i has not been dotted and therefore you stand condemned.) This is a classic case of demonic condemnation. Every time it begins to torment you just start praising Jesus and worshiping Him.

And don't drink. Sipping saints are never a good witness. That is what you should be more concerned about. Stop telling yourself "a little is ok as long as I don't get drunk" when you know full well you like the buzz. This is the root of the problem and should be the lesson you have learned from this. Compromise in one area will lead to compromise in other areas.