If Two Become One Flesh In Marriage, Does That Mean They Will Also Reap What the Other One Sowed?

Hey Everyone,

This subject is something I've been thinking about for a while, and was inspired by a recent conversation with a long-time friend. We were talking about a co-worker we knew who had a heart of gold, but always seemed to go after troubled girls whom he then tried to "fix," and it never worked out. This was a guy who had lived what most would call a good, clean, Christian life, so one of the things we discussed was that maybe God wanted him to meet a girl who had a similar background, so that they would "reap a harvest that was more equally yoked."

* Galations 6:7 says, "Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that he will also reap."

Whenever Christians talk about dating and marriage, we are always, always, advised to be "equally yoked," and to align ourselves only with other believers.

But what about the fact that we ALL have a past and have most likely sown a very different crop than the person we might wind up marrying?

* If Brother Ben marries Sister Sally, who has sown a much larger and better-quality crop than Ben before they met, what kind of harvest will they reap during their marriage?

* If Brother Ben marries Sister Sara, who had a troubled home life and checkered past, should Ben expect to receive the results of the crop Sara had sown, even though it was long before they met and married?

* Will one person's "lesser sowing" be balanced out another person's "better sowing", or vice versa? What if both people have histories of not sowing very much, but they are hoping to start over and do better as a couple?

I have never seen this talked about before in all the times I've read about being "equally yoked," and I wonder if it even applies. I realize there are probably no concrete answers to these questions, but rather, it's meant to be a discussion to get people talking.

What do you think?

* When you marry someone, do the "harvests" you will reap from your pasts kind of cancel each other out, or should it be expected that it's going to be challenging if two different people have planted two very different crops that will be reaped in the future?

* For our married friends here, would you say that your harvests "balanced out," if they started out as being unequal?

I know that for myself, I tend to be attracted to people who have planted very different crops in their life -- not necessarily better or worse, but just different -- and I have met plenty of people whom I would be worried for if they were going to receive the harvest that my life planted (just because it's probably different than they're used to, and might make them uncomfortable.)

Looking forward to reading your thoughts!

I'm going to suggest that being equally yoked and reaping and sowing are two different ideas.

Being equally yoked is about travelling in the same direction, which is just must easier to do if you choose someone who wants to get to about the same place you do. I seem to remember (maybe it was in the Sacred Search book) the story of two young christians who were dating but eventually broke up. He ended up doing inner city ministry and loved every minute of it and she ended up married in the suburbs with a quiet predictable life and loved it. But they weren't really equally yoked (even though they were both believers) because the lives they wanted to live were so vastly different ( I butchered the story but think I made the point). So in this respect it's more about the future and what the life you think you want to live together will actually look like because the marriage just won't work if one of you wants to be a missionary in Africa (ok that's cliche and it doesn't really matter what foreign country one of you wants to serve in) and the other wants to stay on the farm in wherever the hometown is. So let's call this common mission and common calling. If you don't have it, one of you will probably spend much of the rest of your life resenting the other and feeling like you're always doing what the other wants in terms of career and how you live.


Reaping and sowing is about the consequences of past actions and yes you'll share in them good or bad. Back to the missionary example, lots of countries won't let people with criminal convictions come visit (at least one country I seem to remember they described the requirement as being of good moral character), so even if you really want to be a missionary in a foreign country having the wrong kind of past may make it difficult to nearly impossible (and for the spouse, well who would really want to try to live long term apart from their spouse (assuming the marriage is good)). I have another friend (more like an acquaintance now since we're pretty much out of touch) who has to register as a sex offender for an incident that happened when he was a teenager and I know that has affected people's perceptions of him and causes all sorts of challenges in life and now his wife (another friend from that time and one of the God kind of revealed that they were a match stories that actually came true) has to deal with that too. But this works positively too, I knew an older couple (second marriage for both of them I believe) and she was a convert from Judaism. And living with her Jewish family before she met her second husband one of her deepest longings was to be able to really study the Bible and go to Bible school. Well her second husband was a Bible teacher and not only did she benefit greatly from all the time and energy he had sown into understanding the word, but she was able to join him in leading and teching people how to study the Bible. And yes the life your chosen partner has lived will have consequences that affect you. That might be part of why marriage is "for better or worse"

The law says you become responsible for their debts.

When the Bible says "two shall become one flesh" it sounds like it is trying to say they'll have physical relations. 1 Corinthians 6:16 illustrates it.

That's why the honeymoon after the wedding ceremony is what actually consummates the marriage.

I think you need to define seed and harvest (also hey Seoulsearch, long time ). The way I am understanding it is "consequences to actions taken." There are a lot of factors in determining what someone will reap, based in what they sowed (and how and why they sowed in such a way). Be it environment, dogma, indoctrination, or bias. I think a concrete example would help the discussion.

Someone who exercises all the time and eats healthy, meeting up with a sloth, who is unhealthy in their dietary choices and lives a sedentary lifestyle. What are they sowing and what will they reap? It is like, life and death. One may live long, and one short. One may be full of vigor, and the other withered. What they have sown, and continue to sow, will play out in their life.

The way I am reading your post, sounds like someone has sown a curse over their life and so once they are with another person (becoming one), that spouse now carries the curse, haha. Its like the idea of someone's past biting them in the butt. I feel like... we can't forget to acknowledge God's grace, His mercy, and the person repenting, making amends, and sowing new seed. A person's past doesn't define them, when they have been washed in the blood of Christ, made a new creation. Something someone taught me in the recent past is that scripture says that love keeps no record of wrongs. So the past is just that, the past. It is behind us. It is not something you bring into the relationship, as if you are a monster, but instead you're walking in who God has made you. New. Clean. Righteous. Being sanctified, no doubt, but ever growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Reaping what you sow isn't just the spiritual idea of what people call "karma" (rather karma being stolen from the principle of reciprocity shown in God's word) but it is quite literal as well. Actions have consequences. Fortunately, God restores, He heals, and renews. He shows mercy. He is gracious and full of compassion. If everyone got what they deserved, as far as reaping and sowing is concerned, where would redemption be? I think repentance very well might be a sort of "Jubilee", a wiping of debt. If you change the seed you're sowing, you'll reap a different harvest.

It is exactly talking about two bodies literally becoming one in the act of sex.

With a repetition of the formula “Do you not know that?” Paul proceeds to explain what has just been asserted (v. 15), starting with the sexual union of a man with a prostitute. Since it is unthinkable that one should take away the “limbs” of Christ and make them “limbs” of a prostitute’s body, what could have prompted the latter idea in the first place? The answer has to do with the biblical view of sexual intercourse: “He who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body.” How so? “Because it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’ ” While the union of man and wife as “one flesh” implies far more than merely physical union, Paul’s concern here is strictly with the physical aspects of the union. To have sexual intercourse with a prostitute involves an illicit sexual joining of one’s body to that of another (literally). It is not the sexual union itself that is incompatible with union with Christ; it is such a union with a prostitute. This constitutes bodily union with a person who is not herself a member of Christ, whose own body therefore is not destined for resurrection.

Fee, Gordon D.. The First Epistle to the Corinthians, Revised Edition (The New International Commentary on the New Testament) (pp. 286-287). Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.

I agree. To become one flesh is initially a physical act but an ongoing process as the couple grows in spiritual likeness.

Im not sure what you are getting at Seoul, though I can take a stab at your always thought provoking posts.

If someone has 'sown their wild oats' people take it to mean theyve had relations with others before. Sometimes that means they have had a 'love child' from a previous partner...is that what you mean?

The fruit of the seeds that we sow does affect the people around us, for better or for worse.

It applies to marriage, of course, but it applies just as much to other relationships. The good and bad "fruit" may cancel each other, but they may also amplify each other.

That's why it's always wise to consider the seed you are presently sowing, regardless of your marital status... for it may change, and the seed will bear fruit eventually.

Yes, I believe the two become one and one will reap what the other sows, for better or for worse. One can drag the other down, or pull him/her up. This is not a one time thing, but one may pull the other down or up, throughout the span of the union.

Hey Everyone,

Thanks for the great discussion going -- I hope it will continue.

Yes, I am fully aware that when two people get married and become "one flesh," this drectly refers to the marital sexual union, as this is a teaching that was more than emphasized in my days of Lutheran schooling.

But I've always wondered what the spiritual implications would be as well. For instance, although I had a reputation as being a goody-two-shoes in school, I was also a bit of a bane to some of the pastors and teachers there (can you possibly imagine why?) I asked too many questions, had too much unrest (I wouldn't just sit back and accept everything I was told at face value -- I needed to know more,) and wasn't one of the good sheep who just sat quietly memorizing platitudes and spitting them out on command.

For this and other various reasons, I've always figured that I would never be "good enough" to marry someone in the ministry. I think about the things I've sown in my spiritual past due to my constant questioning, and it's something I wouldn't want to burden a pastor or missionary with.

The whole point of this thread was to get people thinking and talking about the spiritual implications of what we sow and reap and how it affects our joining with another person, and not just in the physical realm. Would God sometimes prevent us from marrying someone because the two individual's harvests are going to be so different?

Now, I'm certainly not trying to say that anyone should think, "Oh, well I can't marry so and so because their harvest won't match mine." I've seen all kinds of couples who had very different and varied backgrounds and have been able to make it work. But of course, ultimately, it's up to God.

@Lanolin, your example could definitely apply, but it's not just about a physical relationship that could have resulted in children.

Basically what I'm asking is, "What kinds of things have your sown in your past and are sowing in your present, and what kinds of effects with your harvest have on the person you marry? And how will their harvest affect you?"

As is typical with the majority of my posts, there might not be any definite black and white answers -- I usually ask questions to see what other minds of Christ think about the subject matter and learn from watching them ponder and process.

Thanks again to everyone for putting so much thought and effort into this... I've only had a chance to read over the replies once and I'm trying to go back over them a second time.

Please, keep right on talking!

All I know is, if I find a nice lady to love, and if I love her enough to want to marry her, the "harvest" of results of her past choices won't matter. Like, at all. If she has a positive harvest, that'll be great. If she has a bad harvest from some mistakes she made in the past (hopefully she has learned from them and improved since then,) well we're a team now so we'll handle them together.

Now if she's STILL sowing thorns, I probably won't be marrying her. But if it's just dealing with thorns she sowed in the past, we'll deal with it as a team.

well I garden and a lot of things I actually did NOT sow in the past sometimes come up and they are just weeds. I pull them out. Weeds were just already there, in the soil. Or they came in by the winds. All the seeds that I want to sow and harvest I have chosen...I dont regret any seed Ive sown.

in terms of marriage whoever I marry (if I marry) needs to accept me for who I am just as Jesus has. If I neglect to weed my heart I guess its on me. I dont know if I could weed someone elses but I suppose in a marriage you weed together?

what would annoy me is if someone pulled out the plants I sowed and wanted to keep and thought they were weeds lol.

and sometimes weeds are actually quite useful for medicinal purposes. I dont let them take over too much though.

Hi seoulsearch interesting thread you have created.I personally belive that there is a spiritual impact that one partner can have on the other in terms of sowing and reaping.Such is the connection between a husband and a wife that they can be affected physically,emotionally,psychologically and spiritually be the decisions of their spouse.The decisions that Adam and eve made had a massive impact on them and affected the whole of humanity.
Husbands and wives have different roles within marriage yet they are totally equal and just for example if a woman had always been close to her mother who always had a certain degree of unhealthy influence on her life...although married there could well be an unhealthy dynamic with her mum.Her mum becomes the 3rd person in the marriage and the wife finds herself in a real power struggle as she now has to cleave to her husband..yet finds it hard to say no to her mum who expects her to seek her for marital advice ect and expect to take president over her daughters husband.This in turn can affect the husbands sense of spiritual leadership/servant good within the home...and can affect his self esteem and sense of manliness...plus causing a spiritual climate which the enemie will thrive on. yet he should be there to advise his wife and make her mum aware that her daughter is now married to him and that there needs to be healthy boundaries.Gosh examples can go on forever..
When two become one it is impossible for one not to have an affect on the other because of the connection.Spiritual things that are the direct result of a partner choices are not always visible to the human eye but can be perceived with Gods help.
Some people have been in abusive past relationships and may have been affected by it more than they realise when they get married as things manifest in a relationship often more due to the level of intimacy formed.
I have even heard of someone who said to an ex that they will NEVER love anyone EVER the eat that they love them.Many years later they struggled to fully love their spouse because of the vote they made to that ex years before...(the power of the tougne)..it was damaging their marriage yet God revealed the root and set this person free via prayer..
I guess we are all growing as Gods people and That's why we need Gods provision so much.
This subject is a huge one and is a good topic for discussion
Having said that a persons life can have a harvest that can really bless who they marry and many chridtians give thanks for their marital partner for the blessing in their lives that they reap the blessing from and Visa versa

Loved this post, Ben (and hey, how's it going?)

I've always been drawn to people with very different backgrounds than my own. I guess I always assumed that if I married someone someday who had a history that was the opposite of mine, "God's grace would be sufficient," and as others have said, it would be taken on together.

Great to see you posting again!

Hi Seoulsearch,
I have never heard that asked before. The first thing I thought, "I've got to see what the Bible says about it."
If one isn't saved, it's called "unequally yoked" (2Cor. 6:14 - 18). If an ox & a donkey were yoked together, it would either never work at all or at best travel in circles.

There is also a scripture in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 where a christian is married to an unbeliever: 1 Corinthians 7:12-16: ( I think this an issue with a new christian with their still unsaved spouse)
(NLT) 12Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believerc has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. 13And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. 14For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husbandd brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. 15(But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wifee is no longer bound to the other, for God has called youf to live in peace.) 16Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?

I agree that inthe court of law, both are liable to pay off debts, but only if both have signed on the loan.

It's been my experience in church where one is more blessed than the other, or one more mature than the other, the lesser one shares the blessings with the other.

The only exception is when one of them falls into unrepentive sin. Then each one separately reaps what they sow, because God only calls individuals to give an account for their own sins.

Now that I think about it, there have been cases like that where one spouse backslid, & after a time for repentance, the unbeliever either demanded divorce or died, because God was merciful to the believer who was suffering emotionally or physically (abuse). God always makes a way somehow.

Sorry for the long post, I'm a stickler for details, lol!

Heh. Hehe. Hahahahahaha!

You apologized to seoulsearch for making a long post. Ha! She is the QUEEN of long posts!

Ahem... I mean um... Howdy Edify and welcome to the forum. Ain't a thing in the world with making a long post if you got a lot to say on a topic.

Man this is great! Somebody apologized to seoulsearch for making a long post. That's like apologizing to the Burj Khalifa for being tall.

Hush, cat.

I'd slap a big red X emoji reaction on your post, but newer members wouldn't realize I was joking. 😁

Welcome to the forum, Edify, and yes, please don't apologize -- I appreciate examples and attention to detail!

Hmm...

With Lynx harassing me over long posts, it almost makes me want to write a thread for people who love writing them -- kind of like "The Great Filibuster Thread For Us Long-Winded Posters" -- with prizes for people who actually read through each and every post. 😬😳🤣