Hi Everyone,
I wanted to ask this in the thread about dating someone who had a child and only one past sexual partner vs. dating someone who has no children, but has had several past sexual partners.
I am curious as to whether or not the people saying they would rather date the childless person with several former partners might be concerned about STD's, and how would they bring up the subject.
Now of course, a person could obtain an STD even if they had only ONE partner, but obviously, as the number of partners increase, so does the risk of contracting, and passing on, a sexually transmitted infection.
If it's not too uncomfortable, let's start a discussion about something I never hear talked about in the Christian community, because there seems to be this light, fluffy assumption that every snow white Christian single is going to fall in love with only other Christian snowflakes.
Can we talk about real life for a minute instead?
* If you were dating someone who has had multiple sexual partners, would you be concerned that they might have an STD? How would you talk to them about this?
* If you found out someone you were dating had an STD, would you break up with them? Would it depend on what infection they had?
* If you found out you had an STD... (I realize this may be too personal and much too conterversial to ask if someone would try to withold that information.) Therefore, I will ask this instead: Assuming you would inform potential dates of your status, how do you think you would tell them about it? (I'm not actually expecting people to publicly answer this question, because of course, it's a very sensitive topic.)
If anyone DOES want to answer, of course they are welcome to, and I ask that we would please treat all who respond with grace and compassion.
I know some of these questions might be too personal to ask in a public setting, but I think it's important enough that we at least get people thinking about them.
* If you were engaged to someone who had a sexual history, would you want them to get tested for any STD's first? And if so, what would you do if the tests came back positive?
* If you had a sexual past, would you be offended if someone asked you to take an STD test and give them copies of the results?
Many years ago, I was part of a program that taught students about the most common STD's of that time. I know the stats have probably changed, but back then, we were told that it could take 6 months or more for an infection to be detected through testing, and in the meantime, a person might be producing tests that are false negatives (the test says they are negative when they actually have the infection.)
I grew up in the era of the AIDS virus being seen as certain death, and anyone who had it was treated as a social plague that everyone stayed as far away from as possible. But when they told us that it was only contracted through bodily fluids, I wasn't afraid anymore because I wasn't doing anything at the time that resulted in those exchanges.
I will always remember a woman who gave a presentation about her own experience (she had the virus because her husband had been a hemophiliac and had contracted it through the blood donation system.) This was before they knew how to screen for HIV, and her husband had died in the early days of the HIV, when no one knew what to do about it. I went up to talk to and hug her after her talk, and I will never forget her crying on my shoulder and telling me that was the first hug she had received in 2 years. It made a lasting impression on me as to how much people dealing with things like this suffer with loneliness and isolation.
And of course, it made me contemplate what would happen if I fell in love with someone who was in a similar situation.
Please note that I am NOT somehow trying to encourage or condone sexual behavior outside of marriage in ANY way.
But as Christians, especially single Christians, we have to prepare ourselves to deal with the realities of life. As much as we would like to think everyone is "obeying the rules" of Christian living, people are people and will continue to make mistakes or bad choices (or, even worse, they might be have an STD due to a forced sexual assault that was in no way their fault.)
As with most threads I present, this is mostly to get people thinking and talking about a very real situation that many Christians will find themselves dealing with when dating and seeking a spouse.
May I please ask for, and thank you in advance, for the kindness and compassion we can all extend to anyone who chooses to post on this thread.
And if no one answers at all, that's fine too -- at least it's given the readers something to think about and discuss with the Lord when the go to Him in prayer.
God bless, and thank you so much for your time.
I wanted to ask this in the thread about dating someone who had a child and only one past sexual partner vs. dating someone who has no children, but has had several past sexual partners.
I am curious as to whether or not the people saying they would rather date the childless person with several former partners might be concerned about STD's, and how would they bring up the subject.
Now of course, a person could obtain an STD even if they had only ONE partner, but obviously, as the number of partners increase, so does the risk of contracting, and passing on, a sexually transmitted infection.
If it's not too uncomfortable, let's start a discussion about something I never hear talked about in the Christian community, because there seems to be this light, fluffy assumption that every snow white Christian single is going to fall in love with only other Christian snowflakes.
Can we talk about real life for a minute instead?
* If you were dating someone who has had multiple sexual partners, would you be concerned that they might have an STD? How would you talk to them about this?
* If you found out someone you were dating had an STD, would you break up with them? Would it depend on what infection they had?
* If you found out you had an STD... (I realize this may be too personal and much too conterversial to ask if someone would try to withold that information.) Therefore, I will ask this instead: Assuming you would inform potential dates of your status, how do you think you would tell them about it? (I'm not actually expecting people to publicly answer this question, because of course, it's a very sensitive topic.)
If anyone DOES want to answer, of course they are welcome to, and I ask that we would please treat all who respond with grace and compassion.
I know some of these questions might be too personal to ask in a public setting, but I think it's important enough that we at least get people thinking about them.
* If you were engaged to someone who had a sexual history, would you want them to get tested for any STD's first? And if so, what would you do if the tests came back positive?
* If you had a sexual past, would you be offended if someone asked you to take an STD test and give them copies of the results?
Many years ago, I was part of a program that taught students about the most common STD's of that time. I know the stats have probably changed, but back then, we were told that it could take 6 months or more for an infection to be detected through testing, and in the meantime, a person might be producing tests that are false negatives (the test says they are negative when they actually have the infection.)
I grew up in the era of the AIDS virus being seen as certain death, and anyone who had it was treated as a social plague that everyone stayed as far away from as possible. But when they told us that it was only contracted through bodily fluids, I wasn't afraid anymore because I wasn't doing anything at the time that resulted in those exchanges.
I will always remember a woman who gave a presentation about her own experience (she had the virus because her husband had been a hemophiliac and had contracted it through the blood donation system.) This was before they knew how to screen for HIV, and her husband had died in the early days of the HIV, when no one knew what to do about it. I went up to talk to and hug her after her talk, and I will never forget her crying on my shoulder and telling me that was the first hug she had received in 2 years. It made a lasting impression on me as to how much people dealing with things like this suffer with loneliness and isolation.
And of course, it made me contemplate what would happen if I fell in love with someone who was in a similar situation.
Please note that I am NOT somehow trying to encourage or condone sexual behavior outside of marriage in ANY way.
But as Christians, especially single Christians, we have to prepare ourselves to deal with the realities of life. As much as we would like to think everyone is "obeying the rules" of Christian living, people are people and will continue to make mistakes or bad choices (or, even worse, they might be have an STD due to a forced sexual assault that was in no way their fault.)
As with most threads I present, this is mostly to get people thinking and talking about a very real situation that many Christians will find themselves dealing with when dating and seeking a spouse.
May I please ask for, and thank you in advance, for the kindness and compassion we can all extend to anyone who chooses to post on this thread.
And if no one answers at all, that's fine too -- at least it's given the readers something to think about and discuss with the Lord when the go to Him in prayer.
God bless, and thank you so much for your time.
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