So Here's Why I Don't Always Use Scripture in My Posts (What's Your Own Personal Witnessing Style?)

Hey Everyone,

I know there has been some discussion about not seeing much Scripture used here in Singles. While I understand that this was not personally directed towards me, I thought that because I do write a few threads here, I should explain my own stance.

There are some times when I use several Scriptural quotes in my posts, but many other times I do not.

We all know that God calls and uses us in different ways. From the time I was a kid, God seemed to bring people to me who wanted to talk about the tragedy and abuse they had been through in their lives. I distinctly remember one year at Lutheran summer camp when a girl in our cabin starting talking to me, my best friend, and a few others present about the sexual abuse she had suffered from her babysitter, and that seemed to set the tone for my life.

Throughout the years, many people I have encountered -- sometimes even more men than women -- have talked to me about the horrific things they've been through. A good number of them were abused by people who claimed to be Christian and were even in the ministry, and many of them have a love/hate relationship with both God and religion. Others may disagree, but I have found that immediately quoting Scripture in these cases is just not the ideal approach.

An article I once read and will never forget summed it up perfectly. It was the life testimony of a man in his 40's who was still trying to heal from the sexual abuse he had suffered as a child. He was around 7 years old at the time, and his abuser was a middle-aged man who always wore "a cross around his neck that sparkled in the light" and was a member of the ministry staff.

This man said that every time he sees a cross, he doesn't see the love of Jesus or the graciousness of salvation: he sees himself as going right back to being his 7-year-old self in that terrifying situation -- trapped by his abuser and very distinctly seeing "the cross around his neck glittering in the light." As a child, he felt there was nothing he could do because after all, he believed his abuser "had God on his side," and he knew he didn't stand a chance against "a man of God." Unfortunately, cases like this seem all too common these days.

Can you imagine being at a point where seeing the cross doesn't give you joy at the thought of God's mercy and redemption, but rather takes you back to memories of childhood rape? This is what the cross stood for in this man's mind.

And it perfectly summed up many of the stories people have told me over the years, which made a permanent impression on me.

Because of this, my style of witnessing to people is much more cautious. I'm reminded of Esther in the Bible -- her older cousin Mordecai forbade her to tell anyone of her ethnicity or origins, and I have always marveled at this. I'm assuming that if she told anyone that she was a Jew, it would have immediately given away her faith in the Hebrew God as well. Likewise, I am also assuming that she couldn't tell anyone about the God she believed in, because then people would automatically know she was of Jewish descent. (If I am getting any of this wrong, please feel free to post your corrections.)

And yet, somehow, I believe Esther was able to convey her faith to all those around her, as she told Mordecai that she and her maids would fast before she attempted to appear in front of the king without being summoned, which she knew might lead to her death.

Even before she became queen, Esther surely made an impression on the men who groomed the young women before they were presented to the king, because the Bible says she requested nothing more than what was recommended of her, and she was able to gain their favor. I think Esther was able to communicate her faith without being as obvious as some may have thought she should be, and I have always taken inspiration from that.

This is why I often take a different, and more subtle approach, both online, and in real life. I want to first talk to people about who they are, what they've been through, what htey know and believe, and how they got to that point. I hold off on talking much about faith, God, and Scripture until I have a better idea of where they're coming from.

Many people's worst experiences have been within churches or from people who claimed to be Christian. Because of this, I try to take a more low-key approach when talking to people about the faith we have in our Wonderful God. These people may not yet have a reason to believe that He is wonderful, and for the work God has called me to do, I believe I am to take a more subtle approach. Once I get to know someone (and they have usually poured out their hearts in anger, bitterness, and pain over their past,) I usually segue way into, "Do you ever... Tell God how you feel about all of this? What do you think He says to you in return? Would you like to go to church sometime?" and it carries on from there.

I am not in any way saying that this is the method everyone should use, as we are all called in different ways. But I do see this as a great opportunity to learn from others.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read about me; now I would like to know more about YOU:

* In what ways do you witness to others about Jesus? Do you start up conversations with others, or do you wait for a conversation to occur?

* Do you start by bringing up Bible stories and Scripture right away? What do you find is the best way to go about it?

* What is your approach for inviting others to church?

* And what advice do you have for those who want to start talking to others about Jesus, but feel too shy or unworthy to do so?

Thank you so much for the gracious gift of your time and thoughts!

Hmmm can I out controversial seoul in one of her own threads.....

Mostly I just want to add that sometimes it seems like quoting Bible passages is the lazy Christian's way out. It seems like people often resort to throwing out a Bible passage or story instead of engaging with a person and their situation. I know my Bible, but usually I'd rather just have my conversation informed by the Bible and my knowledge of God rather than quoting chapter and verse and thinking that, that will be self explanatory to people. And if I find a movie scene or non-Bible story the perfectly demonstrates the spiritual point I'm trying to make. I'll use those too. So I mostly save my quoting the Bible for people who want to know and care what the Bible says, if they don't recognize the authority of the Bible, then quoting the Bible won't make any difference.

*Seoul corners Cinder and gloats in her most menacing voice, kind of like this guy - The Albino, from "The Princess Bride":*




I say, Fair Lady... En Garde!

I challenge thee to a duel of controversies!

*Seoul sputters, coughs, then speaks in her normal, pathetically un-intimidating regular voice:*

Who am I kidding.

Cinder always wins.

As far as I understand, the Singles Forum is not a Bible discussion forum. I'm under the impression it's for people who are Christian, single, and seek to give advice/encouragement to others.

The Bible does not contain our personal experiences, upbringing, life circumstances, daily interactions, and background in it. So sometimes I think in order to relate to each other we must include a bit of the story of what happened and how we got where we are.

Using "real talk" to relate to people who aren't well-read in the Bible is a good way to find common ground. Common ground build bridges. When we share the same ground maybe they'll want to find out why you're a Christian.

It's all part of our personal testimony.

This kind of talking helps others understand our point of view. Maybe if I can relate to your point of view on a personal level, not necessarily a Biblical level, I will come to Christ if I was not already in Christ. That's how it makes sense to me.

Scripture references for Borderline Personality Disorder:


Scripture references for Careless abuse or sidelining of single people in the Church:


Scripture references for Platonic male/female friendships:


Scripture references for Shall I go on, or have I made my point adequately:


The Bible is all truth, but there isn't always a verse that is directly relevant. We aren't obligated to hunt down verses that may be relevant, let alone cite or quote them. For the person who complained: Get over yourself, and go hang out in the BDF if you don't like it here.

Ironic you've been here a year and yet seek to complain about what forum this is posted in by someone that's been here 10+ years years.
Have you looked around this site? The subforums are less and less relevant every day. And mods approve many of these threads.
Also nothing suggests a singles forum has to have only singles relates topics. Quite the opposite it has been seen, and recognized by mods, as a more open area than just singles topics. People don't even bat an eyelash at married people posting here because so little of this subforum is singles related.

Then perhaps it wasn't aimed at you? No, that's crazy. It must be about you, right?

Whatever.

Are you being serious?

Nothing is about me.

Christians are supposed to be dead to themselves and alive to Christ, and that is how I live.

You seem like you have a chip on your shoulder.

If so, then I didn't put it there.

How is it ironic that you have assigned me as being a complainer when I am not complaining at all? In fact, I was validating what @seoulsearch said in my post. I am in agreement with her that scripture is not entirely necessary. Reread my post.

While we're here, what difference does is make to you if I have been here for one year and someone has been here for 10 years? Account longevity does not validate or invalidate someone's post. What makes a good post is the quality of the material. You just used a red herring.

You seem overly aggressive with trying to disprove a point that I never made. Rather than attaching your agenda to my words and projecting what you think I said, how about you just form a separate post so we can avoid this all together?

I am truly sorry for the tension this thread has caused. I accept full responsibility and I apologize, because it was not my intent at all to offend anyone or cause any

@Live4Him -- I was trying to quote your post thinking this is about you in order to tell you specifically that this thread is indeed NOT about you, but I couldn't find it in the list so I'm guessing the original was deleted.

This thread is not about you, I can assure you. You were kind enough to explain your stance and hear me out in another thread, and again, I thank you for that.

You made a good observation that many others here have made, especially over time. @Subhumanoidal, I appreciate your post for giving some additional background information. Being on the site for whatever amount of time certainly does not make anyone better or more valid than anyone else. Rather, it just means that some of the members who may have been here longer have observed a lot of things that have happened on this site over time.

@Live4Him is not alone in the things he was voicing concern about. In another thread I recently wrote, another poster wrote about bringing more Scripture into the Singles Forum. Other posters have said this as well, and at least one has openly said that they don't like it when I post threads about relationship issues.

I just have to openly admit, some people might find me to be a little bit unorthodox. My entire life has basically been a collection of Bible studies, and I am by no means an expert or even Bible student, but I was always the person talking to people about what their lives were like OUTSIDE Bible studies, and I carry that right into my threads. I like to think of the discussions I try to start here as, "The Conversations People Wish They Could Actually Have in a Bible Study But Not Be Condemned For It."

For instance, sometimes we have "matchmaker" threads that are really just us getting to know more about each other and possibly making more personal friendships. A while back, I wrote a series of threads in which my goal was to help people get to know each other, with the final thread asking who people would want on their team if we were in a Zombie Apocalypse.

This was just meant as a fun, casual way of people getting to know each other, then hopefully remember enough about each other to be able to make posts (or so I envisioned in my head) such as, "I would want JesusFollower7 to be on my team because they have great organizational skills and will keep track of our zombie-killing weapons!"

Every time we have these types of threads, there is always push back from those who say that we singles shouldn't be wasting our time on such frivolous things and should be keeping our focus on the Lord. I understand this. But I also find it ironic that little old ladies in church try to set us singles up with other church members, and yet, some make it sound as if singles for some reason cannot be trusted to mingle and, if God wills it, meet a possible match on our own.

As I've said in other posts, the Singles Forum in general, over time, has gotten a lot of flack for not meeting up to what others think should be the proper spiritual standards. Ironically, there are regular singles here who usually don't post Scriptures, but are the first people I turn to in private conversation when I'm trying to find a passage and can't remember the reference. BOOM!!! Believe you me, these people know their Bibles!!! For instance, @cinder is someone I have many spiritual conversations with all the time. (Girl, I'm getting you back for out-controversying me in my own thread!)

ALL OF THIS was what I had on my mind when I wrote this thread, NOT any particular situation or person.

Basically, I was thinking to myself, "You know what? If anyone (not any particular person, but really anyone) read my threads and posts and made the observation that I don't use much Scripture, they WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT." And because I tend to write a lot here, I thought that maybe I owed the people who are kind enough to read my thoughts an explanation as to why.

I'm just a girl who believes in God and is trying to live out a real life and have real conversations and unite real people.

I will never be that person who quotes Scripture in everything she says or does, and I know that isn't for everyone, so please, if my posts aren't your taste, I mean this sincerely -- just put me on Ignore. I completely understand where you're coming from, and I truly don't want to waste anyone's time.

And, if you are someone who would like to see more Scripture in the threads and so forth, please, feel free do to that! If you'd like to see more Scriptural discussion, please, start a thread about what you're interested in because we would love to see a variety of topics posted by different people. The very reason I write is to hopefully inspire others to do the same, because "back in the day" (when I first joined,) this site had a lot more humorous banter, as well as serious discussion, and some of us "old-timers" are trying to bring that back (we're not better than anyone else, we're just getting old!)

If you aren't sure how the system works and need help learning how to post a thread, write a poll, etc., please feel free to PM me or leave a message on my profile wall and I would be happy to help if I can. Threads have to be approved by mods so don't be discouraged if it takes a day or two for your thread to be put up.

So, I'm sorry for this incredibly long post, but I do hope it's at least given you a glimpse into what I was thinking when I wrote this.

I DID NOT mean for it to be directed towards anyone in particular, and again, I apologize to anyone I may have offended, and as well as the trouble it has caused.

THANK YOU for taking the time to read this!

Subhumanoidal, he wasn't complaining about what was posted where. He was AGREEING WITH SEOULSEARCH here.

Down boy! Down! Sit! Stay!

I hope @cinder and @Lynx don't mind me calling them out, but I'm doing so because they two of the people I've known the longest here, and I've had the honor of meeting them in person so I know they're the real deal (and they can give you all the dirt on me as well.)

For as much as observers will say there is no talk about Scripture in Singles, I constantly go to Cinder and Lynx when I am developing new thread ideas. My Lutheran school pastors and teachers should disown me because I can't remember Bible references worth diddly squat -- I can only remember key words -- but I can message either of these two and say, "Hey, I'm looking for a passage that talks about..." And, SHAZAM!!! They've already given me the reference before I've even fully finished my sentence. This is also why you'll see them post in many of the threads I put up -- because I've already been hashing out the idea with them for a week in advance.

I had a situation once where I had gone through something in my life that was emotionally killing me. I finally got the nerve to try to talk to an older Christian woman I saw as a mentor about it... and when I did, she kind of acted like I hadn't said anything at all and just moved right along to some kind of ultra spiritual cliche, as if reading from a script. I have found this a lot in the church.

When I was going through one of my especially tough battles of faith, as we all have, I told God, "Please. Whatever you do, please don't turn me into someone who just spouts off a cookie-cutter Scripture reference without even listening to what the person is going through. Please God, whatever you do with me, don't make me into a spiritual parrot and let me do this to other people, the way I've seen it done to me and others. Please let me be able to help people hash out what's really going on in their lives, no matter what needs to be said, and no matter how they need to say it." But I also prayed that above all else, God would have the final say in how He wanted me to be, and I would do my best to follow His guidance.

This is NOT in any way to say that I somehow think I'm better than anyone else. Far from it!!! "Chief of sinners, though I be." But what I did want is to BE a little different from everyone else, and maybe approach things in a way that other people aren't used to. So while some people might think I'm a bit too "off" and not spiritual enough for their tasted, what they don't realize is that I specifically ASKED God FOR that, and I truly believe He answered my prayer.


Running,

I thoroughly enjoyed your post! Thank you for taking the time to share this. I especially liked the part where you said that the Bible doesn't contain our stories, so the only way we can relate to each other is to be able to share them, and in "real talk."

You summarized the entire purpose of my threads with this -- kudos! I often say that I should just let other people write my threads, because they can say what I want to say in a better way -- and in only a few sentences.

And you are correct in that I believe that being able to have "real talks" with people about their lives is a great witness to both believers and most especially to unbelievers.

It's like that old saying goes, "People don't care how much you know -- until they know how much you care."

People won't care how much Scripture we know -- until we can show that we really know THEM.

Exactly! Jesus quoted scripture to the devil, because the devil knew it as well as any Pharisee. When Jesus was teaching crowds of humans something he used RELATABLE analogies - sheep and coins, debts and children who ignored their parents' wisdom - things the people were already familiar with.

If we just quote those scriptures, even the ones where Jesus was using relatable analogies, often it won't have any impact. It's much more effective to take biblical principles and express them in ways people TODAY can understand.

I will plead guilty as charged to being a walking Bible concordance. And if you want to talk about the real deal, I don't think I can share any dirt on Seoul that she hasn't already shared herself. She's pretty open book like that.

Thank goodness I was able to conceal my third leg from you the entire time. 😬

And thank you for not stopping at any post offices along the way.

That's not my picture on the Most Wanted board - it's my cousin, honest. 🤫

Well you already know what my plan was if I found I couldn't stand you anymore halfway through the trip. And uh.... none of your cousins look remotely like you.

Cinder is nice enough to tell you IN ADVANCE how she'll dispose of you if you get on her nerves. 😬🤓😁

I think everyone has their own style of witnessing and one cant assume that everyone knows every single passage from the Bible it would be like quoting a movie that some people had never seen so that might go down like a tonne of bricks....

'may the force be with you'
'huh, what force?'

scripture passages on a christian forum, why sure
But not huge screeds of it. I'd give the reference so ppl can look it up or the entire quote but I tend to not use a lot of churchy phrases that are not even in the Bible anyway.

I will paraphrase stories from the Bible or tell them in such a way that people will get the gist of them.
Usually I will talk about characters in the Bible and what they did, because everyone can relate to people, rather than soundbites.

Im not into testing peoples knowledge but I do encourage people to read the Bible if they havent because theres so much wisdom that speaks to peoples souls in that big book.

Often Im just led to reference something that will relate to that persons situation, and it wont be because *I* know it, although it will be in the back of my brain somewhere, having read it, but because God will bring it forth to my memory FOR that person.

sometimes I wont even know it, God will just give me a reference, I'll look it up, having no idea what it will be and it turns out that its the answer or word of widsom right for that moment.

regarding real talk or my own experiences I wil, also share that too if its relevant, though not all the time sometimes its a bit off putting (called oversharing) as I dont really want someones elses thread to be all about me and my thoughts.

My own threads I think its ok to be abit more forthcoming but I try to respect other peoples threads. Though it doesnt always end up happening. lol

My only bug bear is when people assume they know exactly what *I* think or feel (even before Ive said anything) . well they cant know cos they are not me!

I had this thing with my big sister. So annoyingly she kept commenting on everything I did as if she knew what I was going to do before I even did it . I was like how do you know what think. You are not me. Only I know what I think.

she was like Oh I just know.

Right. Who died and made her God Id like to know lol.

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