For the People Who Champion Lifetime Singleness - What's Your Advice for Dealing with Single Sexuality?

Just to be completely honest I still am battling with pornography use and masturbation. Which I know is sinful and I get convicted about yet fall back into often.

Yet I don't believe I should get married solely that it may help me be free of that sin. I believe scripture says marriage is a representation of Christ and the church. And we should show reverence to the institution of marriage.

You are battling! That is the difference. That is what makes you a new creature. That is what makes you a winner. It's about striving, not arriving. God will glorify us someday. Repentance was never meant to be a one time thing. You are doing better than you know. God bless you.

Revelation
12:10 And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.
12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.

It is a great question, as I just came to know Jesus and follow him 2 years ago, I lived a life being sexually immoral and promiscuous, even after I started walking with Christ, I had started having sex with a woman and dealt with terrible shame and guilt. Then I went thru a "I'll just stay single forever" stretch. But I was burning with lust. I don't think there's anything Holy about being a horny celibate. Just to be completely honest I still am battling with pornography use and masturbation. Which I know is sinful and I get convicted about yet fall back into often. Yet I don't believe I should get married solely that it may help me be free of that sin. I believe scripture says marriage is a representation of Christ and the church. And we should show reverence to the institution of marriage. I've been truthful and confessed some win that embarrasses me yet if we don't have honest answers we cannot serve others in love. If you could keep me in prayer God bless

maybe just people that do good things and bad things?
people are just people. Check the fruits sure but check your own first. You probably dont have all of them either.

People aren't just people. That's is blatantly obvious.

I think I understand where you're coming from. I felt shame(and still do to some extent) about having those desires and knowing I can't just shut off a switch in my body, but at least redirect that energy into prayers and more prayers. New habits take time to develop and learning to trust God takes time too. Self-awareness is already a big leap. Dealing with previous trauma/addictions is what every healthy sane person should be doing before entering into a new relationship imo. We have access to knowledge like never before.
I think it comes down to conscious effort every day and believing that God is giving you strength to be a better man and He is always by your side. Prayers going out to you

no is not

People are people. i.e we are humans. if you want to believe that some humans arent humans and are apes or something, well thats up to you. but God will tell you different.

How did accessing people's character have to do with animal species?
Judging other people's character is just a skill and form of discernment.

It is a great question, as I just came to know Jesus and follow him 2 years ago, I lived a life being sexually immoral and promiscuous, even after I started walking with Christ, I had started having sex with a woman and dealt with terrible shame and guilt. Then I went thru a "I'll just stay single forever" stretch. But I was burning with lust. I don't think there's anything Holy about being a horny celibate. Just to be completely honest I still am battling with pornography use and masturbation. Which I know is sinful and I get convicted about yet fall back into often. Yet I don't believe I should get married solely that it may help me be free of that sin. I believe scripture says marriage is a representation of Christ and the church. And we should show reverence to the institution of marriage. I've been truthful and confessed some win that embarrasses me yet if we don't have honest answers we cannot serve others in love. If you could keep me in prayer God bless

It's better to get married then to indulge in sexual act sinfully while single

Hey Everyone,

We have a range of opinions about singleness here in the forum -- some people very adamantly want to get married, while some very adamantly want to remain single, and some people are in between -- which seems perfectly normal. I would say that for myself, I would fall into the in-between category -- how about you? I think God calls us all to different situations, with no one-size-fits-all answer.

Even though I sometimes feel I could go in either direction (whether to marry or to stay single,) I definitely pay attention to posts by users who seem to be perfectly content as a single, intend on being single for the rest of their lives, or are at peace with the thought, because I always wonder how they do it.
The one question I always want to ask them is, "But what would your advice be for singles who struggle with sexuality?" After all, absolutely everyone in the Christian community always quotes the infamous passage that it is "better to marry than to burn with passion" (1 Corinthians 7:9.) First of all, I'm sure I'd have a ton of money in the bank if I could count the number of times I've seen that advice given to singles. Secondly, the people who give that advice don't seem to acknowledge the other side of the coin -- well-meaning Christians who do get married and even convince themselves that they're in love, but if you go far enough below the surface, the driving motivation to get married was sex (and you see this mentioned sometimes in the Forum Family threads as a reason for the breakup of a marriage.)

I have nothing but admiration for those who fight to remain to protect their singleness at all costs. But I also feels it's important that when strongly advocating a point of view, it should be pertinent to offer well-rounded advice on how to live out that decision.

We now have a thread asking divorced people to disclose the extremely personal issues as to why they are divorced; I felt it was only fair to ask those who plan to remain single forever how they deal with sexuality, and what their advice would be to other singles who struggle with it, because to ignore this topic and act like it doesn't exist just keeps people in a place where they suffer in silence. It tells people what to do, but doesn't realistically tell them how to do it, or acknowledge the struggles they are going through.

As a long-time single myself, sexuality is the number one question I get asked about by other singles.

It's fine and dandy to never get married. But what's your game plan on dealing with things like porn and knowing that if you stay single, you are never, E.V.E.R. allowed to have any form of sexual expression for the rest of your life? Even for singles who don't outwardly mention it, this is usually the question that's always hinging in their minds (at least from my experience in the single Christian community.)

For anyone who is brave enough to answer, it's fine to just give generalizations and not personal details about yourself.

It's that it sometimes feels like there is a very strong anti-marriage sentiment here in Singles -- as if wanting to find someone and get married is wrong, or anyone who wants to do so is some kind of moron. While I agree that getting married be wrong for some people -- maybe sexuality isn't an issue for them, and that's why they can do it -- I definitely believe that God still calls others to be married, and it would be wrong to try to stop them from doing so.

However, for those who insist that the single life is the only way to go -- what suggestions and advice do you have for others who want to adapt to long-term or permanent singleness?

you asked"if you stay single, you are never, E.V.E.R. allowed to have any form of sexual expression for the rest of your life?"
I dont know what that means......
I know we certainly shouldnt go directly against what God says just because we want to or because we wanted to for a long time....
maybe care to elaborate on this specific thought?

Hey OneOfHis,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

I guess I thought the statement: "If you stay single, you are never, ever allowed to have any form of sexual expression for the rest of your life" was pretty cut and dry, so may I ask, what part are you unsure about?

When I wrote this statement, I was thinking in particular of the Men Going Their Own Way movement. For example, I've read some articles about this philosophy, and since the articles I read were from a worldly standpoint, there was a general consensus that women were to be used as objects of convenience and throwaway sexual satisfaction.

But the Christian man (or woman) doesn't have the option of anything sexual in their life. I know there are always debates going on what's "allowable" or not (such as a post in the Lust vs. Hormones thread about some acts being "allowed" within one's conscience just because they're not mentioned in the Bible,) but for the conservative Christian, a lifetime of singleness also means:

* Not looking at, thinking of, or participating in any kind of media or entertainment that arouses improper sexual thoughts and desires.

* No participation in acts that allow for sexual relief, whether by oneself or with someone else, regardless of whether or not it's considered "the real thing" or not -- if it results in sexual action, for single Christians, it's off the table.

The whole reason I started this thread was because at the time, we had a thread asking divorced people why they were divorced.

I'm always striving for a balance of perspectives -- I see many posts in which people say that the single life is the best life to choose or have, and that may very well be, but I see little to no advice on how singles realistically deal with avoiding sexual desire/action their entire life.

Although it might very well be that some of the posters who say the single life is the way to go have been given "the gift of singleness," but many don't have that, and contemplating a life of always being alone feels like a pain worse than facing death.