What should a virtuous woman look for in a man?

I like your rephrasing of the question, because it does get to the heart of the matter. A man who is righteous. I would say, ironically, this covers all three notions of fame, fortune, and power because a righteous man will/should operate in wisdom. And, with wisdom comes certain blessings.

Even so, scripture says for a man to take care of his house lest he be worse than a heathen. Already we see providence. In respect to fame, we see what with wisdom? Honor.

Proverbs 3:13-18 ESV
Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold. She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.

Of course not every man is world famous, but his fame is his reputation. I am reminded of the idea of having a “good name.” You are honored amongst your peers. Admirable.

In respect to power, God moves mountains. 😁 Similar to what you have said, the security a man offers is only strengthened (ha, solidified) by his faith in God. If a problem arises he can seek counsel with God, who has every solution to anything a person could ever face.

Thanks for the response @TimothyGirl A wise answer.

I think there is a disparity between what we ought to do and what people actually do. There is no way to force anyone, even a Christian, to do what is the right thing.

For example, I've known many people who decided to marry because all their friends were marrying, or because they felt like it was the "next step" for their adulting. (As an aside, psychological studies show that people typically marry not when they "meet the right one," but when they decide it's the "right time"). So many people decide, find someone who will do, and then marry. And this is not just a "worldly" issue. There are many churches that subtly pressure men and women to marry. Most people find it deeply painful to be the outsider, so they will capitulate to pressure so they are not ostracized.

Part of what makes standing against these pressures difficult is the fact that what is being pushed may not be inherently bad. It's not bad, for example, to want a partner with fit finances. It's not bad to appreciate someone who has a level of expertise that makes them powerful (even if only in their field). Even money is not inherently bad--Christ condemned the *love of money.* We are prone to becoming ego-attached to that which does not define us--our wealth, status, beauty, power, etc. We forget that these can vanish in an instant.

I think the biggest challenge for the church--both men and women--is how to resist these external pushes. How can we create people who are fiercely loyal to Christ and his way?

I would caution you about agreeing with the idea that "women are born with value and men have to earn it." It is patently false. All people are made in the image of God and have inherent value. If we are really meant to have the mind of God, we need not assign value to people based on anything but what God values.

Mm, it’s an interesting point you bring up about peer pressure, essentially, and how that may encourage people to rush into things. Where as the wise thing, in my opinion, would be to wait for God’s timing (which is perfect).

Side note: You have misunderstood the context behind the statement about the value of a man and a woman. This value contextually is about a relationship, and what one brings into it. A man, generally, is looking for a woman who they find attractive (this is innate) where as a fair portion of women are looking for a man who can provide (equal to or above their income; something earned or not innate). Hence the statement that value is earned by a man, to be qualified for a relationship.

I was really blessed and ministered to by your post, @BenFTW. And wholeheartedly agree!

A worldy pursuit is riches, but the righteous man's pursuit is wisdom. The topic is actually so loaded it would take me all night (as it is here) to unpack it.

But to add to that comment, let me quote from 1 Corinthians 1:30, which says that ultimately CHRIST is the wisdom of God!!

As we pursue wisdom, we are slowly conformed to His image (Rom. 8:29).

Isn't it awesome how the Lord promises us in James 1 that if we ask for His wisdom, He won't withhold it from us? Indeed, the wisdom of God is foolishness to man (1 Cor. 1). It often requires giving when one would naturally receive... it involves sacrifice when one would naturally preserve...

I'm reminded of James 3:17,
But the WISDOM that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without hypocrisy. (And then he adds,) Now the fruit of RIGHTEOUSNESS is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Wisdom and righteousness go hand in hand!!

Going back to your orignal post, James 3 would be a pretty apt description of what a virtuous woman would expect from a righteous man... and the woman being the glory of the man (1 Cor. 11:7) (and wisdom personified - Prov 1,2), that virtuous woman would perfectly reflect him. Suddenly we see more than a man and a woman, we see the mystery of Christ and His Bride!! (Ephesians 5:32)

What a picture to aspire to! What a vision for marriage! If only we would raise the standard from pursuing wealth to pursuing Christ... (Sorry, getting carried away here!! 🤗)

Well said, Ben, and thank you for giving me something to chew on!

So God says people are inherently valuable because they are made in His image...except within romantic relationships. These are beyond the sphere of God's influence and have special rules? Should Christians, who presumably understand the inherent value imbued in others by God, insist that women are only valuable to romantic relationships if they are attractive and men are only valuable if they are providers?

If Christians accede the point that value is based in anything other than God, we will, like the larger culture, be forced to dance with the partner we chose.

Personally, I'd rather be dancing with God.

This one is interesting because instead of simply focusing on a person having money, you are focusing instead on the stewardship of their finances. I like that. Are they a responsible individual? 👍🏻

The spotlight, oh yes. It has pros and cons, but if the motives and intentions of the heart are right it is worth it (especially in obedience to the Lord). A city on a hill, as you know. It will be noticed but for what reason are you shining? For whom?

Thanks Seoul for the response.

Hi Ben!

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

To paraphrase a secular saying: "It's not (necessarily) the size of the bank account that matters -- it's how the person manages it."

I think a popular misconception about money is that the bigger the number the better, and it's then assumed that people are somehow naturally good at managing money, especially the more they bring in.

I used to work at a service desk with a bill-paying service. There was a young doctor (probably in his 30's) who would come in every month, and every bill he brought in had a red "Past Due" on it (and all the bills were in his name -- "Dr. X.") I don't know what his circumstances were and I'm not saying this in judgment -- but I find it ironic when women want to marry a man who is a doctor or lawyer just because they think he's bringing in a lot of money. He very well could be, but that doesn't mean he manages it well.

My parents have had a ministry for many years in which they help people set up budgets, pay off their credit cards, and get out of debt.

One of the most interesting couples they told me about (anonymously, as I have no idea who they were and never met them) was about a pediatrician and his wife, who also had a prestigious medical position. Together, they were bringing in nearly half a million dollars a year -- but they couldn't pay their bills -- because they insisted on having the latest and greatest of everything.

When my parents tried to develop a budget for them, they each insisted on having at least $800 in spending money a week (per person.) They had houses, boats, expensive clothes, cars, and watches -- and a mountain of bills they couldn't keep up with. The husband wanted to hire my Dad to manage his finances for him, but my Dad turned him down because he and my mom are very happily committed to their (completely free) ministry.

It's ironic to me that someone can be brilliant in one area, like medicine, but that doesn't mean that they automatically have the knowledge or discipline to handle money.

One thing I have learned from all of this is that I would be much more interested in a guy who makes $30,000 a year and manages it well than someone who makes $300,000 a year and doesn't even know where it's going.

A man doesn't have to be the most talented, good-looking, or bring in the biggest cash flow to get a woman's attention.

Rather, it's much more attractive (to me at least) when someone is aware of both his strengths and his weaknesses and seeks God out to do his best with whatever God has given him, whether it be intellectual, social, spiritual, or financial.

how is it that a man gives, subtracts from his wealth, and yet prospers (multiplies)?

I’ve always liked the idea of a woman being a man’s glory (as you mentioned). She is an extension of him, I mean they are after all one. It is a beautiful thing. She reflects his character. I suppose you can know a lot about a man by the condition of his wife.

Today I watched some worldly podcasts on dating and life, out of curiosity to see what the world thinks. “Where is society?”, I wondered. Let me tell you that I nearly felt like crying. Young women selling their image for money to become financially independent in a year. Girls selling their virginity for six figures. Men arguing that as a high value man they have the right to exercise their options and sleep with multiple women and their wife should accept it. The women at the table… agreed (some). These are the standards the world is accepting and promoting.

I saw someone donate to the podcast with a point and it said that women want someone with power, money, or fame. But it made me wonder, what does the Bible say women should seek in a man? What should a virtuous woman look for in a righteous man?

The podcasts were interesting, no doubt. Points like, “Women are born with value, men have to earn value.” I can see that, in terms of beauty and then a man having to provide security to a woman by increasing his ability to provide. I was careful though, because I didn’t want the world’s values to be adopted by me. In such a podcast I have to remember these people do not know righteousness. They do not know God. Their morality is not grounded in truth. They speak of traditional values without acknowledging their source.

I ask you, women of God (both single and married), what do you believe you should seek in a man? Biblically, what should a righteous man look like (*cough* Jesus *cough*)? What standards are essential? I understand nuance, personal likings (height, weight, etc) and the desire for a man to be at a certain bracket financially, but from the Bible, what are you as a virtuous woman, supposed to expect of a righteous man? Do you, as the world, seek power, money, and fame in your man (righteously so or not, justified or not)?

Have at it virtuous women! 😁

So God says people are inherently valuable because they are made in His image...except within romantic relationships. These are beyond the sphere of God's influence and have special rules? Should Christians, who presumably understand the inherent value imbued in others by God, insist that women are only valuable to romantic relationships if they are attractive and men are only valuable if they are providers?

If Christians accede the point that value is based in anything other than God, we will, like the larger culture, be forced to dance with the partner we chose.

Personally, I'd rather be dancing with God.

So God says people are inherently valuable because they are made in His image...except within romantic relationships. These are beyond the sphere of God's influence and have special rules? Should Christians, who presumably understand the inherent value imbued in others by God, insist that women are only valuable to romantic relationships if they are attractive and men are only valuable if they are providers?

If Christians accede the point that value is based in anything other than God, we will, like the larger culture, be forced to dance with the partner we chose.

Personally, I'd rather be dancing with God.

Okay, so curiosity got the better of me on this thread. And I agree with Tabin, interesting – and thought-provoking – question, @BenFTW.

I hear what you’re saying. It seems that priorities for a worldly woman are fame, fortune (finances) and influence. As a (I want to say, “modern”) Christian, whilst, these should not be top priorities in looking for a husband, are they, in reality, on the priority list – and if so, how far up or down? Have I understood you correctly?

Your original question is, “From the Bible, what are you, as a virtuous woman, supposed to expect of a righteous man?”

You hit the nail on the head with your description there, Ben. What should we expect from a righteous man? To throw a cat amongst the pigeons, I’d like to highlight the first “righteous man” that comes to mind. No, not Jesus, but his adopted dad, Joseph.

The Bible calls him a “righteous” man. Let’s read his profile in Matthew 1:19,

“Then Joseph her husband, being a just (Strong’s #1342: dikaios – upright, blameless, RIGHTEOUS, conforming to God’s laws and man’s), and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly.”

Joseph was a righteous man and yet he was by no means well off financially. In fact, they were so poor that they could not afford to redeem the Son of God with a lamb – they had to resort to the poor man’s concession and redeem Him with two turtle doves. Yet God saw fit for this righteous man to father His Son – not because of his ability to provide, but his character and ability to raise him in godliness. I’m not in any way suggesting that it is a virtue to be poor, but I am suggesting that when choosing a partner, it is not whether he is wealthy or not that should be the swaying factor, but that he is RIGHTEOUS.

To swing the table the other way, the second “righteous man” that comes to mind is our dear friend Boaz. The Bible doesn’t necessarily call him a righteous man, but we know that he is one. Here is a man who possesses all three attributes: fame, wealth and influence. But it was because of his righteousness that God saw fit for him to become the great grandfather of King David.

Another righteous man with “the full package” according to worldy standards is Job. And yet we see what suffering and hardship he went through because of his righteousness.

To me, I would personally re-phrase the original question and say,
“As a virtuous woman, what are you looking for in a man?”
And my answer would be righteousness.

So what is righteousness then? Abraham was called righteous because he BELIEVED in God. So we know that righteousness has to do with faith. From the account of Joseph that I used above, we see that the word “righteous” and the word “just” can be interchangeable.

Habakkuk 2:4 says
“the JUST (RIGHTEOUS) shall live by his FAITH.”

My pastor always says that self-righteousness is taking care of yourself at the cost of others; righteousness is taking care of others at the cost of yourself and TRUSTING IN GOD for your provision (Isn’t that a beautiful description of Jesus?).

In essence, it is a deep trust in God that makes you righteous. It is that trust that leads to obedience to the Lord in the craziest situations.

If you are looking for financial security, DON’T go looking for a righteous man! Because he, like Abraham, just might make some crazy decisions in his obedience to God. Or like Job, he might end up going through a hard time BECAUSE of his righteousness. Or God might deprive you of financial prosperity to work on your character and teach you to look to HIM and not to yourself for provision, like Joseph.

At the end of the day, give me a righteous man who walks in obedience to God over a “Christian” man who believes in Jesus for eternal salvation yet looks to money for short-term “salvation.”

Let me work on being that virtuous woman, like Ruth, so that God can send me that righteous man – and make sure I’m not like Job’s wife, who, when the moment things got tough, abandoned her faith in God because material possessions meant more to her than character.

A different perspective, but food for thought anyway!