My boyfriend cheated, what should I do ?

hello- please let me know what you think.
My boyfriend cheated on me but apologized and begged for me to stay with him, he had previously texted a couple of girl in a way I didn’t really like before but then he apologized and stopped. We aren’t married yet. He is a Christian man that does a lot of good for people but had cheating in his whole family. He also spoils me but I’m afraid of the future.

Make no mistake about it. If he cheated on you once, he'll cheat on you again. For sure, with this kind of cheater it's just a matter of time before he abuses you again. That's the nature of this kind of beast. If he truly loved you he wouldn't be cheating. No matter how difficult for you, or how much you love him, it's time to move on with your life. Time to dump his behind in the trashbin of history.

Remember Paul Simon's lyrics from 50 ways to leave your lover:

There must be fifty ways
To leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover"

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Ooh, slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Uh, it depends on what kind of "cheating" really.

Let's say he didn't ever text other women but noticed them and cheated on them visually...is that alright? No? Some women deal with this in marriages for life...though according to most "that's not cheating". Except Jesus was pretty clear on this one.

What do you recognize as a problem that can be worked through and what can't?
Are things serious enough to seek out counseling?


Certainly don't venture into territory that you aren't comfortable with and is already putting up warnings in your heart. Pray about it.

Welcome to CC!

This is an interesting way to introduce yourself.

Often we ask the question but already know what to do.

Hi Apple! I'm sorry you are in this position. As a disclaimer, I have never been in a situation like yours, so I may not be qualified to speak on this. I can only try to understand your experience through my own experience. That being said:

Thoughts on cheating:
The Church is the bride of Christ. Love for God is keeping his commands. When we sin, we follow an idol. I think sin harms our relationship with God in the same way cheating harms our relationship with people we love.

Thoughts on repentance:
I am a sinner. I am unfaithful in my relationship with God and am convicted by the Holy Spirit to repent of my sins. I believe that true repentance includes not just a confession of sin, but also a turn from it. And Hallelujah! God is faithful and just and forgives us our sins and purifies us before Him from all unrighteousness. He does not tempt us beyond what we can bear, so that sin becomes all the more detestable as it becomes an active choice.

What I would do:
If I were in your position, I'd imagine I would feel betrayed, confused, hurt, upset, and angry. I would ask myself why he repented. I would wonder if he was sincere. You mentioned that he apologized and stopped his behavior. Great! I would have a conversation with him in love, not in suspicion, to discuss what we can do to prevent this from happening again and decide on active changes. I would ask myself if I have forgiven him and if reconciliation is possible or has been reached yet. Most importantly, I would pray to God asking for wisdom in the situation and for a filling of the Holy Spirit in both of our lives to guide us in love to whatever He has in plan for us.

I would like to remind you that your partner is not the enemy. The person he was unfaithful to you with is not the enemy. Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. So don't think for one second that the two of you relying on your own strength will ever be able to overcome evil. However, hallelujah! There is hope for the future so that we do not need to be afraid. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And do not worry! Worrying never added a single hour to anyone's life. God holds all power and loves you, so you can cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Even Lazarus's sickness was for God's glory so that Jesus could be glorified through it.

Lastly, I would just like to thank you for sharing and allowing me to respond. I really needed to be reminded of God's Word while typing this, and I hope that someone else might be reminded as I was.

Hi and welcome to CC, Apple 7456 This is a good place to connect with other believers and share our thoughts. Re your situation, it's good you're not married yet. You shouldn't consider marriage with this person until there is no sign of interest in other women. The fact that he's a Christian and doing this doesn't make him look sincere, and as the Scripture says 'But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart' Mt 5:28.
Unless he changes these urges, you will have a life of uncertainty and frustration if you were to marry him. It's not worth it. As a 'Christian' he is failing in being true to you (and God) and you need to affirm that he is 100% for you and no one else, before you make any commitments. May the Holy Spirit guide you through this!

He's a boyfriend. I assume there are no children. Run!

You are going to have to explain this a bit more...

Everyone is running on assumptions instead of an accurate portrayal of what he did. That's mostly due to your incomplete explanation of precisely what happened.

What some people consider cheating is just conversation to other people.

So a bit more conversation is in order.

In what regards is this guy a Christian? Certainly not in fidelity. My counsel is to dump him and don't look back. He may do a lot of good for people but he is no good for you. Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.

Dear Apple,

Just like any addiction, our desire for love can keep us in unhealthy relationships--think of this as a gift--you have not yet married him so you are fortunate to find out before you have married him and had children. There are godly men out there that will not cheat--THAT is what God wants for you. Make a clean cut and run. Tell him you won't be able to trust him and end the relationship. Block him from your phone and email. Yes it is painful, but it will free you sooner for a more godly relationship. A prayer for you: "Dear Father, please give apple the courage and strength to break free from her boyfriend. Give her godly Christians to support her in this to keep her firm in her decision and not turn back. Bless her with a godly Christian man who will love and cherish her and will be faithful to her. In your Son's name--amen."

This seems to be the case.

Not marriage material, ever.

I fully concur with your estimation.

Please consider carefully what is at risk here. If you make a mistake, you are at minimum guaranteed a lifetime of problems and difficulties. Financial, emotional, social and even familial. But consider carefully; this not only potentially impacts you and your happiness, but if you guess wrong and have children, they too will have serious and long lasting issues just like you. These issues can also very easily impact future generations.

The risks are very high. It may create some temporary difficulty for you, but is avoiding that discomfort worth the risk?

Are you even engaged to be married, or actually committed to be in any way? What the bible says about boyfriends is.... absolutely nothing, because there is no such thing. Did you and this guy have an agreement not to text other people?

Because unless you guys had some kind of agreement on what you relationship was going to be.... you might not like him texting other people, but you can't expect someone to live up to expectations that have not been agreed on. It's not cheating if there was no rule to begin with.

Red flag .. God is trying to take your hand and walking you away from disaster! Listen to Him! True Godly relationships don't have this Kind of drama.

Praying for you. I know how difficult situations like this can be.

IDK...exactly what your BF has done, but sometimes God does give us warnings/red flags to help us from going any further and getting too deep in a relationship that is not meant to be. Because believe me, the further you go with someone in a relationship the harder it is to get out and away from it.

SD, I believe you misread what Apple wrote--she said PREVIOUSLY--that is BEFORE he cheated, he had also texted a couple of girls. So she saying there is a pattern of unfaithfulness. Note too, she said "We aren't married YET" Meaning they have some plans in that direction, though apparently no formal engagement. Again, I say --it's not a one off, there's a pattern here. -the more time with him, the more hurt--better to spend the time wisely looking for a more suitable marriage partner.

I concur with your estimation.