Emily hit the nail on the head with this one.
I think the main reason why women seem so turned off by the idea of a man living with his parents is because they're picturing a half-grown man child glued to a gaming console while sitting amongst clouds of cheese puff dust, barely barking a "thank you" to his mother as she delivers yet another takeout pizza to his basement abode because he can't be bothered to actually get up and answer the door (let alone pay or tip the driver.)
I mean, we're talking about an all-time high score here!! Good grief woman, don't you know this guy has priorities?!? But he fully believes he will someday marry a woman who possesses the impossibly proportioned measurements of all the female-type creatures he is encountering on his "journey" who are dressed in little more than a Band-Aid. (And as an affirmation, he curls up next to his full-body anime pillow of his favorite scantily or fetish-clad female character as nightly reassurance.)
One of my friends was talking about the fact that when she was growing up, she couldn't wait to get a car and be able to escape the house (even though she had a good home life,) but that her son had absolutely no interest in driving (she had to force him to go get his license when he was like 19,) let alone finding a job or researching colleges to attend. All he wanted to do was play games with his friends online.
In the time I've been here on CC (but maybe it's just me,) there usually seems to be a disproportionate number of threads discussing the woes of women being too independent and not submitting to men in marriage, but I don't see many, if any, threads about the woes of men not taking up the leadership position.
I'm not trying to turn this into a gender vs. gender issue at all, but no one seems to talk about what will happen to the future of Christian marriages when women's only option is to marry a man who can neither get nor hold a job, doesn't know how to pay bills, refuses to drive, couldn't survive outside his parent's roof, and yet is somehow automatically going to become the "leader" of the household when he gets married and will be responsible for having the final say in all decisions. If that's all I could find, I would just stay single.
Just picture a man who doesn't know how to live a responsible, independent life because his parents never taught or allowed him the chance to do so, and then he marries and brings his wife home to live with his family. He then tells his wife, "My Mom said we are only allowed to have the food on the bottom right half of the fridge, and when we're finished, she wants us to clean the rest of the fridge and the kitchen. Oh, and since I'm married, she also told me that she's expecting me (I mean you, since you're the only one with a driver's license and full-time job) to start paying the mortgage on the house." And meanwhile, his able-bodied mother does nothing all day but watch Dr. Phil while downing bags of Doritos and cases of diet Coke.
I have no problem with a man who is trying to help out his parents for good reasons (but if it's due to their own mismanagement and poor decisions, I would choose to distance myself.)
But can anyone else see the problem here?
Christians are expecting women to "submit" to husbands -- WHO ARE TAKING DIRECTIONS FROM, AND CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT ANOTHER WOMAN -- THEIR MOTHER.
In other words, the Christian culture is demanding that women "submit" themselves to men who are fully RELIANT UPON ANOTHER WOMAN for their survival, but yet, you, the wife, will be seen as "the lesser woman" who is to be kept under both his AND his mother's direction.
I know I might be seen as rebellious and evil for thinking this way, but there is no way I'm going to marry a man who is constantly looking to another woman for providence and instructions -- even if it's his own mother -- and then expect me to be the good little submissive wife who lives under both their thumbs, then brings home the money that will be distributed according to his and his mother's whims.
This is a major reason as to why I broke up with the first boyfriend I ever had. He would not stand up to his mother, even when distanced, and she just had to have control over everything and every one. NO WAY was I going to marry into that.
The Bible says that a man will LEAVE his father and mother and become one with his wife. I understand that in certain cultures or situations, the man might still be living with his father and mother, and that can be understandable.
But I think it's absolutely crucial for a potentiial marriage that the man should at least have a way of proving that he will be able to live independently and give his wife absolute precedence over his parents in their relationship (w!
Love it! Moms need to start teaching their sons to be God-fearing, hard-working, independent, and MANLY!
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