How do I find a woman with no arms or legs?

I once knew a girl who ran away from me. So I need a girl who doesn't have legs so she can't run.

A girl got angry and hit me one time. So the girl I want can't have arms either. No arms means no punches thrown.

Come to think of it, I made a girl cry once. I hurt her heart. The woman I am looking for needs to be emotionless also. No feeling, no crying.

No hair either. It takes too long to wash & brush, plus other men might find it attractive and then she might cheat on me.

Any tips on where to find her?

Eh, maybe a bit too far, even for parody.

Funny though. Four stars.

I gotta wonder though... Was Oncefallen chuckling when he approved this thread?

How do you feel about looking for her in another country?

Or maybe you once knew a girl who got made fun of for her looks, so she can't have an ethnicity either. 🤔

😂🤪🤓

Ty needed this... hilarious!!

Don't know! She sounds like a first base. Or a Proverbs 31 rock.

Have you met Siri or Alexa? I hear they're good listeners and quite helpful and obedient, but they might also be secretly compiling quite the cache of information about you.

Honestly I wasn't trying to be funny, only trying to use an extreme example to try and instruct.

Ethnicity? What is that? It sounds expensive, I don't want my money going towards wasteful frivolities like ethnicities.

Oh My-lanta, did I ever laugh out loud at this.

Jim, you are just what the doctor ordered, thank you.

And it didn't even cost me (or you) a penny!

I believe you're looking for a body pillow, my dear !

emoji girl?
Dont have arms, legs, or hair

oh but no emotions. so not any of these


how about this one

Oh, and a girl with no voice either, so she can't talk/complain.

Have you tried Amazon?

Reminds me of a joke - CAUTION. THIS IS A BIT ON THE RACY SIDE.

A woman had 3 husbands. The first beat her up, the second walked out, the third was dead in the sack. So to get a new start, she moved far away then ran an ad in a singles paper. "New in town, looking for a man who won't beat me, won't leave me, and is good in bed". A few days later the doorbell rings. She opens the door to find a man with no arms and no legs on her porch. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I'm here to answer your ad" the man answers. "Well you're a bit funny to be answering an ad like this" she says. The man answers "I have no arms so I can't beat you, I have no legs so I can't walk out". She considers for a moment, then asks "well how are you in bed?". The man replies "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Really? You would take a girl who has eyes? It's those eyes that lead one into temptation!

I will only take a blind girl. She can't see anything that would generate lust in her heart and lead her astray.

Just for the record, yes that does make me more holy than you. If you would accept a girl who is able to see, you have gone sadly astray. You need to read the bible, or pray more, or something like that.

Circus?

Hmm I might have found someone for you that seems practically perfect for what you are looking for, but first let me ask if she has to be human and if scales and a forked tongue are okay?