CRA Christians in Recovery (anonymous)

Good morning, @Shakey I hope you have been having a good week

step 4 made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

My wife and I do Bible study every night. Right now a Max Lucado on 10 Men of the Bible. I know God uses everyone of us in some way to reach others. There has been some truly heart wrenching questions for me in this study. Questions that bring things back from the past. I know I am forgiven, some of those things in the past have shaped habits of today. (hence 12 steps) So when I answer some of these questions, my wife said she's glad she never lived such a dark life. Have I told her things of my past, some, the dark things? No! So, taking inventory of myself, should I talk to her about those dark things, will she understand me better. Will is strengthen us, or not. These dark things were so long ago, yet the scars remain to remind me of where I cam from. Just this week I had a near Bathsheba encounter, I spoke with this woman and went through the morality, right and wrong, sin temptation and Gods forgiveness. Just to be clear, nothing happened! I feel that is the dark things that the enemy brings back to take me down. So, do I talk with my wife about dark parts of my past?

Good morning again to you, Shakey, and thank you for sharing so openly. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is a gift that needs to function with discretion; telling your wife things you have kept hidden could be done as they say in AA: we tell our stories in a general way. Developing a proper perspective is paramount also, for though we have need of this honesty and transparency in key relationships, it is not always advisable in every and all situations. I am not suggesting keeping secrets from your wife, for how can you feel truly loved by someone who does not know and accept all parts of yourself, including the darkness from your past which you have thankfully overcome yet reverberates on some level throughout your life? Still, we do not unburden ourselves at the expense of others as per step nine.

This is part of the reason why I asked earlier if you had a sponsor, because they can really help guide you in making such decisions and navigating those types of discussions. Step four can be quite scary for a lot of people without the proper supports to carry on to step five. I say that as someone who was traumatized twice in attempting to complete those two steps. Having been in the rooms and around the program for over three decades, it was not until just a few years ago that I was able to properly complete a fifth step, and it was not planned, but it was such a blessing (it was with my new-at-the-time pastor and his lovely wife, both of whom I immediately bonded with upon meeting). The more we look at these issues in our lives and talk openly about them, the greater our perspective becomes as others do likewise, and the less shame, guilt and fear we have as a result of them. Having a loving partner who is able to acknowledge that we are no longer that person in bondage to and acting out on old behaviors would certainly be beneficial and conducive to such openness

PS~ That's great that you two do a daily Bible study!

The idea that we have to fix ourselves before comming to God, is like fixing a toilet before calling the plumber. No that's not how it works.

I'd like to start a new thread for people in recovery who have figured out that the best way to start building a home is on solid ground. The rock.

This is a christian site and I feel identifying Krishna, Mohamed, Buddha, ash trays or group conscience as the higher power is a LIE. The only real higher power is the one and only triune God. Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The only problem is how to filter out the haters, law mongers and deniers'.

In the words of William Booth paraphrased "It takes more than a clean pair of breeches, a bath and a job to save a mans soul."

This is a deadly disease. We have to become deadly serious in dealing with it. Our best thinking got us into the mess we got ourselves into. We need help! Jesus has the power, we surrender to him.

Please join me friends and family welcome too. It's not like Christians don't get ensnared or those of us that become ensnared don't come to Jesus. We need to share, testify and help each other.

My name is Bob. I'm a grateful recovering addict/gambler/sinner. Please help/join me in my and others who are anonymous effort to bring some recovery without condemnation to Christian Chat.

TTFN. calibob.

Hey Bob, God bless you buddy! No door knob here, though my first AA sponsor did tell me to start with "higher power" till I cleared up! That was many years ago, therefore blessings abound!!! Salvation Army! Go Bob! Great stuff! God led me to AA and AA led me to God. Saved by the blood of Jesus Christ, sealed by the Holy Spirit. There is no other, our Lord Jesus Christ. ",hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds;" KJV Hebrews 1:2. Sorry for being so wordy! Really glad to meet you buddy. I have been praying for this and wala! I am so excited! I'm in! Blessings Bob

Hey Bob, God bless you buddy! No door knob here, though my first AA sponsor did tell me to start with "higher power" till I cleared up! That was many years ago, therefore blessings abound!!! Salvation Army! Go Bob! Great stuff! God led me to AA and AA led me to God. Saved by the blood of Jesus Christ, sealed by the Holy Spirit. There is no other, our Lord Jesus Christ. ",hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds;" KJV Hebrews 1:2. Sorry for being so wordy! Really glad to meet you buddy. I have been praying for this and wala! I am so excited! I'm in! Blessings Bob

Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
This last couple of weeks.....emotional as I search myself...see things that I forgot or thought I was over. Fall down, getting up, falling down. I spoke with my wife about going thorough things, her response was she was not there for any of these things and does not feel she has a standing. I will give her that. Magenta, can't help but cry out to God reading your post. Ended up in the VA ER because of a gout attack. I spoke openly with the Dr. we cried together and I have contacts in the VA to call when I need. I know I should be in a physical program with a sponsor. After a fearless moral inventory, so much I am afraid to even write down. God knows, I have started a search of a couple people I need to make amends with. SO much I's afraid to voice to another person face to face. Writing this is hard through tears. I know I am forgiven, I am working at forgiving myself and accepting Gods forgiveness. Cutting out some things online and explaining to these people why, I dumfounded on the backlash I received simply for trying to clean myself up. Those are the people the Bible talks about, reprobate minds, left behind from the Ark. I love the breath of God in the Bible, the study we are doing about ten men of the Bible, should be ten wretched men for all they have done. Yet God still used them! In todays society, I finished a book by Greg Laurie, Johnny Cash, Redemption of an American icon. For any Cash fans, just read it! What an inspiration, I can relate to some of his trials and tribulations, he always came back the the God he knew who loved him. I am now on day 2 w/o a drink. Surprisingly, I'm not shakey.....May God have mercy on my soul, provide me the strength I need, provide me the sight and wisdom to see that strength, one step at a time. Amen

Good afternoon, Shakey

I posted this the other day in a different thread and thought to post it again for you...

It was two separate posts

I remember feeling like that. I remember knowing that if I had a gun, I may well have put a bullet in my brain to stop the thoughts that endlessly went through it. I remember wondering, and pondering for many years, and agonizing over the meaning of my life: what was it supposed to be? I remember feeling so empty and lost, and not knowing what to do about it. I remember feeling like I should know, how could I not know, why did I not know??? I remember feeling like I had no words to say how I really felt. I remember thinking it would be futile to attempt to do so. I remember endeavoring to run from, forget, and/or dull the pain through drinking, drugging, and relationships. I remember alcohol poisoning, and hospitalizations for drug overdoses. I remember failed relationships. I remember coming to the end of myself. I remember God revealing Himself to me, imparting to me the understanding that He knew everything there was to know about me, that He knew every decision I had ever made that brought me to this place of feeling so useless, worthless, and broken. I remember feeling His unconditional love for me. I remember how it filled my entire body, and how I wept to experience it, knowing how unworthy of it I was. I remember that He forgave me even though I could not forgive myself. I remember thinking, I don't believe in that God, but I cherished none-the-less the knowledge that God loved me. I remember thinking, there must be something else. I remember looking for that something else for many years. I remember coming to the end of myself, again. I remember crying out to God, that God I did not believe in, for help. I remember that within days I was clean and sober. I remember then turning more intentionally to others for help, and going places where I could listen to people articulate their life's circumstances and their suffering. I remember they spoke of a solution, but I could not hear it. I remember they said, "Keep coming back," so I did. I remember them telling me it gets better, and it has. I remember loving listening to people tell their God stories. I remember coming to believe. I remember that God loved me at my worst, upheld me at my lowest, and directed me when I asked for help, as long as I was willing. I hope the same for you.

I also remember how they spoke of unspeakable joy even in the face of life's challenges. I remember they were able to see themselves clearly yet still laugh at themselves despite their failures. I remember how awed I felt to be in the presence of those who were willing to be so honest, who allowed themselves to be so vulnerable, who were able to say the things I could not, and who seemed to have no need of justifying their existence to others. I remember the fear I had. I remember the crushing, paralyzing weight of guilt and shame that used to burden me. All these things I remember with gratitude to have survived the insanity of my youth. I know I did nothing on my own but run from Him in rebellion and defiance. I thank God for being so long suffering and gracious toward me.

My sobriety calculator time

You have been sober for 22 years, 7 months, and 5 days
Years sober 22
Months sober 271
Weeks sober 1,179
Days sober 8,253
Sober Heartbeats 831,902,400

"Thank You Lord!"

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