A Financial Faux Pas or a Fiend -- Who Should Have Paid for What on This Date?

Hey Everyone,

I was reading a financial advice column in which a female reader presented this scenario:

She went on a first date with a guy, and they had agreed to split the check. But while they both had similarly-priced meals, he also ordered $40 worth of drinks for himself. And when the check came he only paid half, without offering to pay any extra or even for the full tip, even though the majority of the expense was his.

Now please note that I am NOT trying to make this a gender issue at all. It could have easily been reversed, with the woman expecting the man to pay more for the bill.

But I could easily relate to this and I would guess that many people here have been through the same thing.

Several years ago, the daughter of a prominent couple at church had just moved back into the area, and I told her I'd like to take her to lunch sometime as a welcome back. (I am also a gal, so obviously it was just a friend getting together with a friend and not a date.) We went to some kind of Applebee's-type restaurant, and when I told her I would pay, a similar thing happened -- along with her lunch, she started ordering drinks (at around $10 a piece.) She started with one, then ordered another when the food came, and when she started to order her third, I told her that I'd pay for her lunch and the first two but the rest of her drinks were on her. Like the girl in the advice column, I usually drink tap water -- that's not a judgment, that's just saying, if I offer to pay for someone's meal, I'm not figuring in 3 rounds of drinks along with it.

So the issue I am presenting here is NOT about gender, and it's NOT about alcohol (which is of course a whole other topic,) but rather, the issue is about someone trying to take financial advantage of you.

The scenario doesn't have to involve alcohol at all -- what if the other person ordered $50 worth of food and you order $20, and they expect you to split it down the middle? Or how about if you go out with family and they expect you to pay an even portion of the bill, even though your order cost less than what they want you to pay?

What have you done in these kinds of situations, or how would you handle it if you were?

Hey Everyone,

I was reading a financial advice column in which a female reader presented this scenario:

She went on a first date with a guy, and they had agreed to split the check. But while they both had similarly-priced meals, he also ordered $40 worth of drinks for himself. And when the check came he only paid half, without offering to pay any extra or even for the full tip, even though the majority of the expense was his.

Now please note that I am NOT trying to make this a gender issue at all. It could have easily been reversed, with the woman expecting the man to pay more for the bill.

But I could easily relate to this and I would guess that many people here have been through the same thing.

Several years ago, the daughter of a prominent couple at church had just moved back into the area, and I told her I'd like to take her to lunch sometime as a welcome back. (I am also a gal, so obviously it was just a friend getting together with a friend and not a date.) We went to some kind of Applebee's-type restaurant, and when I told her I would pay, a similar thing happened -- along with her lunch, she started ordering drinks (at around $10 a piece.) She started with one, then ordered another when the food cameone morning , and when she started to order her third, I told her that I'd pay for her lunch and the first two but the rest of her drinks were on her. Like the girl in the advice column, I usually drink tap water -- that's not a judgment, that's just saying, if I offer to pay for someone's meal, I'm not figuring in 3 rounds of drinks along with it.

So the issue I am presenting here is NOT about gender, and it's NOT about alcohol (which is of course a whole other topic,) but rather, the issue is about someone trying to take financial advantage of you.

The scenario doesn't have to involve alcohol at all -- what if the other person ordered $50 worth of food and you order $20, and they expect you to split it down the middle? Or how about if you go out with family and they expect you to pay an even portion of the bill, even though your order cost less than what they want you to pay?

What have you done in these kinds of situations, or how would you handle it if you were?

That's because your looking at it unrealistic. I worked for a man in the 70's as a roofer, and two women came up one morning and ask him if he needed any help. He hired both on the spot and told them he wanted them to carry the bundles of shingles up on the roof and scatter them out. Neither of the two could put the bundles on their shoulder and climb the ladder so they just quit and left. It pays more to nail down shingles than to carry them up the ladder but I had children and I was the new guy so I did it. The two women called me a male chauvinist pig because I didn't quit and leave with them,,,am I?

I'm not sure why you say I'm looking at the situation unrealistically or how your example applies to the questions being asked in the original post.

This thread is about how people react when someone tries to take financial advantage of them -- it's not about gender or sexism, it's about someone trying to get you to pay for their share of the bill, and it doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman who does it -- it's just plain wrong. How is that seeing things unrealistically?

In your example, if the women couldn't physically do the work they were hired to do, then it seems pretty cut and dry. Either they quit, or the guy who hired them would just have to fire them. If these women held ill will against you because you decided to do the job for your own reasons, that was certainly your business and not theirs. We've all had co-workers who speak against us when we don't act or follow what they do.

Maybe I'm just not understanding, but how does your story fit with the original examples that were given?

It's been 40 plus years since I've been on a date and I suppose many things have changed over time. I thought Apple-bees was a grocery store but when I looked it up it's a restaurant,lol Ive never ate at one and cant imagine anything in a glass being worth 10.00. Anyway I apologize for my misunderstanding I saw "out to eat" and in my mind it was 1950 again,,,please disregard...

I understand your post, the two women couldn't do the work that was offered, and lashed out at you since you could, they may have wanted something for nothing. I worked at a "liberal" university that had MANY women who I have heard some describe as "lebanese thespians", who wanted full time work pay and benefits yet abused any and all the benefits and coworkers, nasty, confused people lashing out at others, the "something for nothing" crowd. Yet in their confused mind YOU were the problem.
best wishes brother

Now I've been married for a long time and if my wife says "here I'll go pay" she also say's "give me your wallet".

It's been 40 plus years since I've been on a date and I suppose many things have changed over time. I thought Apple-bees was a grocery store but when I looked it up it's a restaurant,lol Ive never ate at one and cant imagine anything in a glass being worth 10.00. Anyway I apologize for my misunderstanding I saw "out to eat" and in my mind it was 1950 again,,,please disregard...

lol, the 40's and the 50's were the good old days for both men and women comparing things with 2022. The thing to it is to realize it doesn't make any sense for everyone to think and believe that everything they hear in the media or from history books are "fake news" and what they were told about the old days are 100% true at the same time. It's just best for them to convince everyone today is better to so they don't realize things actually got worse for everyone.

Back in the mid seventies I made $5.00 a day in tips, working six days a week as a waitress in a greasy spoon for under $2.00 an hour. $1.75 an hour, to be exact. My rent was under a hundred a month, and a full bag of groceries might be $10.00, unlike now where it is closer to $30.00, and rent is more than a thousand a month now. Of course I could eat for free at the restaurant, so that was handy for at least one good meal a day Ha, one of my stories is concerning my boss there wanting to hire someone to help me wait tables/counter and tend the till, which I did alone, but, he was going to start them @ $2.00 an hour! When I found that out, I asked for a raise to $2.00 an hour, which he said he would give me after he hired someone to help me. I cannot repeat my parting words to him as I walked out the door LOLOLOLOLOLOL

I'd worked there for the better part of a year by then...