I need advice

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RedeemedSoul

Active member
Nov 20, 2020
112
94
28
#1
There's a girl I work with that I sort of have a crush on. We've had small talk here and there joked with each other. I don't if she's saved because we've never discussed it. I would like to get to know her better but I'm nervous about asking her out. I want to be a gentleman about it. Then I start having second thoughts and doubts. What do you all think? Any advice would be appreciated.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,672
9,608
113
#2
All I know is, "Faint heart never won fair lady."

But then I'm single, so what do I know about courting? :p

All advice should be taken with a whole shaker of salt though. "Look before you leap" cancels out "He who hesitates is lost."
 
R

Ruby123

Guest
#3
There's a girl I work with that I sort of have a crush on. We've had small talk here and there joked with each other. I don't if she's saved because we've never discussed it. I would like to get to know her better but I'm nervous about asking her out. I want to be a gentleman about it. Then I start having second thoughts and doubts. What do you all think? Any advice would be appreciated.
Go for it you have nothing to lose. If it does not turn out the way you wanted at least you would have made a friend. Most importantly pray about it and submit it to God and allow his will to be done. If he is for it he will make it happen.
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,276
2,556
113
#4
What @Lynx said.

The best relationships come from having and being friends first...a genuine friendship with all the trappings without trying to force romanticism into the mix.

Do you share things in common besides the job?

If you two had a failed romantic relationship would losing the job be devastating to you or her?

These two questions are on top of the list before going forward with anything other than a platonic relationship. And it's perfectly fine to have opposite gender friends. Even if you two don't make a romantic relationship I'm sure she knows someone who would be "ms right" instead of "ms. Right Now"....

One false accusation of sexual harassment and the job is toast.

A group date with others from the office/workplace would be ideal while you get to talk and discover more about her...that way you can't be accused of something.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#5
if someone IS saved they wont mind being asked 'Are you a christian? or Where do you fellowship or What do you think of the Bible?

Someone who isnt saved would probably not know how to answer these questions. Just ask one not all three though lol
 
N

notonmywatch

Guest
#6
There's a girl I work with that I sort of have a crush on. We've had small talk here and there joked with each other. I don't if she's saved because we've never discussed it. I would like to get to know her better but I'm nervous about asking her out. I want to be a gentleman about it. Then I start having second thoughts and doubts. What do you all think? Any advice would be appreciated.
What do I think?

I think that I could have written your post because you just described what I'm going through myself. The only difference is that I don't work with her, but I do frequently encounter her where she works.

I'll give you the same advice that I'm presently giving myself. Definitely keep the gentlemanly attitude and approach, and just go for it. If she agrees to go out with you, then great. If she doesn't, then your doubts are over and done with.

Life is short.

Don't have any regrets.

If you like her, then respectfully let her know.

I hope that it works out well for you and her.
 

Sculpt

Well-known member
Apr 18, 2021
1,147
368
83
#7
There's a girl I work with that I sort of have a crush on. We've had small talk here and there joked with each other. I don't if she's saved because we've never discussed it. I would like to get to know her better but I'm nervous about asking her out. I want to be a gentleman about it. Then I start having second thoughts and doubts. What do you all think? Any advice would be appreciated.
Before the "ask out" advice... because you work together you really need to go through the experience in your head of the possibility that you could date her and get very attached, and then she, as they do, very abruptly tells you she doesn't want a relationship with you anymore... and now you have to see her every day, when she talking to you about how cute certain guys are and her boyfriends coming in. (And by the way, that's not theoretical, all of that happened to me.) If that happens, can you handle it? or is it a job you can leave?

I'm assuming you're over 21, right? I'd start looking for fun/interesting things to do locally, like live music, or date stuff, like both of you making your own meal, tennis, pee wee golf, new restaurant, dancing, walking in the park, jogging, etc. Then when you talk to her you mention things you like to do, fun things you did, local places you visited... she how she responds to each. If she's interested in going out with you, and/or likes what you're talking about, she'll let you know, ask her to do it with you "hey, you want to go with me to ___?" Also ask her what she likes to do. If she likes to do something you have a date for, ask her.

Also, if you're going down that lane of subject, if she has a boyfriend, she'll mention it. Even if she does, if you think you have a connection, you can still pursue. If she declines an invitation and gives no indication of a "rain check", then if you're still interested, you might want to take a slower friendship approach.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
25,587
13,857
113
#8
There's a girl I work with that I sort of have a crush on. We've had small talk here and there joked with each other. I don't if she's saved because we've never discussed it. I would like to get to know her better but I'm nervous about asking her out. I want to be a gentleman about it. Then I start having second thoughts and doubts. What do you all think? Any advice would be appreciated.
Muster up some courage and ask her out for a very simple date... during which you make a point of asking whatever questions you need to assess her spiritual condition. If she is not saved, go no further. If she is, proceed with caution, being careful to note whether there is mutual interest.
 

Noel25

Active member
Dec 17, 2022
141
132
43
#9
I say ask her out. You don't want to wait and then miss your chance. Years from now you'll wonder what if...
 
N

notonmywatch

Guest
#10
There's a girl I work with that I sort of have a crush on. We've had small talk here and there joked with each other. I don't if she's saved because we've never discussed it. I would like to get to know her better but I'm nervous about asking her out. I want to be a gentleman about it. Then I start having second thoughts and doubts. What do you all think? Any advice would be appreciated.
I just found out that the woman I liked is married, so there goes that idea. I'm happy for her husband. 🙂

Life is short.

I'd make some sort of attempt if I were you, if you haven't already. Don't have any regrets.
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,276
2,556
113
#11
I just read some scary reddit threads...

It is REALLY scary out there....too scary to even think of going on a date with someone whom you don't know well...and even sometimes the people that you do.

Everything from trafficking to inadvertently being involved with felonies you really don't want to be involved with.

Know the person you are going to date. I can't stress that enough.
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
2,176
113
#12
step one would be find out if your work place frowns on in office relationships. if not then ask her out and ask your questions.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#14
step one would be find out if your work place frowns on in office relationships. if not then ask her out and ask your questions.
why do you assume the workplace is an office

Just wondering. Its not just you lots of people think this.

I have worked in an office but its really boring because you cant GO anywhere when you stuck behind a desk. This person might work in a factory...or on a farm. Or maybe on wheels or a fishing boat. lol
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
2,176
113
#15
why do you assume the workplace is an office

Just wondering. Its not just you lots of people think this.

I have worked in an office but its really boring because you cant GO anywhere when you stuck behind a desk. This person might work in a factory...or on a farm. Or maybe on wheels or a fishing boat. lol
To be fair I did say work place as I know it can be anywhere, I did work in offices many of them and even when I worked at a retail store I was in an office job. I also worked in hospitals, and stores as sales person. But ended my career in offices.
 
Jan 22, 2023
47
22
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#16
There's a girl I work with that I sort of have a crush on. We've had small talk here and there joked with each other. I don't if she's saved because we've never discussed it. I would like to get to know her better but I'm nervous about asking her out. I want to be a gentleman about it. Then I start having second thoughts and doubts. What do you all think? Any advice would be appreciated.
I would say get to be friends and at one point bring up Christianity, and see what she says. But I’m also a single child so don’t listen to anything I say