@JimmyTheLock
Those deceived by the false teachings of that unrepentant murderer John Calvin... would say that.
It's always strange to hear of people who follow an unrepentant murderer thinking that would be a good guy to get spiritual advice from.
Michael Servetus wasn't murdered by Calvin, check your facts.
The fallacy has been doing the rounds since the 2000s.
I don't have a licence to sin. When I do wrong I grieve the Holy Spirit & He convicts me. The loss & despair I feel bring me to repentance very quickly. Smaller sins are sort of filtered & stopped by my conscience, though I still do wrong at times.
The change in me is something remarkable, it's as though my mind has a buffer against inappropriate things & pride.
This change can't be faked. I don't sin much, but I do still sin & I'm forgiven in Christ.
You claim that because I follow Reformed theology I'm not saved. Then how come the Holy Spirit resides in me?
Re suicide, I'm concerned that new Christians & those seeking truthful answers may read this thread & give up in despair.
Suicide isn't as black & white as you purport.
The answer to a suicide's family or friends' query "Is my loved one in Heaven?" should be "If they were in Christ, yes, if not no." Or even "I don't know."
Some Christians suffer greatly before being saved, I'm glad that He brought you through your tough times and you're here now.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
May He bless you greatly.