Marriage is Hard

How does the idea of covenant pertain to marriage for you?

So God is so serious about breaking you word (covenant) that even when it is done without consulting Him and based on a lies from the other party that He expects you to keep it. Period.

I'm posting this thread in order to not completely hijack another thread.

I had mentioned how I'm a workaholic at work 80 hours a week. I'm unsupported by my wife and my endeavors. She does not work. Yada yada yada. I thought perhaps a good discussion could ensue and perhaps we could encourage each other concerning marriage and Helen general. It's just tough. It's hard enough with two people from two different backgrounds becoming one. Much less dealing with all the baggage that each has had from their past. And we all have baggage.

I'm driving on my way to a job so please forgive the bad grammar, misspelling etc because I'm letting Google do the typing while I have paid attention to the road .

We cannot provide our input without further detail. How do you feel unsupported? Do you want her to work? How many months/years have you been working 80 hours per week?

No physical contact. If I even ask for a hug or kiss she recoils and asks "why"?

Not even a friendly hug? Does she hug or kiss the kids? If she came from a different background/culture, she may not be as comfortable with physical contact. When she asks why, what do you say in response? You need to find out WHY she doesn't want physical contact; there could be a multitude of different reasons.

After 5 years, she's given up on even trying to get you to understand. You've already chosen between the marriage and the career and she lost. I get why she's no longer participating.

Sorry for being so blunt but you can only fix this by putting her first from now on.

After 5 years, she's given up on even trying to get you to understand. You've already chosen between the marriage and the career and she lost. I get why she's no longer participating.

Sorry for being so blunt but you can only fix this by putting her first from now on.

The only time a physical contact is willingly given is if there is a request for additional money from her. Then her attitude changes to sweet. For a day or so. Yes she hugs and kisses the kids. She says that she is not a touch person and has a bubble, respect it.

You have to give opinions based on information given.

So I’m assuming she is a believer attending Church?

If so, my thoughts would be a little different than if she were not.

I wish it were that simple.

I am trying to decide how much is appropriate to share.

As a child my wife's parents highly abused her in every way imaginable. Stuff that makes your brain freeze in disbelief. We have always dealt with the demons from her past, DID, demonic oppression. Heck her mother at one point was on a rampage about how our first born must be dedicated to Satan before she turned 2. Fortunately the Lord provided a way. They had money and influence. Looking back He orchestrated events perfectly for us to go to another country and for my wife to realize without my forcing or even suggesting that she needed to cut ties with her family. Which she did of her own. Obviously the Lord was involved.

Even when I wasn't working such long hours. In fact mostly managing her...personality and issues and taking care of the kids. She would rarely participate in physical contact. And was harsh, making accusations of infidelity and everything else. Telling me I needed to get my physical needs fulfilled elsewhere. Every business venture or job I had was sabotaged, honestly I allowed it to be by always putting her needs first for almost 15 years.

One day I was reflecting on all this and realized that I didn't feel like a man. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a simp. And decided no more. I was performing the definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. I had to change and quit worrying so much about what my wife thinks. Placing her in effect as an idol. So I started this business while working for someone else.

At one point about 4 and 1/2 years ago she was going to a church group in another town and she came back with the idea that because I desire to have an intimate relationship with her there is sexual deviancy involved and she needed to cut off all physical intimacy in order to "fix me". I think that's the way she put it. I got the impression all the women in this group had made some kind of pact to do this. I have tried broaching the subject many a time and lips are sealed.

So forget the intimacy, I'm 50 this year and it's been so long now I'm kinda over it.

I can't continue talking about this at the moment, my finger needs a break from the phone.

I think your spot on MsMediator

I'm posting this thread in order to not completely hijack another thread.

I had mentioned how I'm a workaholic at work 80 hours a week. I'm unsupported by my wife and my endeavors. She does not work. Yada yada yada. I thought perhaps a good discussion could ensue and perhaps we could encourage each other concerning marriage and Helen general. It's just tough. It's hard enough with two people from two different backgrounds becoming one. Much less dealing with all the baggage that each has had from their past. And we all have baggage.

I'm driving on my way to a job so please forgive the bad grammar, misspelling etc because I'm letting Google do the typing while I have paid attention to the road .