An Un-Earthly Poll: How Well Would YOU Survive a Zombie Apocalypse? (All Mortals Are Welcome to Answer!)

Hey Everyone,

Skimming through some past threads gave me the idea for this "poll." I know the zombie genre isn't as popular now, but I thought it might be funny just to see what people's answers would be.

I'm just writing the "poll" and its the answers here -- I can't use the regular system for this because the poll boxes don't allow enough space for the answers I have in mind.

In your own post, tell us which answers fit you -- feel free to copy and paste, or just give us the numbers of your answers -- and most importantly, tell us WHY you relate to them.

Please also add in any answers of your own, which will only add to the fun(ny) -- or as @Karlon would say, the phun(ny)!

It's been a REALLY challenging past couple of weeks... I don't know about you, but for me, kicking back with a humorous poll about zombies sounded like the good laugh that maybe many of us could use.

I can't wait to hear your answers! (And for the person(s) who have the private bunk(s)... Are you taking reservations?!)

Step right up and answer...


An Un-Earthly Poll: How Well Would YOU Survive a Zombie Apocalypse?

1. Are you kidding?! I'm a P-A-R-E-N-T. Zombies are WAY BELOW my pay grade!!! The zombies would be begging ME for mercy (and to be let out of time-out.)

2. Give me a break. I deal with (teens, unruly customers, grouchy old people, snoozy meetings -- insert difficult population or situation here) for breakfast. Zombies wouldn't even be an worthy appetizer! I'd be eating their lunch while they fled in terror.

3. Who do I look like, an 80's action star?! I'd rather hang out at Dunkin' Donuts than Gold's Gym. Zombies might get a nibble off me, but I'll still make it through! Nothing like a good zombie bite to give me credibility and a daunting rep(utation.)

4. I might lose a limb or two (hand, foot, left ear,) but I think I'll be just fine! I'll either get prosthetics or have what's left of me transferred into "The Sith Life Support System." After all, it worked for Darth Vader...

5. The zombies might as well go ahead and take my brain. It's not like I'm using it for anything important anyway!

6. Who am I fooling? I'm not exactly prepper material. Zombies would probably turn me into a Thanksgiving dinner -- with all the trimmings!

7. Move aside, chump. Not only will I survive, but my spouse and I (if I don't have one yet, I'll find one who's as much of a strapping survivalist as myself,) and we are going not only going to get through this, but then get to work at re-populating the earth! (Noah/Adam ain't got nothin' on me/us!)

8. I have lots of expendable friends and neighbors the zombies can go after first, so I'm going to survive just fine! (You know, it's like when vampires are chasing you and your friends... and all you have to do is trip your friends and outrun them.) After all, that was just on Monday!

9. I've been WAITING for this day. I've been training/prepping for something like this my whole life, and I'm going to show you how it's done! Now be a good little minion and fetch me my gear.

10. This is what my private underground bunker is for. So sad, really -- I'm going to miss seeing the peasants scurrying around.

11. Other -- I have an even BETTER idea on how to deal with zombies, and that would be ____________________________________________________.

They wouldn't even see me coming... Because I wouldn't be coming. If left to my own devices I like to stay at home a lot, so hunkering down and waiting for it to blow over for a day or a month or a year would be just fine with me.

Well there goes MY plan.

I was counting on you to have a private bunker. And so was Winston.

Unless, of course, by "hunkering down at home," you also happen to mean "hunkering down in my private bunker"...

I don't need a private bunker. Nobody ever comes out to our house. Even on Halloween night we don't get one single trick-or-treater. I think we'll be safe.

I’ll go for #11. I’ll just put up a sign saying “Zombies are not allowed on the causeway” and then they’ll turn around and go bothering people in Harris county.

5

(TallTimbers answered #5

Somehow, I don't trust your answer, @Tall_Timbers -- I was reading in another thread about your gifting for dentistry while serving in the mission field.

Sounds to me like your mind is a treasure trove of life experience, which would be desperately needed in a time like this!!!

Either that, or if some zombie comes along and starts pulling out everyone's teeth -- we'll know what happened.

And now you have me wondering what the poor people of Harris county did to you...

They’re on the wrong side of the causeway.

Ok, ok, so maybe I just have this dream of having a friend with a private bunker!! (I'm determined to find at least one person through this thread!)

And if I were to tell you that you MIGHT just have one trick-or-treater this year (of the turquoise, feathered variety,) would you have a big bowl of candy waiting? (I mean, Southern hospitality and all.)

By the way, Winston likes Peanut M&M's, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and Hershey's Chocolate Bars.

Goodness gracious.

So in Texas...

People who are on the wrong side of the causeway...

... or the wrong side of the lake...

... or the wrong side of the mountain...

... or the wrong side of the bed...

are just plumb tuckered out o'luck??!!! And being on the "wrong side" is enough to for you to UNLEASH ZOMBIES on these poor people?!

*Seoulsearch is pretty sure she exists on the Wrong Side of Right, which probably qualifies as zombie chow to the likes of Susanna.*

*Seoulsearch starts to contemplate how much it would take to gain citizenship to The Right Side, which hopefully is NOT seen as zombie fodder.*

I just realized I never answered my own poll.

In the thick of some of the retail jobs I've had, I would definitely feel like this:

Ironically, in my opinion, the most entitled customers were: 1. the ones on government assistance, who felt the world owed them everything; and 2. the retired seniors living in a wealthy area with a lot of discretionary income -- who felt the world owed them everything.

On most days, I would have rather dealt with zombies.

And on days I felt like throwing in the towel, I definitely would have chosen:

And on the days I was feeling fancy, I might have picked:

I don't have a bunker, but my grandparents had an old farmhouse, complete with a "basement" that was actually a root cellar (dug into the ground and left unfinished.) Would that count?

I can still remember as a kid when Grandma would go down there to get some kind of home-canned delicacy like peaches, but had to battle a mouse or snake before she emerged with the spoils.

For anyone remembers this, it was almost like watching Rikki-Tikki-Tavi (the mongoose) going off into the cobra's den.

A mixture of these three...

I just want to be like that guy from the movie "The Book of Eli".
I want to be on a island that can't be accessed, and be surrounded by books and food.

Well shoot.

When you said you wanted to be "like that guy from The Book of Eli" -- I thought you meant you wanted to be a baddie that no one could mess with because you had a secret super power and can kick all the bad guys' butts.

Just a slight misunderstanding.

Well, I know you DO have one super power from that movie -- you know the Bible extremely well. Maybe not to the extent that you could tell a group of monks to get "a lot of paper" in order to write it all down from memory but... pretty darn close.

It is one of my favorite movies. The part where Eli starts reciting Genesis chapter one gets me every time. Well, that part and where he offers that prayer before he dies.

I thought we was already in a zombie Apocalypse

According to some rabidly political people we are, but only because they consider the political party they hate to be just about as good as zombies.

Politics aside, nope. Not yet anyway.

I'm pretty sure we can scrounge up something.

Peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, chocolate cookies with peanut butter between them, donut sticks, mini chocolate chip muffins, and a box of European chocolate combined with European cookie biscuits behind them.

Not shown in picture: nutty Buddy bars, fudge dipped chocolate chip granola bars, little cups of pineapple bits, ginger snap cookies, white cheddar crackers, lots of bags of chocolate chip biscotti... There's even a couple of bananas on top of the microwave, if somebody wants to be all healthy and stuff.

In our family we make sure Grandma always has snacks. I'm sure we could find something to give a trick or treater.

I've got bad news for you... the zombies can swim just fine. What are you gonna do now, soldier?

I’ll be sitting on the causeway with a glass of champagne watching the currents taking the Zombies to sea.