Do you lie to your spouse............for correction?

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tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,665
17,119
113
69
Tennessee
#21
I'm only offering an opinion that might help solve your problem area.
Always remember that we all have strengths and weaknesses. I don't like husbands in a gathering exposing their wives' flaws anymore than the wives gossipping about their husbands. There should be unity in the marriage relationship. Sins like those will separate and make matters worse with resentment and long term damage.

Since you are the leader in this relationship, and the more organized one, I would suggest the following.

1. Recognize that weakness and perhaps character flaw.
2. Rather than approach her in frustration at the time of frustration or anger, correct the problem as is needed to keep the china from getting further broken.
3. Think about specific ways she is motivated. Everyone is different. Husbands are required to get to know their wives.
4. Come up with a simple plan of approaching her in a non emotional way, but in a way that will help the household become more amicable to both of you.
5. Set a schedule in your planner to accomplish one task with her. For instance, you can kindly let her know that you set a day and time to clean and reshelve the cupboards. You want to work on it with her, like a team. Note that you are not putting her down or chastising her. You are enlisting her as the helper that God created her to be. Think positive motivation so she will enjoy the process of working WITH you and the outcome.
6. Let her know that you will start today when you go to the store to get plastic storage containers. Ask if she has enough plastic bags to wrap the excess cups and dinnerware in.
She assesses and let's you know if you should buy any.
7. Project day, you ask her how many she needs for setting the table. Perhaps you can have enough handy for company or holiday gatherings. Perhaps it needs to be gotten out of storage then. Everything is wiped down and shelf relined or whatever you want.
The sealed container gets a label and goes into the attic.

Everyone is happy and has the positive sense of accomplishment!
🍵🙂👍

Next, ask if there's anything that she would like from you.
Very good outline. My wife may have weak areas (few) but certainly no character flaws. I follow just about all of your points. Exactly, everyone is happy and has a sense of accomplishment.
 

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2022
10,606
4,535
113
Almost Heaven West Virginia
#22
Very good outline. My wife may have weak areas (few) but certainly no character flaws. I follow just about all of your points. Exactly, everyone is happy and has a sense of accomplishment.
That's great!
I am single, but have been in leadership positions and learned a few things of Biblical application in marriage as in groups.
I think that one of the benefits to marriage is that while there's the greater potential for much pain and stress, there's another person who has needs. When things go God's way serving one another, there's much more joy.
I have much to learn from you as a married man, no doubt.
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,703
1,236
113
#24
I'm only offering an opinion that might help solve your problem area.
Always remember that we all have strengths and weaknesses. I don't like husbands in a gathering exposing their wives' flaws anymore than the wives gossipping about their husbands. There should be unity in the marriage relationship. Sins like those will separate and make matters worse with resentment and long term damage.

Since you are the leader in this relationship, and the more organized one, I would suggest the following.

1. Recognize that weakness and perhaps character flaw.
2. Rather than approach her in frustration at the time of frustration or anger, correct the problem as is needed to keep the china from getting further broken.
3. Think about specific ways she is motivated. Everyone is different. Husbands are required to get to know their wives.
4. Come up with a simple plan of approaching her in a non emotional way, but in a way that will help the household become more amicable to both of you.
5. Set a schedule in your planner to accomplish one task with her. For instance, you can kindly let her know that you set a day and time to clean and reshelve the cupboards. You want to work on it with her, like a team. Note that you are not putting her down or chastising her. You are enlisting her as the helper that God created her to be. Think positive motivation so she will enjoy the process of working WITH you and the outcome.
6. Let her know that you will start today when you go to the store to get plastic storage containers. Ask if she has enough plastic bags to wrap the excess cups and dinnerware in.
She assesses and let's you know if you should buy any.
7. Project day, you ask her how many she needs for setting the table. Perhaps you can have enough handy for company or holiday gatherings. Perhaps it needs to be gotten out of storage then. Everything is wiped down and shelf relined or whatever you want.
The sealed container gets a label and goes into the attic.

Everyone is happy and has the positive sense of accomplishment!
🍵🙂👍

Next, ask if there's anything that she would like from you.
oh, everyone, this is really quite a small issue. on the weaknesses, not one here knows who we are. i don't tell people anything & she doesn't either, (people we know). we have wonderful unity. our marriage gets better as the years move on. nearly no marriages can say that. i'm not frustrated at all, not even close. when i tell her about the cabinets, i smile. when i clean, i don't tell her. she likes it better as a surprise. were have enough of #6. all is well here. in fact, we're headed for another big Saturday in Saratoga & on Sunday, down in Middeberg for a big antique sale. thanks HealthandHappiness.
 

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2022
10,606
4,535
113
Almost Heaven West Virginia
#25
oh, everyone, this is really quite a small issue. on the weaknesses, not one here knows who we are. i don't tell people anything & she doesn't either, (people we know). we have wonderful unity. our marriage gets better as the years move on. nearly no marriages can say that. i'm not frustrated at all, not even close. when i tell her about the cabinets, i smile. when i clean, i don't tell her. she likes it better as a surprise. were have enough of #6. all is well here. in fact, we're headed for another big Saturday in Saratoga & on Sunday, down in Middeberg for a big antique sale. thanks HealthandHappiness.
Sorry to come across critical. I already posted before I proofread and added that I don't think you are publicly violating any personal privacy. We don't even know you or your wife. As is usual, I hit post and edit. Timer timed out before I corrected my incomplete thoughts on the subject. I apologize.

I'm glad you are asking about this because probably every other couple goes through similar issues.
We can all learn from one another, especially us singles who may get married some day. You've been there, done that. Glad to hear that things are so peaceful in your life.
 

blueluna5

Well-known member
Jul 30, 2018
669
401
63
#26
If your spouse keeps on with poor habits, do you lie to get something corrected? I do. My wife overstuffs cabinets. So when I tell her, I'll say, "Luvee, you put to many glasses & cups in the cabinet & when i opened the cabinet door, 3 cups & glasses fell out". really, only 1 fell out. Or, near our microwave, she has a pile of "stuff"' & if you position the coffee maker to use, her stuff gets scattered in that area, sometimes, falling to the floor! & I'll tell her 5 things fell when just 1 or 2. So what's your story on this everyone?
Yes, and I usually seek my revenge by putting the lint on top of the dryer and adding the toilet paper roll on backwards. It gets to the point where he asks if I'm knitting a sweater with the lint and I let him have it with my ultimatum. "Mow the grass and I'll clean up the lint." 😹
 

ThereRoseaLamb

Well-known member
Jan 17, 2023
4,838
2,089
113
#27
i also organize everything perfectly. for instance, in my garage & cabinets in the house & refrigerator, i have all labels facing the front so they can be read easily.

I couldn't live with clutter. It would give me anxiety. But I married later in life and neither of us can be bothered with arguing. If we see something that needs done, we do it. If the floor needs to be vacuumed or clothes washed and I don't get to it, he does it. If the deck needs painting and it's 100 degrees out, I'm out there working to get it done. A large branch broke of our tree and I moved it. I busted a move :eek: and he chided me a little for trying to do it myself but I knew he wasn't feeling well and would try to move it if he saw it. A mature marriage is when you understand that when you do what you can to make your spouse happy, they will do the same for you.
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,703
1,236
113
#30
holy heavens! i woke up this a.m. & she cleared up the messy area by the microwave & coffee maker last night!!! she doesn't know i posted anything either!!! now pray she clears up the cabinet discombobulation!
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,281
2,561
113
#31
holy heavens! i woke up this a.m. & she cleared up the messy area by the microwave & coffee maker last night!!! she doesn't know i posted anything either!!! now pray she clears up the cabinet discombobulation!
Let us do evil so that good can result?

It's not worked in 5700+ years yet....but people keep trying.

Your wife loves you and your ways even though they cause conflict. Just like you love her with her ways. Because every dog has its unique fleas. And without those fleas you have no dog.

If I were you....and I live in a similar situation....I thank God regularly for her. We have a wonderful life together. When so many people are divorcing and abusive towards their spouses....your biggest challenge is too many cups in one location? HA! That's a feature not a disaster. Just thank her for putting things away and fix it the way you want. It's marriage. Appreciate what she does and verbally acknowledge it. Honey works vinegar will not.
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,703
1,236
113
#32
Let us do evil so that good can result?

It's not worked in 5700+ years yet....but people keep trying.

Your wife loves you and your ways even though they cause conflict. Just like you love her with her ways. Because every dog has its unique fleas. And without those fleas you have no dog.

If I were you....and I live in a similar situation....I thank God regularly for her. We have a wonderful life together. When so many people are divorcing and abusive towards their spouses....your biggest challenge is too many cups in one location? HA! That's a feature not a disaster. Just thank her for putting things away and fix it the way you want. It's marriage. Appreciate what she does and verbally acknowledge it. Honey works vinegar will not.
hold on JohnDB. read this a.m.'s post! you'll see. thanks for your comment but this doesn't even come close to the "evil" category.
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,281
2,561
113
#33
hold on JohnDB. read this a.m.'s post! you'll see. thanks for your comment but this doesn't even come close to the "evil" category.
Lies are the "evil". And I'm quoting Paul....from a famous verse in scripture. I'm making a reference to the concept and not the particulars.

Oh I fully understand what you are saying...been there done that sort of thing myself. It doesn't work. Always has a bad end. Because your wife needs to be able to rely on your words. "Yes" and "No" have to be truth EVERY time. Because it damages the value of "I love you" if they are not. Oh I get the concept of "white lies" because that's what this is. But marriage is sacrosanct. Different from every other relationship out there. I know you get this even if I'm just writing.
Just some friendly advice. And yeah....I completely understand the annoyance factor of cups and schlock falling out of the cabinet like you sprung a booby trap designed to hurt you. Or you can't get at your coffee for her junk in the way.

But she can adjust to accommodate you and she did....because she does indeed love you. It's not a shock but little things like that do give you warm fuzzies.
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,703
1,236
113
#34
I would agree that overstating the truth of something could backfire, especially if the wife discovers she has been being lied to.
take a guess! she cleared up the microwave area too! yahoo!!!
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,703
1,236
113
#35
Magenta, my lie worked! so phunnneee (i don't encourage this, at least)
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,703
1,236
113
#36
my strategy worked. less than two weeks, all was attended to & organized correctly.