As Christians, How Can We Take a Stance Against Society's Constant Pairing of Sex With Violence?

I've thrown a lot of darts in pubs in England, and eaten meals in the pubs as well. It's too bad that those places seem to be going away.

I have to confess, I don't know much about porn, but I have no doubt what you're saying is true from the things I read and reports I listen to.

I always have an interest in trying to foster and encourage healthy reactions between men and women -- but I admit that with so much working against us all, it often feels hopeless.

This makes me so sad for your friend -- I'm so glad she at least had you and another friend to talk to, even if neither of you were married.

I get so frustrated because people will say, "Talk things out BEFORE marriage! Talk about it in pre-marriage counseling! You should have known better! You should have talked it out!" I don't know what others' experiences have been, but finding anyone to talk about ANY of these things when I was growing up was impossible. When I got married, I don't think the pastor even MENTIONED sex during our "pre-marital counseling", except, of course, to wait until we were actually married.

In my experience, no one in church talks about much of anything that people are really struggling with behind the masks.

Part of the reasons I've struggled with depression/suicidal feelings even as a Christian, which some say is impossible -- but for me it wasn't, because I couldn't find anyone at the time whom I could trust or was willing to talk to about what bothered me most.

Even as as I was becoming an older teenager, I told God, "I can't find anyone open enough or trustworthy enough to talk to, so when I grow up, please help me to be that person to someone else."

And because I'm honored to have the privilege of various people who talk to me, particularly younger women, I am thankful to God for answering that prayer.

This is also exactly why I write the threads I do, because no one talked about these things, and it would have saved me a lot of self-destructive habits if they would have.

I just hope to be able to help someone else in the process.

Some people r just very shy though , especially young people . The only reason I talk so openly on here is because we can't c each other and r probably not going to ever meet , in this life for sure . The thought of talking about sex to a pre marriage counselor , at any age , would have freaked me out , I would not b able to do it , even now I couldn't . Also , I'm guessing it's very hard to talk about something that u have never experienced .
In person I'm quite chatty and friendly but , I don't talk about serious stuff , not my serious stuff with anyone except God and maybe my husband . I'm happy to listen to others talk about anything but I'm not sharing important stuff , private stuff , with anyone .
I remember when I was little and lived with my grandparents , I can't remember what exactly happened but I know that I had said something to one of our neighbours about something that had happened in my grandparents house . I told my grandad what I had been talking about with the neighbours and he looked at me very sternly and said ' what happens in here stays in here , u don't talk about what grandma and me talk about ' , also when I was a kid , if I was in a room with adults and they wanted to talk about something grown up , they would tell me to go outside and play , I actually think that's a good thing to do , is that wrong of me ? Maybe it's a cultural thing . We british really do believe in the stiff upper lip and suffering in silence etc . The internet is definitely changing that attitude to some extent but , people my age and older r still very reluctant to discuss ' private ' matters .
If any of u guys met me in person u might b surprised at how very shy I am face to face .

I, too, am more outspoken online than in person. At least at first. Once I get more familiar with someone i can become quite chatty at times. Otherwise in person social interactions with new people or strangers makes me very nervous.
I can even think of many times when maybe standing in line for the cashier friendly people turning to chat or comment on what's going on. I hate that as I get flustered and don't know what to say back. So I'll try to think of something that sounds normal, but when I say it they give me this funny look and just turn around without another word. Then when I go back and think about it I cringe at what I said 😂

Oh I know , im sure people who work in shops r told that they have to b friendly and chatty with the customers but it makes me uncomfortable too . I hate it when they comment on what I'm buying , half the time what I'm buying isn't for me but for my mum and , I've been asked rather inappropriate questions a few times . I would never ever complain about the staff in shops because I couldn't bear the thought of anyone getting into trouble on my account but in my usual shops , there r staff that I will completely avoid because they r just too chatty 🙄 .
It seems that in this day and age , especially with people bearing their innards all over the internet , shy people r seen as weirdos 😬 .

Well isn't this chattiness a bit newer in the UK? As an American its normal and what you grew up with. Though it seems less common than it used to be, especially at big stores.
I'd always felt shy people had a harder time in the past. With the internet came more knowledge about different types of people and personalities. And even has a lot of shy people using it since it's easier to speak online than in person.
At least that's been my perception.

I was talking to one of my step daughters the other day , telling her where I had been and she was stunned that I had gone shopping on my own , she felt so sorry for me ! I tried to explain that I'm quite happy doing things on my own but she genuinely didn't believe me , it was ridiculous . I wonder if it's to do with bring an only child ? I have 5 step daughters and they r very open and friendly , probably because of the fact that they have always had company . Maybe it's mostly only children that r a bit shy and more comfortable on their own than in a group ?

Interesting thread Seoul!

I have thoughts about it but probably won't share much here.

Got an email, from an organization that I support, about this topic. They address other issues relating to sexual sin as well.

Harvestusa.org

Hey Everyone,

This topic has been on my mind because I like to keep up with basic news about pop culture. I find that it gives me a doorway to talk to numerous types of people, and, after working towards earning their trust over several conversations and a length of time, it can lead into discussions about spiritual things. And so, although I neither watch movies or shows nor play games, I do subscribe to channels on YouTube that discuss them, giving me just enough to be able to participate in a conversation about them.

Something that has been heavily weighing on my spirit is the fact that entertainment repeatedly pairs sex with violence. Movies (especially horror,) shows, music videos, and games often feature scantily clad women in the midst of violent scenarios. Sometimes they are taken prisoner and tortured, all while dressed in attire (or lack their of) meant to seduce; sometimes they are graphically assaulted in the process.

I don't listen to popular music anymore (I used to because my work places always had them playing, but not now,) so I was completely and utterly shocked a few years ago when a YouTube short had a song playing in the background with a male voice singing, "I'm vanilla, baby. I'LL CHOKE YOU, but I ain't no killa, baby." (Jack Harlow)

Yes, I'm old and naive, but I was honestly taken aback that "I'll choke you" was seen as a perfectly acceptable lyric for a popular song. Now I know that many in the audience are going to say, "Wow. You're really sheltered... That's NOTHING compared to (this other song, movie, or show I've heard or seen.")

What shocked me even more was when a successful real estate agent on YouTube, a man probably in his late 40's, gave a list of things "women like (in an intimate setting,)" and said that women "love to be choked." Young men with no true role models are listening to this, thinking that this is what women will like, and young women, not knowing any better, will think this is what's to be expected of them. And it disturbs me to no end.

I have also heard that one of the dangers of pornography is that the participant "needs" to watch more and more severe scenarios, usually spiraling into scenes involving violence and underage/child "actors."

I know that with each generation, things will just keep getting worse, and it is to be expected, as the Bible tells us.

But what concerns me most is when I see it literally affecting the people around me -- when I have female co-workers who tell me, "I don't understand why he doesn't kiss me or tell me he loves me. He chokes me instead."

Men and women are being repeatedly being conditioned to pair sex and violence as something normal. And being a Christian does not make us immune.

I have had more than one Christian wife tearfully share with me what they are being forced to do by Christian-claiming husbands behind closed doors.

And I can only write about this from my perspective of a woman that other women talk to -- I am NOT in any way trying to vilify men, because I'm sure many men are suffering from abuses as well. It's just that, as a woman, I obviously haven't had as many men tell me their stories (though I've still heard quite a few.)

I cannot imagine being a parent and having to have a talk with my kids about how "Choking (and other forms of violence regarding intimacy) is NOT normal and NOT right, no matter what anyone says!!" But I think in today's world, this is very necessary.

As Christians, especially Christian singles who are navigating the land mines of dating, how can we take a stand against this? Not just for ourselves, but to help others around us?

* How can we keep our minds guarded from these associations?

I don't judge anyone who watches horror movies -- I believe that's between the person and God. But one of the reasons I don't watch them is because of their notorious pairing of sex with violence and death.

I'm not asking this as a criticism, but as a genuine Christian -- for those who don't feel convicted of watching horror movies, how are you able to keep your own mental and emotional lines from being blurred?

* Have you ever felt uncomfortable with certain songs, music videos, games, movies, etc. because of the sex and violence? What did you choose to do after that? Cut down on watching, cut them out altogether, find alternatives, etc.?

* Have you had someone tell you they were experiencing violence in a relationship? What did you do in order to help?

* If you are a survivor of relationship violence, feel free to share anything you're comfortable with -- but most definitely DO NOT share if you don't have peace about it. Just pray along with us silently that we can help people/prevent them from getting into these situations.


I know this is a very sensitive topic, so please don't share anything on any level that you are uncomfortable with.

I just have a strong belief that many people are suffering from things that are seen as too taboo to talk about (especially in church.) At the very least, I hope to raise awareness that others we know might need prayers for help, whether as the victim -- or the perpetrator.

May God bless you!

Hey Everyone,

This topic has been on my mind because I like to keep up with basic news about pop culture. I find that it gives me a doorway to talk to numerous types of people, and, after working towards earning their trust over several conversations and a length of time, it can lead into discussions about spiritual things. And so, although I neither watch movies or shows nor play games, I do subscribe to channels on YouTube that discuss them, giving me just enough to be able to participate in a conversation about them.

Something that has been heavily weighing on my spirit is the fact that entertainment repeatedly pairs sex with violence. Movies (especially horror,) shows, music videos, and games often feature scantily clad women in the midst of violent scenarios. Sometimes they are taken prisoner and tortured, all while dressed in attire (or lack their of) meant to seduce; sometimes they are graphically assaulted in the process.

I don't listen to popular music anymore (I used to because my work places always had them playing, but not now,) so I was completely and utterly shocked a few years ago when a YouTube short had a song playing in the background with a male voice singing, "I'm vanilla, baby. I'LL CHOKE YOU, but I ain't no killa, baby." (Jack Harlow)

Yes, I'm old and naive, but I was honestly taken aback that "I'll choke you" was seen as a perfectly acceptable lyric for a popular song. Now I know that many in the audience are going to say, "Wow. You're really sheltered... That's NOTHING compared to (this other song, movie, or show I've heard or seen.")

What shocked me even more was when a successful real estate agent on YouTube, a man probably in his late 40's, gave a list of things "women like (in an intimate setting,)" and said that women "love to be choked." Young men with no true role models are listening to this, thinking that this is what women will like, and young women, not knowing any better, will think this is what's to be expected of them. And it disturbs me to no end.

I have also heard that one of the dangers of pornography is that the participant "needs" to watch more and more severe scenarios, usually spiraling into scenes involving violence and underage/child "actors."

I know that with each generation, things will just keep getting worse, and it is to be expected, as the Bible tells us.

But what concerns me most is when I see it literally affecting the people around me -- when I have female co-workers who tell me, "I don't understand why he doesn't kiss me or tell me he loves me. He chokes me instead."

Men and women are being repeatedly being conditioned to pair sex and violence as something normal. And being a Christian does not make us immune.

I have had more than one Christian wife tearfully share with me what they are being forced to do by Christian-claiming husbands behind closed doors.

And I can only write about this from my perspective of a woman that other women talk to -- I am NOT in any way trying to vilify men, because I'm sure many men are suffering from abuses as well. It's just that, as a woman, I obviously haven't had as many men tell me their stories (though I've still heard quite a few.)

I cannot imagine being a parent and having to have a talk with my kids about how "Choking (and other forms of violence regarding intimacy) is NOT normal and NOT right, no matter what anyone says!!" But I think in today's world, this is very necessary.

As Christians, especially Christian singles who are navigating the land mines of dating, how can we take a stand against this? Not just for ourselves, but to help others around us?

* How can we keep our minds guarded from these associations?

I don't judge anyone who watches horror movies -- I believe that's between the person and God. But one of the reasons I don't watch them is because of their notorious pairing of sex with violence and death.

I'm not asking this as a criticism, but as a genuine Christian -- for those who don't feel convicted of watching horror movies, how are you able to keep your own mental and emotional lines from being blurred?

* Have you ever felt uncomfortable with certain songs, music videos, games, movies, etc. because of the sex and violence? What did you choose to do after that? Cut down on watching, cut them out altogether, find alternatives, etc.?

* Have you had someone tell you they were experiencing violence in a relationship? What did you do in order to help?

* If you are a survivor of relationship violence, feel free to share anything you're comfortable with -- but most definitely DO NOT share if you don't have peace about it. Just pray along with us silently that we can help people/prevent them from getting into these situations.


I know this is a very sensitive topic, so please don't share anything on any level that you are uncomfortable with.

I just have a strong belief that many people are suffering from things that are seen as too taboo to talk about (especially in church.) At the very least, I hope to raise awareness that others we know might need prayers for help, whether as the victim -- or the perpetrator.

May God bless you!

now with self realization, knowing who i am in Christ and knowing i am loved by God unconditionally

Hey Everyone,

This topic has been on my mind because I like to keep up with basic news about pop culture. I find that it gives me a doorway to talk to numerous types of people, and, after working towards earning their trust over several conversations and a length of time, it can lead into discussions about spiritual things. And so, although I neither watch movies or shows nor play games, I do subscribe to channels on YouTube that discuss them, giving me just enough to be able to participate in a conversation about them.

Something that has been heavily weighing on my spirit is the fact that entertainment repeatedly pairs sex with violence. Movies (especially horror,) shows, music videos, and games often feature scantily clad women in the midst of violent scenarios. Sometimes they are taken prisoner and tortured, all while dressed in attire (or lack their of) meant to seduce; sometimes they are graphically assaulted in the process.

I don't listen to popular music anymore (I used to because my work places always had them playing, but not now,) so I was completely and utterly shocked a few years ago when a YouTube short had a song playing in the background with a male voice singing, "I'm vanilla, baby. I'LL CHOKE YOU, but I ain't no killa, baby." (Jack Harlow)

Yes, I'm old and naive, but I was honestly taken aback that "I'll choke you" was seen as a perfectly acceptable lyric for a popular song. Now I know that many in the audience are going to say, "Wow. You're really sheltered... That's NOTHING compared to (this other song, movie, or show I've heard or seen.")

What shocked me even more was when a successful real estate agent on YouTube, a man probably in his late 40's, gave a list of things "women like (in an intimate setting,)" and said that women "love to be choked." Young men with no true role models are listening to this, thinking that this is what women will like, and young women, not knowing any better, will think this is what's to be expected of them. And it disturbs me to no end.

I have also heard that one of the dangers of pornography is that the participant "needs" to watch more and more severe scenarios, usually spiraling into scenes involving violence and underage/child "actors."

I know that with each generation, things will just keep getting worse, and it is to be expected, as the Bible tells us.

But what concerns me most is when I see it literally affecting the people around me -- when I have female co-workers who tell me, "I don't understand why he doesn't kiss me or tell me he loves me. He chokes me instead."

Men and women are being repeatedly being conditioned to pair sex and violence as something normal. And being a Christian does not make us immune.

I have had more than one Christian wife tearfully share with me what they are being forced to do by Christian-claiming husbands behind closed doors.

And I can only write about this from my perspective of a woman that other women talk to -- I am NOT in any way trying to vilify men, because I'm sure many men are suffering from abuses as well. It's just that, as a woman, I obviously haven't had as many men tell me their stories (though I've still heard quite a few.)

I cannot imagine being a parent and having to have a talk with my kids about how "Choking (and other forms of violence regarding intimacy) is NOT normal and NOT right, no matter what anyone says!!" But I think in today's world, this is very necessary.

As Christians, especially Christian singles who are navigating the land mines of dating, how can we take a stand against this? Not just for ourselves, but to help others around us?

* How can we keep our minds guarded from these associations?

I don't judge anyone who watches horror movies -- I believe that's between the person and God. But one of the reasons I don't watch them is because of their notorious pairing of sex with violence and death.

I'm not asking this as a criticism, but as a genuine Christian -- for those who don't feel convicted of watching horror movies, how are you able to keep your own mental and emotional lines from being blurred?

* Have you ever felt uncomfortable with certain songs, music videos, games, movies, etc. because of the sex and violence? What did you choose to do after that? Cut down on watching, cut them out altogether, find alternatives, etc.?

* Have you had someone tell you they were experiencing violence in a relationship? What did you do in order to help?

* If you are a survivor of relationship violence, feel free to share anything you're comfortable with -- but most definitely DO NOT share if you don't have peace about it. Just pray along with us silently that we can help people/prevent them from getting into these situations.


I know this is a very sensitive topic, so please don't share anything on any level that you are uncomfortable with.

I just have a strong belief that many people are suffering from things that are seen as too taboo to talk about (especially in church.) At the very least, I hope to raise awareness that others we know might need prayers for help, whether as the victim -- or the perpetrator.

May God bless you!