Drinking

I usually drink vodka but I started drinking beer again and I drink 4 or so beers when I get home at night. Idk if that is very much but I do that like every night. Idk I'm not sure.

I'm responding directly to your first question before I read any responses.
2 beers an hour or 3 in 2 hours is near the threshold of being under the influence in most states, which is a nice way of saying being drunk. Escalating tolerance is an early warning sign of addiction. Alcohol is a drug and alcoholism is an old fashioned term for alcohol addiction.

Alcoholism is a disease. Don't let anybody tell you different. I'm not saying you are an alcoholic but you're on the wrong path if you are becoming one. It's a comorbid metabolic and mental illness, as in 2 lesser diseases that become a 3rd disease worse than the two put together.

Drinking alcohol beverages is not a sin but getting drunk is. Being a drunkard is a bad habit to have and being an alcoholic is a sickness you may acquire through practice and or genetics and or by self medication aimed at relieving emotional destress/mental illness.

The safest thing to do is quit if you can, while you can. Getting help is always a good idea. If you are beyond the point of self control getting help to overcome is necessary. Self will and stubbornness fails 99% of the time. There are many Christians who have dealt with these issues and are overcoming. I use that worded guardedly because contrary to some popular belief once occasional drunkenness crosses over into alcoholism the bridge has burned down. WE CAN'T GO BACK. Even an occasional beer or champagne flute is enough to trigger a full blown relapse. We are addicted to something toxic that causes mental illness resulting in a craving for something we are allergic to. Good intentions usually fail and relapse is more common than lifetime recovery. Abstince is the goal and preferable method and relapse is another symptom. Just another sin to repent (turn away from).

There is help. The Lord understands better than we do. The first 3 steps in a nut shell are accepting the FACT that we have a problem beyond self control. Realizing God has the power to save us from this often fatal disease and seeking his help most of all.

Celebrate Recovery was not designed for what we call "normies" (normal people) and it is not a substitute for regular fellowship. It is a Christian version of the more common step programs focused upon Faith above all else. Work and fellowship go hand in hand. Others are recovering from the same and otherwise similar diseases there. Putting Christ at the center of recovery first for Christians is several leaps ahead of the agnostic 12 step programs.

They will try and sell you some books and take a collection. It costs money to run a program just like it cost money to drink. You might consider participating in your own recovery and give them some of the money you would otherwise had spent on beer or whatever.

The wise builder built his home on a rock. Recovery is your new home and Jesus is the rock on which to build. That's my two cents worth. Grace be with you.

we. all, have fallen short. I dont judge you. Most people would be horrified at the things ive done.
Drinkin being one of the least.

What you said about not being able to go back is true. The same is true for nicotine addiction. Once an addict always an addict. The thing is, we can live one day at a time. Yes, I still am a smoker but I chose not to smoke, today. Same thing for alcohol. You have a vast amount of expertise in addictions. If smoking is not considered a disease it will certainly cause disease. I am not in denial but perhaps I am a fool for continuing to smoke. Not a good thing.

Idk I mean I think the beer is not good for me. I drank just like 2 beers last night and then threw up an hour or so later. I think there was blood in it or something idk it wasn't from my food but there was red stuff like blood. I don't know I think vodka might be okay idk like I need something to warm me up and relax me in the evenings.

"An allergy to alcohol...Over two decades ago I remember this being stated in a fellowship
meeting. Over four decades alcohol was a close companion of mine, a functioning alcoholic,
it has to be lived...hitting bottom is a fearful place to be...believe it! I am a grateful recovering
alcoholic, now of two decades...Thank God...it is not the time of being sober, but the quality of
life that I am grateful of. Make no mistake, I believe one way or other, if someone feels there may
be a drinking problem, you will probably be the last one to know to admit it...denial is a stubborn
liability. When it affects family, friends or employers in a harmful or negative reaction...it is past
time to take a serious inventory of self. Call it whatever, but I felt my allergy to alcohol was
in reality, a mental illness...it was my choice to drink...the good, bad and ugly...I have been there.
Hell on earth...mentally and physically out of control...a fearful place you don't want to experience.
Remember...alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful... one will struggle alone, without HELP."

"An allergy to alcohol...Over two decades ago I remember this being stated in a fellowship
meeting. Over four decades alcohol was a close companion of mine, a functioning alcoholic,
it has to be lived...hitting bottom is a fearful place to be...believe it! I am a grateful recovering
alcoholic, now of two decades...Thank God...it is not the time of being sober, but the quality of
life that I am grateful of. Make no mistake, I believe one way or other, if someone feels there may
be a drinking problem, you will probably be the last one to know to admit it...denial is a stubborn
liability. When it affects family, friends or employers in a harmful or negative reaction...it is past
time to take a serious inventory of self. Call it whatever, but I felt my allergy to alcohol was
in reality, a mental illness...it was my choice to drink...the good, bad and ugly...I have been there.
Hell on earth...mentally and physically out of control...a fearful place you don't want to experience.
Remember...alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful... one will struggle alone, without HELP."

The Serenity prayer was courtesy of (Saint) Frances of Assisi.

I think you are thinking of the 11th step prayer:

Many Christians have fought and succeeded against addiction & alcoholism. Please remember helping others is the 12th step. Somebody did it for us; It's our turn. Don't let the message stop here.

Idk I mean I think the beer is not good for me. I drank just like 2 beers last night and then threw up an hour or so later. I think there was blood in it or something idk it wasn't from my food but there was red stuff like blood. I don't know I think vodka might be okay idk like I need something to warm me up and relax me in the evenings.