I feel broken

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Apr 17, 2018
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#1
Background info sister passed away in 2013 my first birthday without her two weeks to the day after I turned 26 I met the love of my life we were engaged dated for 9 months then I broke it off after he got incredibly mentally abusive. After a year-and-a-half of not dating I dated another mentally abusive jerk who want me on a 800 calorie a day diet we broke up November 2016. Fast forward last week a few days after my 30th birthday I had a seizure at work actually I had three within minutes of each other and I've never had one before I panicked.. I thought I was dying and I was terrified. I kept seeing my ex fiance, I kept yelling for him to come. Long story short I messaged him today after not talking for years there are pictures of him that he posted on p*** sites having sex with men and women. I know he's not the love of my life I know he was only in my life for a short time but it kills me everyday because he's happy dating Three Men and two women meanwhile I haven't had a date in 2 years. I go back to work on Monday and lately I've just been so anxious and depressed. I've tried walking, I've tried heavy breathing, I've tried everything the doctor has said and my anxiety and depression are still there. I hate being sad all the time, I hate being a downer and more importantly I hate going to work from 8 to 4:30 constantly feeling anxious sitting at my desk waiting for a call. I should mention I work at a call center. Any advice on how I can get over this? I go to a priest and a therapist and I still feel lousy. I miss feeling happy, I miss feeling at ease and that peace. I don't believe in medication for mind altering so I refuse to take an antidepressant. Thanks for listening.
God bless
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
It's not uncommon that some people who deal with anxiety/depression do so for a wrong way of viewing things, others view things wrong from a problem with anxiety/depression. Going by your idea that your ex is 'happy' because that's the side of himself he shows publicly is false logic. You only assume he's happy. Looking at someones fb page is not at all an accurate way to perceive how they feel in life.
Also you say he's dating all these people. Wrong. He's found people he can consistently engage in sex with. While you, on the other hand, are looking for something Much different than what he is. And that has higher standards than what he has. Higher standards means more difficulty. Do you want a real relationship or one of convenience? Real relationships aren't easy to find. Sex partners are easy to find. So are you seriously jealous that your ex has a bunch of sex partners?
All of that goes back to the way you view it. I find it inconceivable that you compare the two and think that it's any sort of accurate barometer of his happiness or any sort of reflection on how poor your life is going. Your outlook and the way you see and process things is way out of whack.

And the fact that you so clearly base your worth and happiness on your ability to be in a relationship is another example of the ways your thinking is off. It's no wonder you end up in abusive relationships. The mentality you carry would be a magnet for an abuser. You want to stop attracting jerks, then stop playing a victim and misconstruing the events around you to be a reflection of you. Whatever weird sex romps your ex has going on has N-O-T-H-I-N-G to do with you, your life or should have any influence on you whatsoever. Yet you drag it into your life where it doesn't belong.
Until you can learn to be content without a relationship and to stop bringing things into your life you shouldn't be, as some sort of comparison to base your worth and happiness on, nothing will change for you.

Depression and anxiety can come from various sources. The first Real steps you need to take are have your doctor check you for the various physical causes, minor food allergies, hormone levels, vitamin levels, etc... you'll want to make sure you're eating healthy, as well as on a healthy schedule. On a regular nighttime sleeping schedule and getting regular exercise. Those are all proven ways of dealing with some levels of depression. I've even seen people get over mild depression just by making those changes.
Once/if physical causes are rooted out then that means you know it's psychological. But is it bad thinking patterns or brain chemical issues? You could try focusing on that with your therapist to figure out which is more likely. Or is it situational only?
Antidepressants should only even be brought up once everything else has been tried and not worked. Pretty much a last resort. But, i, who also has depression and anxiety, as well as health issues, don't care for taking them either.
Anxiety meds, there are various types, and not all are addictive. They should be temporary, though, working in conjunction with therapy. Curbing the distraction of anxiety while getting to the root cause of it. There are also natural supplements you can take. The effectiveness varies among people, and they are not as strong as manufactured meds, so they won't stop a full blown panic attack, but for milder anxiety they do help.
Priest says catholic to me, which i won't support, so i can't encourage that.

So as a nearly 30 year depressive with anxiety that's spent years trying to learn and understand, those are my suggestions.
 

levi85

Senior Member
Jul 2, 2013
6,222
430
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#4
If you could read Bible, pray, and have fellowship with brothers and sisters in the Church, i am sure you will feel better day by day.

Father God, we together pray for your child SundayMorning88, let you heal her, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Lord bless her life and let it speak of your glory. Turn her sorrows into joy. Lordbless this prayer and SundayMorning88, in Jesus true and Holy name, Amen!
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
5,365
971
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#5
I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. I don't have a lot of advice to offer beyond focusing on Jesus.[h=1]Matthew 16:25 New International Version (NIV)[/h][FONT=&quot]25 For whoever wants to save their life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.
[/FONT]

[h=1]Matthew 6:33 New King James Version (NKJV)[/h][FONT=&quot]33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Holy Father, please give this young lady Your peace that passes all understanding. Let her see the immense value she is to You. Help her to focus on You, and the give her the desires of the new heart You have given her.
In Jesus sweet Name I pray.[/FONT]
 
Feb 22, 2017
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#6
Thank you for sharing this heavy burden. Talking about your feelings sometimes provides a sense of release, and even though we can't talk in person, I think you have given yourself a good starting point by opening up and daring to be vulnerable with a group of people you have never met. Yes, life is fragile, and we need the help and support from others who are willing and able to let us lean on them in our deepest moments of need.

I think when a person takes apart all the different areas of their life, the emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental aspects of what has defined them and shaped them over the years, they can get to the place of giving themselves a chance to see hope for change. Becoming educated on what impacts us the most, helps us see where we can start to reverse the grip that defeat has had on us. Yes, it is possible to reshape our thinking, and to reprioritize what matters the most in our life.

I think for starters, it will be a good idea to go to the Bible and make a list of all the scriptures that talk about who you are to God, and what you mean to Him. You are His child, His masterpiece creation, and His love for you is unconditional. Just because you are in a rut now, doesn't change the way He sees you, and longs for you to seek Him for help. The Bible says he is "an ever present help in time of need." Psalm 46:1

Another easy thing you can do to help alleviate some of the anxiety is to take special care of your diet and exercise. Eat clean whole fresh foods, and try your hardest to avoid sugar, caffeine, alcohol, processed foods and junk foods. Many of these contain harmful chemicals which disrupt your hormone balance. Exercise helps release the neurotransmitters dopamne and serotonin which are two of the "feel good" hormones.

I would also like to strongly encourage you to call a Bible believing church in your area. Someone on staff can assist you in setting up an appointment with a staff member, and then, possibly give you some referrals of who can speak with regarding getting some proper Christian counseling. You have a lot on your mind now, and knowing someone will listen with their heart and offer constructive advice get help build your confidence.

Above all, pray and ask God to help you. He is the one who sets the captives free. he is the one who restores our soul. He is the one who brings peace into our lives.

If you would benefit from some other reading materials, I've included this.

Feel free to write back if you'd like.
 

HeavenHearMe

Senior Member
Dec 11, 2016
219
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#7
Lord God, give her your peace that passes all understanding. Come to her aid Lord, she needs you now. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
 

Violet24

Senior Member
Apr 14, 2015
1,025
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#8
SundayMorning88, Proverbs 3:5: Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6: in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight....
 

KBond

Senior Member
Jun 5, 2013
662
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#9
That must be a really difficult situation. I agree with the others that maybe spending time in the Bible would help you to turn your thoughts more toward God. Are you Catholic? Maybe check out a different church. I have known some people who were very happy as dedicated Catholics, but I have also met some who never felt like they had a personal relationship with Christ in the Catholic Church. They feel closer to God than they have ever been in a non-denominational type church.

Lord, Please help this person to let go of the losses she has been dealt. Heal her emotionally of the loss of her sister and old romances. Help her to realize her identity as a child of God, a real VIP, who is too valuable to endure abuse of any kind. Help her to trust in Your protective power and receive the joy that is available to her. Exchange her sorrow and grief for joy and confidence. Thank You, Lord, that You are willing and able to these things. In Christ's Name, Amen.
 

Peacebwu

Junior Member
Feb 20, 2018
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#10
I am so sorry to hear of the struggles you have faced. Have you truly given yourself a proper timeto grieve the loss of your sister? It’s very common people want to get over thegrief so bad they will jump into a relationship. Oddly the people that will join you inrelationship at those low depressing points are usually not healthy. Misery loves company so to speak. The other thing that tends to happen is that therebecomes some kind of soul tie from the loss and new infatuated love that makesit really hard to let go when things crash. When my dad died both my sister and I ran to a new relationship. She wound up going through hell and back tokeep a man that was in and out of prison, had affairs and both engaged inemotional relationships. I met a man ina bar, gave my heart too easily and found we started on the wrongfoundation. He was getting over adivorce and not in a place to commit where I was grieving and an emotionalbasket case with depression episodes. Wehad a really hard time letting go of the men we met in that time of desperate needto feel loved. It took me time to cryout to God, get angry for losing my dad, and doing some really hard soul searchingon how do I build my esteem in who I am in Christ.
It helped to go to war on my thoughts. I didn’t know then how to take captive mythoughts but I began a journey that would eventually show me what thatmeans. I realized my picker was brokenand that I was attracting predators that were looking for prey and knew how todeceive me. I stopped all intimaterelationships to allow time to heal and get my picker fixed. I began putting post it notes all over mycloset doors, mirrors, desk, etc that reminded me of the scriptures I needed tobelieve about my identity. Positivereminders.
I allowed myself to fully grieve. This means recognizing that grief can takeany form at any time. It can last monthsor years. I believe the more diligentyou embrace it the faster you move through it. I can share more about grief if that would be helpful, along with helpfultools to cope.
I felt/sensed God saying WAIT. I was in a season of wait. I so desperately longed to be in a lovinglifetime relationship and every time I turned around I could see the wreckagefrom another painful experience. So, Idecided to do a self-study on wait. Ilooked up every scripture, reference and Hebrew/Greek definition pertaining towait. I found that words I took for grantedand could use context to understand were empty if I didn’t pull the definitionsand thoroughly digest what was being said. Context wasn’t enough.
Another tool to get my life back to finding happy and peacewas to evaluate what I was doing to hinder my life and what was I doing to bethe best me, reach goals and having something to hope for? I realized I didn’t need a man to buy a homeagain. I didn’t have to have a father inour home as God says he’s the father to the fatherless and husband. I didn’t need to wait to find out who I wasand what I was “made to be” I am exactlywho I am made to be right here, right now.
I have struggled with depression off and on in my life. Each time I realize a couple things haveoccurred. 1. I allowed my life to fill to the brim servingand not doing any filling of my own cup 2. I forgot to take time to rest andhave fun 3. I let things pile up and didn’t deal with things as they came (ieclutter in the garage, etc) 4.I didn’t take time every day to focus on my blessings5. I failed to look forward and found myself looking back or worrying about thepossibilities of a situation in the negative.
Is there some things here that maybe you have found true foryou? Have you given and given andforgotten God requires of us to only rest in his presence and love first andforemost? You are of so much value andworth He would have died just for you! He pursues you and knocks saying I’m waiting for you. I love and adore you! He calls you by name. He made you and formed you in your mother’swomb. You are an overcomer!
I love that he looks to bless us. I know there are times in our lives that feellike maybe we aren’t worthy of those blessings or maybe God is hit and miss toobusy to pay attention to our details. When those thoughts or anything of the like come up we need to realizethose are lies! We are making God toosmall in a box. He’s capable of all ourdetails and loves us so much He’ll walk along side us through them. He’s there with you now in the mire. He will bring beauty from these ashes. He has a husband in mind for you that’s beyondyour wildest dreams! One that willchallenge you to the core! He looks toincrease your goals and dreams to bigger heights! He’s also very patient to take you to thenext place and forgive any mishaps until you’re ready for the bigger he has foryou. Some scriptures that really spoketo me in times like these were Jeremiah 29: 11-13 (He knows the plans for youof peace, hope and love) and Isaiah 54:1-17 (His promises are true and eternal,you will forget the shame of your youth, He’s your husband, no weapon formedagainst you shall prosper). Isa reallyempathizes with the torment we experience from time to time.
May we remember that the sacrificial praise is the praise weoffer when our feelings don’t align. It’sthe answer against depression. Psalm 34reminds us the way to happiness. (Praisecontinually on our lips, seek the Lord and He will deliver you, blessed are wewho trust in the Lord)
You are not alone! Thankyou for sharing your struggles. Theenemy loves to play in secret. Bringingto light and sharing our burdens is how we find renewed strength. Good for you to see a counselor and seekGodly guidance. Is there a sweet grandmathat needs someone to love on in your church? Someone that could listen and walk alongside you in mentorship? A non-judgmental type? Hang in there! Perhaps look at whether you are livingaligned to your values. Is your jobbringing you life and hope or do you need to look at a change? Sometimes when we help others we find itreally helps us. Is there someone thatyou could help with perhaps similar issues or loss? Just be sure to have good boundaries and notallow it to deplete you more. You arebeautiful! Let the ex’s go you deserveso much more. Break the soul ties and befreed to Trust God and let him lead you as His daughter and bride. His timing is perfect, even if we’reimpatient to have it all right now. Bighugs!!!
 

Violet24

Senior Member
Apr 14, 2015
1,025
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#11
But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
 

SuZQ154

Junior Member
May 12, 2017
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#12
So sorry you feel broken. You miss being happy. We get that. When I have been in that state, I have used many of the strategies others have posted and hope you are considering those. God has made us all...for a purpose. And, he wants us to be happy. "Lord, I Just Want to Be Happy" is a book which has helped me in the past. https://bit.ly/2HDmMId You might wan to check it out because it gives wise, practical suggestions to get ourselves on God's path. Hope this helps and praying for you today!
 

toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
2,412
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#13
I challenge you sister, to read this Bible study. It is 30 days, and it changed my perspective on things when I read it.

https://www.bible.com/en-GB/reading-plans/228-a-jolt-of-joy

We have all our reasons to feel depressed and broken. But we have also the choice to move forward in Christ. Lean on him and trust in him. Many has said to me: look to the furture! As that is something to look forward to when you have a chronical, progressive muscular dystrophy! I got angry and insulted. Such an ignorant remark by a healthy, successful person! To say such a thing was insensitive and without compassion.

All I saw in the furture was darkness, illness and struggles. Beside that darkness was a bright, shining path, though. And it was filled with hope on healing, relationship, restoration, life and happiness. I chose that path. To walk in faith and follow Jesus and having my hope in Him. The change was mindblowing! I am not worried anymore. I am not fighting anymore. I am not longer only waiting for death as the only hope of escaping this world, I am actually living my life given to me and enjoying it.

Sister. I don't live your life, and I see you have been under alot of stress, grief and struggles. I am not sure if this helps you at all. I will pray for you, and just hope you too can get to the point where you can choose to walk in faith and joy in Christ.

God bless you, and Christ be with you.