Losing Faith

Before I start,
I just want to say I apologize if this is all over the place. I'm just writing it down as I go and I'm trying to get it all out, so please bear with me.

This is hard for me to admit..
I've never been very stable in my faith or confident enough in myself to help others with theirs. But I've never once feared losing my faith.
But lately for the past few months things have gotten to the point where I'm on the edge of losing my faith..

Let me explain first off by what I mean when I say "losing faith"

I'm not saying I'm starting to not believe in God, that simply isn't true. I've seen God too MANY times in my short 21 years of life to not believe He is real.
I have never seen His face, obviously, but I have seen Him. I've felt Him and I've heard Him.

But I no longer feel Him, no longer feel the desire to pray or read His word. Lately I feel numb. I try read His word, but feel nothing while I do. I try to pray but don't feel sincere. I have no reason to feel this way but yet I do..

God has given me more than I could ever ask for. For years I've wanted nothing more than to live for Him. I've always had a fire inside me burning for Him. Now it's almost as if its being put out..

In October I almost lost my son, again.. His shunt malfunctioned on his birthday, once again God had mercy. A month later it happened again.. God had mercy.

You'd think that'd be enough for me to keep that fire going.. But yet here I am scared to death I'll never get it back. How can I teach my son to love and live for God when I, myself am not?

I can say all day long that I believe in God and love Him. but what good is that if I don't show it or my life doesn't prove it?

I was ask recently if I believe in God and honestly I didn't want to answer it...
NOT because I don't, but because why would I say yes if my life doesn't prove it?
Why would I say "Yes, I believe in God" if I'm not living for Him?
If I were to say that to somebody they would look at me as if I'm one of those "christians" who claim to love God and claim to to live for Him but when they go home their life tells different story.
Almost as if I'm waking up every day, slapping Jesus across the face, saying "what you did on the cross doesn't matter."
I don't want to be like that...
but that's exactly how I've been lately.

I hate feeling this way.
God has blessed my life in so many ways and I feel like I've failed Him, over and over again..



Please.. Please pray for me.

Pres19 I think most of us go through times where we will feel distant from God, I think it is by persisting through these times that we grew. It is hard to read the Bible and it is hard to pray at times but sometimes we just have to choose to do those things even when we feel no desire to and it feels almost hypercritical, but all we can do is push on.

Heavenly Father I pray for Pres19 I ask that she may feel your presence and that you would speak to her through your Word. Give her a thirst for your word and a desire to commune with you. In the name of Jesus Amen

Glad to pray ..sis and the times when things seem dry can be the time your roots go deeper ... May God strengthen your heart and may His peace be strong upon you again...In Jesus Name ..amen

you were included in my prayer tonight x

Thank you all so very much.

I have said prayer for you and your son. You are a very brave person and a good mother. God Bless You.

Thank you tourist. That means alot to me

Not in a position to give advice, but know you are in my prayers. Trying to get there myself sister. If you get a chance, listen to "On Fire " by Sanctus Real. God bless.

Thank you and you're in mine.
I'll be sure to look it up. They are one of my favorites, I'm surprised I haven't heard of that song.

And thank you!

Will be praying for your son as well. That is a beautiful child you have there. Met my grandson for the first time this weekend...he is 13 months.

Oh I bet that was amazing.
Thank you

Yes it was. He is awesome. God has really blessed my family in spite of my wrongs against Him. My daughter told me awhile ago that The Holy Spirit used my son-in-law to lead someone to Christ on their trip back home. They were going to leave either later this evening or in the morning, but decided to leave earlier this morning. God works in mysterious ways...there was a reason they left early, and that was it. They love ministering to the lost, and love God with a passion. My grandson is in good hands .

Love you Pres!
You and your baby are always in my prayers.
Dear God
Give Pres the strength today to keep her walk of faith.
Through all our troubled times in life. The beautiful love and grace You give to us. I thank You Lord and I praise You for that.
Pres loves You Lord...and she knows You are real, perhaps the enemy is trying to sway her from You. The devil tries that.
in Jesus name....the enemy stay far from trying to persuade Pres away from God. Holy angels watch over the baby boy in love and grace.
My prayer for Pres is strength and safety for her and her son.

Praise You Jesus!
Amen

Pres19... Just want to say a prayer for you along with all the other great prayers that have been posted on your behalf. The Christian life is a journey with the Lord, and throughout our life time, as Christians, we experience mountain top joy, with the Lord, & then there are those valleys that we all walk through, where things seem harder & our faith can become weak. I believe without a doubt, that as Christians, when we find ourselves in those valleys, this is where we need to press through & let our faith lead. Jesus, says that even our faith is a gift from God. I know that tremendous growth happens when we are in those valleys in life, but here's the key... no matter what your feelings are telling you daily, the Truth of who Jesus is & what He has done on the Cross, never changes. Our feeling can be very deceiving, if we let them dictate how & what we believe regarding our faith. So with that said, I know the enemy comes also to steal, kill & destroy any good thing in our life and that includes clouding our vision to the point, that we can't grow. So Lord, I life up Pres19 to you in prayer & show her your Love & Truth. Let all those precious seeds of truth within her spirit, begin to take root & grow into a strong faith once again. Give her a greatful heart & may she wake up every morning & acknowledge all the good things that You Lord have done for her. This is a time when her faith is being challenged, but You Lord, will see her through this valley, and walk with her through all her victories all the days of her life..In Jesus name...

I felt that too, for a long time... I'm praying that your passion returns & stronger than ever! Prayers for your sweet little boy. God bless you both.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

—1 Peter 2:9​

Please be with this mother and son, meet their needs we pray. There is so much we want and need sometimes, but we do not want to be thinking about ourselves but rather how others are also pleading to You, God. There is non like You, who hears even when we have no words to say it all. Be kind and merciful we ask, and just bless in Your special way, Lord.