Please pray for my marriage and clarity

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Feb 9, 2020
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#1
I do not believe in divorce nor donInthink it is in Gods plane.. however I’m considering it. I feel like I’m married to a volcano. For years he has been nasty and mean in fights, but yesterday took the cake. I told him I was leaving the argument for alone time and went and took a shower. He shortly came in and ripped the curtain off the wall (while I’m showering) he walked out and I put it back up and continued on.. until he came in again and threw it into the other room. I addressed the behavior With him later in the evening and told him it was unacceptable, and he said oh that wasn’t that bad. I feel like I live with a Bully. He refuses counseling..I feel lost
 

Jason_K

Junior Member
Jul 7, 2017
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#3
I do not believe in divorce nor donInthink it is in Gods plane.. however I’m considering it. I feel like I’m married to a volcano. For years he has been nasty and mean in fights, but yesterday took the cake. I told him I was leaving the argument for alone time and went and took a shower. He shortly came in and ripped the curtain off the wall (while I’m showering) he walked out and I put it back up and continued on.. until he came in again and threw it into the other room. I addressed the behavior With him later in the evening and told him it was unacceptable, and he said oh that wasn’t that bad. I feel like I live with a Bully. He refuses counseling..I feel lost
Hi, I'm sorry to hear about the struggles you are facing with with your husband. I just prayed for you and hope God may guide you toward what the best decision is for you at this time.
 

EternalFire

Active member
Jan 3, 2019
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#5
I do not believe in divorce nor donInthink it is in Gods plane.. however I’m considering it. I feel like I’m married to a volcano. For years he has been nasty and mean in fights, but yesterday took the cake. I told him I was leaving the argument for alone time and went and took a shower. He shortly came in and ripped the curtain off the wall (while I’m showering) he walked out and I put it back up and continued on.. until he came in again and threw it into the other room. I addressed the behavior With him later in the evening and told him it was unacceptable, and he said oh that wasn’t that bad. I feel like I live with a Bully. He refuses counseling..I feel lost
Thanks for sharing your struggle. That most recent episode must have been very tough to endure.

It is obvious that his inappropriate behavior is escalating, and I agree with Tourist that leaving is a wise idea. By leaving, I mean that you perhaps live separately for a period of time to see if the marriage can be repaired. Please leave before the abuse results in physical attacks.
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
3,835
2,787
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#6
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Your profile states "Christian", what is your husbands stance on the faith?
I agree with you, divorce is not the answer. However, if you are in danger then getting away for a period of time while things are worked through may be what you need to consider, (especially if any children are involved)
Are you in a church with a pastor or counselor that you can address these issues with?
I will lift you up in prayer for clarity in how to handle the situation, but also for protection and peace of mind.
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
3,835
2,787
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#7
Blueleaf:
here, I found this song last night. It really blessed and lifted me ,as my family is going through some trials. Listening to it now and wanted to share it with you:
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
3,835
2,787
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#9
you are welcome ((((((hugs))))))
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
3,700
1,164
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#10
I do not believe in divorce nor donInthink it is in Gods plane.. however I’m considering it. I feel like I’m married to a volcano. For years he has been nasty and mean in fights, but yesterday took the cake. I told him I was leaving the argument for alone time and went and took a shower. He shortly came in and ripped the curtain off the wall (while I’m showering) he walked out and I put it back up and continued on.. until he came in again and threw it into the other room. I addressed the behavior With him later in the evening and told him it was unacceptable, and he said oh that wasn’t that bad. I feel like I live with a Bully. He refuses counseling..I feel lost
Even if you do not go all the way through divorce, it could be a wake up call to judge the heart within him. If this is a escalation in behavior and hasn't already led to physical abuse then it could very well be time to get the court involved.

Especially if you love him, it will give him a wake up call to see if he loves you. Pray, pray, pray because through this whole situation it could lead to healing and a stronger marriage.

Of course scripture is clear about divorce and only allowed in certain circumstances. Theologically people debate what are those circumstances. Wrong or right, God is a forgiving God even if it happened to be not justified. It's a heart issue, if you fully feel scared for your wellbeing then do what you must to protect yourself. Sort out the theology later.

Hopefully he will wake up and change his life.
 

EmilyFoster

Well-known member
Jul 10, 2018
1,340
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#11
I’m very sorry to hear about your marital struggles, friend. I’m praying, asking our Heavenly Father to comfort you and your husband daily with evidences of His great love and compassion (Lamentations 3:22-23). May He give you wisdom and guidance as you trust in Him. Also, it might be helpful to speak to a counselor. I know that Focus on the Family can provide a free phone consultation with a licensed counselor if you call this number 855-382-5433.
 

IanC

New member
Jan 31, 2020
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#12
I do not believe in divorce nor donInthink it is in Gods plane.. however I’m considering it. I feel like I’m married to a volcano. For years he has been nasty and mean in fights, but yesterday took the cake. I told him I was leaving the argument for alone time and went and took a shower. He shortly came in and ripped the curtain off the wall (while I’m showering) he walked out and I put it back up and continued on.. until he came in again and threw it into the other room. I addressed the behavior With him later in the evening and told him it was unacceptable, and he said oh that wasn’t that bad. I feel like I live with a Bully. He refuses counseling..I feel lost
I'm so sorry to hear about the difficult situation in your marriage, Blueleaf32. I'll be praying for you and your spouse, asking God to heal and restore your marriage, and give you both a desire and passion to love each other unconditionally. Have you considered going to counseling by yourself? If you need assistance in locating a counselor in your area, please reply to this message and I'll help you with that.
 

laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
1,147
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#13
Please be safe. His behaviour was designed to scare you. That is not how Christ loves the church. your husband is aggressive, combative and unwilling to get help dealing with his behaviour and issues. Your first priority is your physical safety. This is the first boundary that both of you need. You can't let yourself be in danger and he is not allowed to put you in danger. After you are secure then go see a Christian counsellor so that you can objectively assess your situation. It might help to enlist the support of your pastor/elders in talking to him. If he is a member of your church he should be accountable to the leadership. This will also let him know that his behaviours will not be kept secret. As to what is next, I think that first you need to secure your safety and then address the rest. I am so sorry for the emotional, mental and spiritual pain this has brought you. My heart is with you. May God guide you and keep you and make his face to shine on you sister.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,081
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#14
I agree with Tourist. Leave before he does something more than rip the shower curtain down. He WILL end up physically attacking you.
 
Feb 15, 2020
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Western New York state USA
#15
Praying for you!
There are multiple forms of abuse...physical, psychological and emotional. No one should live in fear of their spouse, Christians or anyone. If you are afraid, leave. Seek help from a shelter, pastor or family. No one should live like this.
 
E

EliBeth

Guest
#16
Psalm 3:3
"But You, O Lord, are a shield about me,
My glory, and the One who lifts my head."

Proverbs 15:1
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

I will say a prayer for your marriage, Blueleaf. ❤️
 
Jan 25, 2017
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#18
I do not believe in divorce nor donInthink it is in Gods plane.. however I’m considering it. I feel like I’m married to a volcano. For years he has been nasty and mean in fights, but yesterday took the cake. I told him I was leaving the argument for alone time and went and took a shower. He shortly came in and ripped the curtain off the wall (while I’m showering) he walked out and I put it back up and continued on.. until he came in again and threw it into the other room. I addressed the behavior With him later in the evening and told him it was unacceptable, and he said oh that wasn’t that bad. I feel like I live with a Bully. He refuses counseling..I feel lost
Hello,
I'm sorry that your marriage is facing a tough time. I agree, divorce is not an answer. I have a sister who was emotionally abused by her husband for almost 2 years and sometimes there’s a physical abuse involved. She decided to leave her husband with her daughter. It’s more than a year now that they are separated. What the enemy meant for harm God is turning it for good, I say that because their separation helps them to realize that they need each other. They are not back together yet but just a month ago they started communicating with each other. I’m praying that their marriage will be restored.

Is there any physical abuse? I hope you are safe. I pray that your husband will agree to have counselling. Praying for your marriage that all will be well. Take care and if you think you are not safe, please ask for help. God bless.