Prayer.. cuz suicide is on my mind..

We can do nothing, Uriel, it all about God in us. Turn your life to Him, show Godly sorrow for doing things in past that show lack of faith in Him. You're doing right thing crying out to..others, for God uses others.....

Now, cry out to God, go to the altar and seek Him, I promise you that a sorrowful, tearful, humble response to Him will help.you, compadres

I know it helped me, I grew closer to God in faith when really struggling with my faith. God has given everyone a 'measure of faith,' and it is up to us to grow that faith.

I like what ninja, avidan, and, especially loveme1, who sincerely said what we need to do to grow our faith from our 'measure' God starts us out with, she said, 'Die to self.'

And, uriel doing this humbling act in response to our Saviour's dying sacrificially, blamelessly, shamelessly for us, will bring a joy to your life from your young age barely out of your teens that is full.

This is My commandment, that you Love one another that your joy may be full.

Uriel, this song speaks all, and, so many answered your cry, now, it's your turn, church is tomorrow, take everything fromHim in you and go in faith to the altar and, for once and for all, turn your life over to Him, and, see, just see, how joyously full you WILL feel. I dare you You can do.it, Uriel, just take the steps, putting one foot in front of the other and soon you will be walking across the floor, and, putting one foot in front of the other, soon you will be knocking at His door, on that altar floor, on your knees, brother, letting Jesus soothe and BUILD

GreenNnice thank you and I have.. ok... but ok I will again.. and I am stating this in the most polite way.. to all of you.. because you guys have been so nice.. and I kow those who actually write to e are those who actually care.. cuz I may have this feeling that many of those who dont write .. are those who shun me.. and I honestly care less if they do.. because unlike you greenNnice (and others) those are the people who dont care.

Politely I tell you and all I have.. I repeat I have.. and yes I guess you dont believe in me cuz oh if you have done that then I should have feel better right? but what if I actually done it and I never felt better? Then should I be called a liar? What if I have done that.. and I actually am tired right now.. fustrated... irritated cuz I have tried.. Just because I have not had the same outcome and now dont have the same attitude as you guys have does not mean I havent done what you guys have told me to do.. now or in the past..

Sometimes you guys ignore what I say or others, yes you do, and are stubborn (not all of you.. cuz I know there is a few that do understand thats why they only offer prayer cuz they do understand that I have tried like them, and they in fact feel the same way but they find the strength to still say God will provide and I will keep hoping) In fact I always tell them, then you are better then me.. because they are because they are strong (to pretend to be happy because they have hope) I in the other hand do not like to lie and say I am happy when I am not.. wouldnt that be living a lie?

Now for people who complain that I have an attitude problem.. no actually I dont.. because I will not force to lie to myself and will not take your insulting opinions (not all of them are insulting.. I do accept opinion but not those who insult) You can be blunt but I will speak to you how you speak to me.. If your being blunt I will be blunt if you are kind I will kind.. Ok.. I cannot say I deserve to be like this because I understand that I dont.. but I feel this way and I will be real to you and myself..

This is not a direct response to you tho GreenNnice I just wanted to share this..

GreenNnice I will do as you ask again. Because your kindness is what makes me accept your opinion and your advice. I will go again to the altar like many times (saying this in the nice way not to be complaining but I will) I will pour my self again... I will tell Him everything.. if I cry I shall cry ( oh and I say this because again in the real, I have cried. I have pour myself crying, and now if I dont cry is not because of any type of attitude but because I have honestly cried and I will not pretend to cry.. because I am real and not fake.. this is not a show), but I will sure again repeat myself and ask to be forgiven. I will lay and tell all my problems to him, my worries my faith and my disbelief and my doubts and all that inside. (but again being real.. just because I do that does mean I will be happy or comfortable.. because I, my heart, and mind feels and thinks and even tho if I give it to Him its me who feels and its me who suffer this overwhelming torture.. in my mind and heart)

Now for those who say that I need to stop living a sinful life.. now really we all sin and that we can deny because we all are unworthy.. Im the same as a prostitute as a murderer. You are the same under sin we are all. Now I do not know what you mean by dying of self.. but I guess Il take a wild guess.. if it means to try to stop lying, cuzzing, try to respect everyone and your parents, try to not see shows of the world, try to stop having sexual immorality, try to stop all that sinning life.. then I shall say on my account to myself, since Im the only witness to myself, Im dirty, but I have tried.. ok.. I try not to do any of that stuff anymore.. I do try ok... not since right now.. but since I was young.. because even good people live like that.. yes there is probably people who do not know of God and are whiter then most of us calling ourselves christians. I worship. Just understand that Im writting how I feel since I am real and honest.. so none of you can call me a God hater...Yet I say again, I have tried to be a good person, and I good christian...

I just wanted to clarify this to some of you.. because you dont seem to understand that I have tried.. and well I still pray and thank you all.
God bless

Uriel

Uriel, and, I just saw this post, I apologize not seen sooner or would have commented immediately with a title like that. And, that's a fine title, for their is no shame, no blame no guilt, no condemnation for those trying to live their life in Christ Jesus. In our other thread you told me you already accepted Christ, I believe, so, it's just a point now to want to believe, truly believe, wanting to belief what you already KNOW in your heart is your ELECTED choice. You want Christ, so, what you need is ways,to build your faith, to know how to take those steps to build your faitn in Him. Right ?

I want you to listen to this song and see if it won't have a positive effect on you, I am not saying to believe in its Santa Claus theme or think anything more of it than God HAS ELECTED you IF you born again yourself unto Him in ........YOU CAN CHANGE, URIEL, JUST LIKE THE MEAN WINTER WARLOCK who would not let Santa go through forest to.give kids toys in town just past forest.

Ready? I want you to really listen to this song, the words even carry a Christian message of being born again to Christ.

[YouTube]OORsz2d1H7s[/YouTube]

.....faith. You can do it, Christ bro. Uriel, you can however ONLY do it like me who put one foot in front of the other , many times, in 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, as I continuously asked God to work in my life. First, repent at altar, tell God you are sorry you don't let Him take control and that you will now. God will hear your humble request, Uriel, He will.hear you as you get into the word by hearing it. The Word builds our faith. Put one foot in front of the other, Uriel, and, yes, we ALL sin, fall short but Christ COVERS those in Him. His Love for all, His grace is sufficient, and, His mercies are new every morning.

Thank you GreenNnice

The video was funny. I thank you again. Yet I tell you my friend I have.. yet I do not seem to get what your saying? I know you dont seem to get what Im saying either?.. Idk I guess the difference in how we see life.. or maybe since you have God you dont what Im saying and maybe in my sin I dont hear you?

Yet I have.. tried.. ok il just say this I have dont that.. doesnt work for me.. yet hey you still see me here right... never saying God is bad or I dont believe .. I dont diss God.. and in no way do I pretend to diss Him when I say I dont feel it is enough I guess.. that I need to clarify.. yet again I have done what you ask me too.. still confused by one foot infront of the other.. I guess you mean that I have to just go on.. and I have.. right now Im still goin on ahead and im standing.. yet.. to me this is not at all feeling good... this is like really uncomfortable and torturous .. Idk hope you get what I mean.. excuses no.. this is how I feel..

Thank you tho cuz you are kind and you have a certain way to talk to people that I really like.

God bless you.

Uriel

It wasn't easy for me either, Uriel. we are The same, God draws us all..to Him. He is having me speak to you, and, thanks foor watching video, I pray you see faith in its,meaning , but, yes, I speak to you, and, I am blessed, just like last thread in singles forum. I just want you to see The Love of Christ in so many who have posted on this thread to help. Just like Singles forum threads you did, many commented. That is Love in them from Christ.

But, no, just surrendering all to Christ is,not easy to do, it is,a process, uriel, of drawing closer and closer to God, seeking Him, as He shows you of your living outside of Him as your Saviour. He must judge our way of living, but God is Love. If you feel guilt and sin, that is The Devil's doings. God wants you to come to Him.

I went to the altar at my church numerous times prior to reborning me to serve Him in 1997. Can you see yourself doing that? I don't know, but He is with you and if you put one foot in front of The other and move. That is faith, my friend. God says to that if we have faith of a mustard seed then we can move mountain.

You say, my way of faith and such is not your way, uriel, it must be your way. You must listen to His call, and, go, and, He will lead that movement by you with Love. Your faith, I promise you, for hearing Him and going, will grow

GOD LOVES US ALL HE IS THERE FOR US POOR YOUR HEART TO HIM, HE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU HE GIVES HIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

WE GO THROUGH OUR TRIALS AND YES WE SOMETIMES DONT KNOW WHICH WAY TO TURN GOD PUTS PEOPLE INOUR PATHSTO HELP US THROUGH THOSE TIMES BEPOSITIVE HAVEHOPE BE AROUND POSITIVITY JUUST REMEMBER GOD LOVES YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE WE MAKE MISTAKES BUT HEFORGIVES ALWAYS.


I PRAY TO YOU GOD FOR WANTTO BELIEVE TO KNOW YOUR LOVE FORHIM PRAY FOR COMFORT AND HIS CIRCUMSTANCES

IN JESUS NAME AMEN

EXCUSE CAPS DONT KNOW HOW TO WORK THE FONT

GreenNnice

Yes I guess nothing in this life is easy. God is good and He loves us.. If He send you to speak to me then I thank you for being the messenger and I thank Him because He sent you. The video was funny. May your prayers be heard. Speaking to me is not great of a blessing. Oh I dont see the love of the Lord, I know of it, and with that knowledge I know of how people (like you) show Love to those in dark places because of your knowledge of that same knowledge. Yes I know of it because of the word of God (because He gave His son, for me and you and everyone in the same) and I believe its true just because I have decided to. Yes again I say it I thank you and I thank Him if He is the one who sent you. I just do not see His love anymore.

I know nothing in life is easy.. but I have surrendered Him everything but I guess then I shall blame myself then because I cant let it go? My problems? and my fears.. because honestly Im the guy that if I dont see anything happening then I take action. If its wrong of me then I shall pay the price of it right? But its because God does nothing in my problems.. that peace? you guys have is not plenty for me.. for me ok... I dont want to live in peace... its not enough for me.. I guess then the problem is me.. cuz God doesnt give me what I need (many of you say its want, but honestly your opinion means nothing since to you it can be a want, but to me is a need.. because its necessary for me to have it if not I am stuck.. and I cannot live like that.. so if your opinions are going to bash my way of thinking this time please keep them to yourself, anybody who is to just start an argument) If he cannot give me what I need (my needs again) then I shall remain stuck. So your hope and peace, and joy is not enough.. not for me atleast.. honestly Im writting super tired.. super tired rigth now my heart is really just tired..

About my sins.. I have tried repenting and I have asked to be forgiven.. I try my best everyday to not sin.. I do. Im not denying that I will probably go to the altar many times.. Will I have the same outcome as all of you I do not know. Hey Im not saying Im not really trying.. Im kinda just saying that I guess Im just not hoping.. I will keep trying to get near God.. but if in the end I dont.. well I tried.. and I know works dont mean anything.. yet I keep doing them.. I actually have lost all faith now? If you can understand.. I dont really hope anymore any positive outcome.. I still think Ima end up dead sooner more then later.. Hey I know of God and how He is good and all powerful and I know He is worthy and He is holy. I just guess that Im not capable to follow Him because I have chosen that since He cannot give me my needs then there is no point of living..

You say there is to just hold on and keep moving but Im not like you.. I have to have something of my own to keep moving. God is enough but not for me to live.. In the end I guess I have just decided that God said no to my petitions of miracles.. and such.. and for that I guess I just got disapointed and with that I cannot carry His cross.. Im not suited and I just plain end up giving up and not wanting to.. I do believe now, because you guys are proof of Him being real but I guess since He dont want to make me happy then I cant go on hoping.. and I just rather die.. either way? Do you think Im actually saved? I guess my fruit is not of those who follow of God so in the end I shall be thrown in the fire.. so Im just speeding up the process.. I just cannot do it..

You tell me to give Him my problems and I have, and I will feel peace. But I dont peace and peace doesnt heal me.. I need action... my miracle needs to be done if not I cannot go on.. am I bein selfish I guess.. am I dissing God? Well hopefully not because He keeps being holy and He keeps being great over all. He dont need of me... if He does He shall help me out first..but He dont.. He can use any of you to do what I have to do.. if I was ment to do something anyways.. and dont worrry I thank Him tho... Hey its necessary of me and just because He deserves the praise..

Im not a soldier.. Im not strong.. I am thankful.. and I accept that I will not be able to follow Him.. He still has my heart.. so then I became heartless...

Sorry I just went on... This is how I feel.. and I fill utterly stupid now.. because its a lost cause.. I do thank you tho for all the care and love.

May God Bless You.

Uriel :/

Oh something honest too and I will sound so dumb.. but honestly I just was hoping that with someone praying God would actually hear me.. and have mercy and do it.. Idk needed to say that.

Are you sure it is not you not hearing Yahvah God and Yahshua the Messiah?

Yes, Uriel, just go with God, wherever He takes you, go with just a little faith and keep the Word under your arm. Be in His arms quit thinking of sin bringing you into Satan's submission. Remember, Gid is Love, He convicts The world of their sins because He cares, ” that none should perish,” is,,1 peter 3:9 .
God has to be like a patent, And, He,is our parent, too, our Father in Heaven, but, uriel, keep seeking Him , for after The barrier broken through of conviction is allll God loving you as His sheep
And, YES, absolutely, you do.bless me , uriel, and, yes God is reaching out to you now, to comfort and keep you, show you His,eternal blessings that are yours for The taking once you simply give your sins to Him and your life (to Him).

He is with you, uriel. I pray you can believe with no doubt that what God is doing right now is Loving you

It is not by our own power that we be changed, when we stop trying to "fix us" and Repent and accept Salvation through Yahshua the Messiah he gives us the power and comfort.

With prayer and fasting we ask for our oil to keep our lamps burning... to shine the light we received and dazzle those in the darkness with it, giving Glory to Yahvah God and Yahshua the Messiah.

The times i feel uneasy about something, I pray and ask for strength and wisdom.. Nothing is by our own doing, yes we seek, but it is given.

Loveme1

Not hearing? you trying to say that Im ignoring God and Jesus? Um No I do not think Ive ever hear them. Loveme1

Power and comfort? Power? Are trying to say power as strength? Hmmm interesting word your using, power.

Yes I guess we cant change by our own power.. Ive heard that before and it makes sense and I do get the concept. That we cannot do anything for ourselves and shows how weak we are. Repent and accept salvation. Yes I have repented, because repenting is the act of feeling or expressing sincere regret or remorse about one's wrongdoing or sin and actually trying to stop yourself of doing it again. Yes I have repented and conviction does come to me because I know Ive done something wrong, is it an easy task. No. Because we are weak yet I know that I do try to stop myself. Accepting salvation? Am I saved? By repenting and accepting Jesus as my personal savior, by trying to follow God and his law. Am I truly saved? Some people tell me yes, others say no. I honestly do not know, do I accept it, or welcome it? Yes who doesnt want to be saved? but can I keep my salvation?

I actually have a hard time with prayer, I always have said that.. I dont know how to, but many peoples opinion I have just had one sided converstations with God, about how I feel and how I see things, and how I wish He could please help me and to please inside my heart and provide me that miracle that is so impossible in my eyes. I try to worship and such I try to give Him praise while I do that.. and I accept that Im not worthy when I talk to Him (prayer) I actually do fast, it has messed my stomach a bit and Im since I like to workout, it messes up my energy but still I do it. I do it because its my way to show God here is my sacrifice, its not much but here.. Ive actually fasted before 2 years ago I fasted 26 days with just water (not boasting or such because what can I boast to God, nothing) Our oil? you must mean strength again? Shine? I cant shine? especially when Im always sad and depressed. People here dont care about God. People here see me as a fool actually for even trying to pray to God and all that.. some of my friends do and others who are in the church tell me I do things for the wrong reasons? Shine? I dont shine. God has glory he always will, even if we were not to give it to God He has glory always, and Jesus does too.

I feel uneasy and I pray but yet it doesn't take the uneasiness to go away.. and I pray for wisdom and strength but still doesn't fix anything.. Nothing is our own doing I know.. and its given? Yea I guess it is.. anything that is good is given by God.. but comfort? comfort for me is not enough.. comforting to me is like saying I give up so now I need to make myself thing that I lost and I give up because there was nothing that could change the outcome... and that kinda kills my idea of God existing because comforting is like saying.. I God couldnt do anything.. and makes me feel God is human.. (no Im not dissing God but Im just saying what I feel)

Go with God. GreenNnice I thank you lol but Ive actually becomes a bit more confused and Ive actually feel more torn now. Go wit God? I actually do not know because were is He taking me? ( I dont actually feel Him. If He is actually doing something?) Just go with a little faith? I thought I had a little faith? and Ive actually said to my mountains (my own problems by asking for a miracle) They have not moved so I guess I have no faith? Or maybe God doesnt found favor with me?
Be in His arms? I actually do not get that?
Sin bringing me to Satans submission? I actually do not understand either? Well not completely? Because maybe your right my sin brings me to satans submission. Oh but I just need to explain myself, I always admit Im a sinner because I just need to make that clear, because I dont want to lift myself up, Im not better or above any of you. So Im a sinner, but I have repented and I have changed myself because I decided to do that for Him, the way of following the law.. No I dont do it to boast but because it required of me. God is love, oh Ive read that too? Difference maybe you have felt it, I have not felt that? Love to me is different to me? He is a parent? Nah see I dont see it like that because that makes me think of God as human.. and He is not human.. He is not weak like us and I rather never think of Him as such.. God in my mind is not weak... all things are possible.. He can make everything, God is power, and God can do anything in this realm and all of them. He is infinity and so many things we cannot understand but He is not like us.. so I dont see Him as a father tho He receives a title as such. God is love yes He is, but I never seen it or felt it..keep seeking Him, I do, yet Im thinking of stopping because maybe He just doesnt want to work with me? Im telling you GreenNnice the problem is me.. God just doesnt want to see me. He only wants and keeps wanting, and He is not willing to help me.. Im feeling like a slave? Who only is given crumbs.. and we cant even decide what crumbs.. and to me that sounding a bit cruel already.. so if my tears were not enough if my cries were not enough then Im not enough and now I feel God is cold and I rather just die.. cold life, cold people (not any of you) cold God.. Nah this life is not good enough.. to live it? I dont see happiness in my future.. and I dont care about paradise.. it doesnt make me feel like Ima be me.. Ima be like a robot.. so Im destined to go to Hell.. I wont waste my efforts on a God that doesnt care about me, just cares enough to comfort me? What about victory? Were is the God I grew up learning about the strong God who wouldnt leave His people.. The God that would give us victory!!! WERE IS HE? Paradise victory? Nah not to me.. But still God is holy and worth of praise.

God is not for me, and I was not for God.. I ask to much for Him, things He cant seem to do, or doesnt want to do.. and thats is ok.. as much as I have the decision to follow Him.. He also has the decision to help me..

He is with me? Idk GreenNnice. He is loving me? What way of loving? Sorry Ive becomed discourage and I feel bad so it turned into anger but not towards you, Anger towards God? Maybe but still I dont plan to say He is not God.. not because of fear because He is God.

In the end I only see a cold world already, and I honestly not going to try to turn around and be how I used to be.. I dont want to be sexually immoral, and a liar, and I cheater..I only see a cold world, with many cold people, and I dont feel God, maybe He is Cold? I know he is slow to anger and fast to compassion but I wouldnt doubt that these words will kill me... but then if my tongue is power then when I ask for the good thing they do not happen? So it only works with bad things?

Anyways.. I thank you still all because you been so kind.. yet Im at the end of my own strenght.. and I honestly dont want to do this no more.. its to much for to little...

God bless

Uriel.

God forgives us every time we ask...
We need to for give our selves
and accept His forgiveness.
When others hurt us we need to forgive them.
You will never find freedome in Christ,
if you don't let go of the past.
When you let the pain of the past hang on...
it only wastes your future.

When we carry around the burden of unforgiveness...
We keep heavy chains on our souls...
It keeps us from getting close to God.

Still praying...

Thank you for your prayer all I can say now but Im tire and gave up...
God bless
Uriel

What have you given up?

on the hope of a relationship between God and I.. of hoping.. of anything... I cant do this.. so I just am waiting for all the bad things to happen now.. Im just tired... so I wont go on..

Loveme1
Have you become your own judge?

Salvation is a process not a prayer said and carry on with the ways of the world.

For a start, why do you care what these people think of you?

They have no power over you other than that you allow them to have, by caring what they say......

Who are you to say you are not worthy?

We do not decide things by our own standards who is and who is not worthy to be heard.

You are his creation and seem to take a lot upon yourself to decide what is or is not.

And what does or does not shine.

Yes our Yahvah God is Glorious, so consider how Great he is and Glorious he is and amazing, yet he still desires us to return to him?

He loves you, you are not listening.

Do not try and measure his love by the mood or feelings you have, it is in that moment you can be strengthened but only if you trust with all your heart, soul and mind.

It is a work in progress it does not come over night, different experiences are to strengthen you, he pushes us only as far as he knows we can be pushed, so when things look tough, or you don't feel joy know that he is rooting for you and planned a way ahead of you.

Secure it all on him and see if you can't move a mountain if it be his Will.

Psalm 91

1He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
2I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

3Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

4He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

5Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

6Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

7A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

8Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.

9Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;

10There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

11For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

12They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

13Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.

14Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

15He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.

16With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

You are truly and dearly Loved!!!

Lord Jesus I stand in the gap for my brother in Christ,
He feels weak and feels he can not hang on at this time,
So Lord move your warring angels to surround
Wantingtobelieve to lift him up with the Love and fruits of your spirit.
Breath the breathe of life into to Him.
In Jesus powerful and Loving Name, Amen

Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song

You might have given up on God, but he is using you for good still. I keep trying to think of what to say to have you return to God, only to realize I am just as much talking to myself.

one of the things you said was you feel like prayer is one way communication.
You know what? I think that is true for most people most of the time. I think the only time I felt the presence of God was when I recieved the holy spirit. I have never felt it since. God can do fancy things yes, but most of the time He is quiet, like the whisper, when talking to... I think it was Eli.

Anger twords God... I think most people who have been through rough times have felt this at some point. Just don't let it cause you to do things you should not. If you disagree with God you are allowed to tell him (though that does not have to mean things go the way we planned anyway):

23 Abraham approached him and said, “Will you sweep away both the righteous and the wicked? 24 Suppose you find fifty righteous people living there in the city—will you still sweep it away and not spare it for their sakes? 25 Surely you wouldn’t do such a thing, destroying the righteous along with the wicked. Why, you would be treating the righteous and the wicked exactly the same! Surely you wouldn’t do that! Should not the Judge of all the earth do what is right?”

26 And the Lord replied, “If I find fifty righteous people in Sodom, I will spare the entire city for their sake.”
...
32 Finally, Abraham said, “Lord, please don’t be angry with me if I speak one more time. Suppose only ten are found there?”
And the Lord replied, “Then I will not destroy it for the sake of the ten.”

- the city was destroyed, but Lot and his fmaily got the chance to flee

Thank you but all is in vain.. its all meaningless (not the effort because I appreciate it, but its vain because wont hear you.. in anything happening to me)... Im not my own judge.. but I do sure know what way is the one for those who dont follow the Lord.. Im one of them now.. because I cannot walk his ways.. but I wont change to be someone who Im not either... I will be who I am.. and that is not pleasing in the eyes of the Lord.. because his ways .. the way he wants my life to be.. is not.. the way I want to live.. so I give up.. I tried enough for me to say.. Ok I tried.. now if it was enough then that is not my problem anymore.. because I dont have anything to boast with God with my works.. yet I did try... and I am not willing to do this anymore.. not put my trust and my hopes.. on God.. or me.. Im just know that things will go downhill from now on.. and its fine..

God bless
Uriel..