Prayer Request from sexual sins...

Thats what Im really afraid of, having to break up with her, thats why I've been praying and fasting that God will increase her drive again, because I know without that, we wont survive. And yeah, we have a lot of different interests, but as far as Christ goes, I think she's just struggling honestly. She's still kinda sorta new to the faith, and like you, I've been in it for a long time, so I often find myself getting frustrated with her because she says and does certain things, but then God always reminds me of what I was like when I really started serving Him, how things just didnt come immediately, and I would serve Him good for a week or two then backslide, over and over, so I figure maybe she's going through the same thing, because she's been used to NOT having boundaries and godly morals, she's been in the world longer than being in the church, so I figure she's just struggling like I did...I dont know, because recently she started these daily devontional things, and let me tell ya, ever since she started those, we've had NO problems at all! Like, none. There was so much harmony between us, and she threw away all her secular CD's and was really going HARD for Jesus, and so was I, and we were really moving up, but for some reason, she's fallen back a little, and i dont know if its something I did, or if something happened to her that she hasnt told me about thats caused her to fall back, or maybe something SHE did. Because she's the kind of person that its hard to get anything out of her, as far as really personal things, it's like pulling teeth, so maybe she's having sexual withdrawals like Ive been having, because we talked a few days ago, and she said that she USED to struggle with masturbation, and I said 'I used to too', when actually, I was CURRENTLY going through it, but I didnt wanna tell her because I didnt know what her reaction would be, and I feel like maybe she's doing the same with me, she WANTS to tell me, but is afraid of what I might think. And honestly, I think her friends and family may have something to do with her falling back a bit, because a lot of her friends are 'casual' about Jesus, but she isnt, but since she has befriended them, I'm thinking that maybe she's letting their veiws be her's, instead of letting GOD's views be her's. Thats why I've also been praying that God sends her some better friends, because a lot of them are hot-headed and difficult, and like it says in Proverbs 22: 24, 25, not to befriend angry people, or to associate with them, or else you'll start acting just like them, and thats been happening...but you know how girls are with having best friends, so I cant just say 'I dont think she's right for you' ya know? I feel like she feels she NEEDS a best friend, because she as gone through 3 girls already, and all 3 of them didnt really cut it, so now she's on number four, and its weird, the other 3 girls were ALL hot-headed and difficult to be around, and her 4th one is too sometimes, she seems to want to be best friends with the most difficult people on the planet, and based on Proverbs 22, her attitude toward me has changed for the worst, going from nice and sweet, to bitter and childish.


Whoo, lemme take an eBreath lol...



Ok, and as for me, unfortunately, yesterday I was so stressed about not having a job and my girlfriend that, yes, like and idiot, I gave in, but ya know whats different? I didnt even really WANNA do it this time, I felt like this time I had to FORCE myself to have those sexual desires, and after I was like 'wow, that was ridiculous' but I repented and now it's like those desires are kinda fading, because when I see a girl now, it's not as hard to resist LOOKING looking at her now.

How about testing the relationship a little. Are you open to sitting down with her and being honest? You might just be surprised at what you learn about her. Part of achieving true intimacy beyond sexual involvement, is through allowing yourself to become vulnerable. You don't have the male christian friends, with whom this would be ideal, and whom I still believe are needed in your life, but you may also gain a little ground in your relationship with your girlfriend and become a little closer as a result.

After having been married for 13 years before divorcing, I can tell you first hand, that secrets are non-productive in a relationship. In any event, you would not be hiding your struggle, and you would be giving her the opportunity to be open and honest with you. She might actually appreciate seeing a little vulnerability in you. I'm sure you don't want her to think that you are faultless. You might be appearing a little too perfect in her eyes, which can create some feelings of insecurity and cause her to be able to relate better to less perfect people.

Have you been able to avoid sexual involvement with your girlfriend?

Ive been avoiding that lol but you're right, I should let her in a little, and come to think of it, she has mentioned inthe past how saved she thought I was and how much closer to God I was than her, or so she thought, when really, I dont feel like I'm any closer than she is. I've been thinking about doing it, I guess now I have nothing to lose, I'll try it today, I'm just concerned that it'll cause a bad reaction, but I'll do it, and even when i said that i used to masturbate (which was a lie lol) she said it felt good to know that she wasnt alone in it.

And yes, thank the Lord, we HAVE been able to avoid each other sexually for nearly a month now, praise God, and its been making us closer. Its funny, you would think that sex would bring a couple closer, when really, it pushes them further away if they arent married, and once we stopped, and put God first, THEN we got closer. She has told me that in the past, she used to have sex 3 or 4 times a day. And one of those times she actually got pregnant (she has a daughter, and I LOOOVE her so much). And even after being pregnant she would have sex regularly, so maybe she IS still struggling with masturbation or sexual frustration, because I havent had sex like that and I'm struggling still too.

I sure will! Thanks!

Songster Sir, the end might be near for me and her, I'm at my wits end...seriously.

Jaxx, I am praying for you man. Masturbation is quite the thing to stop, and let me give you some warning, you CAN'T do it on your own. Give it up to God. I don't know if porn is apart of the issue, but if it is, it will be all the more harder to kick. If you ever want to talk, send me a message man. YOU can do all things through Christ who gives YOU strength.

When anyone has sex the soul is like film in a camera, some of what is in the soul of the other person gets placed on your soul and visa versa as well as anything else others have placed on the soul so you could have things from anyone else she had intercourse with. If one has evil tendencies a door or weakness that is not usually open gets open. What has happened here is you got some of what your girlfriend has and she got some of what you have. and maybe allot.

In terms of the Holy Spirit the phi Sade of the Holy Spirit is temporarily transmitted but not the real thing so your only getting the bad and not the good. In marriage God is a covering and protector of the film.

Homosexual spirits got locked out of Heaven and want just a taste of Heaven, they get this through sex but more so through uncompromised people.

You may have had problems before but now you have bigger problems and they could become much worse. I'm worried for you.

I've been there, not exactly where you are but this soul sharing really is bad stuff it can affect you for years after. My only advice as painful as it is and it will be the most painful thing you will endure so far because you shed what is in your soul with her there will be soul nerve endings exposed ( I know what you are about to go through if it is anything like I had to go through) You will either leave your girlfriend or God will make it happen. This is just my opinion but I'm sure I'm right. The pain will last for years but it will get better with time If you remember only one thing TIME IS YOU FRIEND with time the pain will diminish. Take my advice, if I'm right about this don't go looking for another woman. Let them look for you.

I'm also not saying your girlfriend isn't Christian she's likely going through the same thing but sex outside of marriage opens all kinds of doors.

Your both on my prayer list. I hope your not too offended or unhappy with my advice but this is what I had to give.

Received your msg. If you prefer to continue in private, I'm fine with that, but I'll answer your private msg. through this post, I hope that's ok.

Jaxx, concerning the private msg., I want to simply say that I believe you're on the right track and I empathize with you. You asked about me, and there isn't much to tell. Married for 13yrs, unfaithfulness on both sides in one form or another. Divorced and single for 7 years. Made several trips out of the country. Presently communicating with a woman I spent time with in the Philippine Islands, who also recently received Jesus as her savior. My petition for her Visa to the U.S. was approved and we're waiting for her interview appointment at the embassy in Manila. If all goes well, I hope to have her here by January or February of 2010. We're both pretty excited about it.

She had a roman catholic background and has agreed to go with me to my church when she comes to the U.S., We've known each other for about 1 yr. She's still working on perfecting communication in the english language, but I don't mind that, I love a good project, lol . Just kidding. I'm looking forward to being married. I've learned a lot over the past 7 years, about life, about my relationship with the Lord, and about women. I'm eager to put all of it to the test.

Pornography was a serious struggle years ago, daily and weekly. My life has changed so significantly, I may be seriously tempted every 4 or 5 months now. I'm stronger than I've ever been, and the main factor in my choice to stay free is, I simply don't want my life to fall apart. I never want to be where I was before. I'm fine now, but I know that if there is ever a time when I would fall, I won't continue spiraling downward as I did years ago. I will repent, confess my sin, endure the discipline which always occurs, and connect with local friends to avoid isolation.

I can say, without a doubt, that I am being made a new creation in Christ Jesus. Praise the Lord.

Wow, thats awesome! Yeah I saw a picture of her, she's very pretty. How did you like being out of the country? I'll pray that everything goes smoothly with you two, it'll be awesome! It's so encouraging to know how far you've come with the porn, I know I'll get to that point soon

gee jaxx maybe you should fast to get rid your struggles. and have her do it too...

Thanks. I am hoping that everything goes smoothly. Today was a little rough for me. Sometimes I just don't want to pray, and when dealing with coworkers, some of whose lives are filled with all types of sexual immorality, I can sense it by the Spirit, and if I don't pray, I can actually begin to succomb to what I'm feeling and fall back into my own bad habits. I usually try to pray, for short times, throughout the day to avoid being loaded down with the spiritual sensation of the sins of others . My place of employment is so loud that I could sing the star spangled banner, while beating a drum, and no one would notice, lol, so, praying out loud isn't a problem, and I can pray for any of them, at will.

I actually feel the burden of their sin lifting as I pray for them, but when I get home, I don't want to read, I don't want to pray, I just want to check my email and rest. In the times when I'm at my strongest in the Lord, I attribute it to the prayers of others, which are tangibly felt. Without them, I know I would fall. That's why I stressed the point earlier, that anyone who has struggled, or is struggling, with pornography and masturbatory compulsions, must have a good support system of friends, and trusted believers, willing to pray for them.

Yesterday, I felt like easing into some 'girl watching' on the internet, which, for me, would usually begin with what I considered to be the 'safe viewing' of swimsuit models, celebrities and so on, sincerely believing that it would go no further than that, but it would progress into more and more explicit viewing material as the minutes passed, and before you know it, I'd be binging for about 3 or 4 days, confessing and repenting after each indulgence, always ending with phrases like, 'that was really stupid', or , 'that wasn't even enjoyable', and I can't forget the favorites, 'I didn't really need to do that', or , 'that wasn't worth it'.

I would often mistake the adrenaline boost, for God's forgiveness, because I would feel so good the next day. It would seem as though God was saying, 'I'll let this one slide'. But in the hours and days to follow, the spiritual/physical/mental affects proved, that it was simply the result of a temporary high, 'the rush'. Sometimes I'd have, not just more energy the next day, but even a more positive outlook and a greater sense of being able to resist the urge the next time, and it was all the result of the adrenaline boost.

So how's the job search going?

songster man...i feel you. guys, i got to say, i've been struggling with pornography and mastrubation for a while. I quit pornography once as an unbeliever, once as a christian, and now it's back again. Only minutes ago did I perfectly willingly, knowlingly give in to both. I've entered that spiritual numbness to some degree that is mentioned in hebrews...but i'm still god's. i haven't stopped praying, it's just that i am like well let's get down to businesss. You could almost say it isn't really even a fight--i just go to it wllingly. I've got to crush this thing once and for all. I'm 17 and don't have a girlfriend, so it's not a matter of a relationship i'm in. It's jsut, my flesh is tired of resisting i guess. One day i just had at it and started looking again. I've had mastrubation on my mind for months, and i guess the dam finally broke and woosh i'm on a porn/mastrubation spree. This has got to stop. Please pray for me guys.

I'm sorry to hear this man, I am deffinatly praying for you. The thing you should remember, is that this addiction, will hurt you in the future the more you watch it. You know just as well as I do that your thoughts change once you watch porn, the more you watch it, the more perverse they are. I have been off it for a while now, and I still get perverse thoughts here and there. I deeply regret my old addictions, but can deliver you from it. I will be praying for you man. You aren't alone. If you ever want to talk, just pm me or I might even be in the chat.

Masturbation is about the release of anxiety or a perceived need for a moment of pleasure. Goals can realistically be set. Marking the calendar to see how far you can go without masturbating, wouldn't be a realistic goal, because there is no reason to stop. Each person must first find the reason they wish to discontinue the practice of masturbation.

If you're Christian, the obvious reason would be because the viewing of pornography, which is supporting the masturbatory habit, is considered sexual immorality, and even idolatry. Statistical information varies, and it would be extremely difficult to determine just how many men and women do it, or have done it, but the numbers are high.

Men and women practice this for different reasons, but both are subject to becoming addicted to the behavior. Anyone desiring to stop viewing pornography, who has settled on a viable reason to do so, will be challenged many times before experiencing significant growth. The conditioning of our minds begins at an early age, and the only thing that changes or evolves, is the way we choose to act on the desire.

A support system of friends, preferably christian believers, is needed. Isolation, boredom, stress and a lack of accountability, contributes to triggering these desires.

TIWIH777 , What is the reason that causes you to want to stop viewing pornography?

well man i know it's bad and i need to stop. I want to become closer to god. Purpposely Sinning is like just asking for god to punish me. I know he's patient, but once you just ignore his grace, you're pretty much doomed if you go numb. I don't want to leave God. I know i don't have to try and earn his favor, cuz that's what grace is for. however, it's common sense that sooner or later god's gonna have to get stricter if i dont' shape up. i want to love god with all my heart, mind, soul, and strenght. sinning just isn't part of that. I don't want Christ to have died for nothing.