No poetry. No fancy language.
I'm going broke. My spirit is drained. Constantly stifled by depression. I've been cut off from everything for too long. cant figure out how to get back into the game. i am languishing with no clue how or when this period of super lonely inertia will end. every dollar i spend makes me feel more desperate. trying to self-care too. i take 3 meds. no health insurance. Got shorted $300 on tax returns that i really could've used because i didn't have health insurance half the year and had to pay penalty. i dont feel or discern a direction. i cant go back to the teaching career. it damaged me. drove me to the end of my wits. my counselor said another year would be potentially lethal. i wouldnt have survived so badly i had gotten. drinking, self-medicating, beaten down into total despair. if it hadnt killed me literally, any trace of my spirit or will to live would have been sucked dry. i wouldve had a breakdown. wouldve quit and probably checked into facility. i even had a psychiatric eval performed. i suffer severe depression, mood disorder/possible bipolar, adhd. im a wreck. i throw my resume out there. apply to part time esl jobs, writing jobs indiscriminately without any real target. no plan. I need God's direction. some say im pathetic. that i need to just figure it out on my own and not sit around waiting for God. I feel more depressed and desperate every day it seems. i dont know how to rescue myself. Lord rescue me. Hear my prayer. I need serious help right now.
I'm going broke. My spirit is drained. Constantly stifled by depression. I've been cut off from everything for too long. cant figure out how to get back into the game. i am languishing with no clue how or when this period of super lonely inertia will end. every dollar i spend makes me feel more desperate. trying to self-care too. i take 3 meds. no health insurance. Got shorted $300 on tax returns that i really could've used because i didn't have health insurance half the year and had to pay penalty. i dont feel or discern a direction. i cant go back to the teaching career. it damaged me. drove me to the end of my wits. my counselor said another year would be potentially lethal. i wouldnt have survived so badly i had gotten. drinking, self-medicating, beaten down into total despair. if it hadnt killed me literally, any trace of my spirit or will to live would have been sucked dry. i wouldve had a breakdown. wouldve quit and probably checked into facility. i even had a psychiatric eval performed. i suffer severe depression, mood disorder/possible bipolar, adhd. im a wreck. i throw my resume out there. apply to part time esl jobs, writing jobs indiscriminately without any real target. no plan. I need God's direction. some say im pathetic. that i need to just figure it out on my own and not sit around waiting for God. I feel more depressed and desperate every day it seems. i dont know how to rescue myself. Lord rescue me. Hear my prayer. I need serious help right now.