Blain's Testimony

I have always been able to express my heart much better in written form but I never knew the extent until I became a Christian and came here to cc. I do use scriptures but I prefer to use them to help encourage and build others up not to prove myself right or win debates I see that as using them out if context and for the wrong purposes. Granted there are times when one should back up their debates with scriptures but the motive of the heart is the deciding factor. I normally just speak from the heart the words just flow as if from a source that is not my own.

For one who only just met me you seem to be very insightful about me just from what you posted here it's almost as if you were able to look into my heart more than even what I can see if I didn't know any better I would say you have a very deep gift of discernment

If you only knew the depth of how your words have helped to mend my damaged heart. For a long time now I have been struggling in pain feeling like I don't make any difference as if life and everyone here would be perfectly fine without me as if i simply exist and just last night in my sorrow as i fell asleep I asked God that if there was any purity in me at all and if I am of use to him or to anyone and I am not at all what I see in myself that would show me somehow. Then this morning I came on here and saw these two posts here made and the wounds and scars that I myself have placed on my heart were mended.

To think he would send you to answer my prayers so quickly is so kind of him. As a Christian and believer and even as a person in general I want to be strong so that I can help others to be strong I love to build up encourage strengthen and bring others into a much closer intimate love and bond with father and I have seen the power words alone can have as he has used me so many times just here on cc to do this exact thing my heart desires and I could not be more grateful to him for that.

But I suppose I can forget that I am human and need the very thing I strive to do for others and perhaps this storm my heart has been going through was his way of humbling me and showing me this.

Sorry you went through things that you should not have to. I am admired by your strength and love for Christ and people. I truly believe that one day you will be in paradise with the Lord I feel your pureness. God bless I will keep you in my prayers. God please bless our brother in Christ will every good spiritual blessing and everything he and his family needs forever in Jesus name Amen.

I will admit sometimes I do ask God why I am the only one in my family who has had go through this kind of life even now I have had to go through so much suffering trying to save my eyesight I have had to have surgery after surgery for almost a year now I have a terrible fear of things going near my eyes and was forced to have needles stuck in them as I sat in the chair so terrified I was drenched in sweat and it really hurt I can't even go outside if it's to bright outside .

But even so I will trust in father rather I choose to trust him as I am sure many can attest it can be easy to doubt and fear in hard times sometimes trusting him doesn't come naturally you have to choose to even despite the circumstances and perhaps that is something he wanted to teach me and one of the reasons I am going through all of this. After all before all of this even though I went through tough times none of them were as severe and terrifying as this and trusting him came easy to me just naturally but now in the face of my darkest time in years I have to decide if I will trust him or not the fear and doubt and pain is overwhelming everyday I am constantly severely limited because of my eyes and I was only recently even able to be on Christian chat.

So everyday I am bombarded with doubt and fear in fact if my eyes cannot be saved then I will go completely blind there is no surgery or medicine that can save them but there is hope because slowly they are gettinmg better even though it is a constant chore, However my love for him has never faded. By all rights I could easily scream to the heavens in anger shaking my fists roaring why what did I do to deserve this but anyone who has fallen for him, who is in love with him just because of who he is, who knows the hunger and the thirst and the deep soul oeircing longing just hold him and forever embrace him and vise versa knows that simply isn't possible.

You mentioned you could sense the purity in me but I cannot take any credit for that because it isn't the purity that gives me strength it's the love and intimate bond he and I share. If I could make any kind of true testimony it would be trying to describe the love he and I have for each but words simply cannot do it justice, he and I don't speak in actual words and I don't hear his voice in my head like a lot of people say they do we have a language of the hearts a voice with no sound words with no tongue we pour our feelings and intimate thoughts into each others hearts we perice each others hearts and bleed but in a good way if you know what I mean.

God is good Amen.

It is hard to imagine that not one but two humane beings could possibly be so cruel .........expecially to their son. If defies everything that is good and holy, and on the other side of that coin that you can and did forgive them. That is an awesome thing in itself. To God be all the Glory. I may never meet you this side of Heaven, but i sincerely hope to on the other side. Please look me up with those brand new sparkling eyes that will be yours. You could be the poster boy for Gods goodness and mercy and grace. I rejoice because you are able to share your testimony without hatred in your soul, so many are not so blessed, and many will die , having never reconciled the injustice of this world. Is your father and mother still living? How long did you live with them, or are you still? Did you have other siblings? If so how were they treated? Did you have any relatives who were sympathetic with your lifestyle? Did you go to school with the other children? I hope you do not take offense to these questions, I am a why person and like to know all the details. If you do not choose to answer I understand. I sincerely hope that your living conditions have greatly improved? I love you and God loves you more. Stay blessed.

Good to see a post from you as haven't seen you post in a while. I have been off and on myself. But hope all is well and you are doing o.k. with this virus thing going around. God continue to bless you and stay healthy as you can.. Your Blond Mom...Hugs kiddo.

No I am not offended in the least bit it takes a lot to offend me. Firstly I do not know if my father is alive or not but my mother last I heard is in prison I have wanted to visit her and tell her I forgive her. Honestly I hope father will do all he can to save her and if my father is alive him as well. I don't live with them I haven't since I was eight but by that time I was so starved I was the size of a four year old and apparently part of my brain had not developed correctly which actually explains a lot now that I think about it. I have two sister we each had the same mom but different dads my youngest sister was only a baby and my sister amber was two years younger than me as far as I know they received abuse of some kind but I was never told what all I was told was that mine was far more severe.

If i had other relatives sympathic to my situation I didn't know of them and as for school no I was never allowed outside because people would see the bruises. and yes my living situation has greatly improved a few years ago they were bad but now they are good

Mom I missed you Yea I haven't been able to be online for a long time now because my eyes got so damaged I was almost completely blind I am still recovering but Recently I was able to be on Christian chat it has been far to long and I missed all of you dearly

Glad you are back and hope you stay around. Hugs.

You as well also do you if notmyown has been online? I have missed her as well

HOLY SMOKE!!! All I can say is that you yourself are really a walking miracle!! 1Cor 10:13

Not been on in a while...I also hope she is doing well.

Yeah me too I haven't been on in a while either so I didn't know if she had been on or not. Are you and Jerry doing ok? no virus or anything?

Well if I am I can't take any credit God gets all the glory

So far so good, but here in Florida it is pollen season and I do sneeze and at times have a runny nose but am chalking that up to the pollen in the area. I haven't had a fever or any symptoms related to the virus and Jerry and daughter Melisa are o.k. too.

Jerry is still working 6 days a week so he is out and exposed the most and is the wild card in our house. But prayers and trust in God to do what is best for us is what I am trusting in.

Don't worry my allergies are bad too and I am relieved to hear everyone is ok. I love you

Blain I hope you do get to visit her and tell her that she is forgiven. I am not sure how she would react but if she has any heart at all, she should welcome it, and even if she does not, it surely would be a testimony to the God you serve. Speaking of which, your life is a living testimony to the scripture that says, when your father and mother forsake you God will take you up. LIVING PROOF !! Psalms 27;10