Blain's Testimony

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Rosemaryx

Senior Member
May 3, 2017
3,095
3,508
113
59
I would love if my family could be like you, I have enough issues seeing any good in me as it is and I certainly don't think myself a strong person but my family thinks I am weak and need protection they always cage me in restrictions that I have already shown I can overcome my own mom came home drunk one night and said I was the weakest person she knows

But deep down I know how they wrong they are they have never understood me and don't see me as I really am they just see my brain damage and disability and because I am a tender soul and wear my feelings on my sleeve they think I am weak unintelligent incapable and doesn't know anything.
Needless to say I live in a unhealthy environment but that also is why my room is my sanctuary with God as well as cc
I thanked God yesterday after reading your beautiful script to @Magenta ...
I do not think you truly understand what a beautiful gift God has blessed you with concerning your writings , you bless so many people and you do not know it...

Your writings reaches the bottom of our souls and we give thanks to God for you...
...xox...
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
34,044
11,741
113
66
Tennessee
I will pray for God to provide adequate 'social distancing' between you and that toxic environment that your doing your very best to survive.
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
17,221
1,732
113
I thanked God yesterday after reading your beautiful script to @Magenta ...
I do not think you truly understand what a beautiful gift God has blessed you with concerning your writings , you bless so many people and you do not know it...

Your writings reaches the bottom of our souls and we give thanks to God for you...
...xox...
Thank you so much for your kind words that all I ask for my writing that and that father will be given credit
 

Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
1,281
1,169
113
I havent made a testimony because ppl hardly even read testimonies let alone post in them but I figured I might as well.
I guess it begins when I was with my mom and dad, as a young kid as long as I could remember they were always abusive and starved me severely. I was always hungry and I was treated like a slave, I did all sorts of chores and for no reason at all they would hurt me. I had to clean the carpet with nothing but water and a tooth brush and they hit me a lot. I remember they would sit in a circle and I had to take my pants off and one by one they would stab my in the but with a sowing needle. there was one time they made me eat a cockroach another they made me eat my sisters poop another they made me drink my uncles throw up.

There was another time my mom cut my bottom with a knife and said the blood coming out was demons and scared me. my mom would sometimes make special pancakes for me, she would make pancakes crunch up lots of pills and say they were sprinkles and drench it in syrup. I knew I would black out if i ate it but i never get to eat good so I did it no problem.

Basically I had a terrible child hood, and I dont even remember the worst parts, when I was taken away at age eight apparently my parents spilled the beans of all they did and I was put in a foster home. my foster mom still wont tell me the parts I dont remember she said it was to gruesome and horrible for me to handle all i know is that they sexually abused me and lots of horrible things that my mind apparently cant remember because they starved me so bad and they drugged so much that I somehow had brain damage. at the age of eight I was the size of a four year old due to not being fed good so I had to eat a whole lot so my body could gradually catch up

I was put in a good foster home, the dad was a real jerk but i dont hold grudges. I had already forgiven my real parents I am not able to stay mad at someone trust me I have tried. I had 4 good years although I had medical issues they werent that bad but then I got cancer luekemia, its a deadly blood cancer. Cancer of course is no joy ride, you have to go through so much stuff like radiation and chemo therapy you get stuck with needles a whole lot and you get more medical issues from the radiation and it damages your body. I had it for four years but finally it was in remission meaning its basically asleep but can come back at any time. to this day I still suffer from the cancer and the damage it did to my body, I have many health issue I received another dose of brain damage and I now have diabetes. I even for some reason get this horrible pain in my nerves and bones.

People say I am brave and strong for fighting and beating cancer, but im not because I didnt do anything it was all because of the doctors help that I am even alive. there were a couple times i almost died and they saved me. all I did was put up with it.

I eventually graduated high school but because I cant drive due to the brain damage I cannot go to work as there is not a place to work in walking distance and plus I have trouble remembering simple things and following simple commands. So I live with my mom and in all likely hood will for the rest of my life because I have no way of earning money and cant live on my own. But anyways I was saved two years ago and it was the best decision I ever made, my family doesnt think I will ever amount to much or be anyone special but God says that I can and will
Hi Blain..You may not remember me..but I was in here in 2017 understand the name of Stewart and we used to interact on here..If you just type "Stewarts final poem"..you commented in that poem which was my last one here in Sept 2017.Have a look..it may refresh your memory..it has been a while.
Dude..you testimony is so deeply harrowing and heartfelt.How on earth could they treat you like that and go to bed each night with a clean conscience??You have suffered so much and are still living with the impact of what you suffered.I praise God for your life dude and I love how you ended your testimony..👏🏻👏🏻
How you were treated is not a reflection of your true worth.You're a diamond,one of lifes survivors..precious and so much more.God loves you more than you will ever know and though you have struggles and certain limitations now..Jesus Is now your lord and saviour and i can relate to life being been in an abusive home too.
I know many here have been both touched and blessed by your powerful testimony.
I am so glad to have found you her again.I joined here just over a week ago.
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
17,221
1,732
113
Hi Blain..You may not remember me..but I was in here in 2017 understand the name of Stewart and we used to interact on here..If you just type "Stewarts final poem"..you commented in that poem which was my last one here in Sept 2017.Have a look..it may refresh your memory..it has been a while.
Dude..you testimony is so deeply harrowing and heartfelt.How on earth could they treat you like that and go to bed each night with a clean conscience??You have suffered so much and are still living with the impact of what you suffered.I praise God for your life dude and I love how you ended your testimony..👏🏻👏🏻
How you were treated is not a reflection of your true worth.You're a diamond,one of lifes survivors..precious and so much more.God loves you more than you will ever know and though you have struggles and certain limitations now..Jesus Is now your lord and saviour and i can relate to life being been in an abusive home too.
I know many here have been both touched and blessed by your powerful testimony.
I am so glad to have found you her again.I joined here just over a week ago.
I may have to check the poem to refresh my memory but if we knew each other I may remember.

Thank you for your generous and overwhemingly kind words it is true that I am still affected by what I went through and lately it has gotten a lot worse I just came out of a massive storm when the enmy was poking my weakest inner wounds it was probably the worst and most painful storm I have ever been in I was in such deep and heavy inner pain and couldn't help breaking down a lot my family never listens to me and I have carried these inner wounds since I was a kid but hid them deep inside and never realized the damage I was making inside.

But I cling to God in this time after all he was all I had only he knew and could understand fully what I was going through and so many times he reached out to me and sp[oke gentle encouragement whether that was a song a movie show a person or something someone else says to me on here. We eventually made through the storm and I do feel closer to him but I also realized that I have a lot of inner wounds that I ignored and a therapist isn't an option right now not even an online one we simply don't have the money and plus I cannot drive and have no ride to there anyways.

The pain is still there just npot as bad but I also believe that God is using this experience to shape and mold me even perhaps free me from all the inner chains and wounds I placed on myself
 

Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
1,281
1,169
113
I may have to check the poem to refresh my memory but if we knew each other I may remember.

Thank you for your generous and overwhemingly kind words it is true that I am still affected by what I went through and lately it has gotten a lot worse I just came out of a massive storm when the enmy was poking my weakest inner wounds it was probably the worst and most painful storm I have ever been in I was in such deep and heavy inner pain and couldn't help breaking down a lot my family never listens to me and I have carried these inner wounds since I was a kid but hid them deep inside and never realized the damage I was making inside.

But I cling to God in this time after all he was all I had only he knew and could understand fully what I was going through and so many times he reached out to me and sp[oke gentle encouragement whether that was a song a movie show a person or something someone else says to me on here. We eventually made through the storm and I do feel closer to him but I also realized that I have a lot of inner wounds that I ignored and a therapist isn't an option right now not even an online one we simply don't have the money and plus I cannot drive and have no ride to there anyways.

The pain is still there just npot as bad but I also believe that God is using this experience to shape and mold me even perhaps free me from all the inner chains and wounds I placed on myself
Well when you read the words of that poem and even your comments about it is will be like having a spiritual shower..may it all refresh you all over shin just like it did 3 years ago.
Sorry to hear about the inner wounds that are yet to be healed...emotional wounds are the same as physical wounds.All wounds need to heal properly inorder for us to be able to function and if you have a unhealed wound on you body it affects how you move in life..emotional and even psychological wounds are just the same.When unhealed if affected how you move in life emotionally and psychologically and they cause tremendous trauma and pain just like physical wounds do.
Yes the enemie is aware of wher these wounds are coz he was responsible for causing them in the 1st place.Jesus went through abuse all his life and can identify with our sufferings and just like when he was in the boat when that storm happened and the disciples thought he didnt care and that they were gonna drown..he rebuked the storm.
Many times when the enemie comes to do us harm we feel the terrible storms..the fear..the trauma it brings..yet we never drown..and somehow we get through it to the other side.That is jesus being with us I the midst of the storm..God has annointed your life to make you a WINNER..not a VICTIM..
May God give you a powerful heart with powerful stable emotions that only has HEALED SCARS...
Your levels of recovery from your past brokeness has become the evidence that those who tried to destroy you have indeed LOST.Your special bro..the apple of Gods eye.😊😊
 

saintrose

Well-known member
May 9, 2020
672
342
63
I havent made a testimony because ppl hardly even read testimonies let alone post in them but I figured I might as well.
I guess it begins when I was with my mom and dad, as a young kid as long as I could remember they were always abusive and starved me severely. I was always hungry and I was treated like a slave, I did all sorts of chores and for no reason at all they would hurt me. I had to clean the carpet with nothing but water and a tooth brush and they hit me a lot. I remember they would sit in a circle and I had to take my pants off and one by one they would stab my in the but with a sowing needle. there was one time they made me eat a cockroach another they made me eat my sisters poop another they made me drink my uncles throw up.

There was another time my mom cut my bottom with a knife and said the blood coming out was demons and scared me. my mom would sometimes make special pancakes for me, she would make pancakes crunch up lots of pills and say they were sprinkles and drench it in syrup. I knew I would black out if i ate it but i never get to eat good so I did it no problem.

Basically I had a terrible child hood, and I dont even remember the worst parts, when I was taken away at age eight apparently my parents spilled the beans of all they did and I was put in a foster home. my foster mom still wont tell me the parts I dont remember she said it was to gruesome and horrible for me to handle all i know is that they sexually abused me and lots of horrible things that my mind apparently cant remember because they starved me so bad and they drugged so much that I somehow had brain damage. at the age of eight I was the size of a four year old due to not being fed good so I had to eat a whole lot so my body could gradually catch up

I was put in a good foster home, the dad was a real jerk but i dont hold grudges. I had already forgiven my real parents I am not able to stay mad at someone trust me I have tried. I had 4 good years although I had medical issues they werent that bad but then I got cancer luekemia, its a deadly blood cancer. Cancer of course is no joy ride, you have to go through so much stuff like radiation and chemo therapy you get stuck with needles a whole lot and you get more medical issues from the radiation and it damages your body. I had it for four years but finally it was in remission meaning its basically asleep but can come back at any time. to this day I still suffer from the cancer and the damage it did to my body, I have many health issue I received another dose of brain damage and I now have diabetes. I even for some reason get this horrible pain in my nerves and bones.

People say I am brave and strong for fighting and beating cancer, but im not because I didnt do anything it was all because of the doctors help that I am even alive. there were a couple times i almost died and they saved me. all I did was put up with it.

I eventually graduated high school but because I cant drive due to the brain damage I cannot go to work as there is not a place to work in walking distance and plus I have trouble remembering simple things and following simple commands. So I live with my mom and in all likely hood will for the rest of my life because I have no way of earning money and cant live on my own. But anyways I was saved two years ago and it was the best decision I ever made, my family doesnt think I will ever amount to much or be anyone special but God says that I can and will
That is a difficult path to walk but know that others have had bad paths as well. Maybe not in the ways that you have dealt with but in other ways.
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
17,221
1,732
113
That is a difficult path to walk but know that others have had bad paths as well. Maybe not in the ways that you have dealt with but in other ways.
Yes this is true and is why I care so much for the suffering of others I am actually grateful for all the suffering in my life because had I not known such pain and sadness I would not be able to truly understand and help others who have also known suffering.
 

sherryt

Active member
Jul 26, 2019
188
118
43
Hi Blaine: I read your post and it tugged at my heart as others who read it I'm sure. I too had a difficult childhood, not ANYTHING as the posting you described. I felt lonely and angry at my parents for many many years. I was angry mainly for the lack of love. There were other issues but mainly having unloving parents.

The reason for my replying to your posting is to share with you what the Lord (years back) shared with me which was: It was not my parent's fault for not loving me and doing the things they did. It was their upbringing. They treated me the identical way they themselves were treated. This of course was contrary to what I had always thought which was, they would know better since they were treated this way BUT, sadly a lot of parents do treat their children the same as they were treated when they were young.

I am not a psychologist but I am fully convinced now that some children when very young experience happenings in their lives that stick with them thus treating others as they have been treated, not every individual, but some. I prayed about this for I felt this was possibly from the Lord. As I continued to ponder these thoughts above, I continued in thought about my own children. How I would loose my temper (which in many many cases was so unnecessary for the trivial things they did and so on) It had been done to me. The hurtful things I would say (again as was done to me)

PLEASE UNDERSTAND I am not saying what was done to you was in ANY WAY RIGHT - IT WAS NOT! Nor am I saying it was because of the way they were brought up. I am only sharing some of what was revealed to me from the Lord.

Most IMPORTANTLY the Lord revealed I needed to forgive them. Now this was (or so I thought) something I was going to have a difficult time doing. I read Scriptures on forgiveness, I prayed and prayed yet still found the hurts I experienced beyond my ability to forgive. As the Lord again revealed, yes, it was beyond my ability BUT not beyond His unlimited grace, I only needed to ask for His grace to allow me to forgive. In other words, I needed to let go and let God. He reminded me of all that Jesus took on the cross for me, for us, the entire sins of the world. AND..... Since Jesus forgives me, (on a daily basis) who am I not to forgive.

As I prayed for God's grace it was freely given, as of course it always is, I needed only to ask. Then one day as I was reading God's Word I came across Scripture that I feel led to share. Its found in Psalms 27:10 "Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close." I do not take the word abandon as literally "giving away" or "dropping off" but rather in cases as you discussed and also in mine. This Scripture brought me so much comfort.

I apologize for the length of my posting, I just wrote the thoughts that came to mind. One last one and I promise not to continue. God is so awesome, how He uses our circumstances to share with others. ALL GLORY AND PRAISE TO HIS NAME.
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
17,221
1,732
113
Hi Blaine: I read your post and it tugged at my heart as others who read it I'm sure. I too had a difficult childhood, not ANYTHING as the posting you described. I felt lonely and angry at my parents for many many years. I was angry mainly for the lack of love. There were other issues but mainly having unloving parents.

The reason for my replying to your posting is to share with you what the Lord (years back) shared with me which was: It was not my parent's fault for not loving me and doing the things they did. It was their upbringing. They treated me the identical way they themselves were treated. This of course was contrary to what I had always thought which was, they would know better since they were treated this way BUT, sadly a lot of parents do treat their children the same as they were treated when they were young.

I am not a psychologist but I am fully convinced now that some children when very young experience happenings in their lives that stick with them thus treating others as they have been treated, not every individual, but some. I prayed about this for I felt this was possibly from the Lord. As I continued to ponder these thoughts above, I continued in thought about my own children. How I would loose my temper (which in many many cases was so unnecessary for the trivial things they did and so on) It had been done to me. The hurtful things I would say (again as was done to me)

PLEASE UNDERSTAND I am not saying what was done to you was in ANY WAY RIGHT - IT WAS NOT! Nor am I saying it was because of the way they were brought up. I am only sharing some of what was revealed to me from the Lord.

Most IMPORTANTLY the Lord revealed I needed to forgive them. Now this was (or so I thought) something I was going to have a difficult time doing. I read Scriptures on forgiveness, I prayed and prayed yet still found the hurts I experienced beyond my ability to forgive. As the Lord again revealed, yes, it was beyond my ability BUT not beyond His unlimited grace, I only needed to ask for His grace to allow me to forgive. In other words, I needed to let go and let God. He reminded me of all that Jesus took on the cross for me, for us, the entire sins of the world. AND..... Since Jesus forgives me, (on a daily basis) who am I not to forgive.

As I prayed for God's grace it was freely given, as of course it always is, I needed only to ask. Then one day as I was reading God's Word I came across Scripture that I feel led to share. Its found in Psalms 27:10 "Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close." I do not take the word abandon as literally "giving away" or "dropping off" but rather in cases as you discussed and also in mine. This Scripture brought me so much comfort.

I apologize for the length of my posting, I just wrote the thoughts that came to mind. One last one and I promise not to continue. God is so awesome, how He uses our circumstances to share with others. ALL GLORY AND PRAISE TO HIS NAME.
Oh no worries I am very guilty of making lengthy postings so trust me you are fine. I am so sorry you had to go through that and believe me what I went through and what you went through are on the same level in my opinion I don't measure suffering as greater or lesser and the lack of love growing up is one that deeply affects the heart the inner wounds and scars it creates that affect us even to our adulthood is really severe and that is why I thought my parents were the way they were because I figured they must have been brought up that way.

Luckily for me I was never the type to hold a grudge and so I was never mad at my parents for what they did and especially when I became a Christian I only hope they can come into his warm and loving arms I have no idea where they are now how they are doing or even if they are alive but I pray they are alive so that by some miracle I can see them in heaven one day and embrace them I worry about them when I think of them

I suppose I could have been like them and become the person they were due to their upbringing but I have always had the thinking of seeing what not to do, I think God knew what he was doing when he created me.
As a parent you are going to make mistakes and sometimes you will go overboard in yelling we are only human but there is no such thing as a perfect parent and as long as your kids know you love them that is the most important thing if I was ever able to be a parent I would be but for those who are parents like you it is important to always remember that a lot of times we try to be perfect parents but we forgetremember that the the important things are what make a great parent not being a perfect one.