Finally I make a new thread

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WineRose

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2017
3,631
286
83
17
Row A, Column 9
#1
Okay, now that I've been on CC for a week now and we got to know each other a little bit, time for me to actually tell you my full story in the most amount of detail possible. So settle down and grab a coffee or something, because this is going to be a very long one.

Okay, so once upon a time, when I was incredibly young, I was first taught about the Christian God, and what he did for us. It made no sense to me, though. I thought that if he could see me everywhere I went, and knew exactly what I was thinking, he must be a creep! Hell also made no sense, as I thought that if God gave us a chance, surely he would be merciful enough to give us another. But my father. who taught me this, was also a Universalist...so maybe that's why.

Anyway, because of this, I didn't really take my relationship with God seriously. Sure, I believed in him (I also didn't know why we use the capital H when we reference God with a pronoun), and prayed to him occasionally, but that's about it. That was for quite a few years. However, I noticed that recently, my friendships didn't last very long. My friends never really stuck around for more than 3 years, and so I never really had a definitive childhood friend. I lost 4 friends that year, then 3, then 5, then 10 (I moved away from that school)...I knew something was really off here. I just wasn't sure what was, though.

Then I met my best friend in the next school. She was so nice, so funny...we loved each other very much. However, that friendship was almost completely destroyed in under a year when I moved again, only connecting through WhatsApp. I was devastated, and finally knew what was going on. I never really paid attention to God, so I thought he was forcefully taking people away from me so I would pay attention to him. So I apologised profusely that night, repeatedly saying "I'm sorry, God...I'm so sorry..." until I fell asleep from exhaustion.

The next afternoon, I was lying on the hotel couch like normal until I got this heavy, choking feeling straight out of nowhere, and then suddenly, the emotions and the memories mercilessly rained down on me. I was instantly filled with shock, grief, rage, shame, and confusion, all at the same time. I prayed to God to end this, but it took him an entire hour an a half to finally do it. It was the most long and painful 90 minutes in my life. I wondered how God can be so obsessive and desperate, and he knew I was a very sensitive kid too, so he knew this, and still did this horrible, horrible thing to me. "This can't be happening! How could he do this to his little girl?!", I thought.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I knew I had to end this once and for all. I was hurting, and I was desperate. There was nothing else to do. And I had to do it, otherwise, who knows how long I would be in this state of confusion for. One fateful day, I typed in my iPad "Does god exist?".

And that, is when things get serious.

I looked at the evidence on both sides of the matter, and I have to say, I found the atheist's arguments to be as convincing, if not even more, than the Christians'. That was my first step into atheism. Gotta say, the atheists got a good point with the "Can God make a boulder that even he can't lift?" paradox and Epicurus' challenge on Christians everywhere:

"Is God willing but not able to prevent evil? Then he is not omnipotent. Is God able but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then why does evil exist? If he's neither able or willing, why call him God?"

However, I still had some concerns at the back of my mind. If I was wrong, then I would go to hell. I knew I couldn't risk that. But I still didn't understand why he left his dear children still struggling, like those kids in Africa, the people affected by the 9/11 attack, the poor victims of the Holocaust, and wandering orphans everywhere. It just didn't quite fit. So I decided that until I find a better match, I stuck to agnostic deism, as I thought that seemed to describe the situation here the best.

So, how did I get back? Well, I found my way back to the right place by spending massive amounts of time browsing the web for evidence, and more evidence that God exists. But what finally convinced me was when my father showed me a picture of the Shroud of Turin, the very shroud that Jesus was covered in when he died. It was thousands of years old and Jesus' image was still very much visible on the cover. I was shocked, and immediately got back to being a Christian. However, it was not as simple as that, and the story continues to this day.

Oh yeah, I REALLY struggled with my identity after returning to Christ. I was really confused about whether or not I should even love myself, and if high self esteem automatically equals pride. I also had no idea whether I came from God or Satan, that was also really confusing. I still struggle to this day, but now I am much less concerned. As for my emotional state, I have already come up with a miracle cure for it. I just simply did not care about my social life. I finally let go, and I never regretted it. Not even once. That's how I became the carefree, aloof teenage girl you sometimes read from. I now know that just because something is unpleasant, doesn't mean it's not real. God has the capability to do such things, there's no use whining about what he does to you, SO PUT ON YOUR TOUGH GUY/GIRL PANTS, DEAL WITH IT AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. COMPLAINING IS FOR THE WEAK.

So, anyway, that was my story. I know that my story isn't as horrible as some people's, and this will disappear into the endless mist of dead threads someday, but better some time than never, right?
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
28,802
7,190
113
64
Florida
#2
There is saying that God works in mysterious ways and through the years I have found this to have an element of truth. It is sometimes very hard to understand the ways of God in the heat of the moment but in time His reasons will be revealed. In the end it will all be for the glory of God. It helps to understand that God is love and He wants us to have life and to have it more abundantly. I have seen hundreds of people come and go in my life and some, if not all of these I will see again. I pray that God brings the right people in your life at the right time.
 

88

Senior Member
Nov 14, 2016
3,517
73
48
#3
Some people are getting there pants out now...
 
May 29, 2016
4,855
108
0
#4
Okay, now that I've been on CC for a week now and we got to know each other a little bit, time for me to actually tell you my full story in the most amount of detail possible. So settle down and grab a coffee or something, because this is going to be a very long one.

Okay, so once upon a time, when I was incredibly young, I was first taught about the Christian God, and what he did for us. It made no sense to me, though. I thought that if he could see me everywhere I went, and knew exactly what I was thinking, he must be a creep! Hell also made no sense, as I thought that if God gave us a chance, surely he would be merciful enough to give us another. But my father. who taught me this, was also a Universalist...so maybe that's why.

Anyway, because of this, I didn't really take my relationship with God seriously. Sure, I believed in him (I also didn't know why we use the capital H when we reference God with a pronoun), and prayed to him occasionally, but that's about it. That was for quite a few years. However, I noticed that recently, my friendships didn't last very long. My friends never really stuck around for more than 3 years, and so I never really had a definitive childhood friend. I lost 4 friends that year, then 3, then 5, then 10 (I moved away from that school)...I knew something was really off here. I just wasn't sure what was, though.

Then I met my best friend in the next school. She was so nice, so funny...we loved each other very much. However, that friendship was almost completely destroyed in under a year when I moved again, only connecting through WhatsApp. I was devastated, and finally knew what was going on. I never really paid attention to God, so I thought he was forcefully taking people away from me so I would pay attention to him. So I apologised profusely that night, repeatedly saying "I'm sorry, God...I'm so sorry..." until I fell asleep from exhaustion.

The next afternoon, I was lying on the hotel couch like normal until I got this heavy, choking feeling straight out of nowhere, and then suddenly, the emotions and the memories mercilessly rained down on me. I was instantly filled with shock, grief, rage, shame, and confusion, all at the same time. I prayed to God to end this, but it took him an entire hour an a half to finally do it. It was the most long and painful 90 minutes in my life. I wondered how God can be so obsessive and desperate, and he knew I was a very sensitive kid too, so he knew this, and still did this horrible, horrible thing to me. "This can't be happening! How could he do this to his little girl?!", I thought.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I knew I had to end this once and for all. I was hurting, and I was desperate. There was nothing else to do. And I had to do it, otherwise, who knows how long I would be in this state of confusion for. One fateful day, I typed in my iPad "Does god exist?".

And that, is when things get serious.

I looked at the evidence on both sides of the matter, and I have to say, I found the atheist's arguments to be as convincing, if not even more, than the Christians'. That was my first step into atheism. Gotta say, the atheists got a good point with the "Can God make a boulder that even he can't lift?" paradox and Epicurus' challenge on Christians everywhere:

"Is God willing but not able to prevent evil? Then he is not omnipotent. Is God able but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then why does evil exist? If he's neither able or willing, why call him God?"

However, I still had some concerns at the back of my mind. If I was wrong, then I would go to hell. I knew I couldn't risk that. But I still didn't understand why he left his dear children still struggling, like those kids in Africa, the people affected by the 9/11 attack, the poor victims of the Holocaust, and wandering orphans everywhere. It just didn't quite fit. So I decided that until I find a better match, I stuck to agnostic deism, as I thought that seemed to describe the situation here the best.

So, how did I get back? Well, I found my way back to the right place by spending massive amounts of time browsing the web for evidence, and more evidence that God exists. But what finally convinced me was when my father showed me a picture of the Shroud of Turin, the very shroud that Jesus was covered in when he died. It was thousands of years old and Jesus' image was still very much visible on the cover. I was shocked, and immediately got back to being a Christian. However, it was not as simple as that, and the story continues to this day.

Oh yeah, I REALLY struggled with my identity after returning to Christ. I was really confused about whether or not I should even love myself, and if high self esteem automatically equals pride. I also had no idea whether I came from God or Satan, that was also really confusing. I still struggle to this day, but now I am much less concerned. As for my emotional state, I have already come up with a miracle cure for it. I just simply did not care about my social life. I finally let go, and I never regretted it. Not even once. That's how I became the carefree, aloof teenage girl you sometimes read from. I now know that just because something is unpleasant, doesn't mean it's not real. God has the capability to do such things, there's no use whining about what he does to you, SO PUT ON YOUR TOUGH GUY/GIRL PANTS, DEAL WITH IT AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. COMPLAINING IS FOR THE WEAK.

So, anyway, that was my story. I know that my story isn't as horrible as some people's, and this will disappear into the endless mist of dead threads someday, but better some time than never, right?

Amazing testimony!
God has a plan that is hard for us to understand, but there is one thing that will never change and will always be able to keep comfort in:
God knows what is best for us, sometimes going through Egypt is part of His plan for us to make it to eternal life where there are no deserts to travel through.
 

88

Senior Member
Nov 14, 2016
3,517
73
48
#5
Alot of young people have to realize the journey of faith involves others----- if you hang with lukewarm people--- you can become lukewarm---- hang with on fire people--- it will change your life...
 
M

Mooky

Guest
#6
Alot of young people have to realize the journey of faith involves others----- if you hang with lukewarm people--- you can become lukewarm---- hang with on fire people--- it will change your life...
So true,88! I am learning this at my ripe old age!
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
68,533
6,705
113
#7
My tough girl pants will have to be pajama bottoms.. lol
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#10
Okay, now that I've been on CC for a week now and we got to know each other a little bit, time for me to actually tell you my full story in the most amount of detail possible. So settle down and grab a coffee or something, because this is going to be a very long one.

Okay, so once upon a time, when I was incredibly young, I was first taught about the Christian God, and what he did for us. It made no sense to me, though. I thought that if he could see me everywhere I went, and knew exactly what I was thinking, he must be a creep! Hell also made no sense, as I thought that if God gave us a chance, surely he would be merciful enough to give us another. But my father. who taught me this, was also a Universalist...so maybe that's why.

Anyway, because of this, I didn't really take my relationship with God seriously. Sure, I believed in him (I also didn't know why we use the capital H when we reference God with a pronoun), and prayed to him occasionally, but that's about it. That was for quite a few years. However, I noticed that recently, my friendships didn't last very long. My friends never really stuck around for more than 3 years, and so I never really had a definitive childhood friend. I lost 4 friends that year, then 3, then 5, then 10 (I moved away from that school)...I knew something was really off here. I just wasn't sure what was, though.

Then I met my best friend in the next school. She was so nice, so funny...we loved each other very much. However, that friendship was almost completely destroyed in under a year when I moved again, only connecting through WhatsApp. I was devastated, and finally knew what was going on. I never really paid attention to God, so I thought he was forcefully taking people away from me so I would pay attention to him. So I apologised profusely that night, repeatedly saying "I'm sorry, God...I'm so sorry..." until I fell asleep from exhaustion.

The next afternoon, I was lying on the hotel couch like normal until I got this heavy, choking feeling straight out of nowhere, and then suddenly, the emotions and the memories mercilessly rained down on me. I was instantly filled with shock, grief, rage, shame, and confusion, all at the same time. I prayed to God to end this, but it took him an entire hour an a half to finally do it. It was the most long and painful 90 minutes in my life. I wondered how God can be so obsessive and desperate, and he knew I was a very sensitive kid too, so he knew this, and still did this horrible, horrible thing to me. "This can't be happening! How could he do this to his little girl?!", I thought.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I knew I had to end this once and for all. I was hurting, and I was desperate. There was nothing else to do. And I had to do it, otherwise, who knows how long I would be in this state of confusion for. One fateful day, I typed in my iPad "Does god exist?".

And that, is when things get serious.

I looked at the evidence on both sides of the matter, and I have to say, I found the atheist's arguments to be as convincing, if not even more, than the Christians'. That was my first step into atheism. Gotta say, the atheists got a good point with the "Can God make a boulder that even he can't lift?" paradox and Epicurus' challenge on Christians everywhere:

"Is God willing but not able to prevent evil? Then he is not omnipotent. Is God able but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then why does evil exist? If he's neither able or willing, why call him God?"

However, I still had some concerns at the back of my mind. If I was wrong, then I would go to hell. I knew I couldn't risk that. But I still didn't understand why he left his dear children still struggling, like those kids in Africa, the people affected by the 9/11 attack, the poor victims of the Holocaust, and wandering orphans everywhere. It just didn't quite fit. So I decided that until I find a better match, I stuck to agnostic deism, as I thought that seemed to describe the situation here the best.

So, how did I get back? Well, I found my way back to the right place by spending massive amounts of time browsing the web for evidence, and more evidence that God exists. But what finally convinced me was when my father showed me a picture of the Shroud of Turin, the very shroud that Jesus was covered in when he died. It was thousands of years old and Jesus' image was still very much visible on the cover. I was shocked, and immediately got back to being a Christian. However, it was not as simple as that, and the story continues to this day.

Oh yeah, I REALLY struggled with my identity after returning to Christ. I was really confused about whether or not I should even love myself, and if high self esteem automatically equals pride. I also had no idea whether I came from God or Satan, that was also really confusing. I still struggle to this day, but now I am much less concerned. As for my emotional state, I have already come up with a miracle cure for it. I just simply did not care about my social life. I finally let go, and I never regretted it. Not even once. That's how I became the carefree, aloof teenage girl you sometimes read from. I now know that just because something is unpleasant, doesn't mean it's not real. God has the capability to do such things, there's no use whining about what he does to you, SO PUT ON YOUR TOUGH GUY/GIRL PANTS, DEAL WITH IT AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. COMPLAINING IS FOR THE WEAK.

So, anyway, that was my story. I know that my story isn't as horrible as some people's, and this will disappear into the endless mist of dead threads someday, but better some time than never, right?
Thank you for sharing WineRose! ISN'T GOD GOOD?? I am just amazed at His goodness with each testimony I read.
 

Socreta93

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2015
1,961
142
63
#11
I've struggled the same as you of why does God allow bad things to happen and is God to good to be true. Atheist I admit do make compelling arguments that make you think but it's best to study the word so that you won't fall into their trap. I made a blog months ago about 1 reason God allows bad things to happen to good people. The fact that You pulled through and believe in him shows he's all great
 

WineRose

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2017
3,631
286
83
17
Row A, Column 9
#12
So I checked this thread again after nearly a week and I am amazed by all the kind words and advice. Thank you, everyone! This took me a lot of courage and time to type, but now I know it was really worth it!

Also, 100th post! Woohoo!
 
Mar 20, 2013
94
1
0
#13
Thanks for sharing your experience. Im a little concern about the reason you choose cristiano tu; you choose christianity because Shroud of Turin. What about if it is fake? Well my point is: Stick to the bible. I would have liked to see that you read some verses..¡oh! Look what Paul says about atheism...¡oh! Look what Jhon says about agnostism, and most importanly ¡oh! Look what all the bible says about Jesús. About Atheist argument, the problemas with atheist is that they must believe to know more than God; let me explain: If atheist say : There is not God", they are assuming to have seen al the universe even the unseen un orden to deny God existence. Craig is good..watch him.
 
G

GaryA

Guest
#14
But what finally convinced me was when my father showed me a picture of the Shroud of Turin, the very shroud that Jesus was covered in when he died.
Im a little concern about the reason you choose cristiano tu; you choose christianity because Shroud of Turin. What about if it is fake?
Sonia,

I think it is wonderful ( and wise! ) if you have chosen to forsake the world and follow God; however, the Shroud of Turin is absolutely-most-definitely not the burial cloth of Christ. It can be shown from scripture that it cannot possibly be authentic. The custom of the Jews in that day was to wrap the body in the burial cloth - and to use a separate piece of cloth for the head. The Shroud of Turin is a front-side-to-back-side single-fold cloth.

Never base your Faith in God on anything other than Who He is and what He has done for you through the death, burial, and resurrection of His only begotten Son - the Lord Jesus Christ.

:)
 
G

GaryA

Guest
#15
It can be shown from scripture that it cannot possibly be authentic.
I should probably clarify that I meant 'authentic' as the burial cloth of Christ.

I will not dispute the possibility that it may have been used in the burial of some person; however, I seriously doubt they were buried in the first century by Jews... ;)
 

minecraft131

Junior Member
Jul 3, 2017
7
0
0
#16
you know the rock thing is like comparing INF to another INF , asking is infinity bigger than infinity? , in maths , infinity is not a number , and comparing one to another is silly enough .

on the other hand i find epicurus challenge rather interesting , our concept of sins / evil come directly from Adam/eve , where they didnt obey god fully. thus , evil is not from god , but from humanity itself . is god willing to prevent it? yes, is god able to ? yes, now do you think sending jesus to earth isnt the way of god to prevent evil ?

dont be an atheist , i was once an agnostic and i kept asking myself this, what is the meaning /purpose of life and universe without god ?

does living change direction/magnitude in a "meaning" vector ? no , then why keep living if in the end everything is valued null , you dont have any purpose in life if you are an atheist.
 

NeedJesus

Junior Member
Jul 16, 2017
9
0
0
#17
Hi WineRose.... You sound like an incredibly funny upbeat and witty person, and I want you to know that your words have given me a smile, and that you're honest story has been a blessing to me.
I'm much older than you, and the paths we have walked are not the same, but you have found a like-minded heart in this journey to know God better.
I've found it so awesome to know what a loving God we walk with, and how patient he is to stay with us no matter where we go and what we've done.
Thank you for your liveliness and honesty, you have helped me feel better today. God bless you.
 

WineRose

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2017
3,631
286
83
17
Row A, Column 9
#18
Hi WineRose.... You sound like an incredibly funny upbeat and witty person, and I want you to know that your words have given me a smile, and that you're honest story has been a blessing to me.
I'm much older than you, and the paths we have walked are not the same, but you have found a like-minded heart in this journey to know God better.
I've found it so awesome to know what a loving God we walk with, and how patient he is to stay with us no matter where we go and what we've done.
Thank you for your liveliness and honesty, you have helped me feel better today. God bless you.
Wow! And you didn't get a cheese-induced heart attack yet?! That's impressive...
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#19
Thanks for sharing your experience. Im a little concern about the reason you choose cristiano tu; you choose christianity because Shroud of Turin. What about if it is fake? Well my point is: Stick to the bible. I would have liked to see that you read some verses..¡oh! Look what Paul says about atheism...¡oh! Look what Jhon says about agnostism, and most importanly ¡oh! Look what all the bible says about Jesús. About Atheist argument, the problemas with atheist is that they must believe to know more than God; let me explain: If atheist say : There is not God", they are assuming to have seen al the universe even the unseen un orden to deny God existence. Craig is good..watch him.
there's that big word again"if" too many people still ponder "what if" instead of looking around thinking,Amazing!!!
 

RedeemedGift

Senior Member
May 28, 2017
158
41
28
29
#20
I sympathise as I went through some of the same agnosticism as you did before I came to belief. I realise that what held me back was my own sense of what righteousness, justice and love were. I was close-minded to myself and the morality that surrounded me, essentially. Being a believer isn't really about intellect, for God has chosen the foolish things of this world to shame those who esteem themselves to be wise (1 Corinthians 1:27).