K
I'm not gonna be expecting everyone to sit and read through it all. But I just feel I kinda want to share my story, and hopefully maybe some people can relate to what I have experienced. You're more than free to share your stories, I will gladly read and if you wish, even give some advice.
Sorry for the long post..
I'm gonna start from when I was just a child, around 2 years old, my mom and my dad got separated, because my mom had found someone else, who at first appeared very friendly, I don't remember too much from this time, luckily, because it was a horrible time, they moved in together, and I stayed with my mom, his attempt to lure her in worked. But soon after he changed, almost like he became possessed, he truly turned evil, my mom would get locked up for days, not able to leave the house, use the phone, talk to anyone outside, or go to work. I still remember and can hear her screams, he'd burn, cut and starve her for days if she didn't obey him. If I tried to ask him about her, he'd take his anger out on me, so I got a few scars from that time, but most of them healed and are gone now. We were with him for about 2 years, until one night when he left the house, my mom managed to grab me and run from there, she passed out on the way, due to having suffered a lot, her body was full of scars and still is, she ended up in the hospital where she was for a long long time. In the mean time I lived with my great-grandma and my cousin. The man got locked up in prison, and my mom had to change her name.
When she was released and was ready to take me in again, we moved to a small city where we didn't really know anyone, she had a new identity and it was quite alright for a while. When I was around 7 - 8, I had gotten one younger sister, and another younger sister on the way. My mother stayed with the father of the youngest sister for a long time, around 4 - 5 years. He was quite similar to the guy I mentioned earlier, however his evilness only came out when he had a lot of alcohol. He'd never leave any scars though, very rare at least, he would only leave bruises and such. He worked as a car mechanic and he was quite large and terrifying when he got angry. I've been woken up countless of times in the middle of the night, because of him coming home and start beating my mom due to jealousy, even though she hadn't done anything, he'd accuse her of being a whore and having cheated on her. Sometimes it was just to get his anger out.. Both of my younger sisters would come to my room when things like this happened, hoping I could do something to help them, I would hug them, sit down with them and try to comfort them, but truth be told, I was just as terrified as those two.. Several times the neighbors called the police, and he was arrested multiple times, but my mom would always stick up for him, worst part is, he could actually be a nice guy, if he just stayed away from the alcohol. My father was not really around a lot, he'd only visit on Christmas, and one Christmas the guy decided to threaten with killing my dad if he showed up, this really scared me, being a kid, I believed that he meant what he said, and seeing as what he has done before, it wouldn't surprise me if he actually did it. But as I said, this went on for a few years, until it finally ended.. He never left any scars on me, but he did punch and kick me off a few times, because I tried to push him away from my mom.
Due to what had happened, I had a lot of absence from my school, which put me on a bad course, I got very addicted to online friends, rather than friends in real, I was very bad at socializing with people, and me not really attending to school didn't help, some years I had up to 60 - 70 % absence. I got bullied for a few years, because I was terrible with communicating, I was rather shy and liked to just stick to myself. I did have a few friends but, eventually grew away from those as well. It was a rough time but I managed to hold on, since I made a few friends online who helped me over the next few years.
When I was around 14, my mom met a guy, she quit her job, which honestly surprised me because she was working at a hotel, she really liked it there as well, she was always happy and such when she came home from there, she was doing quite well on her own, always had lots of stuff to tell from there, she had made a bunch of friends as well, but that changed, I hadn't seen the guy yet, but it changed her a lot. One day she came home from a date with him, told my sister and I that we had to pack and get ready to leave for a few days, so we went over to one of my friend's place, his mom and my mom were also really good friends, so we stayed there for a few days, I didn't really understand what was happening, but my mom had a slight black eye, and her face looked a little swollen. She didn't really wish to share too much of what had happened, but I kinda got the idea..
A little time went by, we stayed at my grandma's (My dad's mom, even though she was related to my dad, she really liked my mom and I, she loved taking in people and helping them, bless her soul, sadly she passed away two years later.) place for a while as well, hiding from the guy. But my mom decided to approach him again, and within a month, we were moving in with him. I finally got to see him, and when I saw him, I knew he was dangerous, the look in his eye, horrifying. Down right just pure evil. He looked familiar, and my mom asked if I remembered him, and when she asked me this, I knew who it was.. The guy from when I was a child, it was so long ago that I didn't really remember him, but when she told me this, I felt shattered and slightly broken, it was just horrible. I just wanted to get away, but wasn't left with any choice, so we moved in with him, again. This time he had actually, somewhat, changed. As in he had to take medicine in order to be calm, and well, he hated the medicine, so he didn't really take it as often as he should, so he hadn't changed that much.. Still the same evil and deceiving guy, he'd beat her up multiple times, this time again, my sisters would come running into my room and seek comfort from me, this guy wasn't like the other guy though, the other guy would never hurt my sisters, but this guy.. He never actually hurt them because I always stood in the way and stopped him from doing so, but he insulted them a lot, saying they'd be better off dead, that they should commit suicide because no one wanted them, etc. I did what I could to stop and keep him off of them, but I was still really terrified inside. Once I called the police on him, but my mom stood up for him. He's a dangerous guy because, he's really good with his choice of words, he is very smart and good at deceiving people, like he did with my mom, that's how he managed to keep her with him for all that times. But yeah when we moved in with him, I also started a new school, I kinda managed to make a few friends, but after having moved in with that guy, I became slightly depressed, and my two sisters went to the same school, in the smaller classes of course, but they'd always be waiting outside of the school, for me to finish, because they were terrified of going home alone. I completely understand that, so we'd leave for school at the same time, and go home at the same time, even though I finished a few hours later than them. People from the school noticed the fact that I was always with my sisters, and made sure I got bullied again. I went to visit my dad for a week, and when I was on my way back, my mom called and said I should go to my grandma's place (My mom's mother), we stayed there for a few months until we found our own place nearby.
I started a new school, where I felt quite welcome, and for the first time in a while, it felt like a place where I belonged, great people around there, also I hadn't seen my grandma for a long time, I hardly knew who she was, but she was a great person. A lot like my mom, stubborn, if she made an opinion about something, you can not change it, she's strong, but has a troubled past, she dated a lot of men like my mom has, abusive, and like my mom, had scars all over her body.. Apparently my mom picked up on that.. But we lived there for a good while, but my mom.. Well, she couldn't stay away from the guy, so she decides to go visit him quite often, and it became more and more, once she decided that it was more important to visit that guy, than celebrate her youngest daughter's birthday, she even told her over the phone "Sometimes love is more important.", that really made my sister sad, and I became upset with my mom, I know it wasn't her speaking, but him forcing her to say it, but still.. She'd come home with bruises, again, yet she decided we should move back with him, and for the first time in a long time, I felt welcome, I couldn't leave that place, it felt good.. Also I had enough of all the stuff that had happened in the past, I couldn't take it anymore, I knew that if I left that place, I'd regret it. So I had a long argument with my mom, and it resulted in me staying with my grandma, my grandma and I tried to get my sisters to stay there as well, but sadly they weren't old enough to make their own decisions, so my mom still had control and took them with her. So I stayed there, and my grandma has this, ex-boyfriend, who, well.. He drinks, he becomes violent as well.. And one day, he kicked the door in and started beating my grandma, I managed to pull him off, and got help from the neighbor with kicking him out, my grandma landed in the hospital, and a few days later, she passed away. (Bless her soul, may she rest in peace.)
I moved in with my grandpa, and at this point, I was shattered and honestly so lost in life. I moved there two months before the exams, and I skipped just about all of the school, I took the exams and managed to pass, but I was so given up. I became pretty suicidal and depressed, started self harming, I tried to take my own life, but there was always something pushing me away from it, like a voice telling me not to do it. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere, and even though I was staying with my grandpa, he was never home, and when he was home he was drunk, so it was rather just me taking care of him, than him taking care of me when I needed it the most. I became slightly cold towards everyone, I didn't care too much to bother with people at this point, I had met a great girl online, we were very into each other, but after the loss of my grandma like that, I changed a lot and started pushing away the people I cared about, I felt like something had grown inside of me, some sort of darkness that told me to do stuff that I knew would hurt me, I intentionally started hurting people, through words and actions, not physically abuse them, I'd never do such a thing. But I don't know what it was, really, I have had this with me ever since, a voice telling me to do mean things, hurt people I care about, even though it's gonna hurt me just as much, but eventually I managed to take control of it. But at that time, no chance.. I ended up breaking it off with the girl, even though we had been in a relationship for nearly a year, we talked a lot to each other and she was great support, would always listen and was good at cheering me up when I needed it.. I still regret having hurt her. And everyone else I've hurt along the way. (Sadly this being way too many.. I became rather evil, not gonna lie, I started making friends with a lot of people online, became pretty good with socializing, just to deceive and manipulate them, and eventually just hurt them..)
But back to the story.. I nearly failed my exams and was quite lost, depressed, suicidal and would hurt myself intentionally. My dad lived in a different country, and reached out to me and asked if I wanted to come live with him and some other family members, I said yes and moved the upcoming summer. I started a new school, in a different language, but quickly learned it. I started seeing a therapist, which helped me out a lot, she was actually very religious and helped me get put on a better path, she's the very reason I started seeking out to Jesus, and the very reason that I'm here today. Unfortunately after having lived here for a year, my dad pretty much abandoned me, and left me with my aunts and their mom. Nothing against them, but he pretty much just left without a word to anyone, and as of now, I haven't spoken to him in over a year. But after he left, I went down a bad path again, this time it was my own fault rather than anyone else, I started causing a lot of trouble, stealing from people, even from my own family.. I later came clean for this. I have had a few dreams, where someone was speaking to me, telling me what to do, sort of guiding me throughout some of these things. Having followed the advice of some of these dreams, put me on a better path, I came clean with a lot of the people I've hurt, tried my best to make up for what I've done. Reaching out to Jesus for help, can truly be of help, if you're willing to commit to Jesus, he will help you when you need it.
I started getting into sports, which can be of great help, it was for me at least, this allowed me to commit to something, where I made a lot of great friends, made me happy, this combined with the faith of Jesus, has taught me to never give up, at many times I've been ready to give up on my life, but there was always something telling me that I shouldn't, I believe this was Jesus who whispered to me, guiding me and saying there is more in wait for me. The pain can truly be unbearable at times, I still can't get over or truly forget all the things that has happened, but it was part of making me who I am today, I have become a better and stronger person, I know I have hurt some people in the past, but I am doing what I can to make up for the things I've done.
And this will be one way of doing it, sharing my story with people, hopefully this can be of help to some people, what I can offer is that, if you need someone to talk to, someone who will try and help you, I will gladly be there for you. Someone who has gone through a lot himself, who has experienced bad and cruel stuff and managed to get out of it. It may not seem like there's a bright future a head for you, it may look impossible to get out of it, but it isn't, never give up. If you can hold on, manage to get up and look ahead, you can overcome anything.
I will gladly listen to your stories if you wish to share something below, or if you want to talk to me in private, my inbox and email is open, even Skype if you'd rather talk over a microphone, just inbox me and we can talk.
ALSO: My mom and my sisters are doing fine now, my mom finally managed to get over all of it, the guy are now in the past, I believe the loss of her mom, plus me leaving her, did force her to pull herself together, and finally fight for herself. Although she didn't attend to her mother's funeral, and it did take her a while to realize, but she got out of it all now, about a year after the death of her mother, she moved away, and is now living in peace with my sisters, she sought help from a place that takes in women who suffered from abuse. She has been there for the past 3 years and has gotten ton of help, she's finally out and doing some good work, she's now a part-time politician who helps women with similar stories as herself, she also volunteers and helps out with charity work. So she's doing very good now, and I will actually soon be moving back and live somewhere close to where she's at. It has been 5 years since I've lived in the same country as my mom and sisters, of course I went to see them quite often, but I still miss them a lot.
Although my mom did put my sisters and I through a tough time, she's a great person, she has always put her trust in my sisters and I, always tried her best to give us a good time, make sure we're happy, even though we've been a family without a lot of money, we were actually quite poor, but she tried her best to put food on the table, always making sure we had what we needed, scraped together money and saved them up so we could go on trips with our classmates, she always put us above herself, she just had a troublesome past herself, which lead to her making some bad choices, I don't blame her at all. She truly is a great mother. Just very misguided, but she's doing better now.
Sorry for the long post..
I'm gonna start from when I was just a child, around 2 years old, my mom and my dad got separated, because my mom had found someone else, who at first appeared very friendly, I don't remember too much from this time, luckily, because it was a horrible time, they moved in together, and I stayed with my mom, his attempt to lure her in worked. But soon after he changed, almost like he became possessed, he truly turned evil, my mom would get locked up for days, not able to leave the house, use the phone, talk to anyone outside, or go to work. I still remember and can hear her screams, he'd burn, cut and starve her for days if she didn't obey him. If I tried to ask him about her, he'd take his anger out on me, so I got a few scars from that time, but most of them healed and are gone now. We were with him for about 2 years, until one night when he left the house, my mom managed to grab me and run from there, she passed out on the way, due to having suffered a lot, her body was full of scars and still is, she ended up in the hospital where she was for a long long time. In the mean time I lived with my great-grandma and my cousin. The man got locked up in prison, and my mom had to change her name.
When she was released and was ready to take me in again, we moved to a small city where we didn't really know anyone, she had a new identity and it was quite alright for a while. When I was around 7 - 8, I had gotten one younger sister, and another younger sister on the way. My mother stayed with the father of the youngest sister for a long time, around 4 - 5 years. He was quite similar to the guy I mentioned earlier, however his evilness only came out when he had a lot of alcohol. He'd never leave any scars though, very rare at least, he would only leave bruises and such. He worked as a car mechanic and he was quite large and terrifying when he got angry. I've been woken up countless of times in the middle of the night, because of him coming home and start beating my mom due to jealousy, even though she hadn't done anything, he'd accuse her of being a whore and having cheated on her. Sometimes it was just to get his anger out.. Both of my younger sisters would come to my room when things like this happened, hoping I could do something to help them, I would hug them, sit down with them and try to comfort them, but truth be told, I was just as terrified as those two.. Several times the neighbors called the police, and he was arrested multiple times, but my mom would always stick up for him, worst part is, he could actually be a nice guy, if he just stayed away from the alcohol. My father was not really around a lot, he'd only visit on Christmas, and one Christmas the guy decided to threaten with killing my dad if he showed up, this really scared me, being a kid, I believed that he meant what he said, and seeing as what he has done before, it wouldn't surprise me if he actually did it. But as I said, this went on for a few years, until it finally ended.. He never left any scars on me, but he did punch and kick me off a few times, because I tried to push him away from my mom.
Due to what had happened, I had a lot of absence from my school, which put me on a bad course, I got very addicted to online friends, rather than friends in real, I was very bad at socializing with people, and me not really attending to school didn't help, some years I had up to 60 - 70 % absence. I got bullied for a few years, because I was terrible with communicating, I was rather shy and liked to just stick to myself. I did have a few friends but, eventually grew away from those as well. It was a rough time but I managed to hold on, since I made a few friends online who helped me over the next few years.
When I was around 14, my mom met a guy, she quit her job, which honestly surprised me because she was working at a hotel, she really liked it there as well, she was always happy and such when she came home from there, she was doing quite well on her own, always had lots of stuff to tell from there, she had made a bunch of friends as well, but that changed, I hadn't seen the guy yet, but it changed her a lot. One day she came home from a date with him, told my sister and I that we had to pack and get ready to leave for a few days, so we went over to one of my friend's place, his mom and my mom were also really good friends, so we stayed there for a few days, I didn't really understand what was happening, but my mom had a slight black eye, and her face looked a little swollen. She didn't really wish to share too much of what had happened, but I kinda got the idea..
A little time went by, we stayed at my grandma's (My dad's mom, even though she was related to my dad, she really liked my mom and I, she loved taking in people and helping them, bless her soul, sadly she passed away two years later.) place for a while as well, hiding from the guy. But my mom decided to approach him again, and within a month, we were moving in with him. I finally got to see him, and when I saw him, I knew he was dangerous, the look in his eye, horrifying. Down right just pure evil. He looked familiar, and my mom asked if I remembered him, and when she asked me this, I knew who it was.. The guy from when I was a child, it was so long ago that I didn't really remember him, but when she told me this, I felt shattered and slightly broken, it was just horrible. I just wanted to get away, but wasn't left with any choice, so we moved in with him, again. This time he had actually, somewhat, changed. As in he had to take medicine in order to be calm, and well, he hated the medicine, so he didn't really take it as often as he should, so he hadn't changed that much.. Still the same evil and deceiving guy, he'd beat her up multiple times, this time again, my sisters would come running into my room and seek comfort from me, this guy wasn't like the other guy though, the other guy would never hurt my sisters, but this guy.. He never actually hurt them because I always stood in the way and stopped him from doing so, but he insulted them a lot, saying they'd be better off dead, that they should commit suicide because no one wanted them, etc. I did what I could to stop and keep him off of them, but I was still really terrified inside. Once I called the police on him, but my mom stood up for him. He's a dangerous guy because, he's really good with his choice of words, he is very smart and good at deceiving people, like he did with my mom, that's how he managed to keep her with him for all that times. But yeah when we moved in with him, I also started a new school, I kinda managed to make a few friends, but after having moved in with that guy, I became slightly depressed, and my two sisters went to the same school, in the smaller classes of course, but they'd always be waiting outside of the school, for me to finish, because they were terrified of going home alone. I completely understand that, so we'd leave for school at the same time, and go home at the same time, even though I finished a few hours later than them. People from the school noticed the fact that I was always with my sisters, and made sure I got bullied again. I went to visit my dad for a week, and when I was on my way back, my mom called and said I should go to my grandma's place (My mom's mother), we stayed there for a few months until we found our own place nearby.
I started a new school, where I felt quite welcome, and for the first time in a while, it felt like a place where I belonged, great people around there, also I hadn't seen my grandma for a long time, I hardly knew who she was, but she was a great person. A lot like my mom, stubborn, if she made an opinion about something, you can not change it, she's strong, but has a troubled past, she dated a lot of men like my mom has, abusive, and like my mom, had scars all over her body.. Apparently my mom picked up on that.. But we lived there for a good while, but my mom.. Well, she couldn't stay away from the guy, so she decides to go visit him quite often, and it became more and more, once she decided that it was more important to visit that guy, than celebrate her youngest daughter's birthday, she even told her over the phone "Sometimes love is more important.", that really made my sister sad, and I became upset with my mom, I know it wasn't her speaking, but him forcing her to say it, but still.. She'd come home with bruises, again, yet she decided we should move back with him, and for the first time in a long time, I felt welcome, I couldn't leave that place, it felt good.. Also I had enough of all the stuff that had happened in the past, I couldn't take it anymore, I knew that if I left that place, I'd regret it. So I had a long argument with my mom, and it resulted in me staying with my grandma, my grandma and I tried to get my sisters to stay there as well, but sadly they weren't old enough to make their own decisions, so my mom still had control and took them with her. So I stayed there, and my grandma has this, ex-boyfriend, who, well.. He drinks, he becomes violent as well.. And one day, he kicked the door in and started beating my grandma, I managed to pull him off, and got help from the neighbor with kicking him out, my grandma landed in the hospital, and a few days later, she passed away. (Bless her soul, may she rest in peace.)
I moved in with my grandpa, and at this point, I was shattered and honestly so lost in life. I moved there two months before the exams, and I skipped just about all of the school, I took the exams and managed to pass, but I was so given up. I became pretty suicidal and depressed, started self harming, I tried to take my own life, but there was always something pushing me away from it, like a voice telling me not to do it. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere, and even though I was staying with my grandpa, he was never home, and when he was home he was drunk, so it was rather just me taking care of him, than him taking care of me when I needed it the most. I became slightly cold towards everyone, I didn't care too much to bother with people at this point, I had met a great girl online, we were very into each other, but after the loss of my grandma like that, I changed a lot and started pushing away the people I cared about, I felt like something had grown inside of me, some sort of darkness that told me to do stuff that I knew would hurt me, I intentionally started hurting people, through words and actions, not physically abuse them, I'd never do such a thing. But I don't know what it was, really, I have had this with me ever since, a voice telling me to do mean things, hurt people I care about, even though it's gonna hurt me just as much, but eventually I managed to take control of it. But at that time, no chance.. I ended up breaking it off with the girl, even though we had been in a relationship for nearly a year, we talked a lot to each other and she was great support, would always listen and was good at cheering me up when I needed it.. I still regret having hurt her. And everyone else I've hurt along the way. (Sadly this being way too many.. I became rather evil, not gonna lie, I started making friends with a lot of people online, became pretty good with socializing, just to deceive and manipulate them, and eventually just hurt them..)
But back to the story.. I nearly failed my exams and was quite lost, depressed, suicidal and would hurt myself intentionally. My dad lived in a different country, and reached out to me and asked if I wanted to come live with him and some other family members, I said yes and moved the upcoming summer. I started a new school, in a different language, but quickly learned it. I started seeing a therapist, which helped me out a lot, she was actually very religious and helped me get put on a better path, she's the very reason I started seeking out to Jesus, and the very reason that I'm here today. Unfortunately after having lived here for a year, my dad pretty much abandoned me, and left me with my aunts and their mom. Nothing against them, but he pretty much just left without a word to anyone, and as of now, I haven't spoken to him in over a year. But after he left, I went down a bad path again, this time it was my own fault rather than anyone else, I started causing a lot of trouble, stealing from people, even from my own family.. I later came clean for this. I have had a few dreams, where someone was speaking to me, telling me what to do, sort of guiding me throughout some of these things. Having followed the advice of some of these dreams, put me on a better path, I came clean with a lot of the people I've hurt, tried my best to make up for what I've done. Reaching out to Jesus for help, can truly be of help, if you're willing to commit to Jesus, he will help you when you need it.
I started getting into sports, which can be of great help, it was for me at least, this allowed me to commit to something, where I made a lot of great friends, made me happy, this combined with the faith of Jesus, has taught me to never give up, at many times I've been ready to give up on my life, but there was always something telling me that I shouldn't, I believe this was Jesus who whispered to me, guiding me and saying there is more in wait for me. The pain can truly be unbearable at times, I still can't get over or truly forget all the things that has happened, but it was part of making me who I am today, I have become a better and stronger person, I know I have hurt some people in the past, but I am doing what I can to make up for the things I've done.
And this will be one way of doing it, sharing my story with people, hopefully this can be of help to some people, what I can offer is that, if you need someone to talk to, someone who will try and help you, I will gladly be there for you. Someone who has gone through a lot himself, who has experienced bad and cruel stuff and managed to get out of it. It may not seem like there's a bright future a head for you, it may look impossible to get out of it, but it isn't, never give up. If you can hold on, manage to get up and look ahead, you can overcome anything.
I will gladly listen to your stories if you wish to share something below, or if you want to talk to me in private, my inbox and email is open, even Skype if you'd rather talk over a microphone, just inbox me and we can talk.
ALSO: My mom and my sisters are doing fine now, my mom finally managed to get over all of it, the guy are now in the past, I believe the loss of her mom, plus me leaving her, did force her to pull herself together, and finally fight for herself. Although she didn't attend to her mother's funeral, and it did take her a while to realize, but she got out of it all now, about a year after the death of her mother, she moved away, and is now living in peace with my sisters, she sought help from a place that takes in women who suffered from abuse. She has been there for the past 3 years and has gotten ton of help, she's finally out and doing some good work, she's now a part-time politician who helps women with similar stories as herself, she also volunteers and helps out with charity work. So she's doing very good now, and I will actually soon be moving back and live somewhere close to where she's at. It has been 5 years since I've lived in the same country as my mom and sisters, of course I went to see them quite often, but I still miss them a lot.
Although my mom did put my sisters and I through a tough time, she's a great person, she has always put her trust in my sisters and I, always tried her best to give us a good time, make sure we're happy, even though we've been a family without a lot of money, we were actually quite poor, but she tried her best to put food on the table, always making sure we had what we needed, scraped together money and saved them up so we could go on trips with our classmates, she always put us above herself, she just had a troublesome past herself, which lead to her making some bad choices, I don't blame her at all. She truly is a great mother. Just very misguided, but she's doing better now.
