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JavaJake

New member
Aug 22, 2019
4
1
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#1
Hi, long history of battling pornography. Was introduced to hardcore pornography when I was 13. Got hooked right away. I got married when I was 19 to my first wife. I believed on Christ when I was 20 and many things changed in my life. My wife made a profession also. Threw away all my porn. Many other things changed in my life also. Thought I was done with it. But it wasn’t done with me. My first wife left me after almost 8 years of marriage but not because of porn. I then remarried at 29. Still battling back and forth with porn I determined not to bring it into my second marriage. Failed. I got busted with it several years later and it was very humiliating. She was devastated. We talked. She forgave me. I was glad it was out in the open. I was surprised that it was still easy to fall back into. I would tell my wife each time I failed and she eventually got tired of it. I eventually hooked up with a men’s accountability group at a church. Had success for 2 years. Then it came back. Back and forth, back and forth. My wife would catch me sometimes and would be crushed and hurt again then tell me it was between God and me. I have asked if she would ask me once a week how I was doing and that would be a great deterrent for me. She didn’t want to do that. Last time I got caught we discussed it again and I asked her what she wanted me to do if I started heading down that path again and she said just stop. Well it went well for a bit but recently started to creep back in. I always share with my group but hesitate to say anymore to my wife. If she asks me directly I always tell her what’s what. Been about 4 years sense that incident. Was doing well again for a couple of years but its creeping back in again. She was wondering not too long ago if I was getting up early to look at porn. I said no cause that was not why I was getting up early. It did happen once but it was way before this. Last few months have not been good. Was reading an article on pornography on a website called Biblical Gender Roles. His take on it was different and it kind of weakened me to try some things which didn’t work out for me. Feel compelled to tell my wife. Should I? I really don’t want to hurt her again. Again determined to leave it alone with God’s help. My wife and I are now 58 been married for 28 years. I know I am not alone in this struggle. Feel free to share.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
28,438
6,842
113
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Florida
#2
Your wife is a saint for putting up with that. I wouldn't bother telling your wife anymore as that just hurts her. I know that it has been a struggle for you but it is probably very degrading to your wife. Maybe there is an AA type of program for overcoming a porn addiction.
 

JavaJake

New member
Aug 22, 2019
4
1
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#3
Sure is. Yep after re-reading it I want to leave myself. She has a past herself like we all do. I once shared with her all my secrets. Most scariest time in my life. She told me to stop before she felt the need to share things from her past she didn't want to.

She always tells me yes she hates my besetting sin but loves me in Christ and her vows to me were before God and we are not only married but but in Christ together.

Yep. A saint. Thanks for your input tourist. I agree.