😂Fun Thread: What's the funniest or strangest Christian pick-up line you've heard?

[Mordy]

Care,they might add extra years to your sentence

For you, all the years are available

 

[kqr_anointed]

hey lady i know of a cool place for pets vet and groomer selling the flea pill cheap

text me for details

 

[Mordy]

• "You must be a miracle because you’ve ignited a flame in my heart that won’t go out. "
• "I believe one of my ribs belongs to you. " (my favourite...)

• "I would leave the 99 sheep to come find you… and then I would happily carry you home on my shoulder. "
• "You and me, we’re like the loaves and the fishes… we just might be a miracle together."
• "I think it’s obvious that you sprouted from that good kind of soil. "
• "Is your name Grace? Because you are amazing. "
• "I just want you to know that I am really praying for you. "
• "I think we should go out for coffee sometime to pray and see if God has marriage planned for us. "
• "I was not checking him/her out. I was admiring how the fulsomely the lord has blessed him/her. "
• "I have a bible verse tattoo, it’s permanent, shall I show you. "
• "I’m no Joseph, but I’m having trouble interpreting the dreams I’ve been having about you. "
• "I would part the Red Sea for you. "
• "You must be heaven-sent because being with you feels like a direct line to God. "
• "I would slay two giants for you. "
  
  
• "I can’t wait to see your body of Christ. When you gonna ask me to church?. "
• "Is your name David? Because you’re a man after my own heart."
• "I know that God is in your heart, but is there still room for me?. "
• "I think it’s true love. "
• "I think you just broke one of the 10 commandments because you just stole my heart."
• "I would leave the 99 to come find you. ".
• "I know Paul says that it’s better to stay single, but ever since I met you I knew that would be impossible for me. "
• "I think it’s cute when we’re in the car and you turn down the music when a swear word is coming up. "
• "I was going to read Proverbs 31, but then I realized that I can just study you."
• "I would be happy to sleep at your feet just like Ruth."
• "I think it’s time for .....
• "I think it’s time for a holy kiss."
• "I think it’s time for a divine spark." ️
• "I think it’s time for a revelation."
• "I think it’s time for a heavenly journey."
• "I think it’s time for a purpose driven life."
• "I think it’s time for a trip with a mission or a mission trip."
• "I think it’s time for a spiritual conquest."
• "I think it’s time for spiritual awakening" ️
• "I think it’s time for a breakthrough."
• "I think it’s time for intimate fellowship."
• "I think it’s time for a very small group."
• 
  
• And...... all worthwhile IF.....
• "I think it’s time for a lifelong commitment."

 

[Lynx]

• "You must be a miracle because you’ve ignited a flame in my heart that won’t go out. "
• "I believe one of my ribs belongs to you. " (my favourite...)

• "I would leave the 99 sheep to come find you… and then I would happily carry you home on my shoulder. "
• "You and me, we’re like the loaves and the fishes… we just might be a miracle together."
• "I think it’s obvious that you sprouted from that good kind of soil. "
• "Is your name Grace? Because you are amazing. "
• "I just want you to know that I am really praying for you. "
• "I think we should go out for coffee sometime to pray and see if God has marriage planned for us. "
• "I was not checking him/her out. I was admiring how the fulsomely the lord has blessed him/her. "
• "I have a bible verse tattoo, it’s permanent, shall I show you. "
• "I’m no Joseph, but I’m having trouble interpreting the dreams I’ve been having about you. "
• "I would part the Red Sea for you. "
• "You must be heaven-sent because being with you feels like a direct line to God. "
• "I would slay two giants for you. "
  
  
• "I can’t wait to see your body of Christ. When you gonna ask me to church?. "
• "Is your name David? Because you’re a man after my own heart."
• "I know that God is in your heart, but is there still room for me?. "
• "I think it’s true love. "
• "I think you just broke one of the 10 commandments because you just stole my heart."
• "I would leave the 99 to come find you. ".
• "I know Paul says that it’s better to stay single, but ever since I met you I knew that would be impossible for me. "
• "I think it’s cute when we’re in the car and you turn down the music when a swear word is coming up. "
• "I was going to read Proverbs 31, but then I realized that I can just study you."
• "I would be happy to sleep at your feet just like Ruth."
• "I think it’s time for .....
• "I think it’s time for a holy kiss."
• "I think it’s time for a divine spark." ️
• "I think it’s time for a revelation."
• "I think it’s time for a heavenly journey."
• "I think it’s time for a purpose driven life."
• "I think it’s time for a trip with a mission or a mission trip."
• "I think it’s time for a spiritual conquest."
• "I think it’s time for spiritual awakening" ️
• "I think it’s time for a breakthrough."
• "I think it’s time for intimate fellowship."
• "I think it’s time for a very small group."
• 
  
• And...... all worthwhile IF.....
• "I think it’s time for a lifelong commitment."

About that one about slaying two giants...

"How many Philistine foreskins do you think your father would take for you?"

 

[Carlyw]

About that one about slaying two giants...

"How many Philistine foreskins do you think your father would take for you?"

 

[Magenta]

We really should!

The laying of hands one is by far the worst in my opinion, that would warrent a slap in the face by most standards haha

Back in the day, as they say, a slap in the face might be expected from such an inappropriately cheesy "line"...

Now, you might get sued and thrown in jail for assault and battery.

Heh.

 

[kqr_anointed]

 

[Kekeli]

For you, all the years are available

“Lol, don’t worry, I’ll sneak in some Tim Hortons during visiting hours.”

 

[CommodoreTeach]

About that one about slaying two giants...

"How many Philistine foreskins do you think your father would take for you?"

An oldie but a goodie. However, (for the newbies - I know you're an old hand) this line should only be used as a last desperate attempt when all other avenues of diplomacy are exhausted. What you're hoping is for the girl to say "Don't be ridiculous, my father wouldn't take any!" - to which you can respond "Those terms are acceptable to me."

What you're hoping the girl doesn't say is any number, large or small, because to try to haggle over the girl's worth in this particular currency would likely be taken as a grave insult, especially given that even to state that a particular girl was worth her weight in Philistine foreskins likely wouldn't be taken as much of a compliment...

 

[seoulsearch]

An oldie but a goodie. However, (for the newbies - I know you're an old hand) this line should only be used as a last desperate attempt when all other avenues of diplomacy are exhausted. What you're hoping is for the girl to say "Don't be ridiculous, my father wouldn't take any!" - to which you can respond "Those terms are acceptable to me."

What you're hoping the girl doesn't say is any number, large or small, because to try to haggle over the girl's worth in this particular currency would likely be taken as a grave insult, especially given that even to state that a particular girl was worth her weight in Philistine foreskins likely wouldn't be taken as much of a compliment...

Ok, this post had me contemplating the haggling over foreskins more than I EVER thought would happen in this lifetime -- or the next.

Thanks, @CommodoreTeach!

 

[Lynx]

An oldie but a goodie. However, (for the newbies - I know you're an old hand) this line should only be used as a last desperate attempt when all other avenues of diplomacy are exhausted. What you're hoping is for the girl to say "Don't be ridiculous, my father wouldn't take any!" - to which you can respond "Those terms are acceptable to me."

What you're hoping the girl doesn't say is any number, large or small, because to try to haggle over the girl's worth in this particular currency would likely be taken as a grave insult, especially given that even to state that a particular girl was worth her weight in Philistine foreskins likely wouldn't be taken as much of a compliment...

Yeah... I just get a kick out of that story. Saul was all "go tell David he should marry my daughter. I can trust her to bring him down." And David was like "I'm nowhere near high class enough to marry the daughter of a king!" So Saul was all "tell David I just want a lot of philistine foreskins for my daughter's dairy. Let the Philistines kill him off. Then I won't be directly responsible for his death." And David was like "oh is that all it takes? Brb."

There's got to be at least a few more cheesy Christian pick up lines in that story alone.

 

[Godsgirl1983]

• "You must be a miracle because you’ve ignited a flame in my heart that won’t go out. "
• "I believe one of my ribs belongs to you. " (my favourite...)

• "I would leave the 99 sheep to come find you… and then I would happily carry you home on my shoulder. "
• "You and me, we’re like the loaves and the fishes… we just might be a miracle together."
• "I think it’s obvious that you sprouted from that good kind of soil. "
• "Is your name Grace? Because you are amazing. "
• "I just want you to know that I am really praying for you. "
• "I think we should go out for coffee sometime to pray and see if God has marriage planned for us. "
• "I was not checking him/her out. I was admiring how the fulsomely the lord has blessed him/her. "
• "I have a bible verse tattoo, it’s permanent, shall I show you. "
• "I’m no Joseph, but I’m having trouble interpreting the dreams I’ve been having about you. "
• "I would part the Red Sea for you. "
• "You must be heaven-sent because being with you feels like a direct line to God. "
• "I would slay two giants for you. "
  
  
• "I can’t wait to see your body of Christ. When you gonna ask me to church?. "
• "Is your name David? Because you’re a man after my own heart."
• "I know that God is in your heart, but is there still room for me?. "
• "I think it’s true love. "
• "I think you just broke one of the 10 commandments because you just stole my heart."
• "I would leave the 99 to come find you. ".
• "I know Paul says that it’s better to stay single, but ever since I met you I knew that would be impossible for me. "
• "I think it’s cute when we’re in the car and you turn down the music when a swear word is coming up. "
• "I was going to read Proverbs 31, but then I realized that I can just study you."
• "I would be happy to sleep at your feet just like Ruth."
• "I think it’s time for .....
• "I think it’s time for a holy kiss."
• "I think it’s time for a divine spark." ️
• "I think it’s time for a revelation."
• "I think it’s time for a heavenly journey."
• "I think it’s time for a purpose driven life."
• "I think it’s time for a trip with a mission or a mission trip."
• "I think it’s time for a spiritual conquest."
• "I think it’s time for spiritual awakening" ️
• "I think it’s time for a breakthrough."
• "I think it’s time for intimate fellowship."
• "I think it’s time for a very small group."
• 
  
• And...... all worthwhile IF.....
• "I think it’s time for a lifelong commitment."

*GG MUST bookmark this post to edit and share with teenage son!
Seriously, just before leaving for church camp this summer he asked for some good lines (he was 14 then, he's 15 now... what's a mom to do? )

 

[Lynx]

Yeah... I just get a kick out of that story. Saul was all "go tell David he should marry my daughter. I can trust her to bring him down." And David was like "I'm nowhere near high class enough to marry the daughter of a king!" So Saul was all "tell David I just want a lot of philistine foreskins for my daughter's dairy. Let the Philistines kill him off. Then I won't be directly responsible for his death." And David was like "oh is that all it takes? Brb."

There's got to be at least a few more cheesy Christian pick up lines in that story alone.

And of course dairy should have been dowry. Google speech to text for the win!

 

[Edward429451]

I dunno... Most of those were kind of mean.

The Baptist one was funny. We're not Baptist but you might see someone at my church trying to impress the girls by carrying a back-crunching amount of chairs.

The Amish one wasn't mean and it was funny!

• Amish: "I talked to your dad. We're getting married this Saturday."

 

[Kekeli]

Are you the one to come or should I expect another? (John's question to Jesus)

 

[Kekeli]

Truly I tell you, among those born of women there has risen no one more beautiful than you .

 

[CommodoreTeach]

Ok, this post had me contemplating the haggling over foreskins more than I EVER thought would happen in this lifetime -- or the next.

Thanks, @CommodoreTeach!

Lol. It seems this time it is I who must apologise to you. Hopefully you haven't been mentally scarred! Although, if anyone has the financial acumen to negotiate a better deal in *that* currency and the eloquence to do it in such a way so as not to insult the merchandise on offer, I suspect it might be you.

Just think - if King David had a Seoulsearch on his team back then, he might just have ended up paying 80f rather than 200f *and* had a better relationship with his bride-to-be into the bargain.

 

[seoulsearch]

An oldie but a goodie. However, (for the newbies - I know you're an old hand) this line should only be used as a last desperate attempt when all other avenues of diplomacy are exhausted. What you're hoping is for the girl to say "Don't be ridiculous, my father wouldn't take any!" - to which you can respond "Those terms are acceptable to me."

What you're hoping the girl doesn't say is any number, large or small, because to try to haggle over the girl's worth in this particular currency would likely be taken as a grave insult, especially given that even to state that a particular girl was worth her weight in Philistine foreskins likely wouldn't be taken as much of a compliment...

Ok, this post had me contemplating the haggling over foreskins more than I EVER thought would happen in this lifetime -- or the next. Thanks, @CommodoreTeach!

Lol. It seems this time it is I who must apologise to you. Hopefully you haven't been mentally scarred! Although, if anyone has the financial acumen to negotiate a better deal in *that* currency and the eloquence to do it in such a way so as not to insult the merchandise on offer, I suspect it might be you. Just think - if King David had a Seoulsearch on his team back then, he might just have ended up paying 80f rather than 200f *and* had a better relationship with his bride-to-be into the bargain.

View attachment 279484

Lol!

And now @CommodoreTeach has me thinking if I should change the Forum Title" under my username (which can be requested after paying for site membership.)

I chose "OutWrite Trouble" because sometimes I AM the trouble, and sometimes I'm just trying to outwrite the trouble... And so far, I'd like to think I've gotten away with doing both.

However, if I were to change my "Forum Title" to "Bargain Foreskin Haggler," I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be getting away with anything ever again!

 

[CommodoreTeach]

Lol!

And now @CommodoreTeach has me thinking if I should change the Forum Title" under my username (which can be requested after paying for site membership.)

I chose "OutWrite Trouble" because sometimes I AM the trouble, and sometimes I'm just trying to outwrite the trouble... And so far, I'd like to think I've gotten away with doing both.

However, if I were to change my "Forum Title" to "Bargain Foreskin Haggler," I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be getting away with anything ever again!

I'd have given you both a winner and a laughing emoji for that, if I could. Not Frugal Philistine-Foreskin Financier for alliterative effect?

Perhaps you should test the waters by offering to pay for the Forum Title change, but in foreskins? I'm sure you could make an offer that the site admin couldn't refuse! If they say no, its just more proof that you truly are the "Bargain Foreskin Haggler" and no one can match your incredibly low prices - not even CC.

 

[seoulsearch]

I'd have given you both a winner and a laughing emoji for that, if I could. Not Frugal Philistine-Foreskin Financier for alliterative effect?

Perhaps you should test the waters by offering to pay for the Forum Title change, but in foreskins? I'm sure you could make an offer that the site admin couldn't refuse! If they say no, its just more proof that you truly are the "Bargain Foreskin Haggler" and no one can match your incredibly low prices - not even CC.

And now I'm caught in the same dilemma of trying to decide if I should give you the laughing emoji or the Grand Prize Trophy emoji...

But seeing as I'm laughing so hard that I'm wheezing AND squeezing out a few tears at the same time, the laughing emoji has won!!

Thank you, @CommodoreTeach -- if I have ever wondered why I'm single, you have surely cleared away any doubts!

All I need now are a stack of business cards with a headline banner of, "Seoulsearch, Frugal Foreskin Financier," and as practical as a talent like that might be (or have been, in days of yore,) I don't think it's going to land me very many suitors!!