A burden that men have

[eugenius]

While I agree that women have many burdens in life, there is a burden which only men have that I have been finding it hard to deal with lately.

That is the fact that men are assumed by society to keep their emotions bottled up inside. We are supposed to take any kind of insult, any kind of pain and just suppress it. We are not allowed to cry, we are not allowed to "feel" or else we will be perceived as weak.

So we are supposed to continually take it and take it and take it. As a result we become angry and mean spirited. Many men take it out in sports, where you are allowed to by law to beat the living crap out of someone and even get points for it. Which is of course awesome.

But coming from a Christian perspective, its bad that this bottling up creates angry and hateful men. Only by the grace of God can we take all this crap, and not become angry.

Furthermore I think that women need to treat men with more respect as well, because one day you will wonder why he became so angry. Its all the suppressing of emotions, thats what it is. Talk to your husband and dont see him as weak if he displays emotions. Because if you do, one day he might just get violent.

 

[Matthew]

It is tiring some days to deal with societies view of what a man is.....what I've learned is that society has no idea. I think attitudes are slowly changing, but only in some areas and it is actually causing division amongst men as a group.

Often this pressure comes from men, and that's important to remember, in my life when I've shown my emotion or my sensitivity to someone elses feelings I've gotten a shower of abuse from men and a consoling word from a woman who sees that it was a good thing.

This puts me in mind of the 'when is it OK to cry thread' plenty of answers of when it is and isn't, but in truth you cry when you need too, it's tiring to be told otherwise, as if someone else has the right to dictate how and when I express emotion, all it says about me is that I have them, nothing more and nothing less.

The greater problem is women seem to want the tough guy when they are outside, and the sensitive guy when they are inside, and sadly we can't be both........but on the flip side, men often want the gorgeous supermodel when we're outside, and the comforting and supportive woman we love when we are inside, and they can't be both.

 

[Fencepost]

Wow thanks for this thread has touched me greatly. I often feel weak when I cry in public or when I stand on a principal and get treated like I am a infant. Thank you very much.

 

[Cheekygrin]

Part of being a mature man means being able to process emotions in a right way. This can only happen properly if we live in submission to the Spirit of God which in turn leads to the fruit of self control. (Galatians 5:13-26) *Carnal passions and desires are bad, Godly emotions and behavior are good*

Also, just as a side note, the common western/European posture of the emotionally sober man is very much a cultural identity because of our historic foundations of the Greeks and their philosophy of stoicism. Many other countries and cultures are far more accepting of emotionally expressive males. Men can be very expressive and emotional, often it is just displayed in different ways and situations than women. For example, men won't scream and hug each other over a new pair of shoes as that behavior just isn't appropriate, right? But suddenly, those same guys in a bar, in front of a big screen T.V. or at the sports stadium when their team scores... jumping, cheering and high fives ensue.

Eugenius, I would like to encourage you to explore your personal concepts of acceptable emotional response and responsibility. Consider Jesus, our example and the embodiment of wisdom. A true man, who whipped the temple clear, over turning the sellers tables and chasing people from that sacred place. Jesus surrounded by rebels, builders, and fishermen out of whom one took a sword and hacked off another mans ear in defense of Jesus. Jesus who had compassion on the people, who wept, was a man of sorrows, familiar with suffering, who full of Joy praised God...Jesus, a man with emotions. Emotions that he displayed.

Emotions are valuable and powerful. They make wonderful servants but terrible masters. Don't let the liar and thief take them from you or pervert them in you. Instead, use them in your favor to better serve God.

"His yoke is easy and His burden is light." Matt 11:30
*Our only debt is to love one another.*Romans 13:8

 

[egylia]

It was not for me but I want to thank you...
Use emotions in your favor to better serve God...
I'll try..

 

[ShariJo]

While I agree that women have many burdens in life, there is a burden which only men have that I have been finding it hard to deal with lately.

That is the fact that men are assumed by society to keep their emotions bottled up inside. We are supposed to take any kind of insult, any kind of pain and just suppress it. We are not allowed to cry, we are not allowed to "feel" or else we will be perceived as weak.

So we are supposed to continually take it and take it and take it. As a result we become angry and mean spirited. Many men take it out in sports, where you are allowed to by law to beat the living crap out of someone and even get points for it. Which is of course awesome.

But coming from a Christian perspective, its bad that this bottling up creates angry and hateful men. Only by the grace of God can we take all this crap, and not become angry.

Furthermore I think that women need to treat men with more respect as well, because one day you will wonder why he became so angry. Its all the suppressing of emotions, thats what it is. Talk to your husband and dont see him as weak if he displays emotions. Because if you do, one day he might just get violent.

Wow! It's not often that you see someone being so open and genuine. I commend you for that, Engenius.

As a female, I get very frustrated when I see women "bashing" their husbands/boyfriends by their non-respect. It frustrates me so very much! While I'm not married (or even dating at this point), I have resolved to always treat my husband with the respect that he deserves.

Scripture tells us (Eph. 5:22-33) how the Biblical order for marriage and family should be.
"Wives, submit to your husbands..." Often, this verse is taken out of context and is used to "beat" women into submission. Our world has gone to the opposite extreme of this verse with the Feminist movement (etc.), and now women have all the same "rights" as a man does. While some of that is good, just look at what that has done to our families. One of my favorite teachers in Bible college once said, "I feel that this verse should mean that I can "submit" my ideas to my husband." When a husband will truly love his wife, it will be easy for her to be what God has created her to be - a helper to her husband.

If you continue reading in that chapter, it also says that husbands are to love their wives and Christ loved the church. Now, if Christ loved the church so much that He was willing to lay down His life for it, I'd say that would give you a pretty good idea of how men should love their wives.

Mass media has also had a huge impact on family roles. If you are watching just about any movie, the husband and father gets treated like crap (for lack of a better word.) We are seeing Christian families completely falling apart. But, if you see just about any movie or TV show, you will find where there is some kind of "dysfunctional family." No wonder we are like we are with those kind of people as examples! God help us to get things put back into the way God originally intended them to be!

With everything in life, it's all about balance. I don't see men crying as a sign of weakness. However, if it happens all the time, I would be a little concerned. There was a guy that was interested in dating me. In the "getting to know each other" phase, I found out that he was always very emotional and cried a lot.(More than I do...and I'm a very emotional female!) While it may be okay to cry and kind of let things out sometime, when it is done all the time, I, personally, don't think I could handle my husband and boyfriend being like that very all the time. As I said, it's all about balance and moderation...

God Bless!

 

[ShariJo]

Part of being a mature man means being able to process emotions in a right way. This can only happen properly if we live in submission to the Spirit of God which in turn leads to the fruit of self control. (Galatians 5:13-26) *Carnal passions and desires are bad, Godly emotions and behavior are good*

Also, just as a side note, the common western/European posture of the emotionally sober man is very much a cultural identity because of our historic foundations of the Greeks and their philosophy of stoicism. Many other countries and cultures are far more accepting of emotionally expressive males. Men can be very expressive and emotional, often it is just displayed in different ways and situations than women. For example, men won't scream and hug each other over a new pair of shoes as that behavior just isn't appropriate, right? But suddenly, those same guys in a bar, in front of a big screen T.V. or at the sports stadium when their team scores... jumping, cheering and high fives ensue.

Eugenius, I would like to encourage you to explore your personal concepts of acceptable emotional response and responsibility. Consider Jesus, our example and the embodiment of wisdom. A true man, who whipped the temple clear, over turning the sellers tables and chasing people from that sacred place. Jesus surrounded by rebels, builders, and fishermen out of whom one took a sword and hacked off another mans ear in defense of Jesus. Jesus who had compassion on the people, who wept, was a man of sorrows, familiar with suffering, who full of Joy praised God...Jesus, a man with emotions. Emotions that he displayed.

Emotions are valuable and powerful. They make wonderful servants but terrible masters. Don't let the liar and thief take them from you or pervert them in you. Instead, use them in your favor to better serve God.

"His yoke is easy and His burden is light." Matt 11:30
*Our only debt is to love one another.*Romans 13:8

Agreed!

 

[AnandaHya]

While I agree that women have many burdens in life, there is a burden which only men have that I have been finding it hard to deal with lately.

That is the fact that men are assumed by society to keep their emotions bottled up inside. We are supposed to take any kind of insult, any kind of pain and just suppress it. We are not allowed to cry, we are not allowed to "feel" or else we will be perceived as weak.

So we are supposed to continually take it and take it and take it. As a result we become angry and mean spirited. Many men take it out in sports, where you are allowed to by law to beat the living crap out of someone and even get points for it. Which is of course awesome.

But coming from a Christian perspective, its bad that this bottling up creates angry and hateful men. Only by the grace of God can we take all this crap, and not become angry.

Furthermore I think that women need to treat men with more respect as well, because one day you will wonder why he became so angry. Its all the suppressing of emotions, thats what it is. Talk to your husband and dont see him as weak if he displays emotions. Because if you do, one day he might just get violent.

don't know what you are talking about, my husband cries sometimes and neither of us think he is weaker for it. Sometimes he starts crying cuz i'm crying but I think it is a very private thing. neither of us really cries in public but around people we trust and who we know love us and accepts us no matter what we have a freedom to allow what some perceive as weakness. I think being able to express your emotions is a sign of strength and being able to do what is RIGHT and True despite your emotions is bravery.

there is nothing wrong with crying and it is better to be TRUTHFUL then to give place for anger and resentment to grow.

Ephesians 4:26-28
New King James Version (NKJV)
26 “Be angry, and do not sin”:[a] do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil. 28 Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need.

 

[AnandaHya]

John 11:35
Jesus wept

(and not one of us would think to call Jesus weak for it. we should not hold ourselves to the world's standards but God's.)

http://www.spurgeongems.org/vols34-36/chs2091.pdf

"The waters of His soul were clear as crystal, and therefore when troubled, they were not muddied. Yet they were all
stirred. It could be seen that His holy Nature was in a ferment and an inarticulate expression of distress fell from Him.
Between indignation at the powers of evil, grief for the family who had been bereaved by death, sorrow over those who
stood by in unbelief and a distressing realization of the effects of sin, the Lord’s heart was evidently in a great storm.
Instead of the thunder of threat and the lightning of a curse, all that was perceptible of the inward tempest was a
shower of tears. For “Jesus wept.” A hurricane rushed through His spirit. All the forces of His soul were disturbed. He
shuddered at the sight which was about to be set before Him. He was thrilled from head to foot with emotion. Yet the
result of the storm was not a word of terror, nor a glance of judgment but simply a blessed shower of tears—“Jesus
wept.” If all our righteous indignation displayed itself in tears of pity, we should have fulfilled the text, “Be you angry
and sin not.”
“Jesus wept.” I have often felt vexed with the man, whoever he was, who chopped up the New Testament into verses.
He seems to have let the hatchet drop indiscriminately here and there. But I forgive him a great deal of blundering for his
wisdom in letting these two words make a verse by themselves—“Jesus wept.” This is a diamond of the first water and it
cannot have another gem set with it, for it is unique. Shortest of verses in words but where is there a longer one in sense?
Add a word to the verse and it would be out of place. No, let it stand in solitary sublimity and simplicity. You may even
put a note of exclamation after it and let it stand in capitals, “JESUS WEPT!”
There is infinitely more in these two words than any sermonizer, or student of the Word, will ever be able to bring
out of them, even though he should apply the microscope of the most attentive consideration. “Jesus wept.” Instructive
fact—simple but amazing—full of consolation—worthy of our earnest heed. Come, Holy Spirit and help us to discover
for ourselves the wealth of meaning contained in these two words! "- Spurgeon

 

[GreenNnice]

While I agree that women have many burdens in life, there is a burden which only men have that I have been finding it hard to deal with lately.

That is the fact that men are assumed by society to keep their emotions bottled up inside. We are supposed to take any kind of insult, any kind of pain and just suppress it. We are not allowed to cry, we are not allowed to "feel" or else we will be perceived as weak.

So we are supposed to continually take it and take it and take it. As a result we become angry and mean spirited. Many men take it out in sports, where you are allowed to by law to beat the living crap out of someone and even get points for it. Which is of course awesome.

But coming from a Christian perspective, its bad that this bottling up creates angry and hateful men. Only by the grace of God can we take all this crap, and not become angry.

Furthermore I think that women need to treat men with more respect as well, because one day you will wonder why he became so angry. Its all the suppressing of emotions, thats what it is. Talk to your husband and dont see him as weak if he displays emotions. Because if you do, one day he might just get violent.

----
Eugenius, well said thoughts, guys need for courage. Courage ! Especially asking girl's out.
Maybe we should all go see the wizard (of Oz) ---
----$-----
We should have courage for God getting us through our crying times . Crying in certain situations is good for everyone, the Lord leads.

 

[GreenNnice]

Iguess the bottom line is that if we do have a burden-and all guys and girls do-well then, the remedy is simple....

BRING it to God ! His yoke is light.
__________
Matthew 11: 29-30:


29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

 

[electricbluesman]

This is indeed a great burden. Although I generally don't care what the secular world thinks of me since I know that their perspective is opposite of mine, it does hurt when "christians" think poorly of me for being gentle and sensitive. More times than I can count, people that call themselves christians, even my own family, have used things I've told them in confidence or times I've showed emotion to hurt me, so naturally I have built this iron curtain up around myself. I hate that the world's view has infiltrated the church so that even among christians, any man who has real emotions is perceived as weak. The old adage "nice guys finish last" is definitely true in this world, whether in work or business or relationships or anything else.

 

[seoulsearch]

Kudos to you, Eugenius, for a great thread. Men, of course, aren't the only ones who get angry--I myself have had several issues with my temper and hope that God will continue to clean out my heart and make me a better person.

But I often wonder (and worry) about how guys will cope with the everyday stress they face in society. I've been around some guys who've been through pretty terrible things, and I think it's even worse when you're a guy because you truly feel as if you can't go to anyone for help. I wish I could someone let every guy who's going through tough times know that it's OK TO ASK FOR HELP. However, I know that it usually feels as if no real help is out there (I've felt that way myself.) I hope to one day marry someone who feels he has a ministry in this area--to help other men deal with their anger and emotions in ways that God would want us to express ourselves.

For what it's worth, I couldn't picture being attracted to a guy who didn't show his emotions or tell me what was bothering him. I thrive on open communication and could not live under any other situation (I've tried--for me, it definitely doesn't work.)

The only thing I hate is when someone (man OR woman) uses their emotions, sob stories, bad choices without taking responsibility, etc. to manipulate other people--otherwise, I fully encourage expressing what a a person is truly feeling. And someday, I hope God sends me one of those "nice guys"--and that he won't think being with me is "finishing last"!

 

[Muffyn]

While I agree that women have many burdens in life, there is a burden which only men have that I have been finding it hard to deal with lately.

That is the fact that men are assumed by society to keep their emotions bottled up inside. We are supposed to take any kind of insult, any kind of pain and just suppress it. We are not allowed to cry, we are not allowed to "feel" or else we will be perceived as weak.

So we are supposed to continually take it and take it and take it. As a result we become angry and mean spirited. Many men take it out in sports, where you are allowed to by law to beat the living crap out of someone and even get points for it. Which is of course awesome.

But coming from a Christian perspective, its bad that this bottling up creates angry and hateful men. Only by the grace of God can we take all this crap, and not become angry.

Furthermore I think that women need to treat men with more respect as well, because one day you will wonder why he became so angry. Its all the suppressing of emotions, thats what it is. Talk to your husband and dont see him as weak if he displays emotions. Because if you do, one day he might just get violent.

I feel for you, Eugenius.

It's been one of the things that I've wondered for a long time: how do guys cope in a culture where guys who cry are considered weak?

I'm not too sure about the country you're from, but my culture that expects guys to be devoid of expressing emotions openly has resulted in a lot of angry and resentful men. There's even an adage that goes something like "Real men don't cry. They get even". Honestly, I can't find anything more repulsive than that (where the male stereotype is concerned.)

To quote a previous post, Jesus Himself wept - not once, but on several occasions. Yet, amidst what the world would call signs of weakness, He proved Himself to be more than what the world could ever churn up in its definition of masculinity.

I do agree that the world has been horribly unfair to guys in this aspect - but I want to encourage you to not be afraid to express sorrow through tears (although, like a previous post mentioned, not to go overboard!) if the latter is needed.

The gift of tears is truly rare.

Romans 12:2
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind....."