A question for the single ladies

[Ancilla]

I think it would be interesting if the tables were turned. Would you guys agree if God asked you to marry a girl who wasn't very pretty and a bit overweight and had a more stable or better paying job than you so that you'd have to assume the domestic duties when children came along.

 

[seoulsearch]

Ha! GREAT question. Especially since a new girl started where I work today who is young (about 21) and very pretty with no children and all the guys are already trying to talk to her. I don't see them trying to talk to the older (where I work, this could mean age 30, because age is very relative), more mature, single moms who also work there. So, how about it, guys?? If God told you to marry a Godly woman who was 20 pounds overweight with three kids (and the father or fathers were still involved in their lives) and told you to support them and love them as your own, what would your answer be?

 

[missy2shoes]

*awkward silence*

 

[grace]

Ha! GREAT question. Especially since a new girl started where I work today who is young (about 21) and very pretty with no children and all the guys are already trying to talk to her. I don't see them trying to talk to the older (where I work, this could mean age 30, because age is very relative), more mature, single moms who also work there. So, how about it, guys?? If God told you to marry a Godly woman who was 20 pounds overweight with three kids (and the father or fathers were still involved in their lives) and told you to support them and love them as your own, what would your answer be?

And interesting place to find yourself....that is for certain.

 

[nikkiLV]

I actually think that 2 answer on the question now is easy... surely we do when its God calling!...BUT... do we really do it when it comes down to leaving your perfect carier, perfect house and comfortable life?!?!?!?!..... most of us would find excuses.... but in our hearts we sooooo wish to be used by God..... I think I would do it, but I cant be 100% sure... the honest answer probably is.... I pray I would have wisdome to choose the right path! For the real satisfaction in life comes by living in Gods perfect will!

 

[Ancilla]

See, in social psychology we learned about what men and women want in the opposite sex. Our human nature is geared toward maximizing our reproductive potential and giving our offspring the best possible survival advantage. You see such factors in play in couples getting together who don't even want kids! Like, women are (generally speaking) by nature attracted to guys who can do a good job of supporting them when they have a baby. So they like guys that make a lot of money and are in good shape. Men like (again, this is generally speaking) like women with a 2/3 hips to waste ratio which is ideal for child bearing, and they like women who have the best reporductive potential, that is young women, and they like parental certainty. They want to know that the baby that they're investing in is actually their's. That's why it really goes against a guys human nature (generally speaking) to marry a woman who's a lot older than him, is overweight, has kids of her own, or has a history of sleeping around. I also think it's in a guy's nature to be the provider, and it can be hard for guys sometimes if their wife makes more money than them. I think a lot of guys would have a time with the idea that they'd stay home and look after the kids and cook meals and clean, you know "women's work," while their wife is out earning a paycheque.

See, a Christian guy could argue that he wouldn't want to marry a woman who had a bunch of kids from a bunch of different men because he wants to marry a virgin, which is both Biblical AND in his human nature. Of course, a "recycled virgin" apeals to the Christian but not sinful nature. But anyway, the reason why I wrote what I did is because there's nothing in the Bible that says that it's wrong for a man to marry a woman who's older, overweight and makes good money.

Now, here's what's interesting, no guys have responded to this. Maybe we should make it it's own thread that says "A question for single guys."

 

[Aya]

haha i just started thinking about dat song 'all the single ladies' when i was reading this..

 

[sweetlybroken1]

I would be very skeptical to hear something so oddly specific from God. Thats not to say God doesnt speak to us in this manner, surely God speaks to us all the time. But that is a lot of detail. I guess I'd be skeptical because of my own personal experiences. At one point I truly believed that the Lord had revealed to me the one I was to marry. I also had what I thought was confirmation of this revelation from others. At night I would even have dreams about this. But it turns out that I was wrong about what I thought I had heard. Terribly wrong.

If anyone gets something so specific please take a good while to discern it. I thought I did, but I was wrong.

As for the details about a smaller ministry and income, that wouldnt be my main concern anyways. Thats not what the gospel is about. I'd rather be after God's heart than a paycheck.

 

[AnnaMaria]

i wouldn't merry him... and lack of money is not the reason why i wouldn't do that... I just can't imagine my life without a carrer and without being successful in serving God... All the prophecies God gave me through different ministers at different times say that i will be an outstanding person in both career and ministry and besides God gave me a lot of visions about life, much energy and many tallents to develop...so, the way of life you discribed just doesn't fit me...
(sorry if my english is not accurate)

 

[lil-rush]

I also think it's in a guy's nature to be the provider, and it can be hard for guys sometimes if their wife makes more money than them. I think a lot of guys would have a time with the idea that they'd stay home and look after the kids and cook meals and clean, you know "women's work," while their wife is out earning a paycheque.

Heh. I would have a hard time with that.

I was raised to believe that the man is the provider, and while I intend to have a career I would never want to marry a man that isn't working, or has no intention to work. If he got laid off and was looking for a job that's one thing, but I don't want any husband of mine to be a stay-at-home dad. (and, of course, I'd be obscenely jealous if my husband was able to spend all day with the kids and I wasn't)

 

[Ancilla]

Heh. I would have a hard time with that.

I was raised to believe that the man is the provider, and while I intend to have a career I would never want to marry a man that isn't working, or has no intention to work. If he got laid off and was looking for a job that's one thing, but I don't want any husband of mine to be a stay-at-home dad. (and, of course, I'd be obscenely jealous if my husband was able to spend all day with the kids and I wasn't)

Yeah, I'm with you. First of all, if a guy didn't make as much money as me than we'd NEVER be able to have a family because I don't make much money!! And I'd never marry a guy that didn't have a job if he could help it. I had a co-worker who's husband didn't work. He never seemed to be looking for work. He also never made dinner or did housework. He just seemed like dead weight. Have you read Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris? There's a REALLY good chapter on gender relations. I really like how women can get jobs and make almost as much as men for equal work, but Harris has said that men are getting lazy. I also grew up with a stay at home mom and a hard working dad. My mom liked staying at home, but my parents don't always believe that the man has to be the bread winner. When my parents first got married my dad was working on his PhD and my mom was working to pay the bills. When I was old enough to be home alone my mom went back to work. Then after my dad retired my mom still worked and my dad did volunteer work for a Christian organization. My sister worked while my brother-in-law got his master's. And last year my mom, sister and brother-in-law were all working and my dad was a stay at home grandpa. I don't think it ever hurt my dad's pride when my mom was working and he wasn't. But my dad's especially humble, and doesn't consider doing dishes or changing my nephew's diaper to be "woman's work." Even if I did make lots of money, more than my husband, I don't think I'd ask him to stay home so I could work full time. BUT, I can talk about what is and isn't ideal in my future, but sometimes circumstances just don't always work out the way you want them too.

You know, I said that it's a matter of pride for guys to work to provide for their families, but that's not a bad thing. God made them that way and we need more guys who were raised to believe that a man should provide for their family. I guess what I meant in that senerio is that sometimes the best way to provide for a family is if the husband stays home with the kids so that the wife can go make some money. But I guy who simply must be outside the home making money for his family because his pride won't let him be a stay at home dad is infinitly better than a man who stays home not looking for a job because he's happy to let his wife work hard to put food on the table!

 

[whiteknite]

I I just now found this posting. To answer your curiousity, I wouldn't mind marrying a woman who's in her 30's and has children from a previous marriage. The only problem i've come across is she usually says that i'm a nice guy, but not her type. I try to show respect for the ladies. You know; considerate of her feelings and basically treating her like a lady

 

[jaylynn83]

I I just now found this posting. To answer your curiousity, I wouldn't mind marrying a woman who's in her 30's and has children from a previous marriage. The only problem i've come across is she usually says that i'm a nice guy, but not her type. I try to show respect for the ladies. You know; considerate of her feelings and basically treating her like a lady

what is WITH women!...........

 

[whiteknite]

what is WITH women!...........

Good question, Jaylynn. I've been wondering that myself. )

 

[KaylieJ]

if that is what God calls for me to do and that is his plan for my life than that is that

 

[Ancilla]

I I just now found this posting. To answer your curiousity, I wouldn't mind marrying a woman who's in her 30's and has children from a previous marriage. The only problem i've come across is she usually says that i'm a nice guy, but not her type. I try to show respect for the ladies. You know; considerate of her feelings and basically treating her like a lady

Of course, a woman in her 30s is still younger than you. Sorry, that was my fault. It was wrong of me to momentarily assume that everyone on this thread is in their 20s. Whiteknite, I don't know why you have trouble finding a wife. I suggest you try Internet dating. If you have already I suggest you try again. I really like Christianmingle.com and Christiancafe.com. There's a lots of Christian women in their 30s out there with or without kids who'd love to meet to a man who can treat them with respect!! I don't know, maybe it's just because you have a cat on your avatar, implying you're a cat person. Who doesn't love a man with a cat?????? I so wish I had a cat, but I can't have one for many reasons.

When I was in college I lived with a couple who had a cat. He was pretty self-centred and in considerate, but I loved him anyway. He slept on my bed. At first he slept by my feet but then moved further up. Sometimes he'd lean against the back of my head, and I wouldn't be able to move my head because he was on my hair, which is long. Sometimes we'd sleep forehead to forehead. The last day I lived there I woke up and I could just see the back of his adorable black head on my pillow. I miss him

 

[whiteknite]

Of course, a woman in her 30s is still younger than you. Sorry, that was my fault. It was wrong of me to momentarily assume that everyone on this thread is in their 20s. Whiteknite, I don't know why you have trouble finding a wife. I suggest you try Internet dating. If you have already I suggest you try again. I really like Christianmingle.com and Christiancafe.com. There's a lots of Christian women in their 30s out there with or without kids who'd love to meet to a man who can treat them with respect!! I don't know, maybe it's just because you have a cat on your avatar, implying you're a cat person. Who doesn't love a man with a cat?????? I so wish I had a cat, but I can't have one for many reasons.

When I was in college I lived with a couple who had a cat. He was pretty self-centred and in considerate, but I loved him anyway. He slept on my bed. At first he slept by my feet but then moved further up. Sometimes he'd lean against the back of my head, and I wouldn't be able to move my head because he was on my hair, which is long. Sometimes we'd sleep forehead to forehead. The last day I lived there I woke up and I could just see the back of his adorable black head on my pillow. I miss him

Thank you for your input, Ancilla. I changed my avatar and profile pic. It now has one of me holding my nephew, nicholas when he was 3. I hope that it shows I am good with children and would be something women look favorabley on.
I think part of the problem is that i am a truck driver and am almost never around. I tried changing professions/careers but with the economy the way it it right now I have no choice but to stay with what I'm good at and what pays the bills.

I have tried internet dating before. Eharmony. But didn't have any luck there. After I get caught up I will look into the sites you mentioned; Christianmingle.com and Christiancafe.com. Maybe i will find a Christian lady who would also want to get paid for seeing this country. Or at least who would appreciate having someone who would give her the love and respect that she deserves and will reciprocate.

Most of the time my cats would sleep either right next to me, so close I couldn't roll over or between my feet which had the same result.
I never could figure out why there are some who are good men yet alone, and some who have a good loving wife but treat them badly. I suppose they don't appreciate what a precious treasure they have.

 

[Ancilla]

Thank you for your input, Ancilla. I changed my avatar and profile pic. It now has one of me holding my nephew, nicholas when he was 3. I hope that it shows I am good with children and would be something women look favorabley on.
I think part of the problem is that i am a truck driver and am almost never around. I tried changing professions/careers but with the economy the way it it right now I have no choice but to stay with what I'm good at and what pays the bills.

I have tried internet dating before. Eharmony. But didn't have any luck there. After I get caught up I will look into the sites you mentioned; Christianmingle.com and Christiancafe.com. Maybe i will find a Christian lady who would also want to get paid for seeing this country. Or at least who would appreciate having someone who would give her the love and respect that she deserves and will reciprocate.

Most of the time my cats would sleep either right next to me, so close I couldn't roll over or between my feet which had the same result.
I never could figure out why there are some who are good men yet alone, and some who have a good loving wife but treat them badly. I suppose they don't appreciate what a precious treasure they have.

Hmm... maybe you totally misunderstood me. I didn't want you to change your avatar. I LIKED your avatar. The problem with your new avatar is that if women see you with a kid they assume he's your kid and where there is a single man with a kid that often means there's an ex-wife in the picture. So, what I suggest is that you either change your avatar back to the cat, or to a picture of you holding the cat. I'm not saying not to post pictures of you with your nephew, because you're right, lots of women love a man who's in to their siblings' kids. I mean in the best of both worlds really, you can tell a man is good with kids, but he doesn't have any of his own. So what I suggest is that you only have a picture of you with your nephew where a woman can't look at it without seeing a caption that says he's your nephew. That way there's no confusion.

And yes, I can imagine that being a truck driver and having a relationship must be hard. But I also know that's a very common profession, and not all of them are single. I also know that there are other jobs that require a man being away, and they make it work too. So don't worry, if they can make it work there's no reason why you can't. Furthermore, if a woman's going to limit herself to men never go away for work, they may never get married.

I recommend subscribing to as many dating sites as you can. I was subscribing to four at one time. Cast your net out as wise as possible, meet as many women as possible. Be open to the idea that it will take time. It seems that people give up too easily. It's like they try one site for a month and then give up. I mean it's like trying to loose weight. You can't expect results right away, you have to stick to it and give it time. I heard somewhere (but I don't remember where, so take it with a grain of salt) that people who do internet dating have to meet an average of 8 people before they find someone who they will have a relationship with. As we say in Canada "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." The dates might not lead to marriage, but how are you supposed to get married if you're not meeting new women? And how will you know what works if you don't try?

 

[whiteknite]

those are good points. I'll change my avatar & put Taylor back. I don't have any of me holding him, so I guess it'll just be him or me. thanks for the advice & suggestions

 

[Ancilla]

those are good points. I'll change my avatar & put Taylor back. I don't have any of me holding him, so I guess it'll just be him or me. thanks for the advice & suggestions

I suggest you get someone to take a picture of you smiling at the camera holding your cat. You have a friendly looking face and you need to use it as an asset. Like you say you treat women with love and respect and I look at your picture and I'm like "Yeah, he does look like a guy who would treat a woman with love and respect." I highly recommend you read How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr Henry Cloud, a well respected Christian psychologist. If you're not dating after 6 months of doing what he says, he'll give you your money back. Seriously, there's no reason why a guy like you should not have a nice lady in his life!!