Advice and Counsel

[Seeker47]

Requested.

Recently two friends, one long-time (but not close) and one newer friend have told me the same thing. They will not answer any calls from me. If I want to speak to them I am required to leave a message and they will call back.

The longer term friend has been doing this for a year or so. I rarely call him anymore, but when I do I find this "procedure" to be humiliating. They both use the same justification, they will not answer any call until they identify the caller. (I know this excuse is hog-wash)! I believe they are trying to force me to do something they won't do.

I expressed my feelings to Bestwife, I will no longer call either. She thinks I am being rigid and difficult.

Opinions?

 

[Pemican]

Hard to give an opinion without seeing your friends reason and view point.

 

[JohnDB]

Requested.

Recently two friends, one long-time (but not close) and one newer friend have told me the same thing. They will not answer any calls from me. If I want to speak to them I am required to leave a message and they will call back.

The longer term friend has been doing this for a year or so. I rarely call him anymore, but when I do I find this "procedure" to be humiliating. They both use the same justification, they will not answer any call until they identify the caller. (I know this excuse is hog-wash)! I believe they are trying to force me to do something they won't do.

I expressed my feelings to Bestwife, I will no longer call either. She thinks I am being rigid and difficult.

Opinions?

Actually it's perfectly reasonable...
For whatever reason they don't look at their phone before they answer it.

I don't unless you are in my address book.
I get called twice a day to extend my vehicle warranty...it's always an urgent thing too as it's about to expire.
Ugghhhh
Then there's the other crazy stuff people call me to sell me that I'd never want to purchase...time share vacations, life insurance, burial policies, coupon books and etc.

So...if I get a text message first from a potential caller I will answer the phone. Voicemail will also get answered.

Spam, robo callers are over the top lately. My wife gets more than I do.

There's really nothing to it either other than that....it's gotten so bad that sometimes when I'm trying to call someone that my phone rings with yet another telemarketer and I have to wait until they are done so I can make a call.

Don't be so hard on your friends...they aren't dodging you...just the telemarketers.

 

[Genipher]

Well, that could be quite a game of tag. If you were to do the same to them, with neither party ever answering the phone, then you'd never actually talk. Why can't they just put your name in their "address book" on their phone so they can see it's you calling?? I'm not tech savvy at all but I know how to do that little. lol.

As an aside, I don't think you're being too rigid or difficult. People nowadays seem too full of fear to answer their door or phone anymore.

 

[Lafftur]

Requested.

Recently two friends, one long-time (but not close) and one newer friend have told me the same thing. They will not answer any calls from me. If I want to speak to them I am required to leave a message and they will call back.

The longer term friend has been doing this for a year or so. I rarely call him anymore, but when I do I find this "procedure" to be humiliating. They both use the same justification, they will not answer any call until they identify the caller. (I know this excuse is hog-wash)! I believe they are trying to force me to do something they won't do.

I expressed my feelings to Bestwife, I will no longer call either. She thinks I am being rigid and difficult.

Opinions?

Your two friends are very busy and don’t have time to talk….just their personality…they are “task” first, then “relationship.”

Whereas, you sound like “relationship” first and then “task.”

You’re trying to have a “relationship-friendship” but you’re interrupting their “task.”

We’re all a bit different…lol!

 

[Seeker47]

Hard to give an opinion without seeing your friends reason and view point.

They do not want to answer the phone if they do not know who is calling.

 

[Seeker47]

Actually it's perfectly reasonable...
For whatever reason they don't look at their phone before they answer it.

I don't unless you are in my address book.
I get called twice a day to extend my vehicle warranty...it's always an urgent thing too as it's about to expire.
Ugghhhh
Then there's the other crazy stuff people call me to sell me that I'd never want to purchase...time share vacations, life insurance, burial policies, coupon books and etc.

So...if I get a text message first from a potential caller I will answer the phone. Voicemail will also get answered.

Spam, robo callers are over the top lately. My wife gets more than I do.

There's really nothing to it either other than that....it's gotten so bad that sometimes when I'm trying to call someone that my phone rings with yet another telemarketer and I have to wait until they are done so I can make a call.

Don't be so hard on your friends...they aren't dodging you...just the telemarketers.

Yet they expect me to answer....

 

[MatthewWestfieldUK]

Your gut feeling is probably a better judgement than the things people say. U must be hurting

 

[JohnDB]

Yet they expect me to answer....

Oh no.... you can give them the exact same as they give to you.
It's not rude.

 

[Seeker47]

Your gut feeling is probably a better judgement than the things people say. U must be hurting

Yes, there is some pain here. Both of these friends are elderly, one lives alone with no family nearby and the other is in his mid-eighties and practically begged me to stop by and visit him once-in a while. I have taken one to medical appointments when he had no ride and helped the other doing yard work he could not do himself for physical reasons. I ask and accept nothing from them in return, save friendship. Perhaps my expectations are too high.

 

[EmilyNats]

They both use the same justification, they will not answer any call until they identify the caller. ?

How old are you and your friends? If they are over 70 then that may be a valid excuse. But any younger and that is a load of hogwash. Everyone has a phone with caller ID now, and if they don't care about you enough to have your name in their phone then that's on them. I would not put any effort into someone who wouldn't do the same for me.

 

[Seeker47]

Thank you all who read and responded to my request. I struggled with this situation, maybe a little more than you think. You have helped give me some much needed perspective. After all thee years you would think I would learn to listen to the one who knows me best. She has always spoken truth to me.

 

[Genipher]

Saw this article today and thought of you, Seeker. Apparently a hiker was lost and the search and rescue team tried to call their cell several times but the hiker didn't recognize the number so didn't answer. I just can't imagine being so stubborn about caller ID that I'd refuse to answer my phone while LOST.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/colorado-hiker-lost-24-hours-015003127.html

 

[Seeker47]

Saw this article today and thought of you, Seeker. Apparently a hiker was lost and the search and rescue team tried to call their cell several times but the hiker didn't recognize the number so didn't answer. I just can't imagine being so stubborn about caller ID that I'd refuse to answer my phone while LOST.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/colorado-hiker-lost-24-hours-015003127.html

I think many of our seniors live in unreasonable fear. We all get trash calls and sometimes cannot avoid answering them. They are annoying but generally harmless if we are careful. I am not so sure about the mentality of this hiker!

On the other hand this story hits uncomfortably close to home, ignoring offers for help because I want to do it my way. Ouch! If I had listened in the first place...

Thanks!

 

[JaumeJ]

It strikes me that many who say they believe the Word prefer to categorize the thinking of their elders as being a quiek brought on by age. Not all seniors are terrified of much but many, I in particualr, are very much aware of various telephone scams.

One is callis asking a question and recording the response. It can be one requiring a yes or no response or certain others. The recording is then used, edited to favor the particular scam in order to abscond with the funds in one manner or another from the person called. I am speaking right now of one in Spain where I live.

People, even I, are aable to copy logos of companies and agencies, then duplicate well their online letter heads and information to send fake notices as from utilities, banks, and more. So please do not confuse being wise to the antics of frauds with being afraid of their shadows, not so. God bless you and be wise as the foxe but innocent as sthe dove.

 

[Genipher]

It strikes me that many who say they believe the Word prefer to categorize the thinking of their elders as being a quiek brought on by age. Not all seniors are terrified of much but many, I in particualr, are very much aware of various telephone scams.

One is callis asking a question and recording the response. It can be one requiring a yes or no response or certain others. The recording is then used, edited to favor the particular scam in order to abscond with the funds in one manner or another from the person called. I am speaking right now of one in Spain where I live.

People, even I, are aable to copy logos of companies and agencies, then duplicate well their online letter heads and information to send fake notices as from utilities, banks, and more. So please do not confuse being wise to the antics of frauds with being afraid of their shadows, not so. God bless you and be wise as the foxe but innocent as sthe dove.

Yeah, that one was in the US not too long ago. One of the big reasons I don't say "yes" or afirm ANYTHING until I know who I'm talking to and that they're legit.