To those who are married, and tell us we should let God be our "spouse," why don't you follow your own advice and divorce yours?
Advice for Married People
- Thread starter HistoryPrincess
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H
Hellooo
Guest
Hi Historyprincess,
Sorry that's painful for you, but they probably either don't know what else to say or are truly trying to give some sound advice. I'm sure there are some who could care less and just say it to get you off their back too.
Those of us who are married know how difficult it is to be married. And maybe being single and serving the Lord wouldn't be all that bad.
To be honest, I don't know what I would have done had I been a believer before I married.
Are you asking for advice or are they just giving it to you?
Anyway, what this old married person would tell you if you asked me would be to wait on God and to continue to pray.
I know of a woman who's older than I am and always wanted to be married and still does. She's still not married. But during the meantime she served the Lord doing missionary work.
I've seen other woman choose a vocation and continue to pray and hope the man of her dreams comes her way. Sometimes they do, and other times they don't.
A couple of young women I know were divorced within a couple of years. I would simply advise you to not want something more than or above your relationship with God.
He knows your hearts desires, but He also knows what's best for each one of us and for you. Maybe the man of your dreams will arrive later in life. Maybe next week or next year the right man will be revealed to you.
As a suggestion, allow that to be okay and wait patiently on the Lord. During the meantime you could allow God to work on you as a person, molding you and shaping you into His likeness. You could find a place to serve the body of Christ with whatever gifting the Lord has given you.
I'll say a prayer that God will give you peace about what you're going through and wisdom to make good choices for your life. I'm sure it must be difficult to live in todays world and I really feel for the young believers today that struggle though all that this life throws at them.
I have high-functioning autism, which I've been struggling with all my life. I often ask God to just take it from me, because I don't see any benefit from it. And I don't care if I have to pray this every day for the rest of my life.
I have a loving family, a nice house, and a decent income. But I'm also probably the only one in my extended family who doesn't have anyone. I'm the youngest of three and both my older siblings are married with families.
Long story short, I've been different all my life in more ways than one. I think very black and white, which is why I wrote what I did. I know God loves me, but he can never replace real flesh and blood. He can't look into my eyes and tell me how much he loves me. And he can't hold me when I'm crying and no one else is available.
I have a loving family, a nice house, and a decent income. But I'm also probably the only one in my extended family who doesn't have anyone. I'm the youngest of three and both my older siblings are married with families.
Long story short, I've been different all my life in more ways than one. I think very black and white, which is why I wrote what I did. I know God loves me, but he can never replace real flesh and blood. He can't look into my eyes and tell me how much he loves me. And he can't hold me when I'm crying and no one else is available.
Hey HistoryPrincess,
I can totally sympathize with what you're saying.
I was 25 years old when my husband divorced me for his girlfriend, and many of the people at church patted me on the head and said, "You're just a baby. You'll be remarried in a couple of years." And then... cue every Christian cliche there is and times that by about 1,000, and you'll have an idea of everything I've heard over the years.
Like a good little puppy, I followed all their advice, got involved in all sorts of ministries, classes, and servitudes, and here I am, almost 20 years later.
I am always grateful for compassionate, knowledgeable married people who don't talk down to singles, but unfortunately, they seem to be few and far in between. I know that even today, those people would still pat me on the head and call me a baby, but a lot can happen in 20 years. And, babies at least observe what goes on around them.
As in... Some of those people who told me to "enjoy this blessed time with the Lord" are now single themselves, whether due to death or divorces--and most are remarrying faster than you can say, "Jesus is your husband."
In one case I'm thinking of, the person is remarrying--in about 9 months. And there's part of me that wants to call them and say, "Really? I've been doing this for nearly 20 years, and you couldn't even stand a whole year?"
Although they certainly shouldn't divorce their spouses, the thing that some married people don't seem to realize is that God rarely takes couples together, and at the same time.
This means that they, too, have a 50/50 chance of someday being single, and quite possibly, for the rest of their lives.
May God grant them the strength to follow their own advice, and hold them to every word they ever told a single person.
P.S. I've gotten to a point where I'm all right being single. If that changes, great, if not, God has finally given me a great deal of peace over it.
But apparently that isn't so for the many married people who try to give advice to us singles when they face their own day of being single.
I can totally sympathize with what you're saying.
I was 25 years old when my husband divorced me for his girlfriend, and many of the people at church patted me on the head and said, "You're just a baby. You'll be remarried in a couple of years." And then... cue every Christian cliche there is and times that by about 1,000, and you'll have an idea of everything I've heard over the years.
Like a good little puppy, I followed all their advice, got involved in all sorts of ministries, classes, and servitudes, and here I am, almost 20 years later.
I am always grateful for compassionate, knowledgeable married people who don't talk down to singles, but unfortunately, they seem to be few and far in between. I know that even today, those people would still pat me on the head and call me a baby, but a lot can happen in 20 years. And, babies at least observe what goes on around them.
As in... Some of those people who told me to "enjoy this blessed time with the Lord" are now single themselves, whether due to death or divorces--and most are remarrying faster than you can say, "Jesus is your husband."
In one case I'm thinking of, the person is remarrying--in about 9 months. And there's part of me that wants to call them and say, "Really? I've been doing this for nearly 20 years, and you couldn't even stand a whole year?"
Although they certainly shouldn't divorce their spouses, the thing that some married people don't seem to realize is that God rarely takes couples together, and at the same time.
This means that they, too, have a 50/50 chance of someday being single, and quite possibly, for the rest of their lives.
May God grant them the strength to follow their own advice, and hold them to every word they ever told a single person.
P.S. I've gotten to a point where I'm all right being single. If that changes, great, if not, God has finally given me a great deal of peace over it.
But apparently that isn't so for the many married people who try to give advice to us singles when they face their own day of being single.
P.S. To the lovely married person here who was kind enough to send me a quick PM--No, you don't EVER sound like that to us, which is just a small part of why I love and treasure you so much. <3
I pray that God blesses you and your spouse with infinite joy, and that you never have to discover what it's like to live as one of us (long-term singles.)
I pray that God blesses you and your spouse with infinite joy, and that you never have to discover what it's like to live as one of us (long-term singles.)
No way, Fenner.
You, notmyown, MissCris, and a few others are some of the coolest people here in Singles, even if y'all ARE married!
K
kaylagrl
Guest
Im sorry for your issues. I have chronic pain and that held me back from doing a lot of things others could.And since people couldn't see it and didn't know by looking at me I have often been judged as plain lazy. And that hurts because it takes so much energy to do the things I do. So I do understand being different. And Im not judging but your comment about God " but he can never replace real flesh and blood" is wrong thinking. He is the only one that is there when no one else is. Marriage isn't the end all,be all. Yes,a good marriage is wonderful but its also a lot of work. And a bad marriage is misery. Many people,especially younger people,have a fantasy of marriage, Disneylike. And many times love is like that but other days its just regular every day life.
For instance I have family issues and am often hurt by things they do and say. I cry and yes my husband hugs me,but it really can't change whats upsetting me. He tells me he feels helpless because he cant fix it for me. So now I feel bad I made him feel bad plus the family stress. See? Life is life and marriage can make life better sometimes,but sometimes it can't. Dont think marriage is the key to all your happiness. That would not be a mature view. Marriage takes work like any other relationship.
No way, Fenner.
You, notmyown, MissCris, and a few others are some of the coolest people here in Singles, even if y'all ARE married!
Well thanks! I remember stuff people said to me when I was single and I'd be like, what???
OP:
From 1991 to 2011 I did not have a single date.
Then in 2011 I met my future husband.
Both of us were in our forties.
From 1991 to 2011 I did not have a single date.
Then in 2011 I met my future husband.
Both of us were in our forties.
Then if all it is is work, why would anyone want to be married? It's only work when people make it so. The reason a lot of marriages don't last now is because people don't take their vows seriously. They don't have it resolved in their mind that this is FOREVER. I read about this and much more from a book called "The Misunderstood God." Check it out. It's really mind-opening.
Being single is also work. You're the only one who has to clean house, put bread on the table, pay all the bills, do all the jobs at church no one wants to, constantly say no to your body's natural urges, no one to care for you when you're sick, and always keep a happy face on so as not to appear ungrateful. It's not the freedom it seems to be. Just because we don't have a partner doesn't mean we're free all the time. If anything, we're working more because we're the only ones providing for us. Don't ever tell someone who wants to be married that it's not worth it. Many of us would gladly trade the struggles we have for whatever you go through. Plus, for every book on singleness, there's over 300 on marriage.
You won't hear that from me. I got a wife out the door and I'm fighting to get her back. If you want to be married, then be married.
Me too Kayla, I'm so different from others with my chronic pain. I've had it since I've been 25. It's been very difficult. I had to work with pain at a grocery store for years because we had bills to pay and they don't disappear just because I got sick.
And I'm sooooo different. I don't just do things because tradition says so and I question everything. Well not everything anymore, but I do question a lot. Like why are we doing that as believers?
And where is that in the bible? One of the most difficult things for me was when your sickness becomes your identity. I, as a person seemed to disappear and the first thing that would come out of many mouths was, "how are you feeling." And then walk away.
I always said I was doing fine because I didn't want that to be what I was known for and I really was fine because I kept giving the emotional pain over to the Lord and He gave me the strength for each new day. Years later, I understand that they probably didn't know what else to do or say and it's okay.
And I'm still different. And I stick out like a sore thumb even to myself.
We had a bad marriage. But God intervened and saved us both. In fact, we're celebrating our 45 wedding anniversary tomorrow. If I'm able. These old bones just act up during winter. I keep asking them to quiet down, but they just won't listen! Hah! But if we can't go out, we bring something from a restaurant in. I praise God as I look back and see His hand at work in our lives.
And I feel for all that pain you're experiencing. Here's a huge but gentle cyber hug. I think I pretty much understand the emotional issues that you're going through. Not all, but some of them probably.