First day of being sober, in I dont even know how long.
As people on here might know, I've been drinking a LOT in 4 years.
As I woke up this morning, 7th of october, exaclty a month after my moms death, i was staring at my ceiling for like an hour.
Thoughts like, why do I drink? Alcohol makes me miserable.
Thoughts like, Why do i smoke? Cigarettes makes me more stressed out.
I know my mom, and God wouldnt want me to be miserable.
Maybe it was hangover thoughts this morning.
A little bit about how far out i am in drinking, normal day, yesterday;
I drank a six pack, for some reason i puked up (which im guessing is because I eat fast food and drink everyday)
then after that, I went to a bar, and this old classmate I had was yelling, excited to see me, kept introducing me to people saying "ITS Jakob!! He's a mysterium!! A legend! No one sees him that often, what have you been doing last 4 years?"
He was so excited / drunk, that when his phone called, he just said "IM WITH JAKOB. YEAH COME ON. YES JAKOB THE LEGEND".. Haha.. he had to go to the bathroom and told me not to leave, cause then he wouldnt see me in 4 more years.
As I sat in the bar, I was still extremely lonely.
All i saw was miserable people, and that was what they had in common.
All I heard was loud music to drown our thoughts, and hear people laughing.
All I smelled was cigarette smoke and alcohol.
Even though people talked to me, and there was human approval for once or whatever, people being happy to see me, I still felt as miserable.
So I went home. didnt even finish my beer.
I took a cigarette looking at the moon, and I prayed to God..
Now I'm about to pour my six pack of beers down the drain. (I always have beers in the fridge)..
But im shaking, cause I wanna drink them as well. So i'm praying. And I hope you people will pray for me, cause its hard.
Funny how so many years i've been saying "I need a good day to stop drinking" tried christmas eve, tried new years eve, tried my birthday, tried when I drank with my mom the last time.
But the date means nothing, I'm not on myself, and im not AS focused as i could potentially be sober, on God.
So Please God, help me to help myself.
As people on here might know, I've been drinking a LOT in 4 years.
As I woke up this morning, 7th of october, exaclty a month after my moms death, i was staring at my ceiling for like an hour.
Thoughts like, why do I drink? Alcohol makes me miserable.
Thoughts like, Why do i smoke? Cigarettes makes me more stressed out.
I know my mom, and God wouldnt want me to be miserable.
Maybe it was hangover thoughts this morning.
A little bit about how far out i am in drinking, normal day, yesterday;
I drank a six pack, for some reason i puked up (which im guessing is because I eat fast food and drink everyday)
then after that, I went to a bar, and this old classmate I had was yelling, excited to see me, kept introducing me to people saying "ITS Jakob!! He's a mysterium!! A legend! No one sees him that often, what have you been doing last 4 years?"
He was so excited / drunk, that when his phone called, he just said "IM WITH JAKOB. YEAH COME ON. YES JAKOB THE LEGEND".. Haha.. he had to go to the bathroom and told me not to leave, cause then he wouldnt see me in 4 more years.
As I sat in the bar, I was still extremely lonely.
All i saw was miserable people, and that was what they had in common.
All I heard was loud music to drown our thoughts, and hear people laughing.
All I smelled was cigarette smoke and alcohol.
Even though people talked to me, and there was human approval for once or whatever, people being happy to see me, I still felt as miserable.
So I went home. didnt even finish my beer.
I took a cigarette looking at the moon, and I prayed to God..
Now I'm about to pour my six pack of beers down the drain. (I always have beers in the fridge)..
But im shaking, cause I wanna drink them as well. So i'm praying. And I hope you people will pray for me, cause its hard.
Funny how so many years i've been saying "I need a good day to stop drinking" tried christmas eve, tried new years eve, tried my birthday, tried when I drank with my mom the last time.
But the date means nothing, I'm not on myself, and im not AS focused as i could potentially be sober, on God.
So Please God, help me to help myself.