always confused

[Kandor]

i tend to anylize situations around me and it tends to make me miss out on them. i'm 27 as of a week ago and i'm done looking for fun. what i want is a true and WHOLE relationship with a girl who is willing to accept my faults and help me work through them rather than to push me to change depending on some time schedule she has written on her mind. my friends and my friends girlfriends tell me i need to stop looking for the ONE. this concept is not something that i feel i do not understand fully. i'm the kind of guy that will listen to anyone until they are done talking no matter what is coming out of their mouths. i am severely nonjudgmental but i still feel the need to express my opinions at certain times and i always give one when asked be it pro con or neutral. i've just given up on opportunities it seems. like now whenever the slightest thing turns me off or if something distracts me from a particular girl---> i walk away. it's created a great deal of turbulence in what used to be a random but clear thinking pattern. i know that i am not perfect and that my flaws are numerous and undenyable. but i still believe in GOD and therefore in myself. My God would not have created me the way that i am with this open mind and this accepting heart if it were not meant for something. i am constant in my compliments and i do my best to reflect the good things about the people i encounter and also attempt to make them aware of the positive things they add to my life with every word they speak to me. i guess where i'm really going with this is that i feel VERY alone. while all of my friends from forever ago and my new friends are all engaged, married, having kids, already have kids, and are actually living lives together.... i am stuck. i am by myself and i just, i just feel like i should have already arrived there.

 

[ioogy]

Indeed, sir.

Personally i'm starting to feel a bit patronized whenever i hear a female telling me how sweet, comforting, spiritual, thoughtful or handsome i am. mostly because those compliments are coming from:
A.) an older woman being nice
B.) a peer with no actual intrest in me, but is trying to be nice anyway

For all the talk ive heard women give about how they all want a sweet sensitive guy, it's been my experience and observation that the nice, sweet guy 'warm fuzzies' will never lead to anything past the friend stage.

I am personally saving myself for marriage, and advocate the same for everyone. however, it does add an extra level of complication to the search. Most of the time, when im getting to know a woman who has already been with a man, but has repented and is genuinely trying to be a better person, she tells me 'how great it is that im waiting' but she doesnt want to 'ruin' or 'corrupt' me... what a load of crap. it automatically makes them treat me like a child or some adult equivalent. and when i actually do find the few and far between girl who is saving herself as well, she usually seems as though she stopped maturing in highschool or acts like a nun... neither of which are very condusive to lasting relationships.

Sorry to be ranting, i'm just trying to convey my levels of frustration in dealing with my own lonliness... and even though i doubt it will really ease your personal agony, rest assured, you are not alone.

 

[zeroturbulence]

i tend to anylize situations around me and it tends to make me miss out on them. i'm 27 as of a week ago and i'm done looking for fun. what i want is a true and WHOLE relationship with a girl who is willing to accept my faults and help me work through them rather than to push me to change depending on some time schedule she has written on her mind. my friends and my friends girlfriends tell me i need to stop looking for the ONE. this concept is not something that i feel i do not understand fully. i'm the kind of guy that will listen to anyone until they are done talking no matter what is coming out of their mouths. i am severely nonjudgmental but i still feel the need to express my opinions at certain times and i always give one when asked be it pro con or neutral. i've just given up on opportunities it seems. like now whenever the slightest thing turns me off or if something distracts me from a particular girl---> i walk away. it's created a great deal of turbulence in what used to be a random but clear thinking pattern. i know that i am not perfect and that my flaws are numerous and undenyable. but i still believe in GOD and therefore in myself. My God would not have created me the way that i am with this open mind and this accepting heart if it were not meant for something. i am constant in my compliments and i do my best to reflect the good things about the people i encounter and also attempt to make them aware of the positive things they add to my life with every word they speak to me. i guess where i'm really going with this is that i feel VERY alone. while all of my friends from forever ago and my new friends are all engaged, married, having kids, already have kids, and are actually living lives together.... i am stuck. i am by myself and i just, i just feel like i should have already arrived there.

You need to find a woman who will actually listen and respect your wishes when you tell her that you don't want to be forced to change.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Indeed, sir.

Personally i'm starting to feel a bit patronized whenever i hear a female telling me how sweet, comforting, spiritual, thoughtful or handsome i am. mostly because those compliments are coming from:
A.) an older woman being nice
B.) a peer with no actual intrest in me, but is trying to be nice anyway

For all the talk ive heard women give about how they all want a sweet sensitive guy, it's been my experience and observation that the nice, sweet guy 'warm fuzzies' will never lead to anything past the friend stage.

I am personally saving myself for marriage, and advocate the same for everyone. however, it does add an extra level of complication to the search. Most of the time, when im getting to know a woman who has already been with a man, but has repented and is genuinely trying to be a better person, she tells me 'how great it is that im waiting' but she doesnt want to 'ruin' or 'corrupt' me... what a load of crap. it automatically makes them treat me like a child or some adult equivalent. and when i actually do find the few and far between girl who is saving herself as well, she usually seems as though she stopped maturing in highschool or acts like a nun... neither of which are very condusive to lasting relationships.

Sorry to be ranting, i'm just trying to convey my levels of frustration in dealing with my own lonliness... and even though i doubt it will really ease your personal agony, rest assured, you are not alone.

Ive been through the same exact sort of thing. I'm personally now trying to be the guy their looking for on the outside as well as on the inside. Let me tell you, changing the body is much harder than changing the mind. At least for me it is. Its the only thing I could think of besides maybe winning the lottery and becoming an instant ladies magnet (oh come now...ladies can say all they want about not judging a man according to his finances but lets face it, women are looking for a bread winner that can provide a comfortable life. I didnt say it was wrong...im just saying lets face it).

 

[Jullianna]

Sometimes women will say that they want a “sensitive guy”, when what they really want is a guy they can boss around and mold into the guy they want him to be, and not the guy they have. And then they lose respect for him for not manning up. You can’t have it both ways. I’m probably going to get slammed for saying that, but we’ve all seen these relationships. And that’s not how God designed a couple to function. If they marry, both parties either end up miserable or divorced.

And let’s just be honest, we can SAY that physical attraction isn’t important..and while it may not be as important to women as it is to men, it IS on the list. Even male birds have special plumage to make them attractive to their mates, right? And surely we women have bigger brains than birds??? (I soooooo know I’m going to regret that statement. Haha)

I don’t know about most women, but when I say that I like sensitivity in a guy, I don’t mean I want a doormat. I mean a guy who is compassionate and can actually have a conversation about personal matters. A friend once said that a great looking guy (or lady) might be fun for awhile, but eventually you’re gonna have to TALK to them. Which is one reason that it's not a good idea to have a huge age difference with a lady/guy of interest. You have to have something in common other than physical attraction.

I don’t think either gender should settle for less than the best God has for them. We should all have more respect for ourselves and others than that. My dad always said, “It’s better to want something you don’t have than to have something you don’t want” in the relationship department.

 

[ioogy]

“It’s better to want something you don’t have than to have something you don’t want” in the relationship department.

Sounds like a good formula for perpetual loneliness...

Has anyone else found themselves fitting in better with people twice their age, rather than their peers? Say what you want about dating older... but i refuse to date a 50yo: p

 

[seoulsearch]

Ive been through the same exact sort of thing. I'm personally now trying to be the guy their looking for on the outside as well as on the inside. Let me tell you, changing the body is much harder than changing the mind. At least for me it is.

Hear, hear, Zero!!! I know what you mean completely and despite having already dropped a few pounds, my goal is to shed 10 more, hopefully by the end of summer.

We all want someone to love us for us and la la la dee dah... and yes, of course, that's a wonderful thing, but we're also realistic enough to know that things such as looks and employability count as well.

Every woman would love to find a man who would love her for who she is and think she's a supermodel even if she doesn't look like one (read--he wouldn't mind if she were 15 pounds overweight), but how often does that happen???

Therefore, I am resorting to things like 6 AM workouts before a full day of regular work and chores, then eating (UGH!!!) salads for lunch... which, in my mind, are an enemy of real food. I wish I liked them, as some people do... but I always said, "If God had meant for me to eat grass clippings, He would have made me a rabbit!!!"

If nothing else, it's good discipline--of which I haven't particularly mastered yet, but at the very least I can say I'm working on trying to live healthier!

 

[zeroturbulence]

. A friend once said that a great looking guy (or lady) might be fun for awhile, but eventually you’re gonna have to TALK to them.

Oh man I love that!!!

 

[zeroturbulence]

"If God had meant for me to eat grass clippings, He would have made me a rabbit!!!"

HAHAHAHA!!! I have to remember that one. Yea my mom used to "force" me to eat salads when I was younger so now I avoid them like kryptonite but the funny thing is when I do eat one I actually like it.

 

[seoulsearch]

HAHAHAHA!!! I have to remember that one. Yea my mom used to "force" me to eat salads when I was younger so now I avoid them like kryptonite but the funny thing is when I do eat one I actually like it.

Heh... your post fits right in with the title, Zero--"Always Confused": "I like the salad." "I don't like the salad." "I do so like the salad!" "I so do NOT like the salad." "Hey, do I like salad???"

Poor Zero. He's having a greens crisis. Talk about going green... or maybe... not.

 

[Jennifleur]

Ive been through the same exact sort of thing. I'm personally now trying to be the guy their looking for on the outside as well as on the inside. Let me tell you, changing the body is much harder than changing the mind. At least for me it is. Its the only thing I could think of besides maybe winning the lottery and becoming an instant ladies magnet (oh come now...ladies can say all they want about not judging a man according to his finances but lets face it, women are looking for a bread winner that can provide a comfortable life. I didnt say it was wrong...im just saying lets face it).

Hear, hear, Zero!!! I know what you mean completely and despite having already dropped a few pounds, my goal is to shed 10 more, hopefully by the end of summer.

We all want someone to love us for us and la la la dee dah... and yes, of course, that's a wonderful thing, but we're also realistic enough to know that things such as looks and employability count as well.

Every woman would love to find a man who would love her for who she is and think she's a supermodel even if she doesn't look like one (read--he wouldn't mind if she were 15 pounds overweight), but how often does that happen???

Therefore, I am resorting to things like 6 AM workouts before a full day of regular work and chores, then eating (UGH!!!) salads for lunch... which, in my mind, are an enemy of real food. I wish I liked them, as some people do... but I always said, "If God had meant for me to eat grass clippings, He would have made me a rabbit!!!"

If nothing else, it's good discipline--of which I haven't particularly mastered yet, but at the very least I can say I'm working on trying to live healthier!

I can definitely understand where both of you are coming from. There does have to be some physical attraction. To say otherwise is to lie. It's not a bad thing; God made physical beauty, and He created us to appreciate physical beauty. And, of course, we are all attracted to different things. We also know that we have to have some other connection besides outward appearance, or it won't last long. I also have been working on the outside, because quite honestly that is what attracts people first. I'm close to my goal, but making small changes is easier than changing everything at once (and, I've noticed, are easier to stick to long-term, allowing me to actually keep the weight off). And, I'm definitely not a fan of rabbit food, either. But you do begin to get used to the changes after a while, lol.

Sometimes women will say that they want a “sensitive guy”, when what they really want is a guy they can boss around and mold into the guy they want him to be, and not the guy they have. And then they lose respect for him for not manning up. You can’t have it both ways. I’m probably going to get slammed for saying that, but we’ve all seen these relationships. And that’s not how God designed a couple to function. If they marry, both parties either end up miserable or divorced.

And let’s just be honest, we can SAY that physical attraction isn’t important..and while it may not be as important to women as it is to men, it IS on the list. Even male birds have special plumage to make them attractive to their mates, right? And surely we women have bigger brains than birds??? (I soooooo know I’m going to regret that statement. Haha)

I don’t know about most women, but when I say that I like sensitivity in a guy, I don’t mean I want a doormat. I mean a guy who is compassionate and can actually have a conversation about personal matters. A friend once said that a great looking guy (or lady) might be fun for awhile, but eventually you’re gonna have to TALK to them. Which is one reason that it's not a good idea to have a huge age difference with a lady/guy of interest. You have to have something in common other than physical attraction.

I don’t think either gender should settle for less than the best God has for them. We should all have more respect for ourselves and others than that. My dad always said, “It’s better to want something you don’t have than to have something you don’t want” in the relationship department.

Julianna makes some good points here. I, too, want a sensitive guy, but when I say that I mean exactly what she said. I want a guy who's not going to back away from telling me how he really feels, who's open to communicating. One of the most frustrating things for me is when I can't talk to someone about the important things, personal matters, when I don't know what is going on with them. I don't want a guy who's going to decide not to express his feelings because it's somehow not "masculine". I don't want someone who's going to cry at the drop of a hat, either. How obnoxious would it be for a woman to do just that? Lol, drives me batty just thinking about it.

As for the money thing, I guess I can't speak for all women, but I can speak for myself. Deep down, I do want to know that a guy can provide for me and any children we have. So, being able to provide is something I'd be looking for. But I'm not looking for the dollar signs. Having great masses of money would tell me something else - that money has taken top priority in your life (or work, if you earned your money that way). I wouldn't want to marry someone who's going to be working 70+ hours a week and will never be home, or who is consumed by money. Sure, I'd probably end up with a nice house, and nice things, but what good are those when you're lonely? I'd rather have enough to meet my needs and those of my kids, and actually get to spend time with the guy I married. I plan on marrying a guy I actually enjoy being around, so yeah, I'd want him around more, lol. Many women, myself included, will tell you that yes, financial security is nice, but emotional security (knowing your husband will be there for you) is much more important. You can get through the hard times (i.e. struggling financially) if you can stand together. That's especially important to keep in mind these days, because jobs and money are hard to come by. You can't be too proud to work at McDonalds or Walmart.

Okay, I rambled a bit, lol. Sorry!

 

[zeroturbulence]

Heh... your post fits right in with the title, Zero--"Always Confused": "I like the salad." "I don't like the salad." "I do so like the salad!" "I so do NOT like the salad." "Hey, do I like salad???"

Poor Zero. He's having a greens crisis. Talk about going green... or maybe... not.

My idea of going green is drinking water instead of diet coke, and getting my burgers without cheese

 

[zeroturbulence]

. I don't want someone who's going to cry at the drop of a hat, either.

I only cry when I hear a baby, or when someone dies in the news, or if someone doesn't hold the door open for me...

 

[Lyrical2002]

i tend to anylize situations around me and it tends to make me miss out on them. i'm 27 as of a week ago and i'm done looking for fun. what i want is a true and WHOLE relationship with a girl who is willing to accept my faults and help me work through them rather than to push me to change depending on some time schedule she has written on her mind. my friends and my friends girlfriends tell me i need to stop looking for the ONE. this concept is not something that i feel i do not understand fully. i'm the kind of guy that will listen to anyone until they are done talking no matter what is coming out of their mouths. i am severely nonjudgmental but i still feel the need to express my opinions at certain times and i always give one when asked be it pro con or neutral. i've just given up on opportunities it seems. like now whenever the slightest thing turns me off or if something distracts me from a particular girl---> i walk away. it's created a great deal of turbulence in what used to be a random but clear thinking pattern. i know that i am not perfect and that my flaws are numerous and undenyable. but i still believe in GOD and therefore in myself. My God would not have created me the way that i am with this open mind and this accepting heart if it were not meant for something. i am constant in my compliments and i do my best to reflect the good things about the people i encounter and also attempt to make them aware of the positive things they add to my life with every word they speak to me. i guess where i'm really going with this is that i feel VERY alone. while all of my friends from forever ago and my new friends are all engaged, married, having kids, already have kids, and are actually living lives together.... i am stuck. i am by myself and i just, i just feel like i should have already arrived there.

Wow! Everything that you have said I am mostly going through the exact same thing!! Everybody has been telling me to let MR RIGHT FIND ME, and I guess that's what I'm going to do, I'm tired of playing these mind games and getting certain guys to open up to see if they are one the one for me, and what I have learned is to watch what I say in texts and how I present myself and just because somebody is looking for what I am doesn't necessarily mean that they are, its like they get what they want out of me and then, boom that's it. Hope I hear back from you and that you are alright! And man I have an awesome, huge family, a great church that I go to great friends, almost everything going for me, of course God in my life, but I also still feel so all alone!!